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Support for Mindful Mamas! - Page 5

post #81 of 98
Heather, I am so sorry about your DH, and I am glad to see that you are taking things in stride and looking at the positive side.

BTW I got "transitions" by Julia Cameron for christmas and it is really good. If I had it here I wwould send you some good inspirational quote from it. But I don't, and I don't know if I would be able to find a good quote anyway.

Sending out good vibes to you all.

post #82 of 98
Whew, dd just went to bed & I've been wanting to come chat a bit. I was lying in bed with her nursing and thinking about living "in the moment." So often in the past couple of weeks I've been feeling restless and wishing I weren;t so "trapped" at home. Bundling up in the cold, crying babe in the carseat, all just makes it easier to stay in. But I've also been feeling wistful about doing "other things" with my days, or maybe with my life.

I had two friends visiting last week, and found myself doing a lot of "what-if" thinking about what I'm *not* doing. Then tonight, as I lay there nursing next to Sophie, I ahd an image of what we (my sisters and I) must look like to my Mom, now that we are grown women. My younger sister is on a semester abroad, my older sister & I married, we are all living lives we are happy with and all close with my parents... anyway, I was thinking of Sophie as a grown woman, and imagined thinking back to these evenings snuggled up together on our mattress on the floor in our messy room, or the hours spent watching her practicing standing up alone. It was enough to make me cry, and really bring me back to this preciousness of this time.

post #83 of 98
that's great mamabutterfly. you had an inspiring mindful moment. i also wonder if my parents look back at those times and think, how fast it went by?

i have a 12yo dd and realized that in the last 5 years in our new home which just blew by, she went from 7 to 12, and at the end of the next 5 years, she will be 17!!!!!!

i told her, "aaack!, you are almost graduated and off to college!!!"

she just laughed because that probably seems like a million years from now.

i am lucky to have the perspective of my 13mo ds, and 12yo dd (11 yrs apart). It is a daily reminder of how fast it goes by, and in the grand pie of their life, that we really only get a small portion to ourselves.

figure, live to be 90, and we get 5 years before school, and then only another 15 years or so if you try and include college and the typical teenage/young adult mooching factor.

sorry, i took over your mindful moment.

you can tell it's been on my mind lately.

El, i forgot to agree with your idea that in part iv we could support the daily meditation or yoga. though i do meditate, i can always use the extra boost.
post #84 of 98
HI all,

I wonder how we can best support each other in our daily meditation. Lately I have been trying to "drive mindfully" meaning that I try to stay in the right now and focus on my breath (and on traffic) It is really nice actually.
I saw in another post in this forum something about a book called "the power of now" Anyone interested?

Also, I had a nice moment the other day. Naomi and I were walking to the playground and she was stopping at every rock and leaf. Finally we get to the playground and she is amusing herself, and pretty soon I got bored with hangin around waiting for her to climb and go on the slide, so I tried to get her to leave. Suddenly I realised that if we go home, then I have to entertain her at home and she is happy here right now. So we stayed and stayed and suddenly, she was ready to go and walked home. This was a day that she napped forever. I realised, that I often have an idea of what we have to do next and I am already in the next moment, but there is really only right now. Five minutes from now doesn't matter. OK, I realise that we have been descussing this at great length, but I really realized it in myself suddenly. So I have been letting her stay in the bath as long as she wants. I let her take her time brushing her teeth. I start the bedtime routine earlier, but it really is more relaxed because I am just letting her move through the routine at her pace. She does know what the routine is, and I think she's been in a good mood because she feels that she has control over her life.

