Anyone else a little bugged by the use of "bio-mom" in this forum? - Page 3

[mamameg]

HeartofaChild, nice to hear you have such an nice arrangement. But I don't think your household is "run" so much different than anyone elses. We follow my stepson's lead on the terms he wants to use, much like you have followed your DD's lead on what she wants to use, and I think that seems what most around here do. My DSS prefers to call me Megan and when referring to me to someone else he calls me his stepmom, and his mom is Mom. No problems with it whatsoever. No competition, no issues.

[SillyGigglyGirls]

Sorry

I edited it out, I wasn't meaing to "offend" anyone.
I apolgize.

[mamameg]

I certianly wasn't offended. No reason for you to have edited. I was just saying that even though some people use the "step" tems doesn't necessarily mean they are used out of annimosity.

[lilsishomemade]

I called my dad my biodad. I lived mostly with my stepdad, and he was a great parent, and so I hated having to explain that he wasn't my 'real' dad. Saying that they were both dads to me was what worked for me. For my dh, he called his mom 'mom' and his stepmother 'ma' which can be confusing sometimes, because he has an accent and it's hard to distinguish. My stepson calls his stepdad "Daddy James" and he calls me by my first name when speaking to me, and he calls me his mom to others. So, when they ask questions (like, why doesn't my oldest son stay with us all year?), I do say, oh, I'm his stepmom, his mother lives in so-and-so. On a forum board, sometimes it just seems like you need to be very specific, and that means saying "bio". I actually feel it's nicer than saying "real" as if the stepparent is just a fake.

[nznats]

I am my daughters mother and always will be, I would take great offence at being refered too as her biomum. My daughter is lucky she has 2 dads, I do get a bit miffed when my partner is refered too as Amalias dad though, he is Pierre. Her dad is her dad, and I am her mum... When her dad gets a partner they will be refered too by there name and if they get married then they will be such and such Amalias step mum etc Then when she is old enough she can decide what she calls everyone. There are always going to be PC terms that people are offended by, I just subconsciously leave out the bio bit or ignore terms I find offensive.
ETA: If and when there are siblings though there will be no steps or halfs when refering to them, they will just be her brothers and sisters etc

[rzberrymom]

I lost my mother when I was young, and my father has always referred to her as my bio-mom or my birth mother (to distinguish her from my stepmother, who I love). EVERYTIME he said it when I was a kid, I would get a little tearful because I really felt it degraded her. Maybe think of it from your children's perspective?

[MomBirthmomStepmom]

Originally Posted by rzberrymom

Maybe think of it from your children's perspective?

But every child is DIFFERENT. My step-son is perfectly fine with biomom and birthmom and will use both terms HIMSELF..

It's silly, and honestly immature to try to impose your own feelings and opinions about something on another person/family.

I'm sorry if those words offend you (anybody, a collective 'you'), but they don't offend everybody, and are hardly ever (around here from what I've seen anyway), used in a derogatory fashion..

If it bothers you, you yourself (again collective 'you'), should use a different term. But please don't go imposing your own opinions on me and the terms my family are comfortable with...

[yoyo65]

: :
I could not agree with you more!

[rzberrymom]

But every child is DIFFERENT

Yes, that is exactly right. I was suggesting you look at it from their perspective, whether it offends them. Seems much more important than whether the term does or doesn't offend you.

[mamameg]

Originally Posted by rzberrymom

Maybe think of it from your children's perspective?

Except the children aren't reading this forum, so I don't see what difference it makes. I use terms on the internet every day that I don't use in real life. And bio mom is quite accurate, often more accurate than the more commonly used dear husband. :LOL

[MomBirthmomStepmom]

Originally Posted by mamameg

Except the children aren't reading this forum, so I don't see what difference it makes. I use terms on the internet every day that I don't use in real life. And bio mom is quite accurate, often more accurate than the more commonly used dear husband. :LOL

Agreed, totally!!

These kids don't read this forum, and honestly, I'm sure there are PLENTY of things people say here they'd NEVER say IRL in a million years!!

I come HERE to vent, so the venting doesn't slip out in my real life. I NEED to vent, and this is a SAFE place for me, or it should be anyway...

[yoyo65]

this SHOULD be a safe place to vent! It has not been for me and that's why I have not been replying or starting threads has much as I started out.

I can't help it my sd's act like snotty brats and their mom is a horrible toxic human being and she caused them to be that way also.
But instead of saying something in front of them, I want to come here to get it out of my system, sp I can remain postive with them. Instead I got flamed when I expressed negative feelings about them. I guess I'm the bad person because I get sick of getting s$%t on all the time by them.

[MomBirthmomStepmom]

Originally Posted by rzberrymom

I hate to say it (but MomBirthmomStepmom had no problem slinging insults first, so I will go ahead and say it)--as far as I'm concerned, you all have certainly earned your reputation.

EEP! Sorry there.

I adore my step-son, and don't EVER not consider his feelings. I'm the MAIN parent in his life, with him MUCH more than his father is and WAYYYYY more than his BIOmom. So, umm, if you're looking for someone who isn't actually doing the parenting, maybe you should contact BIOmom.

As for slinging insults, I'm not certain I understand that, but won't say I never did, and I'm certain I have at one point or another... Sorry about that, however, don't get all pissy on me just cause you don't like me.

