Quick rundown:
SO and I have been a couple over 2 years. We've lived together almost one year now. We each have 1 child from previous marriages. Mine, a dd 4, and his a ds 9. We each have respective full custody (my ex is terminating his parental rights). Dss's biomom sees him fairly regularly, although that is relatively new (will get to that in a moment).
My ex does nothing for my child. He has no interest in her. We live 3000 miles apart, and he's quite happy with that arrangement. He will not take phone calls, will not accept emails, nothing. He lives with his mother, and her and I are as close as ever. We write, send packages almost weekly, and talk on the phone at least once a week. My ex has just totally decided he doesn't want to be dd's parent. It took me a long time to deal with, but I'm honestly over it. I feel happy with my life now, and my SO has stepped up as dd's father. She's very happy now, and things couldn't have worked out better on our end.
Dss's biomom on the other hand, is a doozy! They divorced about 4 years ago. She didn't want custody, and wasn't interested in doing rehab to gain anything more than 'supervised visitation'. She was ordered to pay $340 a month in child support, plus help with work-related daycare, insurance etc. She paid nothing.
When I met SO almost 3 years ago, she was paying nothing, and had only paid the first 2 months after the order. She was calling dss about once a month, and seeing him about once every other month.
This went on for a while. Last summer, she starts calling more, and asking how she can start seeing him more. He was elated, we were too. This is his MOM, he deserves more than how she was treating him.
Well, turns out, she changed her tune, cause she was pregnant. Okay, good for her, right? Well, she starts paying some of the child support ($200 a month). This was the first time it was steady, so SO just didn't wanna fight it for the rest, and accepted when she gave.
She started seeing dss once every other week or so, and was calling fairly regularly.
As her pregnancy went on, it seemed she was finally clean (drugs), and doing okay for herself. Had a steady bf she was living with, and was taking care of herself. So, we decided she could take him unsupervised. I don't regret that choice, dss needed it really. He loves his mom
Anyway, baby was born in Feb, and she started giving us $120 a month. I got a job in March, and once I started working, it dropped to $80 a month. By June, she was down to $40 a month, but was assuring us she was getting a job.
Her and I get along,. not that we're friends, but we're friendly... So I offered to babysit her baby for free if she needed the help to get a steady job... I need to add, that the whole year she'd been paying us, she wasn;t working, her bf was paying the child support for her. But during that time his paychecks were garnished for his 3 children, so they started giving us less and less.
So, she gets a job in late June, and the following time she was to give us money, she gave us $100 (she usually did $100 every other week). This past Friday, we expected money again, but nothing. She didn't call all weekend.
SO called her this morning (as dss is with her today for a visit), and she told him she quit her job because daycare was too expensive, and that she has 'some' money for us. (Probably $20-40).
Now, I know I must sound petty going over the money in complete detail. But it pisses me off. It really does.
We do okay financially, we do. SO makes a good amount, and I make a good supplement to his check (weekend job). We can live without the child support, but it's easier when we do have that extra cash. She normally paid us the week between our paycheck week, and well, it helped! I won't lie, it was nice having the extra cash for groceries. (my account/paycheck is grocery money, and her support went into my account).
I can't complain too much. She calls dss almost daily now, and sees him at the very least twice a week. She's finally starting to spend time with him, and try this mom thing with him. But it just seems she doesn't want to be responsible for him, since SO and I have that basically covered
It's just so rough on some days, to remember that 4 people created these 2 children we have, and only the 2 of us are really doing anything to raise them..
I know I might get some flack for this post. It does sound selfish and petty, and it probably is, but I needed to vent and get this anger out. There's no point in keeping it in, ya know?
SO and I have been a couple over 2 years. We've lived together almost one year now. We each have 1 child from previous marriages. Mine, a dd 4, and his a ds 9. We each have respective full custody (my ex is terminating his parental rights). Dss's biomom sees him fairly regularly, although that is relatively new (will get to that in a moment).
My ex does nothing for my child. He has no interest in her. We live 3000 miles apart, and he's quite happy with that arrangement. He will not take phone calls, will not accept emails, nothing. He lives with his mother, and her and I are as close as ever. We write, send packages almost weekly, and talk on the phone at least once a week. My ex has just totally decided he doesn't want to be dd's parent. It took me a long time to deal with, but I'm honestly over it. I feel happy with my life now, and my SO has stepped up as dd's father. She's very happy now, and things couldn't have worked out better on our end.
Dss's biomom on the other hand, is a doozy! They divorced about 4 years ago. She didn't want custody, and wasn't interested in doing rehab to gain anything more than 'supervised visitation'. She was ordered to pay $340 a month in child support, plus help with work-related daycare, insurance etc. She paid nothing.
When I met SO almost 3 years ago, she was paying nothing, and had only paid the first 2 months after the order. She was calling dss about once a month, and seeing him about once every other month.
This went on for a while. Last summer, she starts calling more, and asking how she can start seeing him more. He was elated, we were too. This is his MOM, he deserves more than how she was treating him.
Well, turns out, she changed her tune, cause she was pregnant. Okay, good for her, right? Well, she starts paying some of the child support ($200 a month). This was the first time it was steady, so SO just didn't wanna fight it for the rest, and accepted when she gave.
She started seeing dss once every other week or so, and was calling fairly regularly.
As her pregnancy went on, it seemed she was finally clean (drugs), and doing okay for herself. Had a steady bf she was living with, and was taking care of herself. So, we decided she could take him unsupervised. I don't regret that choice, dss needed it really. He loves his mom
Anyway, baby was born in Feb, and she started giving us $120 a month. I got a job in March, and once I started working, it dropped to $80 a month. By June, she was down to $40 a month, but was assuring us she was getting a job.
Her and I get along,. not that we're friends, but we're friendly... So I offered to babysit her baby for free if she needed the help to get a steady job... I need to add, that the whole year she'd been paying us, she wasn;t working, her bf was paying the child support for her. But during that time his paychecks were garnished for his 3 children, so they started giving us less and less.
So, she gets a job in late June, and the following time she was to give us money, she gave us $100 (she usually did $100 every other week). This past Friday, we expected money again, but nothing. She didn't call all weekend.
SO called her this morning (as dss is with her today for a visit), and she told him she quit her job because daycare was too expensive, and that she has 'some' money for us. (Probably $20-40).
Now, I know I must sound petty going over the money in complete detail. But it pisses me off. It really does.
We do okay financially, we do. SO makes a good amount, and I make a good supplement to his check (weekend job). We can live without the child support, but it's easier when we do have that extra cash. She normally paid us the week between our paycheck week, and well, it helped! I won't lie, it was nice having the extra cash for groceries. (my account/paycheck is grocery money, and her support went into my account).
I can't complain too much. She calls dss almost daily now, and sees him at the very least twice a week. She's finally starting to spend time with him, and try this mom thing with him. But it just seems she doesn't want to be responsible for him, since SO and I have that basically covered
It's just so rough on some days, to remember that 4 people created these 2 children we have, and only the 2 of us are really doing anything to raise them..
I know I might get some flack for this post. It does sound selfish and petty, and it probably is, but I needed to vent and get this anger out. There's no point in keeping it in, ya know?
: I hope dh's ex is embarrassed that I pay for her son's medical insurance, clothes, karate lessons, etc. But she's probably not! :LOL
you are an amazing human being and wonderful loving mother. It warms my heart to know that theres such good people in the world to cancel out the deadbeats 
. When my ex calls and says the same thing, I just cancel whatever I have going on that day and wait for him to drop my DS or DD off. Fair? No. And I do my damndest to give them all the same loving care no matter what, but my internal reactions tend to be different.
