Cesarean Section Support Thread August 2005 - Page 6

[Ligmom]

Ben's Mommy I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. Have you visited the grief and loss forum...there are some wonderful women over there who have lost their babies, and they seem to be a loving and very supportive group. But of course, you are very welcome here, too

I think my doc said to wait a year after my first son was born (my only c-sec) to TTC. I have no idea why or if there was any logic to it at all I have known women who had babies close together (1 year apart), both via C-sec, and done fine.

I will be thinking of you.

[Ben's Mommy]

Thank you ladies for your advise. I have visited the grief and loss boards, however have yet to post there. I have read many of the posts there and lurk around on those boards which have helped me. This is the first time I've posted at MDC and think I may post at the loss boards also. I was hoping that since this was a cesarean thread, that I may get some more concrete answers to my question here. I also plan on asking my new doctor when I go for my first visit in the beginning of October. I think I will go with whatever he says, since he is going to be the one I will see in future pregnancies.

to all you wonderful mamas

thank you

[Storm Bride]

I strongly recommend checking back in here. If On The Fence has a chance to post, she might be able to help. She's researched c-sections more thoroughly than anyone else I've ever talked to.

[shannon0218]

My understanding is that if you want to VBAC, you have to wait a year but that if you're having a second c-section that 6 months is fine. (that said, there was concern I was pregnant again when dd was 3.5 weeks old and my OB didn't seem all that concerned)

I will echo the others and say I'm so sorry for your loss. There is a grief and loss board and also a pregnancy and birth loss area on MDC. I haven't been around the grief and loss board much, but on the pregnancy and birth loss board you will meet many other moms who've unfortunately also lost term babies.

[SKK]

Originally Posted by greenmansions

I think the attitude of being able to deal with it is in part believing it was necessary and/or that you had a say in the decision to do it. From what you've said, it doesn't sound like that was the case for you, Lisa.

I was to the point where I just wanted that baby out after 4 days of laboring, and there was my pre-e and his tipped head. I still regret a bit that it didn't go more smoothly for me, but I don't really regret my c/s.

I think you're right abou this. I think the degree of control you had over the decision and the situation makes a big difference. I feel I was in control and made the decisions, both times. After my two very very long labors, ultimately, the c-section was a relief because by that time, I'd tried everything, I was EXHAUSTED, and I just wanted the baby out! That being said, I regret that I was not presented with different circumstances (i.e., smaller babies in better positions, or, at least, babies in bad positions that would move when prompted by all the usual techniques!) Does that make sense, don't regret the c-sections, but regret that I will (probably) never experience a vaginal, natural childbirth.

[SKK]

Sandy - Ben's Mom,

I'm so sorry for your loss!

Just wanted to welcome you to the board - you will read some good info about c-sections here. I know you should wait at least 9 mo. to get pregnant again if you want to vbac - I'm not sure how long if you are planning ercs. take care!

[egoldber]

Originally Posted by Ben's Mommy

This leads to my question...How long do you have to wait after having a c-section before you can get pg again? I've heard anything from 3 months to 1 year. My husband and I do want to get pg again soon, but I'm afraid of putting my next baby at risk if I get pg too soon. Any advice would help. Thanks.

I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost a baby this year.

I am eager to TTC and I have been told to wait 6 to 9 months to allow my uterus to fully heal. However, I had a uterine rupture, so there is concern that I could rupture again with a future pregnancy. I am seeing a high risk OB (perinatologist) for a consult on Tuesday the 30th, so if I learn anything new there, I will share it with you.

Be easy on yourself. I can tell you that I am in a different place now than where I was at 6 weeks after my loss. The pain is still there, but it goes from being a raging pain that threatens to overwhelm you to being a dull and constant ache.

[Ben's Mommy]

Beth, I am so sorry for your loss and for all those mamas who lost their babies way too soon.

My heart ache is always there, but for the most part I can function in my day to day life. (but I'll save this for the pregnancy and loss boards)

Beth - Good luck on your consult on Tuesday, you'll have to let me know how it goes. Also, did a previous c-section cause your uterine rupture or was it something else?

I am definatley NOT one for trying a vbac, since it was the complications with the vaginal birth that took my baby's life. I never want to experience that again!

I definatley agree with greenmansions and skk on the idea that it's the amount of control that you had during your labor and c-sec that will determine how much you regret the c-sec. I have no remorse about having a c-sec, because I knew there was nothing else that could be done to get my baby out. I never felt I was pressured into one, and would probally feel very different about c-secs if I was pressured.

I wish everyone a speedy recovery who is currently "disabled" feeling and can't get around. It does get better day by day. I feel lucky that my recovery period wasn't long. I felt back to "normal" probally 4 weeks post c-sec. Although the bleeding has lasted much, much longer! Hopefully one day it will decide to stop!

[egoldber]

Originally Posted by Ben's Mommy

Beth - Good luck on your consult on Tuesday, you'll have to let me know how it goes. Also, did a previous c-section cause your uterine rupture or was it something else?

Yes, I ruptured in a VBAC attempt. Unmedicated and non-induced, I ruptured while pushing.

Perhaps my worst regret, other than attempting the VBAC at all, is that I did NOT have a terrible C section experience the first time. It was not what I wanted, but it was not a terrible experience and I recovered easily. I just feel so horribly selfish and guilty that my desire for a vaginal birth cost me my baby's life.