ALSO... do NOT go insulting other step-moms based on MY 'insults'... Again, not certyain I understand what that means, but noone deserves to get a 'reputation' based on me.... Insult ME, not these other women, or step-mothers in general, if you're problem is with ME.

[MomBirthmomStepmom]

Okay, I can't get over the 'reputation' thing..

Seriously, I spend my days taking care of BOTH of my children. I know things about dss that his PARENTS don't know. When he has a problem he talks to ME about it first. We're still building our relationship and still getting over some of the bumps in the road. It's slow going, but we're builing a SOLID relationship.

I don't understand ONE BIT how using the term 'biomom' means I'm earning my reputation as a bad step-mom?? Does that make sense to ANYONE else? Please someone point out HOW that makes sense???

I love my step-son.... I treat him as I treat my own BIODD (oh wait, am I being an EVIL mother by using the term BIO to describe her?!?!?)...

But apparantly using ONE TINY TERM that SOME people on an ONLINE community don't like, means I'm somehow earning this bad reputation as, I'm assuming a 'step-monster', right???

[mamameg]

Originally Posted by rzberrymom

Well, heaven forbid if you should try to get a group of stepmothers to consider the feelings of their stepchildren...

Whoa dude. Just becuase I don't consider an accurate term offensive doesn't mean I don't consider my stepson's feelings. And I think it's pretty rude for you to say that.

And for the record, I think it's YOUR feelings that you think are not being considered. And I'm sorry if you find the term offensive, but I don't. I can agree to disagree, but I won't be insulted and just sit and take it.

[SillyGigglyGirls]

Common Ground Anyone?

We all have different issues that we go through.
Whether it's with "our children" or our "step children".
Raising children is equally hard, I think more so when you are dealing with step-children. As I have posted before, it's difficult because they unlearn things, two different ways of raising children, two different sets of morals, two differents ways of living. Anyone can agree with me on that one. However, I never see the direct hit against a child. I see nothing short of mere frustration, pain, tears, and heartaches wishing that somehow there was a common ground. Hate to say it, but life is full of these. Venting is a moment of angry words. You may feel that way for a moment, and then suddenly everything becomes "clear." I think this forum is a great place to come and discuss, vent, and pour out your tears of frustration. I know a while back I had problems with my middle child, and I felt very put down. But I revaluated my thinking, and saw what this person was saying. She was right. We don't try to be mean, spiteful, resentful, or bitter....we are simply giving as much love, discipline, care, respect, that we can possibly give. Yea it hurts when we "know" in our hearts they need certain things and back where they are at their "other home" they don't get it. It hurts us. Because we love them. I think that we also know that certain behaviours that a child displays it because of inner pain, and rejection that they slash out at us. Doesn't make it right, but in some aspects it does justify why. I am sorry that you feel that way, I hope this forum turns around and that you contiune to post. I want to hear from you, and how you handle things, situations, how you adore your step child, and yea that we have similar frustrations.

That is why we are all here anyways, to be a support.

And I for one, want to contiune to give my support and comfort for those that need it.

Kate

[Mommy Piadosa]

Originally Posted by rzberrymom

Well, heaven forbid if you should try to get a group of stepmothers to consider the feelings of their stepchildren...

So you are saying that because I use the term "bio-mom"- I do not consider the feelings of my stepchildren? Anyone else a little bugged by this? (yes I'm using the words from the title of this thread- aren't i a clever one )

First off you are assuming there are negative conotations to "bio mom"- you are assuming that the term is only used in the case of an adoption, or abandonment. We use the term to refer to my children's father who passed away 3 years ago- it is a title of honor and a way to differentiate him from the man who is fathering them now. I personally an proud to be "bio mom" to 3 of my children.

[rryman]

I am a bio-mom, it doesn't bother me it's just a word. We should all remember there are more important things in this world to worry about like the victims of Katrina, abused kids..abused women...breast cancer.. ect.. now doesn't this topic seem little?

:

[stressedstepmom]

I am a stepmother and a mother. When I'm talking to strangers or someone in passing I say "my kids" when refering to my bio-son and stepchildren. This came about by my stepchildren's "natural mother" as she refers to herself. She wants to make sure the world doesn't confuse us so she is quick to add on the "natural" part.

I've been corrected too many times to count when I introduce myself as a stepmother to one of my stepchildren with me at the time or if I refer to them as my stepchildren. I've been told, "Why do you say that? Why don't you just say my kids?" If only they knew what my husband's ex has put us through, they'd know.

The kids say that other kids ask about their "real mom" vs "second mom" or sometimes I'm called the "other mom".

My stepdaughter chooses to call me "steppy". She thinks it's a cute way of calling me rather than by my real name or stepmom.

The problem is we have to be so politically correct to avoid upsetting anyone, especially the parents who gave birth. I am a secure mother. I know my bond with my son is so strong that no person can touch it. If his stepmother wants to refer to herself as his mother, then I'm all for it, just as long has she acts like his mother and not treat him like a guest in her home. He should be treated exactly like her children are. If being allowed to call her mom like her children do, then so be it.

[Katt2005]

I actually feel it's nicer than saying "real" as if the stepparent is just a fake.

EXACTLY!!! I'm a BIO-mom, and am totally not offended by this term at all. Its just being specific. I would be more offended by the term "real" mom, more than anything.