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What to expect from a 2yr old when baby comes???  

post #1 of 19
7/19/05 at 3:11pm
Thread Starter 
My son is very emotional. He is so thoughtfull and loving, his feelings just pour out of him. When other kids fight, it makes him very sad. He does not show anger or frustration physically, but emotionally. He is very attached to me, which is just wonderfull. He such a little homey
My question is what happens when all the sudden he has to share his momma and daddy?? I worry because he is such a feeler (sp?) I am 35 weeks preg. He talks about " baby brother" but I know he dosn't really understand that there is going to be another person in his life.
Any suggestions on how to make this transition a little easier on such a "heart on your sleeve" type of little boy?
post #2 of 19
7/19/05 at 3:18pm
I have no suggestions, but I'll watch this thread with interest as I'm now past 40 weeks, and dd is also two. She kisses my belly and says "goodnight, baby" and things like that, but I really don't know how much she understands.

She has several dolls, and mothers them quite a lot...tucks them in, hugs them, kisses them, tries to feed them her supper. But, she also has a tendency to throw them across the room when she gets frustrated.
post #3 of 19
7/19/05 at 3:25pm
Thread Starter 
I have seen it not go so well with friends....and it scares me.
My son also hugs "baby brother" and tells him he loves him. But, I just know it's going to be a shock. Maybe not, I could be making to much of it.
Also, My family is here and hubbys family is coming to be with my son for three weeks when baby comes. I think that will help alot, him getting all sorts of extra attention at that time. We are very blessed with a close and loving family.
post #4 of 19
7/19/05 at 5:57pm
We currently live with my mom and stepdad and won't be moving until a couple of weeks after the baby arrives. So, dd will at least have her beloved grandma and grandpa around. I'm sure it will help.

I think the sibling issues are just one of those things that can't be predicted. People thought I'd be jealous of my little sister (I was 18 months), and I apparently adored her from the moment she came home. Good luck with your ds.
post #5 of 19
7/27/05 at 12:20am
My ds and dd are almost exactly 2 yrs apart, and James just adored Lily for the longest time!! He was just so sweet to her. I talk in the past tense only b/c he can now have the tendency to be mean to her. It's mostly since she's become mobile and wants to play w/ his toys. He can be pretty territorial some days. And then there's other days where he's just so sweet and loving. You can never predict what will happen b/n two siblings, but your ds sounds so sweet!! I hope he just loves that baby to pieces.
post #6 of 19
7/27/05 at 12:38am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride
I have no suggestions, but I'll watch this thread with interest as I'm now past 40 weeks, and dd is also two. She kisses my belly and says "goodnight, baby" and things like that, but I really don't know how much she understands.

She has several dolls, and mothers them quite a lot...tucks them in, hugs them, kisses them, tries to feed them her supper. But, she also has a tendency to throw them across the room when she gets frustrated.
That's us too (except I'm not 40 weeks yet). Watching thread with interest!

:
post #7 of 19
7/27/05 at 1:53am
my second was born when my oldest was 22 months. i think having him there for the birth really helped him adjust. he watched his little brother be born, and we all snuggled on the bed afterwards. we talked to him a lot about the baby living in mommys tummy, and looked at pictures of babies. my husbands parents came up a few hours later, and mil stayed for a few days. he really likes his grandparents, so spending time with them took his mind off not being with mommy.

he also started spending more time with dh before the birth, so he was used to hanging out with him sometimes while i did other things.

but really i guess the most important part was him being there for the birth, so there wasnt just this extra person around all of the sudden.

sorry if im rambling, it is way past my bedtime..
post #8 of 19
7/27/05 at 9:53am
Dd2 was 1 month shy of turning 2 when dd3 was born. At the beginning I think it started out fine. After a while I think she really got tired and mad(dd2). She yells more and requires much more sleep then she did pre-dd3. She gets in bad moods quite quickly. It does really help if she was a support system in place just for her. The children's goddad and her have a very close relationship. Closer than the other 2 children. That helps lots!

