Would you feel comfortable with a male midwife? - Page 3

[Starflower]

Probably not. Although I did have a male OB/GYN I liked a lot when I lived in TN, but I was never prego then, just saw him for yearly exams.

When I had DD, I had a female OB. But if I have any other children, I'll probably go with a female midwife and a HypnoBirthing doula.

[mandib50]

no, i couldn't do it. i liked having the female energy and a woman who had been through it before. my own personal issue is that i would find it hard to believe a man would be called to be a midwife ... i mean aren't women the keepers of birth, not men? i'd be second guessing his intentions all the time. but that's just me.

as to that site, i noticed he'll do a free home birth if you consent to having the pictures taken and placed on the website - ugh!
mandi

[flapjack]

No. Our local hospital (NHS) employs a male midwife, and I have refused to be examined by him before. I have issues with rape (by someone I loved, and a stranger) as well, and I feel safer being supported by a woman at such a powerful yet vulnerable time.

[Artisan]

Originally Posted by mandib50

as to that site, i noticed he'll do a free home birth if you consent to having the pictures taken and placed on the website - ugh!
mandi

That is really sick.

[cmb123]

Nope. I'm sure there are some good ones out there, but not for me!

I really treasure the tradition of women supporting women through birth. Even if a man is well read and believes in the midwifery model of care, he is not a woman, and cannot possibly connect or relate in the way a woman can.
( I am speaking specifically of midwives. I put female OB's in pretty much the same catagory as men, they most often are as disconnected from women and normal birth as the men are, often worse then the men actually).

[Baby Hopes]

The OB that delivered DD was male. I actually hoped I would get him over his female counterparts. He had a very empathetic nature and was the only doctor out of five rotating physicians that treated me with dignity. Frankly, some of the worst medical care and treatment I've ever received have come from female nurses and doctors.

I love the idea of solidarity among women and the concept of female energy... However, having witnessed first hand how uncaring women can be, I'll have to say that if my option was a qualified male midwife or a less then caring female midwife, I'd go with the male midwife any day.

[LoveChild421]

Originally Posted by mandib50

as to that site, i noticed he'll do a free home birth if you consent to having the pictures taken and placed on the website - ugh!
mandi

I noticed that too! I swear something about that site just seems so "porno-esque" I mean one of the titles for a set of photos was something like "a young girl's first birth" I just can't imagine a female titling birth photos that way- it's always "(woman or baby's name) birth"

he may be ok but creeps me out honestly

[NoraB]

I don't doubt that there are extreamely sensitive and knowledgable male MWs. I have seen a couple of male OBGYNs that I liked immensely.

When it comes to birth, however, I still feel the ideal is a female MW who has given birth herself and has total faith in the woman's body. I would accept a male MW, if I couldn't find a female MW or OB that met my standards. Add to that my discomfort w/ men other than my DH seeing me half or completely naked and touching my body intimately (even if it's clinical).

[kalirush]

I, in general, prefer male caregivers. I've always had some difficulty connecting easily with other women, but also because I've never had a female caregiver who didn't suck.

I've needed to go to a gyn specialist since I was 20, for endo and ovarian cysts, and every female gyn I've ever been to refused to freakin' listen to me. The guys I've been to were open and understanding, but the women made up their minds about what was wrong with me and how it should be treated, and wouldn't listen to me at all (I was almost always right, too).

My mum says the same thing- she had horrible morning sickness during her pregnancies, all nine months. The women she dealt with were all of the "*I* didn't experience this, so you must be making it up" variety.

Now, I think dealing with a midwife would be better generally than dealing with an OB/GYN. I would be more likely to even consider seeing a female midwife (I pretty much won't see female OB/GYN's anymore), but I sure as hell wouldn't avoid a male mw based solely on his gender.

Then again, I've always felt like I was shut out of this whole "women's mysteries" and "feminine energy" thing, so maybe I'm just missing something.

