The things people say... - Page 4

[amyjeans]

my family always has a comment about either the # of kids, or our method of birth-
One member asked me, "Sheesh! You're pregnant again? Don't you use the rhythm method?" I said yes- the ryhthm method to GET pregnant...not avoid it! (duh)
Someone said. if you need any help- call me, because you need someone with medical experience with you...uh huh, and you're profession is...computer programmer? Carry oxygen with you do ya?? ....yeah right.
A women I met was attempting to prep herself for nursing her first child. She was told by her mother and grandmother to shower with BRILLO pads and to scrub her nipples for 3 months before the baby is born.
she was, too!!!! I totally flipped out and told her it was a very very painful and damaging thing she was doing. Wonder what their motivation was...

[Taedareth]

You know, after reading this thread and the more recent "need a good response" thread, I've become aware of what a potential minefield it is to say ANYTHING to a pregnant woman. Because you never know what that woman's perspective is, and obviously just because you are/have been pregnant yourself doesn't mean you know how to avoid saying the wrong thing to someone else.

The following subjects seem to be off limits:

timing of pregnancy
whether the pregnancy was a surprise
number of children
spacing of children
genders of children
feeding method of infant
exercise during pregnancy
showing/not showing
stories about your own pregnancies/births
advice of any kind

From now on when someone tells me she's pregnant I should just say, "Congratulations!" and then shut my mouth :LOL

[IncaMama]

yyyup...i stick with "congratulations" or "you are glowing" or "i am so happy for you"

[amyjeans]

whenever I see a pregnant mama- I have to say just how beautiful they are. Honestly, during that time, I think a woman looks so radiant and beautiful! And they are just as beautiful when nursing.
Gives me the warm fuzzies.

[stillill]

My mother told me last week that I shouldn't let dh touch my boobies or nipples because it would stimulate milk production....

I told her of course I was breastfeeding so that wasn't a concern...

She rolled her eyes and said, "yucky". ~welcome to my family~

[beachcomber]

At the store the other day as we were picking out some baby clothes, my dad said, "But you have to get pink things. That way people will know she's a girl!". This was after I explained that gender neutral clothing would be good in case we have a boy next time. I'm SO not into the GIRL = PINK, BOY = BLUE gender socialization.

[Thursday Girl]

blue was originally for boys b/c boys were more valuable and blue=sky=heaven=protection or something along those lines. so for years people put boys in blue til one day someone said if boys have a color girls should too.

so they just picked pink no reason.

[Taedareth]

Colors and gender is such an interesting subject! Here's what I found:

From Historical Boys' Clothing

At one point pink was considered more of a boy's color, as a watered-down red, (which is a fierce color) and blue was more for girls. The association of pink with bold, dramatic red clearly affected its use for boys. An American newspaper in 1914 advised mothers, "If you like the color note on the little one's garments, use pink for the boy and blue for the girl, if you are a follower of convention." [The Sunday Sentinal, March 29, 1914.] A woman's magazine in 1918 informed mothers, "There has been a great diversity of opinion on the subject, but the generally accepted rule is pink for the boy and blue for the girl. The reason is that pink being a more decided and stronger color is more suitable for the boy, while blue, which is more delicate and dainty, is pertier for the girl." [Ladies Home Journal, June, 1918] This undoubteldy strikes modern readers as very surprising indeed. Some sources suggest it was not until the 1940s that the modern gender associations with color became universally accepted.

From a Q&A board on colors

Researchers Dennis and Chris Weidner did find these fascinating notes.

* Louisa May Alcott might be the source of our current color
tradition. "Little Women" was published in 1869. One passage in the book describes Meg presenting her newborn twins, a boy and a girl. Meg says: "I put a blue ribbon on the boy and a pink on the girl, French fashion, so you can always tell them apart."

The reference suggests the pink-blue convention wasn't widespread in America at the time. There isn't evidence this was a French custom, but it might have originated in Europe.

This novel was extremely widely read, so after 1869 many American families would have been exposed to the idea of a pink-blue gender convention.

* Another possible influence is the sailor suit that was traditionally popular for boys. Boys emulated uniformed men in many of their clothing styles, so blue uniforms could have been an influence in that way."

[xmasbaby7]

Can't exercise!!!

AAARRRRRGHHHHH!

I am going back to visit my family in Oklahoma next week and took the effort to find some sort of prenatal yoga or aqua class. I found the class and called to reserve and they said I would need a note from an MD giving me permission to attend the class.

I said I don't see an OB, but that I am sure my CNM could write the note. Well, CNM's don't count in OK. She said, "oh I am sure there is an OB she reports to every day. "

[Geofizz]

How about bringing along a prenatal exercise/yoga tape along from the library?

