What did no one tell you about birth/postpartum that you learned the hard way? - Page 2

[dharmama]

thought of one more....

no one told me (or if they did, i didn't pay attention) how hard introducing a baby can be on the marriage relationship.

we're just over a year postpartum now and life is really good but oh man...those first few months....sleep deprivation...adjusting to life as a SAHM...dh working crazy hours...dd screaming if anyone other than me tried to hold her...each of us feeling that we were working so much harder than the other (i.e. me: "at least you get to go to work!" him: "at least you don't have to go to work!")

we had some ugly days before we stopped fighting/challenging/resenting each other and really started to work together.

[Heffernhyphen]

How did I forget all this stuff? Oddly, I loved this trip down memory lane . . . the surprising pain afterward, the night sweats, the difficulty sitting down for a couple of days, the giant maxi pad from the hospital and the need for it, the first scary poop. Oh, and how about that 6 month-pregnant belly I carried around for 6 months.

But most of all, I was completely unprepared for the monumental love I feel for this little boy. I didn't know I could love someone like this. And I didn't know love could be so scary.

[Aura_Kitten]

prodomal labor for days? try weeks. with my second it lasted for almost a month.

other things ~ that you can swell up so bad you can't pee. THAT was terrifying.

that position makes a HUGE difference in whether you tear or not.

that after birth, you can still feel sexy, radiant, beautiful, and goddessy! and still want It, even immediately after giving birth. (i modeled nude for an art class about 6 weeks after my daughter was born, and at one point i started leaking ~ and i felt so much like a GODDESS just sitting up there, radiating with birthy energy and dripping silver life... )

[shelley4]

i felt a little stupid with my first birth because i was having this horrible horrible back pain for days (so much that i didn't sleep for 3 straight days/nights), i thought i really hurt my back and i was so worried that i would go into labour in this state... silly me, i WAS in labour, i just had no clue.. back labour for that much.. i didn't seem to notice that this horrible back pain was coming rather reliably every 5-7 mins i feel like a pretty informed momma, but i couldn't even figure out that i was in labour 'gee, here i am at 41 1/2 weeks, experiencing regular intervals of pain.. what the : is going on???'

[WinterBaby]

That love at first sight *DOES* happen. Or maybe I just never believed it, lol.

[cheeseRjedi]

:

i wish i knew:

~ that it would sting when i went to the bathroom and how much it hurt to sit down/get up from a sitting postion

~ how bad it hurts when the milk comes in. my boobs were huge and soooooooo sore

[Baby Hopes]

I wasn't prepared for the emotions of it all. Radiantly happy one second. Weeping the next. Oh. And the night sweats. I had been warned... but who knew they could be that bad!

[Mama2ABCD]

the one piece of advice i did not have with my first but desperately needed was that pushing felt like pooping. maybe i'm a total idiot, but i did not know that and NO ONE thought to tell me that in my pregnancy! i never came across it in written word either. even took a baby birthing class. so needless to say as i was pushing my baby, i thought what an awful time to have to take a poop, and was trying to hold the poop in while pushing. i'm amazed i ever got that child delivered!

so, i always tell mom's-to-be to watch for that feeling.

[sweetest]

I didnt know that I would throw up. Multiple times. Yuck.

[stafl]

after DD1 was born - I wish I had known how hard it can be to breastfeed. That it doesn't just come naturally. That it can be lots of really hard work. I honestly thought that if mama dog can do it, why can't I? I didn't know babies sometimes need to nurse all night long. I didn't know how terrible schedules were for newborns. I didn't know my pediatrician would threaten to take my baby away from me if I didn't give her formula. I didn't know a lactation consultant was so important. I didn't know my cesarean incision could split open and pour out sticky yellow liquid (seroma). I didn't know lochia could last two months. I didn't know the bladder problems I had during pregnancy would last well into the post-partum time period. I didn't know that giving birth could be such a traumatic experience.

after DD2 was born - I didn't know, had absolutely no clue how easy everything can be!! I didn't know that I could birth vaginally with no swelling whatsoever down there! I didn't know that breastfeeding could be so easy. I didn't believe that "easy babies" really did exist. I didn't know that lochia could last only two days. I didn't know that some babies really do sleep 7 hours at night within their first week.

[eminer]

I think you need to add a note: Don't read if currently pregnant!

Pushing feeling like pooping was a big one for me, too. That would have clarified things A LOT.

[Storm Bride]

I wish I'd known how difficult breastfeeding can be at first. I spent every nursing session for the first three weeks crying my eyes out and feeling as though my son was going to starve. It was almost as hard with dd in the beginning...but at least I knew that "this too shall pass" - made a huge difference!!

