I've been in and out of this thread and time and fatigue have not permitted any useful contribution, nor have I read every post in detail (which I will as my life with Dd permits). I have a few disjointed and semi-coherent things to offer. If I wait for Dd to stop teething before I write, I may have to wait awhile. Here goes...
I do want to comment on the cumulus effects (haha, a weather joke). I too, spent months giving Dd almost undivided one on one attention. I then read the Continuum Concept, and realized that she could get as much out of doing things around the house with me as out of my specifically amusing her. I'm not sure that's the exact message of the book but it was the message I took from it in the weary state in which I read.
I stopped spending so much one on one playtime, and made my business around the house (and office, which is downstairs from our apartment) much of Dd's play.
I admit I made a pretty abrupt change in our routine, but Dd quickly adapted to the change and enjoyed being more in the swing of things, than being the swing of things.
Now she loves helping around the house and going to the office. That she does not expect to be the center of attention means that we can visit Dh when he's working there.
I was sensitive to this because my mother did not involve me in anything much of the work of the house. As a child she thought my job was play and school. So I'm a bit of a spoiled princess myself. Aside from wanting Dd to have a sense of being part of a family, rather than it's center, I wanted her to have a sense of pleasure in the daily acts of living.
As for the discussion of correction, my mother brought me up with great emphasis on "getting things right." She spends 3 mornings a week with Dd while I work, and one day I came up from work a little early and found her trying to "teach" Dd to do the circle sorter "right."
Again I thought of what I would have liked different about my childhood, and how that need to get things right preempted enjoyment or discovery sometimes.
So I asked my mother to stop doing the circle sorter as a demonstration, and to see what Dd would do on her own. Dd immediately went from watching, to playing with the parts. I explained to my mother that I wanted her to first and foremost have fun, and I also wanted her to understand the thing, not memorize it. The other day, Dd brought me the pieces one by one, and then "got them all right." All on her own, with great glee.
My final comment is on the expression of positivity vs. negativity. My Dh compliments me on this - usually instead of saying Don't do this, I find something to say that Dd should do. Like instead of "don't pull on my ear," I stroke her ear lightly and say "gentle." I think I managed to learn this technique back when I used to train people at work, and I was good at telling people what to do.:LOL
I do want to comment on the cumulus effects (haha, a weather joke). I too, spent months giving Dd almost undivided one on one attention. I then read the Continuum Concept, and realized that she could get as much out of doing things around the house with me as out of my specifically amusing her. I'm not sure that's the exact message of the book but it was the message I took from it in the weary state in which I read.
I stopped spending so much one on one playtime, and made my business around the house (and office, which is downstairs from our apartment) much of Dd's play.
I admit I made a pretty abrupt change in our routine, but Dd quickly adapted to the change and enjoyed being more in the swing of things, than being the swing of things.
Now she loves helping around the house and going to the office. That she does not expect to be the center of attention means that we can visit Dh when he's working there.
I was sensitive to this because my mother did not involve me in anything much of the work of the house. As a child she thought my job was play and school. So I'm a bit of a spoiled princess myself. Aside from wanting Dd to have a sense of being part of a family, rather than it's center, I wanted her to have a sense of pleasure in the daily acts of living.
As for the discussion of correction, my mother brought me up with great emphasis on "getting things right." She spends 3 mornings a week with Dd while I work, and one day I came up from work a little early and found her trying to "teach" Dd to do the circle sorter "right."
Again I thought of what I would have liked different about my childhood, and how that need to get things right preempted enjoyment or discovery sometimes.
So I asked my mother to stop doing the circle sorter as a demonstration, and to see what Dd would do on her own. Dd immediately went from watching, to playing with the parts. I explained to my mother that I wanted her to first and foremost have fun, and I also wanted her to understand the thing, not memorize it. The other day, Dd brought me the pieces one by one, and then "got them all right." All on her own, with great glee.
My final comment is on the expression of positivity vs. negativity. My Dh compliments me on this - usually instead of saying Don't do this, I find something to say that Dd should do. Like instead of "don't pull on my ear," I stroke her ear lightly and say "gentle." I think I managed to learn this technique back when I used to train people at work, and I was good at telling people what to do.:LOL
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