|Wow. I really didn't mean for/expect this thread to get this long. But just for the record, I don't completely forbid cookies, but I would like to be asked before my 3 yo. has one. Have you seen the obesity rates in this country???? And yes, I forbid caffeine completely, in my house and elsewhere, because the combination of carbonation and caffeine is horrible.
So, I have a hard time with "grandma is sacred, therefore she can mess up your kids' health" mentality. The last time she had her for 24 hours, she didn't feed dd ONE SINGLE fruit or vegetable!
I'm well aware of the obesity rates, and it's something that is a huge concern to me, probably moreso than a lot of people. Three months ago, my brother had a massive, near-fatal heart attack at the age of 33. Obesity and heart disease are constantly on my mind, and I'm very dilligent about limiting saturated fats, junk, caffeine and sodium in my diet and in DD's. That doesn't mean that I don't let DD have occasional treats, of course (she actually just had a cookie a few minutes ago and is happily licking the chocolate crumbs off her fingers as we speak). My parents (I live with my parents) don't care about junk food whatsoever. They are constantly buying crap loaded with preservatives and hydrogenated oils and all of that other fun stuff, and despite my repeated pleading, they still try to give it to DD. When I'm around to watch, I know that I have better control over what she eats. When my parents babysit (which is very, very rare), I always assume that they're going to feed DD something crappy that I'd never give her, which they usually do. I always make sure that there are healthy snacks and meals available, or I'll cook dinner for DD and leave it in the refrigerator so that they just have to heat it up. But if I find out that they bought her a happy meal, I take it in stride, as much as I hate the idea of DD eating a happy meal (both for health and political reasons).
You can try talking to your MIL about it again, and just explain why you want to curb some of the junk food. Maybe you can reach some sort of compromise, like let her know that cookies (or whatever) are OK, but tell her that you'd be more comfortable if DD and DS were only allowed to have 1 or 2 cookies each, and that you'd really prefer, say, a banana to a cookie, etc. I think that if you approach it from a "can you please do this" perspective, rather than a "I don't want you to do this" perspective, she might be a lot more likely to listen to your requests.
|But I REALLY have to argue the "hug" issue. It wasn't just "come give grandma a hug." It was, basically, you don't want me to be your grandma if you don't instantly jump off your mother's lap to give me as many hugs as I want. Because, ultimately, I want you to love me more than you love your mother.
A lot of people do this with little kids, my mom does it too, and I don't think that people realize how manipulative it really is, nor do I think that they have any bad intentions when they do it. I think that you might be reading a little too much into it. My mom literally got offended when my nephew (who was 2 at the time) didn't want to give her a kiss. Her feelings were really hurt and she took it as rejection. I tried to explain to her that he wasn't rejecting her, he was just being a 2 year old, and he was being honest, he didn't want a kiss. You can try to explain it to your MIL, but it might not be worth it, because I'm sure that she doesn't see it the way that you do, and bringing it up might cause more problems than it solves.
At any rate, I think that the whole thing ultimately boils down to control, and I think that as parents, it's a struggle to figure out when it's ok to give up a little control to others when it comes to our kids. It's not a character flaw, it means that we love our kids and want to protect them. But at the same time, it's ok to learn to give in a little bit. Things are SO much less stressful when you learn to release a little bit of control. That's something that I've learned from firsthand experience. What's that saying? Life is 5% what happens to you and 95% how you react to it, I think is how it goes, and it's so true.
Good luck with it. If I came across like I was trying to attack you, I wasn't. Just offering my opinion based on my personal experience.