All that said, last night I didn't manage it very well. I was tired, hungry and I had to pee. I got stuck in traffic on the way home from work and was late picking her up (well, later than I intended). She had received a balloon at a birthday party and first she was holding two balloons, but she had to give one back. I never want to rip things out of her hands, and we managed to trick her into holdiong just one balloon because the other one was someone elses and they were crying for it. Then she has to let go of the balloon to get buckled into her carseat, but she won't and I am hungry and tired and I have to pee even more. I should have gone and the DCP's house, but I wasn't thinking. Well, I finally get her in, we get home and then she won't let go of it to get out of the car. Luckily the neighbours were just getting home, so I asked them to keep an eye on her while I go pee. Then I finally cajole her out of the car. At some point she really wanted to get out of the seat, and was crying for me to get her out, but would not let go of the balloon. So here is my lowest moment (up to mow the balloon exchanges happened without crying). I just ripped the balloon out of her hand. I felt myself getting really angry and I knew she was getting hungry because it was dinnertime and I just ripped the balloon out of her hand. She was pretty upset, but of course as soon as she is out of the carseat she can have it back, but she stayed upset for a while.

I had been reading articles from the "Natural Child Project" recently and I felt sooooooooooo awful because it was the absolute opposite of what they advocate. Not that I buy into what they say totally either, but it ties into the need for validation. I often get caught up in the perfectness of what I read KWIM? I read the perfect way to handle things and I try and then I have a total meltdown. One thing that is very validating about EB is that they accept that we are human and that we will have moments like this where we are truly ugly. But since we are moving through life with positive intent always, most of the time we are "doing the right thing" and the times that we don't get it right are just small times. They really admit that parenting IS difficult and that we are not perfect and are not expected to be perfect and how we really can make the best of it.

Finally (and then I will stop, I swear), I am trying to send out good vibes all over the place and it is making me feel good (except last night). I saw a woman riding her bike without a helmet this morning and usually this upsets me, particularly because it was a busy street. Rather that gesturing to her for the helmet, or saying something, I just sent her a good vibe hoping she wouldbe safe and would learn the importance of helmets. I did the same for a guy who cut me off, I sent him a good, be onl time vibe, and hoped for his life to feel less stressful and for him to have more joy, and not to get into an accident. ANd I was no longer upset about being cut off, about the dangerous situation he caused in a high traffic timea nd place. So here are good mindful vibes to you all. I really love being able to come here and chat with you and your support means a lot to me. I want you all to know that I support you in your good times and your ugly times.

post #85 of 98
Thread Starter 
(Me today: )

Well today started off great. Then I blew up at dh. Then we hugged and made up. Then ds and I went to somewhere and he is zonked out and I am on my baby break and happy as can be!

I'm loving all your thoughts on this thread and the book club side too!! I want to respond to everything and "validate" and commiserate with your feelings and thoughts so bad! Why do I feel so compelled to be that way when I don't expect or need the constant validation? Just know I am with ya all the way!!!!

s to everyone! Especially Jacqueline, Analisa, Mamakarata, and MB on your last posts. I thought Jacqueline trying to send out good vibes to all is so coool and for trying to stay in bloom/present ephipany is awesome too...but I've never heard of that book you mentioned...sounds like the theme of my life! And to Analisa on your move and having to re-adjust yourself as a mom! I'm sorry about your Doc friend. It's hard when you really care about someone and want them to understand you so bad...for your benefit and theirs. And I enjoyed the thoughts about trying to appreciate the small slice of the pie (as in time) we have w/ our little ones! That is so true and so hard to remember, day in and day out!

And s and warm thoughts to Tara and Angie who we haven't heard from in awhile on this thread. I hope you two are o.k.

Well I've got to get some stuff done so I can go to the grocery store later and cook din-din. Sorry to rush in and out like this! I hope my post made sense!!!!
post #86 of 98
Heather!! I've not checked in since Monday, and now I see the news. I hope that you and dh are doing okay. My dh lost his job last yr and ended up starting his own business. It was such a stressful time for us, though, with a little one and with the stress that adds to your relationship. Just remember that there are lots of creative ways to get an income. I know something will come through for you. Best wishes!!
post #87 of 98

Hey mamas! Anyone still reading this thread? I've been following the book club one once a day but am just feeling too far from mindfulness to even post there. I do need to pick up the book this weekend, maybe take a bath and and read some...