Taking extra time out specifically for her helps too. I also find if she is activly engaged in helping with the baby it makes her much happier. She will get the baby's diapers and things like that(she loves to be the one to chose which diaper dd3 gets to wear), it makes her so pround to be able to help.

At thins point I am really trying to get through it, on top of me worriying that I ruined her, she will be 3 soon and I hear that is even worse than 2!

Good luck!
post #9 of 19
7/27/05 at 1:09pm
Quote:
It's mostly since she's become mobile and wants to play w/ his toys.
Mine too! Before #2 started crawling it wasn't much a deal. I think because the oldest was really incharge of the relationship. If he wanted to talk to the baby he could go to where he was if he didn't he could leave. Mine both slept together and nursed together from the beggining, which I also think helped. But when the crawling started that was the first real sibling rivalry we had.
post #10 of 19
7/28/05 at 1:42am
Quote:
Originally Posted by midstreammama
worriying that I ruined her
This is what is making me nuts, our new baby will arrive when DS is 23 months. He is absolutely the best little guy right now, but gets so much attention from me and DH. He is very social so that is good, but whenever another child at playgroup even leans on me he gets jealous and pulls their hand off... He also won't let DH hold my hand. :LOL I so don't want to wreck his good nature and confidence, but I think a sib is important.

My sister and I are 18 months apart and had stretches of fierce rivalry, but we are very close now as adults. I think that is what matters most to me - I hope they can be close and supportive of each other as adults.

I'll also be watching this thread...
post #11 of 19
7/28/05 at 1:48am
grennmansions, your ds sounds just like mine!! He just really surprised me by being an awesome kid during the most intense parts of having a newborn. Granted, we did watch lots of tv and I was just in survival mode. Anyway, just saying that your kids can surprise you!

Now today, James was NO little angel!! He has really started seeing how much he can get away w/.... So fun! I'm just glad he wasn't like this when I was a complete emotional wreck!!

Tomorrow will be better!!!
post #12 of 19
7/28/05 at 5:10am
My boys are 21 months apart- and they're very very close. (Isaac thinks of the trouble to get into, then Alex goes and does it.) When Isaac was born, Alex was playing outside with friends of ours- he had a strop and wouldn't talk to me for about 5 hours after he saw me with the baby, then at bedtime, cuddled in with me, said "sorry" and fell asleep in my arms. The next day, the (empty) crib was overflowing with teddy bears, snails and everything else a little brother could possibly need.
We've had bad spells- the worst being when Isaac started school and moved onto Alex's patch, territorially- but I'm not remembering any problems from when they were tinies. Bad moods got played out on the piano, or scribbled out with crayons, and then hugged and kissed away later- and Alex taught Isaac to walk, by holding his hands as he cruised.
It's going to be interesting to see what happens in November, but sometimes adding a new baby to the family CAN be really smooth.
post #13 of 19
7/28/05 at 8:56am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Iriemama96
My son is very emotional. He is so thoughtfull and loving, his feelings just pour out of him. When other kids fight, it makes him very sad. He does not show anger or frustration physically, but emotionally. He is very attached to me, which is just wonderfull. He such a little homey
My question is what happens when all the sudden he has to share his momma and daddy?? I worry because he is such a feeler (sp?) I am 35 weeks preg. He talks about " baby brother" but I know he dosn't really understand that there is going to be another person in his life.
Any suggestions on how to make this transition a little easier on such a "heart on your sleeve" type of little boy?