Julia

[mwherbs]

my first gut reaction would be no-- but if I knew him well and he was respectful, had good judgment (in my eyes) and I trusted him maybe yes- I have a lot of issues-- but I have also known some of the most irritating, condescending, power-hungry, bossy women midwives, and I wouldn't want them near me with a 10 ft pole- many of the male midwives i have met are softer and more trusting- and work hard to be appropriate midwives--
things I might use to measure what a midwife is like - have them tell me some birth stories- if I hear heroic stories of how there was this near miss and that they "saved" the day probably not a midwife I would like- also ones who tend to be enamored with technology, and lastly if I feel overshadowed by their presence- like I have to be smaller in order to fit in- not a midwife I would want around male or female---atleast as a care provider maybe we could do lunch ; )

[absinthe]

First I have to be perfectly clear about one thing. The midwife at the birth center reader was reviewing is NOT the same man as the one at the ubercreepy website. Having said that I would like to tell my story.
When I concieved my daughter I went in search of a model of care that was very different from the one under which I birthed the son I gave up for adoption as a teenager. That horrible and abusive hospital birth was a nightmare. I was left feeling physically and emotionally violated. My ob/gyn was a woman and all of the nurses were women and all but one were awful to me.
That being said when I went searching for a midwife attended, nonhospital birth I was totally set on having only women around me. I wanted that feminine sacred mystery thing, I totally agreed with the mechanic metaphor, and being a rape survivor I didn't want to be that vulnerable around a man.
So I contact my local birth center (my only available nonhospital non home option at the time) and they take my insurance Yeah! I make an appointment and love the facility (only 5 minutes from my house!) love the staff too except that one of the midwives is male which kind of wierds me out. Well I figure that with three midwives on staff the odds are with me that one of the women will be catching when I am in labor. I spend the whole pregnancy mentally chanting "Please not David." This is wholly my own baggage as David has never been anything but wonderful to me and at the prenatal visits he has the gentlest hands and voice of any of the midwives. Fast forward to my birth...guess who is catching? Thats right its david. He was wonderful! Everything I could have hoped for and more. No one has ever shown more faith in me or my body. Soo gentle. Truly truly awesome. I also had a great doula, my mom and a very gentle labor nurse with me so no shortage of female energy and support. I had a wonderful waterbirth and the nurse said it was the most beautiful and peaceful birth she had ever seen. The following week my doula attended another couples birth at the center with the midwife I had been praying for catching. She thought it went horribly and found the midwife to be bossy and controlling, everything I didn't want.
Any day now I will be giving birth to my son in that very same birth center and you know what I have been chanting all along? "Please let David be catching. Please let David be catching!"
Actually that is a common problem there. Apparently all of the repeat clients really want David. He is truly an amazing soul.

[phathui5]

That's funny. I'm using the same birth center and I do not want David. I have past issues, combined with bad experiences with male doctors. Plus, I want to do a water birth again and that means (duh) being naked and there's no way I'm going to be totally naked in front of a man who's not dh. So him being there would kill that plan. On the up side, he's on vacation from the week before my due date to three days after, so I'm going to do everything I can to deliver in that time frame.

[absinthe]

Phath,
Do you mean you have had past issues with David? Or is this your first delivery there? I too felt the way you did before the universe foiled my desires and I got David. I always laugh about it because I pride myself on not buying into stereotypes or prejudging people and my desperate wish not to have David was certainly an instance where I was doing both of those things. Pow! the universe knocked me upside the head with that one. lol I have always felt that my daughters birth was a case of the universe giving me what I needed not what I thought I wanted. Good luck with your birth I hope it will be everything you wish for!

[GalateaDunkel]

I don't feel that birth is the time to be worrying about our social obligations to be open-minded and free from prejudice.

I believe that choice of birth attendants is a woman's absolute prerogative. Even if her reasons are irrational, that's her business.

One of the reasons I am having a homebirth is that I demand absolute control over who is present. Women who can accept the roll of the dice in hospitals and group-practice birth centers must be made of sterner stuff than I. Having to worry about that would drive me batty, even if all the practitioners were female.

