Support for Mindful Mamas! - Page 2

[tara]

Hey. I'm here! Reading and trying to organize my thoughts enough to participate!

I'm feeling particularly unmindful lately, and that is part of my reticence... Read my long whine in the toddler forum for more info... Is there room here for a big time wannabe??

[Megs Mom]

Hi, I'm Analisa, been following the book club thread.

Um, guess I'll give a short version of the stuff Heather gave as my intro...eldest of six children, non-attached-parents, difficult childhood, years of depression, therapy, recovery, blah, blah.

Met DH in college, majored in chemical engineering, married 6-1/2 years. Taught high school for four years, worked for a computer company after that, currently part-time but becoming a SAHM after we move, hurray!

Working on mindfulness all the time. It's a favorite subject of my awesome therapist, who I see for the last time today. I'm giving her Everyday Blessings for a Christmas/goodbye gift.

[Curly Locks]

Ramona, Tara, and Analisa~Thanks for your intros and thoughts. I'm loving our group here and it's nice to know we're not alone in this 'mindfulness' journey.

Time is always of the essence with a teething, curious, sick, lovable toddler on the loose...so for now just small talk is all I can handle! So don't be shy. If anyone has anything they want to throw out there and debate or just chit chat about after intros are done, please go ahead. We all have our own ideas about what we want to get out of this thread. And I hope you all feel free to get to know other mamas here. We have a very neat group of mindful mamas here and I'm so excited to learn more about everyone, and learn about myself too, through this 'mindful' journey of life!

and

[Megs Mom]

Re: can i join anyways?

Originally posted by ramona_quimby
Oh, dang, I keep forgetting to get this book!

Love your user ID!

[nataliekat]

Hello, Everyone -

I was pleased to discover this thread, as mindful parenting is something I've begun to seriously think about just this week. I haven't read the book, but it's on my list for my next trip to the library.

Little background: My husband Tim and I met just over two years ago, were just married in May, and welcomed our little girl Maisie on 10/19/02.

Motherhood has been a big adjustment for me, as I'm sure it is for us all. Since I was so used to having myself all to myself, I had trouble being patient when she wouldn't let me do what I wanted to do. I confess to being impatient with her and consequently not always handling her with as much gentleness as I could. This week I decided I had no right to behave that way toward her and committed to taking a step back before each interaction with her to make sure I was sending her the right messages.

She's right now asleep in my left arm as I type this with my right, and she looks so unbelievably precious.

Anyway, just wanted to introduce myself as an aspiring mindful mama.

Thanks.

[Curly Locks]

Analisa~I don't get the user name??? Is that a character I'm not familiar with (Ramona Quimby)? I wasn't sure if you were APing...glad I wasn't again. Is it you and DD that are sick now too?? If so, a move, a birthday, starting over, but SAH that will give you a chance to and . Moving is not my cup a tea. That's why I've moved over 20 times in the last ten years. :

Tara~I'm a wannabe...we're all wannabe 'mindfuls'. That's why I'm here and not watching the tape dh made of Survivor and CSI last night. Hope I didn't just but I would be a terrible mindful mama if I tried to be a tv junkie again. When I turn on the tv to watch my yoga videos I am mesmerized by whatever program is on the tv. It's like I am frozen in time. Very unmindful, ds is present during my trance too. So believe me we all have our issues and demons. Unfortunately some of us have a lot of baggage. But at least we have eachother and the will to be mindful in each moment so we don't sleep walk through life. (My faults are much more than just being a recovering tv junkie, not trying to make anyone feel guilty if they watch a few programs here and there.)

Enough of my babbling for now. Ds will be up from his nap soon. He has been asleep for a long time...thought he was awake about an hour ago.,,wrong...Thanks for your support and validations that we are all human. But we'll get there [mindful~conscious awarenes]someday, right. :

[Curly Locks]

Nataliekat! I was about to get off-line but I saw your post and wanted to thank you for sharing your hopes and dd w/ us. Makes me think of my little guy when he was a tiny thing and how unmindful I was too. Congrats! You are well on your way to being 'mindful'! Just realizing change is needed and letting yourself be inspired by DD means you are halfway there!

