For those I've not yet met, I'm Eleanor, SAHM to a 14 mos old ds, 99% sure I'm dropping out of a doctoral program to "just" be a mom. We still do all the AP stuff -- co-sleep, BF, no vax (yet), gentle discipline (ahem . . . still a work in progress!). I'm married to my highschool sweetheart who is absolutely an equal partner in AP parenting -- he truly does more than any of my friends' dh's, so I try to be grateful for him every day. All in all, I'm happier than even now I'm a mama, but today I need some support . . .
Get out your cheese, 'cause this is gonna be a world class whine!
We're coming off of 3 weeks with a sick baby and I think I'm more sleep deprived than I've been since he was born. Well today little ds is feeling well again, and believe me, I am SO happy he's better, but it's like he emerged from the sickness a new person. An older, more precocious, more WILLFUL person. All of a sudden he's talking (said Mama this week for the first time!)
, and today started saying NO. It started off really cute -- he was sitting in front of the phone jack saying "No, no, no, don't touch!" over and over. Dh and I actually felt a little guilty, like, "Gosh, do we say that too much?!?" but I understand that he's experimenting with the concept, and with self-control.
Well, the cuteness wore off for me when I tried to get his sopping wet nighttime dipe off of him (Where's Tara? She'll appreciate this!). "No, no, no, don't touch!" What now? I want to respect his personal space, esp. his body, but come on! I gotta get that damn thing off!
Well the day just went on like this. He'd hear the fridge open and come running to climb in, he'd watch me throw something away and then try to dive into the trash can, he ran and hid when I tried to get him dressed, and basically just CLUNG to my legs and yelled "UP!" anytime I tried to do something. You would have thought there wasn't a toy in our house, the way he just followed me around. Sing with me,
"Me . . . and my [grumpy] shaaaa-dow . . ."
I swear, it felt like those early days all over again, when I couldn't even get myself fed (Hi Heather!).
Now I'm all about being mindful and letting things go, but it is SOOOOOOOO hard for me to look at food sitting out on the counter all day and going bad, simply bc I don't have the energy to fight my 21 lb ds out of the fridge every time I open the door.
And while I've got out my finest whine, I'm also really frustrated that now ds has to eat everything I'm eating. I know some of you are going thru this, too, but I'm REALLY bummed bc neither he nor I can eat gluten, corn, dairy, or soy. That pretty much leaves meat, veg, fruit, rice, and potatoes, and one of the ways I've been treating myself is to eat those expensive gourmet chips -- you know, like the Terra chips and the like? Well now I can't eat my chips in front of ds unless I want him to eat them, too! And I don't. Waaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!
And did I mention the sleep deprivation. Oy. I won't start, but I'm starting to feel like a shell of a person.
And when dh got home tonight and I said, "How am I going to survive toddlerhood?" he said, "Isn't this just what moms do?"
HUH?!?!?! YES, OTHER MOMS GO THRU THIS, TOO. DOES THAT MAKE IT ANY LESS HARD?!?!?!?!?!
And to top it all off, now that dh is home, ds is playing independently. Dh even made dinner while ds played nicely on the kitchen floor. GIVE ME A FRICKIN' BREAK!!!!
I know, I know, I'm the luckiest woman ever to have dh make dinner AND watch the doogie, but I want him to whine and cling to dh's legs, too!
Forgive me, Mindful Mamas, for I have strayed from the path and am wishing for a nice, stiff drink!
(Oh goodie . . . now dh is trying to get ds undressed for his bath and ds is yelling, "Noooooooooooooooooo!" ha ha ha ha -- victory is mine!)
Your humble, bleary-eyed, and very afraid servant,