4 y o -- typical to lie?

[**guest**]

we went to a play date today, and a 4 year old girl would lie to my face -- she threw sand into the pool, with me watching and telling her 'sand belongs in the sandbox, the water will get all dirty', and when her mother came back from the kitched and noticed the sand, she said 'i did not do it, Ada did!'.

is this what is developmentally normal at 4? just trying to be prepared :LOL

[Denise K]

DS is experimenting with lying--it's not habitual at all. He jsut sees if we'll believe it, I think, when he knows we won't really like the true story.

Also he has a huge fantasy life and doesn't really distinguish which life he's talking about. He had a librarian convinced about a whole train trip to wisconsin, totally realistic, yesterday--and then gave her an equally detailed true story about getting a ride in a semi truck. I am trying to give him some cues about letting people know which things happened really and which ones were when he was in his imagination, so they will know whether to be excited that he did a cool thing or excited that he made up somethign so interesting.... my best guess at how to be helpful.

The other 4s I know don't lie except like that--fantasy or experiment. But then, their parents aren't much for lying either..... and theyr'e mostly oldest kids, so no sibs to model after.

[USAmma]

Very, very normal. All 4yo lie, or at least most of them do. It's a milestone. How it is handled by the parents, and how far it is allowed to go is another matter.

Mine lies in many ways: fantasy stories which I think she sometimes starts to believe herself, to cover up something (usually blames it on her sister), and to joke about something.

The other day she told me she peed her pants when we were in the car. After I got upset and asked why she didn't tell me she needed to go, she said, "JUST KIDDING!" and laughed and laughed. The other thing she does is "Mommy look! There's a big tornado outside!" I humor her and look and she says, "Oh, you missed it!"

[Potty Diva]

Actually, it isn't a milestone for four year olds, but for children between 5 and 7 yrs of age. This child is just a bit advanced. I never thought I would be saying lying is a good thing, but in this case it is This child is learning and understanding the differences bwteen reality and imagination and that they have some control over their lives (who believes them, and the consequences involved). It is all in how the parent handles the situation that matters.

Kailey is 4.5 and doesn't lie, she still tells on herself if she does something inappropriate or breaks, spills something. We do not scold for making a mistake we just try to make it right.

[Marsupialmom]

yep, completely normal.

You try your best not to set them up to lie.

[Karry]

The psychologist that evaluated Lucas told me that it is normal for them to lie to get out of trouble or things like that. It is only not normal when they lie about everything all the time. Lucas usually lies and says he didn't do something when he did. That is normal 4 yo. behavior.

[USAmma]

Today Abi was supposed to be cleaning her room. She was playing instead. I reminded her again to clean her room and she put on puppy dog eyes, held out her hands and said, "Mommy, my hands are tired and sore. I can't clean up right now. See these lines? (showing me the tendons on her wrists) See how swollen my arms are?"

:LOL I told her to please start cleaning her room.

[loudmama]

My 4yo just started lying on pretty regular basis. I'm just now learning that! For some reason the other day she moved her table & chairs from her room to our's. I told her to move them back. I asked her later if she did, & she said yes. When I told DH later about this, he said that he noticed.

Ah, a learning point for Mama!

L

[irinam]

Yep, rather normal. Ny DD just turned 5 and I see it fading away (may be it will return, who knows?)

She is also constantly asking questions about "lying" vs "kidding" vs "fantasizing". I am trying the best I can to explain and I am sure it will soon "sink in" :LOL

She will also turn around and say "Mommy you are lying!... or are you joking?"

[angela&avery]

my four year old blames everything on his younger sister :LOL

[loudmama]

On monday, DD tried to hide a sucker she had grabbed w/o permission while hanging out with other folks & kids. I turned to look at her & she tried to hide it behind her back.

Argh.

L