[LiminalOne]

Just a quick hey ho to get with the program. I've been participating in the book thread. I'm Angie, have an 18 month old ds named Finn and married to Chris. We're navigating the river between baby and toddler and are finding all sorts of conceptual help in the book, but it's still tough. I imagine that there's no real "getting it" with this journey just a continuing deepening.

Better run. I'll be in an out through the holidays as I've got a ruptured ear drum (from an ear infection) and a sinus infection and a very healthy and intense toddler. Waaahhh! Plus, the holidays are coming too fast. Can someone slow them down (or at least slow down DH's birthday, which is in about 14 days...)

Happy birthday to Heather and Holden!!!

[ramona_quimby]

Heather, Ramona Quimby is a character of Beverly Cleary. It's a whole series of books for kids, the best one is "Ramona Quimby Age 8". They take place in Portland, Oregon, where I live (when I'm not in Taiwan).

[momcat]

Happy Birthdays, Heather and Holden! To answer your question, my husband thinks I'm a cat. For a while, "cat" became a suffix in our house to describe me and my actions - sleepycat, hungrycat, etc. He threatened to take a videocamera and record me and the actual cat in similar poses (sleeping curled up, basking in sunny spots, etc). Anyhow, when we found out we were pg, I became momcat. So, here I am. Nothing too deep!

[Curly Locks]

Hi! Here's a big hug and some warm fuzzies for you and the babies too! :2 !

Momcat and Ramona, thanks for answering those little mysteries for me! Momcat here's the perfect emoticon for you: What else would ya do with that icon?

I've been wondering about the moms that were trying to get the book. How's that coming? I hope you've been successful. I finished reading the book a few weeks back but I've been re-reading the book and I'm on Part III and learning new tricks every week from the book and from the book club moms. Plus I'm seeing lots of commonalities among other mother's experiences and my own as a person and mother. We are all so fragile at times. And being mindful is very hard work, but so worth it!

Originally posted by momcat
Finally (sorry this is getting long, but your comment about surrendering brought this to mind), remember that the k-z's liken this parenting thing to a hero's journey. In a nutshell, here is the "path of the everyday hero":
1. Innocence (feeling comfortable with your situation)
2. Call to Adventure (identifying and recognizing the challenge)
3. Initiation (really being tested - TEETHING!!!)
4. Allies (finding strength and help - MDC!!)
5. Breakthrough (reaching new awareness or resolution)
6. Celebration (returning home and feeling different)
Can we all find ourselves on this continuum? You can pick lots of different hero stories to have as a parallel - Wizard of Oz, Star Wars, the Buddha, etc...

So guess what, mamas? We're heros. Maybe the call was deciding to be a parent, and deciding to go the ap route. Maybe the call was to be more mindful in your mothering. But know that you are heros - to your dc, dp, and to the community who is lucky enough to have another ap child enter as a contributing member down the road.

Thanks, Breathe, for reminding me of that journey. I know that with the allies I'm finding here, I'll be able to get the rest of the way... eventually!

Thanks, Momcat for such a beautifully put post on our book club thread! And thanks to Breathe for reminding Momcat of our precious journey (that is so temporary and really a short part of our lives) so (momcat) would remind us again too, that we really are nothing short of being heros!

[MysticHealerMom]

Finding the book...

I just bought one from Powells, they had 19 in the wearhouse, so that shouldn't be a problem for a few of us When I first looked about a week ago, they had 25. No used ones, though. I was holding off to get up to $50 for free shipping, but I just bought books a few weeks ago so didn't want to spend the money. It alwasy helps to ck w/my dh, he always wants some book. . And he's very into the mindful thing, as well.

I'm going to post onto the book thread so I can get updates without searching for the thread. I suppose jumping in in the middle won't hurt anything...

