What did no one tell you about birth/postpartum that you learned the hard way? - Page 8

[Crunchier]

I was lucky that my mom spent the last 2 months of my pregnancy slowly feeding me most of these wierd details. Some of them I already knew, others I found a bit surprising.

*That newborns really can be too sleepy. I threw that info sheet away and wondered why anyone would wake a baby.

*That it would take me a week to find someone who actually knew something about BFing.

*That having ctx 3-5 minutes apart did NOT mean I was going to make any progress to speak of.

*That my pro-natural birth dh would totally cave on me repeatedly throughout the birth.

*That I would lose all control of the experience and my own body within 5 minutes of the first intervention.

*That I was allergic to MOST of the drugs I was given during my 200 interventions. Oops.

[Squeakyneedle]

That your first born would suddenly look GINORMOUS when he visits you in the hospital after #2 is born. I wanted to ask Dh where my tiny little 3 year old was when he waltzed in with this huge man-child.

That you can feel like a first timer all over again when you plan your first birth center birth after 3 hospital births.

That even though your first 3 pregnancies were h*** on earth #4 can actually be good, with no morning sickness, and no kidney stones. And that it could still be another boy.

That you would be so in love with breastfeeding that you think about getting pregnant again just so you could have another wee babe to nurse.

That it is possible for breastfeeding to be easy.

That you would crave sleep more than sex. For a very, very long time. And that this craving begins in your second trimester.

That a relatively modest woman could suddenly care less if the nearest hospital orderly came in to deliver her baby as long as someone GETS IT OUT!

That it's ok to switch to a midwife in a freestanding birth center at the end of my second trimester because this birth is all about me and my baby.

That doctors aren't always right and are quite often very, very wrong. That they see women as uteruses and not as birthing moms. And that this attitude can seriously screw up your birth.

[ms65442]

So many memories here!

I didn't know:

* That I'd lose, literally, 3/4 of my hair. And it would take 2 years to look normal again. I cried everyday as I tried to do something with my wisps. If it happens again, I'm so shaving it.

* The shakes. Oh yes, the shakes.

* That, while pregnant and/or in labor, you're highly suggestible. My mom told me a story about her labor that haunted me and kept replaying in my mind over and over - and it wasn't even a bad one, just that it hurt riding in the truck to the hospital. But I took it and blew it up to gargantuan proportions and it made my labor take it's first turn for the worse.

* That, after a couple of months, I would get so tired of leaking, stale, sour milk smell that I would cry, every morning, when I woke to it.

* That's I'd be scared to change my ds's first diaper (I somehow thought I'd break him) and I'd ask his dad to do it.

* That BF'ing can go really easily.

* That all the stuff about hospital interventions leading to other interventions etc. is true.

[WC_hapamama]

If perchance, you happen to have a skidmark/tear on your labia, that it'll hurt/itch/etc every time you climb the stairs... whether it's stitched or not.

[vixy]

Wished someone had told me about the "softball" sized clots you could get after birth. This happened with my first child. I find it amusing now, but at the time I was showering after the birth and felt pressure of "something" coming out. Talk about being panicked lookin at this thing, I thought all kinds of horrible things. Then went to get out and tell the nurse and another came out lol.. I thought they left part of the after birth in me.. Thank God all was well LOL..

[cottonwood]

What did no one tell you about birth/postpartum that you learned the hard way?

That both can be far simpler and easier than we try to make them be in this culture.

That it is not necessary to have an audience or have anyone *ever* touch my genitals during birth, and that it is inhibiting which affects the flow of hormones that regulate the birth process.

That having contractions doesn't mean birth is imminent, and that it is crucial to rest and sleep as much as possible during prodomal labor.

That ingesting castor oil would make me feel like I wanted to die, worse than the labor itself.

That valsalva pushing is completely unnecessary and that it would hurt my body so bad that I hobbled around the house for weeks.

That putting a hat on the baby's head obscures the lovely baby smell that is a chemical part of bonding.

That having my baby taken away from me for even a few minutes after the birth would make me feel disconnected from him.

