obsession with the 'poopy' word

[meemee]

my almost 3 year old has got obsessed with the word poopy. when she is angry she calls me poopy head. if she makes a joke it involves poop. any chance she can get she uses poopy, kaka, etc. at the end of the day when she is tired she uses it even more. i know this is a stage children go thur.

i was wondering what u do about it. i honestly ignore it because when i draw attention to that behaviour i reinforce it.

at the end of the day when she is tired esp. i dont like disciplining her. but if she is visiting family members she gets excited and starts that kind of language and i am expected to discipline her. her grandpa for instance tells her to stop and the more he says so the more she does it. this is her father's dad where i pick her up from sometimes so i dont have a say in when he should take her over there.

one of the reasons why i dont discipline her is she knows not to do that with her age friends but that its ok with her adult friends, and its ok if she uses it when she is angry or pretending by herself and trying to make up songs with those words.

[flyingspaghettimama]

Hey, I got me one 'a those kids too! Poop is like, the greatest word ever invented. Also other scatological or body part references. Here's one: BUTTTTTTTT! Yelled really loudly. The latest one is "stinky armpit." Based on the Captain Underpants book, I fully expect this stage to last until age 10. Based on Farrelly brothers movies, I fully expect this stage to last all the way through my age. I love the Farrelly brothers. And South Park. Not for her, of course, though.

I do think kids (even at this age) understand time and place, or at least mine did. We said, well - it's ok at our house, and with some of your friends at playdates (cos kids have their own weird worlds that I do try to let them have w/o adult interference - and because they learn half of these terms FROM their friends), but NOT ok at school or if someone (child, adult) is offended by it and asks you to stop. And some words mom and dad try to remember not to say, and you can help us, and we'll help you, we'll try to remember our language... : She has become the language police in our car.

Because some of our friends are offended by religious references (God), some are offended by scatological, some by curse words...so we try to keep people's feelings in mind. It seems respectful. I really don't like racist terms - but almost everything else is OK by me if not done to excess. Maybe you could tell her that those words make Grandpa sad or something? Maybe he could say why he doesn't like it to her, not just "don't say that word."

[Denise K]

I am all in favor of ignoring. It has worked well with DS, who used to practice using his toolbox by opening it and saying "Oh my dammit. Dammit. Jesus. S**t. Good heavens." :LOL He has a vocabulary of swearing/toilet words, but his fascinations with them are just his own, not trying to get our goat.

I explain to him now and then that some people really don't like hearing certain words, and so we usually try to not say them in public, or when we know we're around someone who minds. *But* I am also into freedom of speech, and so I tend not to emphasize the idea of "don't say things that upset people" Some people are upset at practically everything. These things are really subtle--and three is pretty young....

it might be fun to initiate a conversation with her about "grandpa doesn't like to hear you say poopy, what do you think about that?" --or better, play a game where you can't stand it when she says "celery" (letting her know, if necessary, that you are only pretending), and then when she says it you chase her and fall down . Celery is our family's favorite word for this game. Then let her be the boss for a while and you get in trouble.

Have you explained your approach to her grandpa? *If* that's possible, it might at least clue him in that you have a plan. Sometimes I think that's what the older generations need most--knowing that we are paying attention, even if they don't think much of our approach.

[onlyzombiecat]

I don't like my dd to call people names so I would put a stop to "poopy head" personally.

Maybe you could discuss with her that it is a word to use at home or the bathroom but not other places because those words really bother some people. Encourage her to use nicer words.

[flyingspaghettimama]

Originally Posted by Denise K

. *But* I am also into freedom of speech, and so I tend not to emphasize the idea of "don't say things that upset people" Some people are upset at practically everything.

HEY! I am so totally offended by that.

I like your celery idea.

In our family, grandpa is the one we often have to remind about his language although his is more along the lines of "this lady had the most enormous...(deleted humorously somewhat offensive yet probably MDC-inappropriate word) and boy was she a HOT NUMBER!"

Yeah, grandpa, we don't want to think about you thinking about that. We. Just. Don't.

[Bearsmama]

DS #1 is 3.6 and is really into using the word poopy lately. I try very hard to just ignore it. He talks about bums a lot, and vaginas, and penises, too. Hey, Freud didn't call it the anal stage for nothin'!

[Mere]

Dd is 3.5 and into saying 'poopy' too for various descriptive purposes. I always respond by saying 'oh do you have to go poop?' She'll say 'no' and laugh, and then I make a point of telling her that she should go try anyway, because since she said poopy that tells me that she needs to go poop. She'll say 'no no I don't have to go poop' and then I'll say 'well, why did you say 'poopy' then?' She usually will say 'I don't know.' Can you tell we've had this conversation more than a few times?

Lately, at the end of our conversation, I've added that if she likes to talk about poop so much then she can be in charge of spraying poop off ds' diapers. Once she even agreed to this, and lo and behold, I happened to have a poopy diaper in the bucket right there that I hadn't gotten around to cleaning off yet. I handed it to her (fervently hoping that she wouldn't actually take me up on it - I can only imagine the mess she would've made), and she quickly handed it back to me with a big YUCK! I actually haven't heard her call anything 'poopy' since... :LOL (I think that's going to be my new tactic though!)

[quaz]

LOL. Well, after reading just one post of your posts (boredom post response), I have a very strong feeling I recognize you from another board. I could be wrong, though.

