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bonding with IL's the 2nd time around?

post #1 of 6
Thread Starter 
I just cant do it. I really cant be bothered. How horrible is that? These are 2 great people - we get along fine but I really have no desire to go out to see a movie or some other "bonding" moment with my mil.

Its so weird, here I am, the mother to their grandkids (step and bio) but I still feel so removed - but its all me!

I was so close to my ex mil. She was my friend. I worked hard to build a relationship with her and it was wonderful. This time around, I just......dont care. :

Anyone else feel this way? Does it ever go away? Am I just pure evil? (it has been suggested )
post #2 of 6
On the flip side I'm the 'new' wife and it really bothers me that the ex still has this HUGE relationship with my MIL... I know that it shouldn't bother me but it does big time. Its like my MIL would never just call and talk to me like she and the ex do.
post #3 of 6
Thread Starter 
I completely see your point. Thats why I let my friendship go with my ex mil.
I'm the "new" wife too, and in the beginning my mil was still very friendly with the ex - I found it to be very disrespectful to me and my dh. So, I didnt want to make my ex's wife feel that way so I backed off.

My mil is no longer THAT friendly, but maybe I'm still harbouring resentment.
post #4 of 6
I am still close with my former MIL, because she and I have a lot in common. We have had some tense moments during the past 2 years through the divorce, but I can still talk to her the way I always did. I never thought about it bothering my ex's new gf, but I talk to her and we get along pretty well too.
Now my future MIL, that is another story. She has never accepted her son's divorce; she is very anti-divorce even though she understands in theory why they are not together. She is of the stay together for the kids camp.
She and I do have some things in common, but what we don't have in common is usually a day and night issue. That makes things frustrating at times.
I do the best I can to just be me, and not pretend to be anything but. She has to accept that, and accept that I am marrying her son, and that divorce is sadly part of life, as is remarriage and blending two families into one. She is coming around, though she still thinks our wedding should be a small, quiet affair with no fanfare. :
post #5 of 6
Thread Starter 
Quote:
she still thinks our wedding should be a small, quiet affair with no fanfare.
what is it with this attitute? dh brother and sil werent too happy about his divorce either and lukewarm(at best) about us. so when we planned our wedding he kept telling us to just have a nice barbeque. he was so kind as to offer to bring something. wow, what a man.

anyway, congrats on your wedding!
post #6 of 6
Shenjall, I have no idea.
You know, our first weddings were thrown together. His ex was preg, they were both 19. I was a little older, but still preg, and it was a rushed, thrown together thing. Both weddings ahould have never taken place, and took place for the wrong reasons.
Is it so wrong to want to celebrate a marriage in your own way, regardless of whether it is the first, second or 10th? It really frustrates me, because they (his family) has really downplayed the whole fact we are marrying. When we got engaged I got a little congratulations, and that was it. No big fuss was made at all. Not that I needed their approval, but still, it hurt my feelings to have it so passed over. I had hopes of talking about the plans with his mom and sister. Now I am pretty sure that is not going to happen.
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