Very interesting! My dd sounds very much like your ds. I was so worried about how she would react to a baby coming! Well, ds was born just over a year ago, and dd never missed a beat. She welcomed him home with love and has just loved him ever since. They are the best of friends now. I was very pleasantly surprised. Best of luck to you!
post #14 of 19
7/28/05 at 2:54pm
Thread Starter 
You know, I don't know if my DS is sensing the baby's arrival or what. But he has had an attitude on the last couple days, seems like every other sentance out of his mouth is "because I want to." ARGH...I hate that sentence.
I think I just need to trust my loving boy to be just that. A loving brother, and he has given me no reason to think he would be anything but wonderfull. Although he really picks up on any tention or emotional stress, and not in a good way. He gets very cranky when there is stress in the air.
I thought about getting or doing something special just for him when baby is born. Anybody have any ideas??
post #15 of 19
7/28/05 at 5:33pm
Seems like many children adapted quite well. So now I'm curious about those of you who had smooth transitions - what did you do to prepare your older child for the new arrival?
post #16 of 19
7/28/05 at 5:56pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by greenmansions
Seems like many children adapted quite well. So now I'm curious about those of you who had smooth transitions - what did you do to prepare your older child for the new arrival?
I took her to all of my mw appointments and talked about what it would be like having a baby in the house. We already had a name and knew the sex, so we told her about her baby brother, Julian. She felt him move around in my belly and talked to him and kissed my belly alot. She came to see him very soon after he was born and knew right away that he was her baby brother. I always let her touch him and kiss him as much as she wanted to as long as he didn't mind.
post #17 of 19
7/29/05 at 4:35am
Alex was at all of our antenatal appointments- and it helped that I had the same midwife both times, who introduced herself as the person who caught him and told him that he nearly fell down the toilet (toilet humour+2 year old= friends ) So the emphasis was on him and the similarities, not the differences.
We talked a lot about what he thought it would be like with a new baby, and drew lots of pictures- we did more talking about his expectations than we did the reality, because we didn't really know what to expect- and watched birth videos, read books- he loved the pictures in Birth Without Violence and would sit there reading it by himself Other than that, nothing exceptional- we'd planned on stepping things up a gear once we got to full term, but Isaac was born a couple of weeks early, making everything more difficult.
post #18 of 19
7/31/05 at 5:27pm
One of the things I did for my little ones, is to buy them their very own baby and accessories. Stuff like slings, swings, changing area, clothes, diapers, wipes, little bathtub, etc. (cheap at yard sales, dollar stores, resale shops, etc.) I waited until baby was born, then presented them with their own. that way, while mommy took care of her baby, she could take care of hers.

I made sure to give dad stuff to do with them-take them out to eat, ice cream, movies, errands, parks, etc. Then in early evening, dad will take baby and I do something without baby even near (get bath together, go to store, take a walk, play toys, etc).

Also, set up a basket of things to do while nursing-games, toys, books, movies to watch, etc. I let them sit next to me and we do these things while baby is sleeping. Maybe invite over a friend who has a child similar age to play.

Also, I stacked up on little gifts from the dollar store so that when friends and relatives came to gush over new baby, there would be presents for them too.

Never leave them alone together, even "loving" can get pretty rough. Let them know when you are tired of baby's crying, etc. too so they don't feel too guilty! And most of all, do the best you can, you're not going to ruin them for life or anything, there's plenty of time left to do that! I know, I am currently ruining my 15 yo girls' life!
post #19 of 19
8/1/05 at 9:35am
My dd was 2.5 when her baby sister arrived and it went very well with a little work, so I hope that heartens you

We made a big deal about her being a big sister and how important that is. I let her "help" me as much as possible (hand me diapers, help me wash baby with washcloth, etc). I also got her some new toys to distract her since I was going to be so busy with new baby LOL. She really enjoyed helping me and found her new sister pretty interesting. I even saw her "bfeeding" and "bathing" her stuffed animals

She did get upset when baby cried, but I just explained to her that we had to be loving and patient with baby and with just a short amt of time, she adjusted. I think it has helped her learn empathy and patience.

Now at 4.5 and 2 yos old, they play pretty well together and seem to enjoy each others company. Congratulations, and enjoy!
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