Preparing 2 yr old and caregiver for birth...

[Anguschick1]

Well, ds is 26 months old, and my best friend would kill me if I told anyone her age (older than 26 months though!). I'm wondering how to prepare them both for my birthing time.

Ds really doesn't seem to understand at all that there is a baby in Mama's uterus or that the baby will be staying w/us forever, just like he will (I figure I'll revise this as ds gets older, I'm not sure I want a 29 yo ds still living w/me!) We've been "reading" Baby on the Way by Sears w/me making up the story as ds flips pages, talking about how babies bless our homes and lives and he'll have a sibling to play with and teach, but he's only 26 months, I really don't think it's getting through. He's still nursing 1x/day and I'm hoping that when my milk comes in he'll pick it back up and that will ease the transition, but do you more experienced mamas have any ideas? My sister and sil both said "that's why we waited until ds#1 was older, then he could understand more." Real helpful, eh?

I'm hoping to just have a quick labor during the night and he wakes up and there's the baby - but then I was thinking, wouldn't that be traumatic? If I do deliver while he's sleeping (we're having a homebirth) should someone wake him up to watch? He takes a while to fully wake up (1/2 hour or so) so it wouldn't be a quick endeavor.

Also - are there any good hypnobirthing videos out there? I want to show bf (she had a highly medicated birth 11 years ago) and dh's bf (he's new to the whole birth process, but will be taking photos) and ds so that they all kind of know what to expect.

Any tips/tricks/words of wisdom about those first couple of weeks? Ds's first month is a blur and I can't imagine functioning well on so little sleep let alone being a good mama to ds#1. I figure it's the same as the first time, trial by fire, I just wish I knew how long the fire would last at least.

Thanks ladies, I can't wait to hear your thoughts...

[Mamabeakley]

Well, I have not btdt (yet) as the mom, but I was only 17 mos when my first sibling was born. Of course, I don't conciously remember it. But my grandma was there (homebirth) as my support person. Labor was ~12 hours, not sure what time of day, but I obviously didn't sleep all the way through it! I was in the room for the delivery - there is a picture in my brother's birth photo album of me on my grandma's lap watching very seriously and attentively. And the family story is that when I first saw my new brother I said "Doll?" in a tone of great wonderment.

Are you taking any kind of childbirth ed classes or working w/a midwife? It does seem really important to me for your friends who will be there to know more than they do right now about what to expect, & a lot of cbe's will do one-shot one-on-one classes and/or have good videos, and many midwives might be willing to meet w/support people to answer questions.

There's books, too, of course.

As to being mama to a newborn AND a toddler - well, that's the part that stumps me when I think about TTC #2, so I hope others will chime in. Though my mom says that I was quite helpful, even at 17 mos, fetching diapers and such (which I can see, since DS is 17 mos now and LOVES to help.)

[onlyboys]

That's really nice of you to think about preparing your best friend for your birth! It might be really traumatic for her if she's not prepared, but I imagine she'll see how beautiful birth is from your birth. I recommend checking out the library for some good homebirthing videos which show mamas having babies in a variety of positions, using different coping techniques. It's hard to imagine how you'll act while you're birthing--loud, gutteral, quiet, moaning, etc.--I have been different so far with all of mine. But, for her (and everyone else) to know that certain signposts of labor are "normal" might really help her.

I also found that I was sensitive to everyone in the room who might have a little witness trauma. I calmly told everyone when I was beginning a contraction, and when it would peak, my husband would tell me, and then the room returned to normal, if you will. For some reason, I tried to smile at the people who were looking worried, and let them know that this was good pain, etc. I have no idea why I even cared, to be honest, but it was important to me.

Transition was the only time when it was all bets off, and for me that lasted just a few contractions. It's an intense point anyway, so I'd prepare her mostly for that phase of labor. Let her know that you might appear "out of control" and you may say things that are out of character for you. I'm sure you know all this, really just thinking out loud.

For me, the transition with my toddler (he was 23 months or so) was smooth, but it was all still a blur. I don't recall much about those first couple of weeks, but I do know that I was the best mama I could be. We nursed a lot, read a lot of books, and all three of us napped together. That was our special time where everyone was calm and peaceful. Atticus just kid of meshed in with us... Everyone slowly, gradually got used to his presence and there was never a single moment of "okay, time for him to go back home now."