[Artisan]

Originally Posted by GalateaDunkel

One of the reasons I am having a homebirth is that I demand absolute control over who is present. Women who can accept the roll of the dice in hospitals and group-practice birth centers must be made of sterner stuff than I. Having to worry about that would drive me batty, even if all the practitioners were female.

I can relate to this. Having had a hospital birth and a birth center birth, I am now in the space where you are. I want complete control over who is there, no on call luck of the draw stuff. Not that I am pg or planning to be for a long time... but when it does happen, I plan a homebirth, and this is one of the reasons.

Just to reiterate to all the OPs, I am not in any way questioning the integrity of the male MW my initial post was about. I don't know him from a hole on the wall. I just wanted to discuss the concept in a general sense.

[Artisan]

Originally Posted by GalateaDunkel

I don't feel that birth is the time to be worrying about our social obligations to be open-minded and free from prejudice.

I also agree with you here.

[huggerwocky]

I wouldn't.Thank God I didn't have a male doctor at my hospital birth either...that would have made things even worse. I will never see a male GYN or OB again either.

[indie]

I'm one of those women that doesn't normally get along with women very well, but I definately prefer women doctors and midwives. In an emergency situation I would be fine with a male doc. but not for any other reason. I did see my midwife's male back up doc. once but refused the vaginal exam.

[phathui5]

absinthe,

This is my first delivery at SB. I had dd at the Baltimore Birth Center. So, no, no issues with David in particular, just guys that I'm not married to.

[Noelia430]

Originally Posted by absinthe

First I have to be perfectly clear about one thing. The midwife at the birth center reader was reviewing is NOT the same man as the one at the ubercreepy website. Having said that I would like to tell my story.
When I concieved my daughter I went in search of a model of care that was very different from the one under which I birthed the son I gave up for adoption as a teenager. That horrible and abusive hospital birth was a nightmare. I was left feeling physically and emotionally violated. My ob/gyn was a woman and all of the nurses were women and all but one were awful to me.
That being said when I went searching for a midwife attended, nonhospital birth I was totally set on having only women around me. I wanted that feminine sacred mystery thing, I totally agreed with the mechanic metaphor, and being a rape survivor I didn't want to be that vulnerable around a man.
So I contact my local birth center (my only available nonhospital non home option at the time) and they take my insurance Yeah! I make an appointment and love the facility (only 5 minutes from my house!) love the staff too except that one of the midwives is male which kind of wierds me out. Well I figure that with three midwives on staff the odds are with me that one of the women will be catching when I am in labor. I spend the whole pregnancy mentally chanting "Please not David." This is wholly my own baggage as David has never been anything but wonderful to me and at the prenatal visits he has the gentlest hands and voice of any of the midwives. Fast forward to my birth...guess who is catching? Thats right its david. He was wonderful! Everything I could have hoped for and more. No one has ever shown more faith in me or my body. Soo gentle. Truly truly awesome. I also had a great doula, my mom and a very gentle labor nurse with me so no shortage of female energy and support. I had a wonderful waterbirth and the nurse said it was the most beautiful and peaceful birth she had ever seen. The following week my doula attended another couples birth at the center with the midwife I had been praying for catching. She thought it went horribly and found the midwife to be bossy and controlling, everything I didn't want.
Any day now I will be giving birth to my son in that very same birth center and you know what I have been chanting all along? "Please let David be catching. Please let David be catching!"
Actually that is a common problem there. Apparently all of the repeat clients really want David. He is truly an amazing soul.

I've heard that from a lot of other women. He is such a great person.
I would also like to add that I would only be comfortable with a male midwife unless I really got to know him really well. Fortunately, for me, I have had the chance to see David at a birth while I was not the laboring woman. The majority of women do not get this chance.If I hadn't seen him at a birth I probably wouldn't be as comfortable as I would be now.
I also agree with the person that said birth isn't the time to worry about who may or may not be there, whether you want them there or not.
It is all about comfort level and I understand that some women will never be comfortable with a male caregiver. What's cool about D is that he understands this, too and it doesn't bother him.