[Ben's Mommy]

Originally Posted by egoldber

Yes, I ruptured in a VBAC attempt. Unmedicated and non-induced, I ruptured while pushing.

Perhaps my worst regret, other than attempting the VBAC at all, is that I did NOT have a terrible C section experience the first time. It was not what I wanted, but it was not a terrible experience and I recovered easily. I just feel so horribly selfish and guilty that my desire for a vaginal birth cost me my baby's life.

I am so very sorry, I had no idea. But please don't beat yourself up about attempting the VBAC. Many, many women have had successful VBAC's. There was no way for you to know how your VBAC was going to turn out. You just wanted what every woman wants - to birth their child naturally.
And you should never regret wanting to experience the natural birth of your child. I know I'm not very good with words of comfort, just know that I would give you a big if I could.

[Storm Bride]

to egoldber & Ben's Mommy. I truly can't even imagine how much that would hurt.

[chantald]

many many to all of you who have lost a baby. My heart breaks for you

Chantal

[MamaPear]

Originally Posted by ruby slippers

I will try it but the cesaean was not the end of the world and I got comfort in thinking it's not how you birth them but how you raise them.

First, I just wanted to offer lots and lots of hugs to the mamas who lost their babies. My heart aches for you both.

Ruby--that is an awesome philosophy to have. I truly believe that it was my c-section that caused me to raise my dd the way that I am. I think that if I had had a v-birth, I would have been way more mainstream in my parenting. I don't think I would have been as responsive to DDs needs as I am now.

That really helps me to come to terms with my own unwanted c-sec. Not that I'm fully ok with it, I don't think that will ever happen, and I will always wonder what if. But, I think this is the way it always happens when things odn't go as planned.

[Storm Bride]

DH says the gap in my incision is very small now (he's the one treating it for me, as I can't see it over my tummy). I think it's finally almost healed!! I hope it's not just wishful thinking. This one has been horrible.

"It's not how you birth them, it's how you raise them"...I definitely need to work on thinking like that...

[Ben's Mommy]

Storm Bride - I'm glad to hear that your incision is doing better.
Just be careful not to over do yourself so it can heal properly. Good luck!

[Storm Bride]

I think I overdid it a bit today - six hours at the PNE (local fair), mostly on my feet, with Evan in the Snugli. But, I don't feel too terrible physically, and my older two had a really good time. DH did all the really demanding stuff...I just carried - and fed - the littlest one.

However, today was hard emotionally. I don't know why I let these things get to me, but they bother me a lot. We ran into my oldest's teacher from last year on our way to the PNE. She asked how old Evan was, and I told her he was one month yesterday. She asked how it was - referring to the labour, and I just said, "well, I had a c-section, so..." and let it trail off. Her mother, who was with her, said "oh - that's cheating".

I spent the next three hours on the edge of bursting into tears.
Why, why, why do people say such stupid, nasty, insensitive things???

[Ben's Mommy]

Originally Posted by Storm Bride

Her mother, who was with her, said "oh - that's cheating".

I spent the next three hours on the edge of bursting into tears.
Why, why, why do people say such stupid, nasty, insensitive things???

I'm so sorry. I really don't understand why people feel the need to comment on a situation they know nothing about! It's not like you decided that you were too good to go thru labor and push your baby out. There were circumstances for each of your c-secs that made them what they were, and there is nothing wrong with how your beautiful babies came into this world. I would just try and aviod the subject alltogether with other people...just tell them that you had a wonderful birth and procede to tell them the weight, time of birth etc. so maybe they won't dwell on the "how" of it all. I have to give you credit though... I would have punched the mother out for saying that!

Make sure that you take some time for yourself and rest. You'll need it to fully recooperate.

[ruby slippers]

Storm bride - all mamas who have a cesarian birth know that it is so not cheating. It is terribly hard. I felt a lump in my throat when I read your post, people would say similar things to me, or they'd say "oh, I'm sorry". Some people have no clue about surgical births. Eventually I ended up just saying yes thie birth was fine she weighed etc, etc....It is actually nobody elses business but yours how your baby was birthed.

[matts_mamamama]

Cheating? Yep, that's the way to look at it - I mean, geez, your birth was completely pain-free and your recovery has been a piece of cake, so I can see why people would say that! <SARCASM> It's easy to say don't let it get to you, but I know it's not that easy. Hang in there and like the pp said, it might be easier to skip over the whole "how was it" question with the stats of baby or how well you all are doing now. s:

[Storm Bride]

Maybe I'll try that. I really didn't know what to say, because people don't usually ask me that. Over 12 years and 3 c-sections, I think I've heard it all, in terms of insensitive comments, but they never get any easier to take.

Of course - it's not just birth. I had a former co-worker corner me in the coffee room and start badgering me about when I was going to have a second child, because my oldest was already seven, and "he should really have a little brother or sister". I just told her that would be nice, and she kept up with it, so I eventually said "we're trying" - hoping she'd shut up. And, she still didn't drop it. So, I finally told her I'd been trying for six years, and had had two miscarriages (I was actually pregnant at that time, but I didn't tell her that, and lost that baby about two weeks later). She was all shock and fake sympathy, and I really just wondered why she couldn't take the hint that I did not want to talk about it. People are astonishing.