Older kids at birth

[mitintraining]

Just a question I am new to mothering, I have a 6 year old and an 18 month old. Youngest born naturally after 1 1/2 hour labor , oldest born after 63 hours of medical intervention. I now stay at home and attend school part time for midwifery. My queston is I am looking for tools to help my oldest feel comfortable at this birthing, EDD 9/03/05. I have a friend who is letting us borrow a birth video, but was wondering if anyone had any other ideas of how to help him. Also I am kinda loud and my last birth went so fast I felt like I was being run over, so I kinda lost it . Anyway I would appreciate the advice,

[orangebird]

When I had my homebirth my older son was 9, so it might be a little different. He saw some birth videos but was otherwise not really prepared. I don't mean he wasn't prepared, but that we didn't do anything besides the videos to prepare him. I am trying to think what I might have done different if he were 6. Probably not much more. I would just let him know the potential noise and mess and then give him free will to be in or out of the room whenever he felt comfortable. I wish I had more advice. When my birthing time came I let DS decide if he wanted to go to school or stay home for the birth. He chose to stay home. Then he chose to play video games most of the day. The midwives at one point took him with them to Wild Oats for smoothies. The only time he really wanted to be in the room with me for any extended period was when I was pushing and after so he could hold the baby. He was really interested in it once the baby was coming out. He liked watching all that, the placenta, weighing the baby, etc.

I don't know much about preparation. For this baby, due now, I have had my 3 year old watch videos and we have a few books he likes to read about birthing. Otherwise, again, we have done no formal preparation. I'm not really sure how much to tell him and what he will understand. Whenever he asks questions I answer them, but I don't think he gets we are actually having a baby, but he is really interested in "when we have the baby" that he will get to use some of teh stuff in the birthing kit that is off limits for now (the pool, the straws, the diapers...). I think my 3 yo is a bit slower than the regular 3 yo. I still don't think he really gets what is going to happen even though he talks alot about babies being born and pushing babies out etc. Maybe when the time comes it will click and he will get what is going on. We will see.

I think the best we can do is just let them know that we might make noise and it might sound scary, but mama is OK, it is normal and what mamas do sometimes getting ready to push a baby out, it's hard work. And let them know there might be blood and that is normal too. It's hard knowing exactly what to say. I always just want to let it happen and flow naturally, not get the kids too worked up about it ahead of time.

[MamaTaraX]

My oldest was 4.5 when his brother was born. He was 100% a part of the pregnancy, everything but the conception He went to apoointments with me, he measured my belly and put the goop on for the doppler. He went when we had an ultrasound. We watched every birth video I could get my hands on. I talked about the birth from about 15 weeks on daily, just in little bits. We read tons ofbooks about becoming a big sibling. WHen I was eh 32 wks or so we took a Siblings At Birth class offered by the hospital. Yes, you got it, a hospital that encourages siblings to attend births!! (we went to the birthcentre in the hospital, which also encouraged sibs at births). He was so great in the class, telling how the baby comes out of the vagina and what the midwife does. IN fact, each child was asked to play a part (dr, nurse, midwife, doula, helper, partner, etc), and my little guy chose to be the midwife!! I waspleased When the time got closer I'd pretend labor with him, making moaning and grunting sounds. I sat on my birth ball around the clock thought hat wasn't to prepare him in any way He loved the videos and role playing.

I went into labor in the middle of thenight. He got up, with no fuss, and was ready to go in minutes. We went to the birth centreandhe was a tremendous help for being so small. He rubbed my back, put cloths on my head, moaned with me, and ate my food LOL He cuddled up with the midwife and they took a nap He stood right by my left foot as his brother emergedand announced the sex afew minutes afterbirth, he also cut the cord. He plans to attend the birth of his sibling coming in January, a homebirth this time, though he's not sure in what capacity yet.

Namaste, Tara
mama to Doodle (6), Butterfly (2 next week!), and Rythm (due at home 1/06)

[Messac888]

My ds was to be 2 years and 3 months when dd was born. He was there for everything except the birth, and that's only because he fell asleep about 30 minutes before I delivered. But he was excited, he was involved in everything- went to every single mw appt, 'helped' listen to the heartbeat, 'helped' take my blood pressure, etc. He was very involved, and he's the biggest reason we chose the mw we did. He took to her right away, and taht was important to us. When I was in labor, he woke up around 5:30am and saw me laboring and askedm "Mommy sad?" but no one knew what he asked. When the contraction passed I said, "No honey, mommy's not sad, mommy's having the baby!" He got really excited and was awesome throughout the entire thing.

Do a search for "Talia Jordyn's beautiful homebirth" if you want to read the whole story!

[JBaxter]

My older 2 sons were present for their brothers hospital birth. They were 12 and 9 at the time. I let them watch the birth shows on television and discussed graphicly what would go on. We talked ALOT and I had to address the facts of life a little sooner than I would have liked but all is good. My mom ( who is an RN) was their support person. They did wonderfully. I was in labor for 21 hrs so they slept part of the time on a cot in the room. I did have a small issue with one of the nurses who tried to tell me they couldnt be in the room. I explained that my OB had ok'd it and if she had a problem SHE could leave ( my mom and sis are RN's so if felt quite comfortable). We are planning another soon and both have said they want to come again.