's

Lori

[nuggetsmom]

This journey is not feeling short right now. Can you imagine sleeping with a sinus infection? I know it is hard, and thus DD is having a hard time sleeping well. I researched all my healing options on the internet, and we are going to apply all of them! I think that's OK because I also checked if anything is contraidicated, but I doubt it (garlic, pineapple juice. I haven't heard of anyone dying of these things)
The problem is that I am now sick too with another cold and DH is not feeling well and he is on another crusade to make DD sleep better (from 8 till 7) I think waking up once is not so bad, but he polled all his friends and their kids all sleep. THey got there either naturally or by CIO so that is what he wants to do... I am really tired of having this argument sometimes because I can actually see the overall improvement and I count myself lucky with getting up once. I know you guys KWIM....

my very unmindfull face

[Breathe]

Hi All,

For those I've not yet met, I'm Eleanor, SAHM to a 14 mos old ds, 99% sure I'm dropping out of a doctoral program to "just" be a mom. We still do all the AP stuff -- co-sleep, BF, no vax (yet), gentle discipline (ahem . . . still a work in progress!). I'm married to my highschool sweetheart who is absolutely an equal partner in AP parenting -- he truly does more than any of my friends' dh's, so I try to be grateful for him every day. All in all, I'm happier than even now I'm a mama, but today I need some support . . .

Get out your cheese, 'cause this is gonna be a world class whine!

We're coming off of 3 weeks with a sick baby and I think I'm more sleep deprived than I've been since he was born. Well today little ds is feeling well again, and believe me, I am SO happy he's better, but it's like he emerged from the sickness a new person. An older, more precocious, more WILLFUL person. All of a sudden he's talking (said Mama this week for the first time!) , and today started saying NO. It started off really cute -- he was sitting in front of the phone jack saying "No, no, no, don't touch!" over and over. Dh and I actually felt a little guilty, like, "Gosh, do we say that too much?!?" but I understand that he's experimenting with the concept, and with self-control.

Well, the cuteness wore off for me when I tried to get his sopping wet nighttime dipe off of him (Where's Tara? She'll appreciate this!). "No, no, no, don't touch!" What now? I want to respect his personal space, esp. his body, but come on! I gotta get that damn thing off!

Well the day just went on like this. He'd hear the fridge open and come running to climb in, he'd watch me throw something away and then try to dive into the trash can, he ran and hid when I tried to get him dressed, and basically just CLUNG to my legs and yelled "UP!" anytime I tried to do something. You would have thought there wasn't a toy in our house, the way he just followed me around. Sing with me,

"Me . . . and my [grumpy] shaaaa-dow . . ." :

I swear, it felt like those early days all over again, when I couldn't even get myself fed (Hi Heather!).

Now I'm all about being mindful and letting things go, but it is SOOOOOOOO hard for me to look at food sitting out on the counter all day and going bad, simply bc I don't have the energy to fight my 21 lb ds out of the fridge every time I open the door.

And while I've got out my finest whine, I'm also really frustrated that now ds has to eat everything I'm eating. I know some of you are going thru this, too, but I'm REALLY bummed bc neither he nor I can eat gluten, corn, dairy, or soy. That pretty much leaves meat, veg, fruit, rice, and potatoes, and one of the ways I've been treating myself is to eat those expensive gourmet chips -- you know, like the Terra chips and the like? Well now I can't eat my chips in front of ds unless I want him to eat them, too! And I don't. Waaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!

And did I mention the sleep deprivation. Oy. I won't start, but I'm starting to feel like a shell of a person.

And when dh got home tonight and I said, "How am I going to survive toddlerhood?" he said, "Isn't this just what moms do?"

HUH?!?!?! YES, OTHER MOMS GO THRU THIS, TOO. DOES THAT MAKE IT ANY LESS HARD?!?!?!?!?!

And to top it all off, now that dh is home, ds is playing independently. Dh even made dinner while ds played nicely on the kitchen floor. GIVE ME A FRICKIN' BREAK!!!! :

I know, I know, I'm the luckiest woman ever to have dh make dinner AND watch the doogie, but I want him to whine and cling to dh's legs, too!

