Home Birth and MILs

[BennyPai]

I plan to have a home birth. My hospital experience wasn't as bad as it could've been, but it left me feeling anxious and frustrated nevertheless. My husband is very supportive, and I've chosen a good friend as my doula. Our last birth was natural, and I didn't even have an IV. We're confident that home birth is a safe option, but not necessarily stress-free...

My DH's parents were divorced, so I have two MILs. These MILs don't get along. We are renting a house from my stepMIL and MIL plans to visit the week of my due date. StepMIL visits daily because her pottery studio is in our garage.

My midwife has offered her home for the birth... we don't know what to decide. The closest birthing ctr is 3 hrs away.
Any advice? Would it be inappropriate to ask MIL to stay elsewhere during the birth? :

[Kam]

Hi Jenny,
I don't know your family dynamic or how certain requests might upset the balance with everyone so close, but I can tell you my experience with my own mom.

We were in Japan when Meg was born, and she was the first grandchild and long-awaited. My parents were itching to see her and wanted to be there for her birth. They are wonderfully supportive parents with whom I get along very, very well, but I really didn't want them there until we'd gotten settled and established with breastfeeding. I finally decided that this was good practice for me in choosing priorities and in taking a stand as a mother for the benefit of my child. So I asked them not to come until 2 weeks later. My mom was hurt, and still mentions it once in a while (they never did really understand why), but I am so glad I did it. I tried to explain my reasoning without making it personal at all, but was gently firm.

Birth is a private time for many women, and once things get rolling, you'll want to feel safe and secure to whatever extent possible. Arrange for that now, and you'll be happy you did. If your MIL can be helpful and supportive (maybe take care of your eldest?), that might be nice. But if you think she might not be, don't hesitate to help her make arrangements to stay elsewhere or to come later.

"It's much more fun once they can smile at you, anyway!" always works well, too.

Good luck, and let us know what you decide.

warmly,
Kam, mamamama! to Meg and one more

[BennyPai]

Thanks

Thank-you for sharing your own experience with me. It makes me feel less unreasonable. I've shared it with my husband as well, and it may help him deal with MIL himself as well.

I'll definitely let you know what option we work out.