[Lynski]

I didn't know that labor can't hurt so bad that you pass out. DH & I were taken by surprise and it scared us both. I decided to get the epidural after this because I was so afraid what would happen if I passed out while pushing. I really didn't feel the pain was unmanageable, but I guess my brain did.

That you will feel like someone beat you with a baseball bat for weeks. I knew it would hurt afterwards of course. I wasn't prepared for the weeks of recovery where I couldn't even go to the store for milk without crying from pain.

[DoulaLyndsey]

Things I wish people would've told me:

1. engorgement HURTS!!
2. lochia can last 6 weeks
3. (most importantly to ME) you can pass clots that are the size of the palm of your hand postpartum. I was told that if I passed anything larger than a quarter to call doctor. Well, 3 weeks PP at 3am I passed a huge clot and called my OB's after hours line and was told to go directly to the ER. Needless to say, I was crying thinking that I was bleeding to death and the ER docs told me it was normal.

[dynamicdoula]

Tmi ;)

No one told me about the poo issues I'd have for the next month and a half. I was so incredibly constipated and the poo was never a good 'shape'... at one point I 'birthed' a round ball of poo that made me bleed, and cry. For six weeks I would try to go as soon as I felt the urge and would sit there forever, nothing would come, and then I would grow more and more scared to go.. so it was about once a week and it would be excruciating.

I never asked for help, I didn't know what to do about it... I was 20 and very embarrassed, living w/my IL's who are very private folk, I just didn't know what to do. Thankfully it worked itself out. The second time I gave birth I told the nurses and they were shocked that no one gave me stool softeners the first time around.

[stafl]

I'm very curious, those of you who are relating such horribleness, did you birth in a hospital? Because I didn't experience anything like that during or after my vbac (which was NOT anywhere near a hospital). I mean, I felt a little tired is all and I had thrown my back out with all the gyrating and moving around, but I did not have any of the issues you all are talking about. None of them.

[WriterMama]

I also didn't know bfing would be so difficult. I wish that someone had told me that there could be a serious learning curve. It would have made the whole thing so much more bearable. Thankfully, I was able to impart my wisdom to my sister, who is doing fabulously with her new little girl. She's a total AP mama, and that makes me so happy

[Lynski]

Stafl, I did have a hospital birth. DS turned posterior in the car on the way to the hospital though, and that is what really caused my difficulty.

[teachinmaof3]

I'm very curious, those of you who are relating such horribleness, did you birth in a hospital?

My cervical/uterine prolapse was after my 3rd birth....my first home waterbirth.

[hunnybumm]

-That you really need someone (besides you) who believes you can birth naturally. Had a nurse, my DH, my mom, anyone told me "Look, I know it hurts, but YOU can do this!" I wouldn't have gotten an epi.

-The side effects (during and after) of an epi / cathader - unable to hold my urine, unable to walk, sever shaking for the first 24 hours, back problems, etc.

-That the pain doesn't stop after the labor is over. I was prepared for bleeding for a few weeks, but I didn't realize how much I would hurt after the labor. Unable to sit properly for 3 months. Couldn't hold DS for more than 10mintues standing up for the first 4 months. Not to mention cramps at every feeding.

-That breastfeeding is hard work. Sadly DS was tongue tied so the first few days I was nursing correctly, he was latching great, but he just wasn't getting enough milk. So I thought I was doing something wrong until at 10days someone finally caught it. Everything was great from there on.

-That labor can last a very long time. I always hoped that my labors wouldn't be 15 - 18 hours, instead it was 45 hours (32 before going to the hospital). I also wish someone had told me that when you push on demand it can take hours to push out the baby. At our lamaze class the instructor never once mentioned it could take hours to push out your baby. When we took the class everyone was delivering at the hospital the class was give at, so the instructor knew everyone would be tied to a hospital bed with a crap load of interventions.

-That induction really sucks and you shouldn't get one unless it is MEDICALLY neccessary. Luckily I went into labor the day before my induction date.

-The true love at first sight. People tell you how much you will love your baby, but you just don't know until it happens to you. There are no earthly words that can describe it.

-The the doctor isn't always right! Geeze, wish I knew this so much earlier.

For the record, I was in a hospital and I know that is why I had so many labor / post pardum issues. They are very birth backwards here, very medical minded, I was just so nieve! I am really excited about this birth and to see how it differs from my first. This one will be at an awesome birth center, very hands off.