That breastfeeding could hurt so much that it would make me weep, that it's not normal for it to do so, that there is such a thing as thrush, that it would get better, that some supposed "experts" that you pay to help you actually don't know diddly-squat, that some people just can't pump no matter how hard they try or what special apparatuses they use, that I didn't need a nursing bra and that in fact I should have thrown the damn bra away because it was half the problem. All that money down the drain, groan.

That meconium is like tar and that oiling down the baby before he poops REALLY helps in being able to get it off.

That I didn't need to spend one minute worrying about obtaining the jillion "essential" baby products before the baby was born: crib and bassinet and associate linens, changing table with pad and covers, mobile, wipe warmer, special diaper container, baby powder, baby nail clippers, butt thermometer, lots of darling (and later to find impractical and uncomfortable) clothes, baby tub, hooded towel, baby shampoo and lotion, pacifiers, playpen, god I'm sure there's more but I think I've blocked it out. More money down the drain, sigh.

That I would be tired to the point of hallucinating.

That you really do just need to sleep when the baby sleeps.

That my husband wouldn't just know how to take care of me after the birth.

That my mother, as much as I love her, is not the right person to have come stay for two weeks to help after the baby is born.

That continually trying to get away from the baby only makes the baby insecure so that he cries more easily.

That I don't need to let anyone else hold the baby, not even for a minute.

That my hormone levels would drop off sharply after the birth, making me very emotionally vulnerable, and that having visitors under these conditions would make me feel weird and emotionally out of control.

[cathicog]

Originally Posted by Squeakyneedle

That doctors aren't always right and are quite often very, very wrong. That they see women as uteruses and not as birthing moms. And that this attitude can seriously screw up your birth.

Truer words were never spoken!! Prayers for a fast birth for you!

[cchrissyy]

-laboring in water didn't help AT ALL (tried in both births)
-moving around, squatting, and peeing in labor brought intollerable sharp pain
-(probably) natural induction is still induction, shouldn't have done that!

-there is such thing as a necesary episotomy
-you can have an episiotomy without any complaints/pain/issues afterwards whatsoever

- blood loss that 1st day was phenomenal. Walking would pour blood marking my path on the floor like a hose.

-even a birth that goes to plan interventionwise can still leave great trauma and fear from the sheer pain and panic of it all

-milk can come in without engorgment

-new babies are cool, but you don't necesarily feel that overwhelming love and classic mother-baby bond while they're new.

[Aura_Kitten]

usually laboring in water helps, i'm sorry it didn't for you. (( hugs ))

that kind of blood loss sounds like a hemmorhage... sorry that you had to go through that. i bet it was scary.

and in my experience, i felt really distanced from my son, who i had in a hospital... but my daughter, who was born at home, and i nursed *immediately* after birth, i have always felt an immediate and intense connection toward. so maybe circumstance has something to do with it.

[dachshundqueen]

Argh!

That having your baby with you 100% of the time as a newborn is necessary for your sanity. Every time they took the baby away for baby checks I had panic attacks....much to my DH's chagrin and the OB thought I was seriously losing it.

It is my baby and no I don't need people visiting 4 hours after I've just had her....grrr stupid inlaws.

EDC

[2Sweeties1Angel]

That an epidural can cause labor to completely stop, send a baby into distress, and cause you to have a c-section.

That if you get to the hospital too early, you will be forced into bed, have your water broken without your permission, hooked up to a monitor, and have Pitocin pumped through the veins because you "aren't progressing fast enough".

If you don't go to bed the night before your schedule repeat c-section, the Duramorph spinal block will make you shake so bad you feel like throwing up.

Percoset causes constipation. After my "emergency" (what a crock) c-section, I loaded up on Percoset (I wasn't breastfeeding). After a few days, I went in the bathroom to poop and I literally started crying from the pain. The turd was rock hard and I could feel it moving behind my incision. I refused the Perc after my second section.

Nobody told me about the bleeding. I had no idea that women bled for weeks after having babies.

Breastfeeding does not always come naturally. I never dreamed that I'd have another woman touching my boob and putting it in my baby's mouth, but it happened. Thank God, or I'd have probably ended up making the formula mistake a second time.

