Early Induction, Cesarean, Supplementation --OH MY!!!!!

[Butterflymom]

I am so sad to open up my email and find out my best friend from high school, a RN, just gave birth to her son 2 weeks ago and she basically reports that she was induced because of circumstances with her blood pressure, and swelling. She says her doctor was able to deliver her, however she didn't progress very well and ended up with a cesarean section. So, now she has an incision, and I has had complications from it...it opened back up and is draining fluid... she is breastfeeding, but say she had to 'supplement' her baby with a bottle at first because he was latching on so good at the hospital and then when she got him home, he just stopped! He was jaundice, and so she says she needed him to eat as much as he could so his level would not keep going up, and it worked, because he's not jaundice anymore. She says her DH loves to feed him a bottle as well, because it allows him to bond with the baby, and assures he doesn't have nipple confusion because he latches on really well. She just has one question and wonders "when does your milk even out and you don't get all 'full' because I've been having to pump to feel better. It also feels better after he nurses."



I know I seem ridiculously affected by this, but this the very first person I know well, that I'm close to, to join my adventures of motherhood, and this is what I hear. Gosh, don't you love what happens in Tennessee hospitals.

[Spark]

Oh, Angelica, I'm so sorry that this is her experience AND that she sounds so fine about how everything has progressed thus far... except for the incision opening up.

I know it's so difficult to support friends when they make choices that are so different from our own. I konw you'll be able to find a way to move beyond your disappointment in her introduction to motherhood. And, then you'll be able to give her the support she needs.

Ug. It's just so hard when people don't do what we'd do!!! :LOL

[Butterflymom]

I know I may sound like a brat because she doesn't have the same attitude towards natural birthing and caring for a newborn as I do, but.... I cant' help my opinionated self!!! : She's a 24 year old mama who as far as I know, had no serious blood pressure issues, and the reason behind her slippery-slop-to-a-c-section sounds really flimsy to me, and the whole formula as a method to combat jaundice sounds really, really flimsy to me, and ..... :

But of course, I won't show this side of my emotions to her....I will simply offer her the breastfeeding advice she asked for, encourage her to stop using the bottle/formula and just breastfeed on demand around the clock at least until she has things well established with her supply and her newborn (hopefully she and the baby will get hooked on that kind of lifestyle and breastfeeding on demand will last the whole first year! ), encourage her to master the Moby Wrap I sent her so she can have baby close and learn to breastfeed in the sling so she can be on the move and even have one or both hands free while tending to her little guy, and hopefully she and her little family (after her incision heals) will just live oh-so-happily ever after.

Just had to vent.

[stafl]

did she give you permission to share her very personal email with other people? Don't you think that maybe the fact that she's an RN has anything to do with her birth experience? Did she hire a doula? Was she ever seriously intending an unmedicated birth? She seems okay with the experience, good for her! I wasn't, I was severely traumatized by my cesarean. But that was my personal experience, not hers. Be happy for her if she says she's happy. Cry for her if she is sad. But don't force your perceptions onto her experience. You don't know what she's really feeling inside. She might just be putting on a brave front because that is what she thinks everyone expects her to do. Let her know that it's okay to feel however she might be feeling. If she was planning an unmedicated birth, give her permission to greive the loss of the birth she wanted. And then just be quiet and let her do all the talking, because no matter what she will need someone to talk to who won't judge and who won't tell her how she should feel about it all.

[Houdini]

Just wanted to comment about the blood pressure. My second pregnancy ended in an emergency c-section complete with a life flight due to severe pre-eclampsia. I had no blood pressure problems up to that point. I had some swelling, but I figured it was weight gain from all the junk I was eating. I had none of the warning signs for pre-eclampsia except the weight gain jump. When I went to the ER b/c I was feeling really bad my blood pressure was through the roof and they couldn't stabilize it. It is possible for a person with no previous blood pressure issues to have problems all of a sudden.

[Butterflymom]

Originally Posted by stafl

did she give you permission to share her very personal email with other people? .

No, that's why I didn't include any of the personal parts of the email, I just clipped out the part that gave a very basic report of the facts of her induction and cesarean birth, and then clipped the part that reported about her introducing a bottle at birth for jaundice, becasue those are the two sets of facts I wanted to vent about. But I have since edited it to report the same information in my own words, because I know that she wouldn't find the facts of how her birth went or the feeding choices she's made terribly personal.

Originally Posted by stafl

Don't you think that maybe the fact that she's an RN has anything to do with her birth experience? Did she hire a doula? Was she ever seriously intending an unmedicated birth? She seems okay with the experience, good for her!

Of course the fact that she's an RN and totally entrenched in the US hospital culture of today has everything to do with it! No, she never planned a natural birth or hired a doula, and she is undoubtedly honestly happy with everything. My point wasn't that I was sad for what she must be going through, emotionally, but just all about me and my issues with this kind of thing. :LOL I am really just so sad to hear these cases as the norm, instead of the exception. I have another aquaintence from high school, and a cousin i'm not terribly close to, all young women in the same area in Tennessee, and they have ALL had c-sections and have all introduced formula from the get-go, and been totally happy with it and not questioned it at all, and I for the most part just live and let live, but there is that little part in the back of my mind that grieves for the babies and the fact that they miss out on the gestational period they would have had naturallhy, the birth they were evolved to expect, and the access to breastfeeding that human infants need so intensely. I just wanted to vent about how the three only people I know in the US to become mothers (except my cyberfriends on MDC) have all gone to the hospital young, healthy and pregnant and came out with cesarean scars, toting Nestle formula, a couple weeks before their EDD (gotta love pitocin to get things going already!), with their newborns ripped out of them, and they don't even mind, the cultural brainwashing has been so effective.