{exhaling deeply}

Forgive me, Mindful Mamas, for I have strayed from the path and am wishing for a nice, stiff drink!


(Oh goodie . . . now dh is trying to get ds undressed for his bath and ds is yelling, "Noooooooooooooooooo!" ha ha ha ha -- victory is mine!)

Your humble, bleary-eyed, and very afraid servant,
El

[MamaSoleil]

Hello~
I was in the original discussion group on Mindful Parenting..but had to drop out...cause I just didn't have time to keep it up... I did read the book, and it reaffirmed that I am an amazing Mama! I found myself nodding at so much in that book...it was nice...
I consciously make the effort to be a mindful parent with each new day. I am proud to say, I've yelled at my daughter once in her little lifetime, and when I realized I was yelling, I started yelling up at nothing to let dd know that it was not *her* that I was upset with...I was pmsing and took it out on her!

Anyway...I am now expecting my second child, which brings up many emotions in our household...dd is extremely happy, she is so ready for a sibling, she will be turning four a month before the baby is due to arrive...I think she will be amazing, and has asked to be there for the birth..which we want to have at home...
I work full time, but 12 hr shifts, which means that I work 4 shifts, 2 days, 2 nights, then I'm off for 4 days...I am planning on homeschooling, and when the time comes for me to go back to work after my maternity leave *if* I go back, then we want to have a nanny come from switzerland on that exchange program to help out...
Anyway, glad to see you all here, mindful parenting is the greatest gift we can give our children!!!

Peace,

Mamasoleil

[Curly Locks]

El (Breathe)~ You're posts kill me!!!!!!!!! Thanks for reminding us that we're only human! I didn't realize your son was only two months older than my son. It's scary how a lightbulb goes off in their head and they suddenly change behaviors and try to learn and explore new things/behaviors/push limits. Every week I'm seeing that with ds.

Jacqueline~I just re-read the acceptance chapter tonight with DH and your post on the other side about equalibrium made a lot more sense to me afterwards. I had forgotten some parts of that even after just reading it a seond time last week! (i.e. vomiting and diarrahea are ways the body tries to gain equalibrium and our childrens anger can be a way to try to gain that equilibrium.)

Dh and I are going to try to read a few pages of the book a week. Everytime we read it outloud together one of us stops to reflect after a few paragraphs b/c something has clicked and reminded us of our own struggles or/and childhood baggage. It's great to talk through our issues and how we're trying to move forward in our own self healing and our marriage as well. It's so easy to get stuck in a rut in our views and reactions/opinions toward one another or particular situations.

Mamasoleil~We're glad you popped in to say hi! I wasn't a part of the discussion back when you were, but I remember seeing some of your posts. Congrats on the upcoming baby!! How exciting. I'm glad you have been successful in your mindfulness journey. Please stop in anytime to lend a supportive word or update us on your family.

I'm finding this journey we're on together to be so helpful. I think if I were just reading the book on my own it would be so easy to slip back into my old ways. Processing it together and reading your struggles helps me to see what areas I need to work on and what areas are healthy. And some days are much healthier than others!!!

Special moment (for old times sake): A few times over the last few weeks ds (12 months) has started to sweetly stroke my arm with his hand while nursing to sleep like he is in heaven and I am the best mama on earth. His hand is almost floating around me like he is feeling my spirit and not even me. His hand and palm is flat. Sometimes he will put his hand on my chin and lightly caress it. I noticed that the times he does this are the times when I am in a very loving and motherly mood. Which makes me want to be even more motherly and loving. EB talks about this mirroring behavior. When we are being kind and gentle they are kind and gentle whether we want to see it or not. It's not easy for me to admit to myself when I am lost in a fog of worry and being neglectful or that I'm not being mindful and I need to snap out of it. Why can't I be perfect? Why can't I stay in the moment and be present always? And then when ds shows me his true self in every moment through kind acts or not so kind acts, sometimes it helps me to wake up and smell the coffee of reality in each moment.