[myopicfriend]

That the birth tub would make the pain easier, but also make me unaware of my full bladder. Consequently I forgot to pee during my 8 hrs of labor, and when it came time to push, my full bladder was in the way and had to be catheterized to make room for the baby to get out. (I couldn't pee at that point.) Ladies, make sure you remember to pee during labor!

That pushing would be the hardest part. I pushed for 2 1/4 hours and it seemed like forever.

That the birth kit my midwives had me order only had one perineal cold compress (the fabled "iced maxipad" that everyone needs). I would have ordered an additional case if I had known there would only be one in there and I would have to wait three or four days before DH could run to the homebirth store and get more.

That someone should have ordered a deli tray in advance for the midwives. My DH found them in our basement, snacking on our dried fruits and nuts from the pantry. Oops.

That you don't have to tear. I didn't tear, thanks to patient midwives who kept checking heart tones and reassuring me that I didn't have to hurry up with the pushing, that I could take my time.

[BookGoddess]

What did no one tell you about birth/postpartum that you learned the hard way?

There's bleeding for days after the birth of the baby.

The mesh panties the hospital gives are lousy. Bring your own underwear but preferably nothing too new or fancy since they WILL get stained.

That you will still look pregnant even after the baby is born!

That you feel like you have the biggest BM in the world during the pushing stage. I remember telling the nurse "I HAVE to use the bathroom now" and she told me that sensation was normal. It wasn't a BM but the baby.

The recovery is worse than the delivery.

You actually forget the labor pains when you see your newborn for the first time. Now, I have amnesia about the pain I went through though DH kindly reminds me of it.

You won't care who watches you during labor. All modesty goes out the window. The hospital janitor could have pulled up a beach chair beside my bed but I didn't care if I had an audience. You just want the baby OUT!

Your tolerance for bodily fluids goes waaaay up.

Gas pain after a c-section can be horrendous.

You don't want too many visitors in your room. I was so thankful for those people who didn't rush over to the hospital to see the baby. They waited a few days to allow us time to recover before dropping in at home for a visit.

[j&e'smama02]

Great thread...

Birth #1 (hospital, after 24hrs induced w/ pitocin, eventual epidural):
--That your water can break in very early, unproductive labor and that it can take your body a long, long time to dilate to 7cm (36 hrs)...with the last 10hrs on pitocin, moving you from 4-7.
--That the smell of amniotic fluid is a very strong, almost metalic smell that is very unique and that the baby and lochia would smell like this too. W/ my 1st, the smell really annoyed me (thought it was the hospital, not me, until I continued to smell it at home).
--That having a regular IV for antibiotics (I was GBS +) & being hooked up to the monitors really can make you feel like you should stay in bed rather than move around like they say you can. (I definitely learned the hard way and insisted on a saline lock & only occasional monitoring w/ my 2nd, even though I had to fight for it).
--That you can go from 7 to pushing in 30min and only spend 20min pushing and have to wait for the OB to get there b/c no one thought you would progress to complete that quickly.
--That you don't HAVE to spend the full 48hrs at the hospital after birth (especially after 2 days in labor)
--That you need to know what position you want to push in BEFORE labor, rather than relying on the L&D nurse to tell you the best way (of course, I ended flat-down, w/ stirrups).
--That a tiny little tear on the labia hurts much worse than a 2nd degree tear on the perineum.
--That much of your labor experience is dependent on the nurse and support people around, and has very little to do with the the dr. who only spends 15min every 6hrs w/ you.
--That epidurals hurt like heck and can be worse than labor pains. You also can have long-lasting side effects to the epidural (6 weeks of pain in the injection spot on my back...making it hard to sit up or lay down).
--That you can feel the "ring of fire" even w/ an effective epidural.
--That the perky-breasted "A" cup LC at the hospital (who also teaches the bfing classes), has no idea how to direct a saggy-breasted "DD" cup woman how to breastfeed a tiny newborn.
--Low Supply IS a real condition, and in my case was caused by a combination of dehydration and low progesterone due to PCOS. Somehow, everyone says low supply isn't real, yet there are thousands of women w/ PCOS who all have noted low supply. Why don't OBs warn about this?
--That you'll miss the feeling of the baby inside of you kicking, even if she's sitting in your arms.
--That lochia really can last 7 weeks. Yikes!
--The 1st year really is as trying on the marriage as everyone says.
--Parenting was/is definitely not the 50/50 I thought it was going to be (at least when we are both home); it's more like 80/20 in our house.
--That some babies just have a colicky/fussy/high needs nature, no matter how much they are bf, co-slept, held, etc. Of course, I'm sure it would have been worse w/o AP.