[carolyn_babycakes]

About the PINK and BLUE discussion:

"Why is blue for boys and pink for girls?
In ancient times, it was believed that certain colours could combat the evil spirits that lingered over nurseries. Because blue was associated with the heavenly spirits, boys were clothed in that colour, boys then being considered the most valuable resource to parents. Although baby girls did not have a colour associated with them, they were mostly clothed in black. It was only in the Middle Ages when pink became associated with baby girls." www.didyouknow.cd/why/why.htm

I think that PINK was the colour of the flesh...and therefore the colour of death. That was for girls because they wanted girls to die. :

[scrappingmom]

Pretending this is your 10th child really doesnt reduce the suggestions, they are just more abstract of, well my grandmother/greatgrandmother, whatever.. had 12(or however many) children and she.....

I do kinda like the looks on the 50-60 yr olds who look at me(i still look 18) and start giving all sorts of advice .. i'll casualy mention, yes my ds or dd .... and they ask, oh how old is your other child(shocked that i have any written al over their face) and i smile and say as casual as youd say "dd is 3".. the boys are 13,8,6 and 5 (jaws have dropped by now) and the girls as 11,10, 7 and 5 then the twins due in dec. It' especially great when the one giving the advice only has 1 :LOL

i get the 'they know what causes that" comment OFTEN! i once made a real shocked face and said really.. can you tell me about it... I cant seem to make it happen often enough that person had no clue what to do or say so walked away after a second

the one that pisses me off though is .. why on earth would you have so many children?! Or worse.. this is how overpopulation happens (had to be held back on that one ) I look at my crew and feel extremely blessed ... most woman in my family have difficulty conceiving and carrying .. there is 5 years between my brother and i and 13 between my sister and i .. and my parents NEVER tried preventing a pregnancy, i'd always assumed i'd be lucky to have 2 but always wanted 10-12. Hubby is an only child and also always wanted a big family...

[Taedareth]

Originally Posted by scrappingmom

i get the 'they know what causes that" comment OFTEN! i once made a real shocked face and said really.. can you tell me about it... I cant seem to make it happen often enough that person had no clue what to do or say so walked away after a second

HAHHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! Really, a person who asks a silly question should expect a silly answer. :LOL

That is so wonderful about your big family!! What an amazing blessing, especially because you and your husband have open hearts to appreciate each child.

That reminds me... I was talking to a nice lady on the train recently and when I mentioned that we're expecting our first baby in December, she made several pleasant, congratulatory remarks. Then she asked, "So do think you'll want any others?" And that caught me totally by surprise. It's never occurred to me to want an only child! (I'm sure that for some people, one child is the perfect number. But just about everyone I know thinks that two - one boy, one girl - is the perfect number, so I wasn't expecting someone to think I might want just one.) And as a matter of fact... we're hoping for a larger-than-standard family (four or more).

I guess comments like hers give some insight on why the US birth rate is now 1.8 children per couple. So next time someone tells you you're overpopulating the country, you can say you're just trying to make up for all the other couples who aren't replacing themselves (that would require a national birthrate of 2.0). If it weren't for families like yours (and immigration...), we would actually have a shrinking population!

[Taedareth]

Today someone said to me, "Have you found out if you can breastfeed? You know, have you had your milk lab tested?"

[xkoliex]

I think I may have the best one

On the day I met our stores new "in store coordinator" she looked at me, asked how pregnant I was and how old I was and then proceeded to ask me "Why didn't you have an abortion?"

What a heartless person :

[littlemomma]

OH MY GOD! THAT IS EVIL! I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!

What did you say?

[xkoliex]

I told her that abortions were a form of murder (to me, I know it means different things to different people) and that I could never murder something as precious as my first child. Especially after my doctor told me I would never have kids!

She then continued to talk on and on about her kids and how she didn't want her last one and that she should have had an abortion instead of following through with the pregnancy. This girl is seriously whacked. I honestly didn't know what to say after the 20 minutes she spent telling me about her two kids and her boyfriends 2 kids and how many abortions she's had. She totally ignited my flame....

[StarCat]

Thats just crazy. I'm assuming you are fairly young (because she asked you your age and then told you that!) but I have seen some 16 year olds who would be better parents than some 30-somethings!! obviously she just has mental issues.

[raspberryswirl]

I have one to add (similar to someone's daddy's comment earlier):

My stepfather asked me why I didn't want to birth in a hospital and I proceeded to tell him it was b/c of all the interventions and the greater risk of having a c-section. He said, "I thought women preferred having a c-section. I mean isn't that much easier?" Oh yes, I much prefer a major abdominal surgery over a natural occurance such as childbirth. NOT.

Obviously he's not the only undeducated idiot about the subject, I mean look at Britney Spears!

[iris0110]

I was talking to a woman at a children's consignment sale yesterday. She asked when I was due, was shocked when I said December (I look like I should go any day now). Then she asked if I had all of the baby things I needed, I said pretty much, but I just keep finding cute outfits to buy. She asked if I had purchased a bottle warmer and sanitizer and I said "no I am going to breastfeed." She looked at me and said "Babies don't like breastfeeding you know." I just couldn't think of a good thing to say. I wish I would of said something like "Yes babies much prefer cows milk altered with chemicals and given to them through a plastic bottle propped up on their chest while their mother gets on with other things." but all I could come up with was "Well my son seemed to like it." GRRRRRR people are so stupid. Why would a baby not like to breastfeed?