Gotta get some sleep now!

[mamakarata]

great post el. i was feeling your pain in my own ways of course.

and i think we should deem this thread- "venting for mindful parents" you know, a place where you won't get judged that your mindful or ap parenting isn't working b/c of how stressed you feel in that moment.

let's face it, this is all great in theory, but imo, we wouldn't be here if we weren't perfect!

thanks for the laugh. (laughing with you, not at you!)

welcome back mamasoleil and your insights. we need all the help we can get!

heather- your special moment sounds so familiar. i know our little ones are almost the exact same age. my ds has been caressing and patting. and lately, when he is having his milkies, he'll pop off with a happy smile and pat my chest saying gently "mamamama"

in the book the kz's said that babies are the only people who are holding a mirror up to our face constantly for us to see ourselves in. i always like when ds holds up that mirror!

[LiminalOne]

El, your post totally made me laugh. the fridge, the "UP," the "No"

that's our life here at 18 months and it's a totally different ball game for me--much more challenging. Here are the strategies that I've been using to deal with some of these things.

Change dipes standing up while finn's looking at a book, even the poopy ones....

finn has a stepstool that he drags around the house so that he can see what's going on. when he says "up" I ask him if he'd like his step stool and he agrees about 1/2 the time.

fridge - i let him play in it for awhile and then we find something for him to take out of the fridge to eat and say bye bye to the fridge. the obsession with the fridge has seemed to temper so maybe there's hope for you as well.

just wanted to share these thoughts and empathize with being mindful with a toddler. also, i do think all parents struggle to some extent with this age, but I think when you're trying to be mindful/gentle/whatever it is much harder b/c you're working against the cultural grain, not limiting behavior as much, and spending lots of energy with the little one.

now, if someone has a suggestion to get finn to not throw hard objects (i've been offering him soft balls to throw but they're not as much fun, I guess) and crayons and swipe all the items off the table and cause general chaos, then please let me know.

[Curly Locks]

Thanks, Mamakarata and Angie for your posts and support to El. I really wanted to be more empathetic last night when I wrote that but time ran out. Thanks, Angie for the tips! I'm glad to hear the fridge obsession may fade. Ds is totally obsessed! I like the step stool idea. How high is yours? Ds likes to watch me wash dishes everything else but I worry about him getting too close when I am chopping veggies or using the stove top.

El~I hope you know I feel your pain! Here's a . When ds starts to say NONONONNONONONONNONONON, I'll be getting on here venting just like you did. I have a feeling my turn is just around the corner.

Mamakarata~I like your idea about using this thread to vent and not making anyone feel guilty for their choices or bad days etc. I would like to use this thread to ask you all mindful questions about discisions you've made as a way to educate myself at times. And I don't want anyone to be made to feel ashamed of the way they are doing things. (i.e. We do vax's, ds is circ'd, and he wears disposable dipes at the moment. But we are still learning the AP and "Mothering" way. I'd love to get more educated for the next baby.)

Here's the link to our new thread Part III. Please feel free to use it before this Sunday. Thanks! http://216.92.20.151/discussions/sho...threadid=33695

[Breathe]

Me again. I'm feeling a little embarrassed from yesterday's e-outburst. I hate it when I get so carried away, and then when I go and on about it! I will say, however, that you women are amazing, active listeners. None of you tried to correct me or admonish me, and you offered your empathy and love freely -- exactly what I needed. Thanks SO much for your kindness!

Today, of course, was much better -- it always happens that way, it seems. What helped was that I went to yoga this a.m. while my mom watched ds. I had some amazing epiphanies, as I always do (think I'll put em' in the book thread, if you're interested) and came out feeling SO much better. And I just enjoyed ds today (NONONONO and all!).

So thanks again for the support, mamas. It's so great that we can come here when we need to!

Hugs!

Off to watch Friends!
El