Birth #2 (hospital, not induced & no pain meds):
--That your chances of "false labor" increase when you've already had a child.
--That back labor hurts worse than the front pain, but that may not (in my case, did not) lessen when on the hands and knees position...just made my front pains hurt worse.
--That the feeling to push is so strong, that it is nearly impossible when they tell you to wait b/c you have a "lip" of the cervix still there.
--That the feeling of the baby coming down the canal feels like you are constipated and have a big bm you are pushing out.
--The sounds you make during pushing are so scary to those that aren't used to it (my mom was listening and freaked when she heard me and started crying...I'll never forget how scared she looked when she came in to see me and the baby).
--That sometimes the cord is too short to be able to hold the baby while waiting for the cord to stop pulsing.
--That birthing w/o pain meds makes you feel a bit shaky for about an hr or 2 afterwards, but then you feel awesome after a snack and a short nap. A true "I am woman, hear me roar!" feeling came over me.
--That it is completely possible to not tear at all, if you specify what pushing position you want to be in and stick to it (especially if it's your 2nd or later birth).
--That w/o any tears, you feel physically fine and just feel a litle sore like you've had a good round of sex.
--That going home shortly after birth is not the exhausting experience the hospital claimed it would be. It was awesome for both me and both kids to get home to our own bed and to be pampered by my mom and MIL.
--That you CAN have a home health nurse/LC visit 4 days after birth for follow-up care and do all the blood tests required by the state (included free w/ the cost of birth at my hospital if you don't stay 48hrs). This was awesome! I think they should always do a 3-4 day visit after coming home from the hospital. This would have massively helped w/ my 1st!
--That I would actually missed the smell of amniotic fluid when my lochia stopped b/c it was the true end of the birthing process.
--That transitioning from 1 baby to 2 babies is almost as hard as being a new parent; that even though you are already a parent, people still try to tell you how you should do things.
--That there would be such a change in the relationship between myself and my 2yr old DD; it was a very difficult change for us both to go through. Also, she seemed so big in comparison to my newborn, but looking back at it now, 15mos later...I realize that she was still really little.

[emma_goldman]

No one told me I could sleep with babe even thought there were signs posted all over my hospital room that said "DANGER: do not sleep with your baby"

I didn't think of just leaving the hospital. The nurses came in every 4 hours to take babe's temperature and would end up waking him. stupid.

I didn't know that I would be on a high for a week. Could hardly sleep for the excitement.

I felt incredibly strong and fit afterward. And high like I had just climbed the biggest, baddest mountain in the world.

No one told me how "mama bear" would come out to bite people who tried to touch baby without washing hands the first two weeks. Or that I wouldn't want to have visitors stay at my house for at least two weeks afterwards.

[lauriebeth]

that your milk will leak... ALL OVER THE place!

How much a c-section hurts!!!!

To not get the epidural... I know, Ive been told that, but I really think that getting it stalled my labor and ended up in a c-section. the docs say its because DD was big, but I doubt it.

[minkajane]

That you CAN birth a breech baby vaginally! I was bullied into a C/S because "no one in this practice will do a breech vaginally, especially with a first-time mom." I had no choice of docs (military).

That getting a cath put in REALLY hurts.

That your milk can come in without engorgement. I think it was because I was nursing every three hours religiously. I didn't get engorged at all until 7 weeks PP when DS slept through the night.

That refusing circ is no big deal in some hospitals.

That sometimes the nurses will supplement with formula without your permission and not even tell you. I didn't find out until DS was 13 months and I got the medical records - thankfully they supped with a cup and not a bottle.