Anyway...my oldest has started with the poo obsession. It's more subtle, but things like

- saying she wants poo in her milk (she thought that was a great joke)
- wanting to look at cat poo in our yard
- etc

It's an easy way to work with control and jokes at this age.
I try to ignore, or just make a bigger joke of it.

Could you explain to her (not at the end of the day) that if she want to experiment with words she can try them with you, but not with other adults/kids...it isn't respectful and can hurt others feelings. Maybe make a silly word time... then both of you can experiment with words like carrothead, jellybean feet, poophead... and find out who can come up with the silliest names for things? That might not work, though, b/c it sounds like the response to grandpa, is simply a control response.

Enjoy the camping trip. :-) (I'd give ideas on that, but hopefully you are already enjoying it.)


Tammy

[Embee]

I WISH DS would call me a poopyhead. Truly! I long for the days of the POOP word obsession. With us lately it the word... oh, I can't stand it: "STUPID!" Early on, I was able to talk with DS in a fairly up front manner about words and such and that in general there are some that can be hurtful and those that offend others, etc. Well, age four has changed all that. Now, the more offensive the word, the more he likes to say it. Every parent I've ever known has told me about this stage, but there's nothing like the real thing, eh?

I promised myself I wouldn't get all worked up about it. I told myself I'd take it in stride. I told myself that I use some pretty "inappropriate" words sometimes and why can I say them and DS can't, etc. But 'stupid' has really gotten to me a few times. Alas, as the OP said, to make an issue of it seems only to reinforce the use of the word. This week I'm back on the "ignore plan" and not so strangely, "stupid" is becoming less and less exciting for DS. If he's using the word in anger, I try simply to acknowledge the anger ("You are really angry with me!") and ignore the word it rode in on. When he's upset he needs to be heard and not a lecture about how he's not expressing his anger in an appropriate manner, but I admit, I'm better about this somedays and downright awful on others. I feel like the Kevin Kline character in the movie, "A Fish Called Wanda." "DON'T CALL ME STUPID!!"

This too shall pass... hang in there, mama!

The best,
Em

[meemee]

Originally Posted by quaz

LOL. Well, after reading just one post of your posts (boredom post response), I have a very strong feeling I recognize you from another board. I could be wrong, though. Tammy

yup its me. tried pming u initially when i saw one of ur early posts .....

oh em - i am so sorry. i know what u mean. i really had a hard time with my dd hitting me when she was younger. and she would really hurt me too. directly and indirectly (threw soap in anger hit eye and then the bridge of my nose and had black and blue eye adn painful nose for amonth). yes it passed but i had a really hard time dealing with it.

i am working on whom she can use the poopy word. and that has really helped. since seh responds v. well to feelings the idea that she could make grandpa sad is i think working.

the sad part is using the poopy word is a compliment in my opinion. she uses it with people she feels close to. adults not kids. and most of them joke back with her.

[sistermama]

Ds (3) is also really into "poo poo" right now. Our deal, which incidentally works the same for nose picking, is that it can be done at home, but not out and about. I have told him that the deal is that he can say it at home as much as he wants, but not if we have guests over and not if we are out of the house. So when he says it out, I just ask him, "Are we at home?" and he was been great about dropping it.

[pycelan]

My son's newest performance is to sing "I want to poop on the red light!" to the tune of "Roxanne"!!! :LOL

[chrissy]

my son is also obsessed with all things poopy. he just can't get enough of it. sometimes it makes me laugh too, sometimes it drives me crazy. i really don't like when he calls me or anybody else "poopyhead" though and am trying to work on that. he just thinks it is totally absolutely fall on the floor funny though. and heck i don't want to be a total downer on the guy. i just don't want him to hurt people's feelings.

so, um how long does this fascination usually last?

[LoveBeads]

LOL, my DD did this for about a year. She loved the word poopy. Sometimes DH would humor her - "DD, do you want milk or POOPY?" and she would just laugh. I didn't humor her about it, just very calmly told her that poopy is a word that we use in the bathroom and if she wants to say it, she needs to go into the bathroom and say it. So she would.

Another thing that she used to do which would totally crack me up is she would say it in OT (she has sensory issues). SHe would be in the frog swing which makes you literally fly through the air and turn in circles (looks like a total blast to me) and she would be singing "poopy is my name, poopy is my name" with her eyes closed. :LOL

[Curious]

I am reading Playful Parenting and I just finished the Gessel institute book Your Four Year Old.

The Gessel book talks about how kids 3-5 become fascinated with forbidden words. We don't have any in our home, and I didn't think Dd would go through his, but then Dd made up her own, I think she called Dh a garbage-head. She acted like this was really a big deal that she said this, and I saw where we were headed: Playful parenting gives a game where the kid calls you something obnoxious, and you say, 'whatever you do, don't call me/don't say snozzleboggle,' or whatever word or sound you choose. Dd, just as the book says, runs around eager to share her new forbidden word. She quickly moves on from whatever the unwanted term was, and asks for "another word not to say."

After a few weeks of this, her ardor for the game decreased. I'm sure we'll see it again.

[johub]

It may seem counterintuitive but I would stop forbidding the word and even go way overboard using it till it becomes less intriguing.
Spend a day and joke around with dd and use the poopy word until you are so tired of saying it. If you treat it just like a word, and not like it has any special powers, it will be less appealing to say to a small child.
calling names is another story.
In our house words are not forbidden but they not be used to be unkind to someone else.
Joline