Originally Posted by stafl

Be happy for her if she says she's happy. Cry for her if she is sad. But don't force your perceptions onto her experience. You don't know what she's really feeling inside.

I do, she's really fine with it. And of course I will convey only happiness for her when I speak to her, and for her healthy baby boy who seems to be doing fine, I am happy for her. I know how to be a good friend who doesn't alienate people with judgments that aren't really their place to make. But I wasn't trying to force any perceptions onto her experience, I was just trying to simply state how the commonplace cultural atmosphere of early induced, 'failure-to-progress' c-sections, followed up with lots of Nestle baby formula after the birth, type of births just gets to me. ESPECIALLY since it's the only story I've ever heard from someone I know IRL. I can't wait to hear of someone I know back in the US giving birth vaginally, let alone naturally. :

Originally Posted by stafl

she will need someone to talk to who won't judge and who won't tell her how she should feel about it all.

There's really nothing wrong with making judgment calls if you know all the information. I admit, I don't know all the information here and I'm not going to make a judgment on her particular medical case, but if I did know all the facts, I wouldn't be afraid to judge the situation as I saw it. I don't think she really needs me to be her therapist on this one, anyway, she is honestly happy with everything, so there won't be much for us to discuss, only her son to celebrate. Of COURSE I'm not going to tell her how she should feel about her birth. I'm kicking myself that I came across like I was going to go straight to her with my reaction that I shared here at MDC and harass her with it--I would never do that to a friend. I just wanted to rant a bit and vent about the feelings that hearing her story triggered in me. Oh, how common this scenario seems to be, and I keep hearing about the US hospital birth and formula feeding culture here on MDC (since I live abroad), but this is the first time I've had it really thrown up to my face and get to hear myself about someone I love having a botched c-section that was possibly unnecessary, and a baby not getting a chance to build up his mommy's milk supply to what it needs to be because of all the formula being fed to him. I just took it hard the first few minutes after hearing about it, and needed to rant. Sorry if it wasnt really appropriate for this board.

Just wanted to comment about the blood pressure. My second pregnancy ended in an emergency c-section complete with a life flight due to severe pre-eclampsia. I had no blood pressure problems up to that point...When I went to the ER b/c I was feeling really bad my blood pressure was through the roof and they couldn't stabilize it. It is possible for a person with no previous blood pressure issues to have problems all of a sudden.

I had no idea, thanks for the information. But, for my friend, it seems like the early INDUCTION was for the swelling and high blood pressure, but the only reason she said they gave her a c-section was because of her labor's "failure to progress". So they induced her labor in a non-emergency setting, but still due to high blood pressure and swelling I guess, but THEN she was cut open because she didn't make the required progress in her dr.'s allotted window of time.

[Guest*]

It's hard. All except 2 of my girlfriends have had similar experiences and make parenting choices that are very different from mine. Actually, I don't agree with most of their choices. But they're happy and it works for them, so all i can say is "You go girl!" I know they're all doing the best they know how to do.

Then it's helpful to go vent to the friends who are more like you. :LOL

[Butterflymom]

Originally Posted by jlpolzin

Then it's helpful to go vent to the friends who are more like you. :LOL

Exactly!!!!!! Thanks for understanding. I love MDC and mothering magazine and would feel so alone in my mothering journey if it weren't for Mothering.

[carrietorgc]

i hear you - hopefully your gentle bfing advice will help your friend feel secure in getting nursing established! both LLL, dr jack newman, and the AAP rec nursing on demand to rid the baby of jaundice, not formula. what crap advice she got!

one of my best friends just gave birth, and it's so hard when your close friends before mommyhood don't share the same parenting beliefs. she's gently becoming more so though so I have hope for her!

[Spark]

Originally Posted by Butterflymom

I know I may sound like a brat because she doesn't have the same attitude towards natural birthing and caring for a newborn as I do, but.... I cant' help my opinionated self!!! : She's a 24 year old mama who as far as I know, had no serious blood pressure issues, and the reason behind her slippery-slop-to-a-c-section sounds really flimsy to me, and the whole formula as a method to combat jaundice sounds really, really flimsy to me, and ..... :

...

Just had to vent.

Oh, no, seriously you MUST vent!!! And, here's as fine of place as any because most of us who had that motherhood beginning would be REALLY pissed about it!!! I didn't mean to sound like I was chastising or anything, I really meant it when I said that it's SO hard when people don't do what we want them to do! Arg, with all we know and all we believe in, it's so clear to us her birth and breastfeeding could have been so much smoother! It's hard to see that happen to those we love.

I was one of the first in my circle of friends to have a baby. I knew one other friend who was a mother and no one else. I had a homebirth with my first, breastfed, attachment parented. It felt right and so in tune to me. Then, when my other friends started having babies and chose hospital "teach me to be a good patient" classes, stocked up on formula (just in case), chose OB/GYN's because that's who their primary recommended, and read What to Expect When Expecting as a Bible. Arg! It was SO HARD!!!

But, it's happened so much more often now, I don't know, it's kind of like this apathy has set in. If someone seems interested then I'll make sure and talk with them, present them with research, etc. But, if they don't want to know, I just support them as friends making the best choices for their families.