That sometimes you're on your own with BFing. One nurse in the hospital "helped" by rubbing DS's lips on my nipple and one strapped an SNS on me (which worked because thanks to the formula supplements, he was used to the smell and taste of Similac). I didn't see a real LC until DS was over a week old and we'd already started to get the hang of things.

That the baby can get cut with a C/S. They nicked DS's butt. Thankfully, he's ok and no scar.

That you can have a textbook C/S with very little pain and a fast recovery and still mourn the loss of the birth you wanted.

[ssolberg99]

That having an epidural (though not what I planned) wasn't horrible and actually helped me to get a few hours of sleep.
That you don't have to let the nurse take your baby after 3 minutes of bonding.
That sex can still be uncomfortable, even painful, after 6 weeks of recovery.

[GabeMom]

I learned that...

...even if you've had the most beautiful full-term pregnancy, your baby can end up in the NICU. We were so lucky to have a NICU open round the clock (except 4, 1-hour shift changes) staffed with nurses who let us hold and touch our baby any time. They also allowed us to use milk bank milk when I wasn't able to pump enough. I had done NO research on NICU's, but I do recommend that people find out what's available, just in case. I've heard they can be really awful, parent-unfriendly, places sometimes.

...when your baby is in the NICU, you hardly notice that you are healing from a third degree tear and a uterine infection. As long as you can be with your baby, you feel such peace.

...and those who have mentioned the amazing love... It still knocks me over, 18 months later!! Can't wait to have it double in Septmeber!!

[QueenOfThePride]

I didn't know that Stadol would stop my contractions.

I didn't know how much Pitocin contractions would hurt..OMG! I almost couldn't breathe!

I was really scared of getting the epidural, but I barely felt a pinch.

Not having a doula was a huge mistake, DH was no help at all.

I didn't know they'd turn off the epidural for pushing :

I didn't know that the baby coming out would hurt much less than pitocin contrax.

Once the baby was out, I didn't really care, I was just glad it was over and could barely open my eyes to look at him. I thought there'd be an instant bond, but there wasn't. I was just too tired and physically traumatized.

After reading all the placenta horror stories, I'm glad mine just fell right out after the baby! The doctor caught it in a bowl, and the plop splattered blood everywhere!

I didn't know BFing would be so excruciatingly painful. I was embarrassed that it was so difficult and painful. I wanted to be alone to BF, not for modesty, but just because it was so painful, I would sit and cry and shake just to get through it. I never knew that was normal, I thought there was something wrong with me. It was so horrible, I began to resent my son, and I had thoughts of abandoning him.

At the hospital, the lactation nurse said the pump would be more comfortable, so she strapped it on me and turned it on. OMG! I immediately burst into tears and started sobbing. She turned it off and left. I never let her back in my room.

When my milk came in, I was shocked that my breasts were like three times bigger than my baby's head!

I didn't know you could have too much milk! I could pump like 20 ounces every three hours - sometimes by hand!

I didn't know about milk banks back then, or I would have donated.

I didn't know I could relactate after quitting, but I did it!

I didn't know it would take a good three months before BFing was comfortable. I had adhesions in my nipples that needed to be broken/stretched out, and one was inverted.

Having a bowel movement PP was scary, but it actually didn't hurt at all! Peeing didn't hurt either.

But for the first 12 hours after birth, I was so swollen that I couldn't pee. That freaked me out.

I shouldn't have taken a tub bath in the PP period, because I think that is why I got a uterine infection that made me septic.

Several days PP I passed a humongous clot, like the size of my baby's head. I called the doc's office, and they said it was normal. Well then why do the OB nurses tell you to inform them if you pass a clot bigger than a quarter?

I didn't know that I would give birth to the most beautiful and perfect baby the world has ever seen! My son was the standard of cuteness by which all other babies were judged.

Even now, daily I wonder why I was lucky enough to give birth to exactly the child I wanted. - His low-key nature, his happy-go-lucky temperament, his beautiful face, his robust health, his golden hair...

In the hospital, I couldn't sleep because I couldn't take my eyes off my beautiful son. I had never seen a cuter baby.

Those maxipad ice packs are a godsend!