But I came here just to vent a bit. I had an awful night last night. After almost a full week of low-level fighting with dh (more like withdrawing from each other than any screaming or anything which would probably feel better), and being stuck in the house by the cold weather, I finally called my MIL and asked her to take a trip to the mall with me. It's not a place I go a lot, but I needed to go somewhere besides my house, and Sophie had a ball.

Thing was, we got home at 10 pm and I was so exhausted. Dh had gone out with a long-time buddy he hasn't seen in a while. When they hang out he usually comes home really late. I expected dd to just go to sleep as usual though, and I wanted an early night.
.... but after sleeping in the car on the ride home, Sophie just stayed awake until AFTER 2 am! Oh it was so awful. Something must have been bothering her, I tried to empathize but I was in pain I was so tired. I don't know what I would do as a single mama! I always give her to dh when she can't sleep at night.

So after all that she woke at 8 am anyway, so here we are. And dh didn't come home at all. I'm sure he just crashed at his friend's, but it probably means no help with dd for me today. I just feel so sad & tired.

okay, thanks for listening.

post #88 of 98
Thread Starter 
Anne~I'm so sorry about your night!! Dh and I have been that route before...but not since ds has been here so I can imagine how frustrated you must be today! Funny thing that you posted here b/c I was just getting on-line to post on this thread!!!!!! I hope tomorrow will be a better day for you. I have given dh the green light on doing stuff with friends thinking ds would go to bed early or that I could manage and it has come back to bite me at times too. Such an annoying situation! And it makes me resentful that dh was out getting a break from us while I was at home begging for sleep or a "break". When I am really tired and frustrated I order a pizza, don't set any house cleaning goals, and pamper myself as much as possible!! Then when dh is rested up (heehee) I ask him to do the bulk of the housework, grocery shopping, or laundry for a few days so I can get myself back to feeling somewhat "whole." We're not in this mothering thing to be martyrs, IMHO. Even tho' it seems like it on occasions.
post #89 of 98
Thread Starter 
Please read this post!!!

Sat., Feb. 1 to Fri., Feb. 7, I will be unplugging my computer and TV b/c our family is going on a "retreat" w/o leaving our house!!!! Therefore I am hoping someone will fill in for me on the book club that week. The chapter will be "Breathing" on page 110.

This has prompted me to consider asking if our group would be interested in rotating weeks as the moderater of our book discussion. There are nine of us that are active in the discussion and I would be willing to make a schedule with dates and the chapter for that week. What do you all think???? I have been so impressed with everyone's thoughts and I think taking turns would bring a lot more to our discussion. If you're interested please reply here or on the book club thread. Thank you!!!!!!
post #90 of 98
heather, that sounds like a great idea. you have done such an awesome job, and we have been lucky that you have been willing to take it so far as it is.

el has put out a schedule on the toddler activities thread, and if you did something like that maybe? i could follow that. although it probably doesn't need two to each week like the activities idea does.

for some reason, i always get confused about when sunday starts, if we begin discussing the chapter of that week, or reading it to discuss it on the next sunday.

i know it's me and having some kind of mental block. but if you would like to include me in the schedule, i am more than willing.
post #91 of 98
i do need to add though, that i could begin on the week of the 9th, but not that first week you will be on "retreat".

we are testing that week for karate. gulp.
post #92 of 98
Thread Starter 
Thanks, Cheryl for your reply. I hope the others will feel the same. And good luck on the karate test!!
post #93 of 98
Hugs and support to Anne, kudos to Heather for her upcoming retreat, and support comin' our way for all of you. Heather, it's a great idea to rotate weeks. I, too, am confused about when we read vs when we discuss a chapter, but I'm easily confused these days...

Let us know what to do!
post #94 of 98
Thread Starter 
I guess I always just thought when we moved to discuss the next chapter on Sundays that we read the chapter sometime the previous week while we were discussing. Does anyone have any better ideas on when to read or just leave it? It seems like some are not finding time to read the book and maybe we need to allow a week somewhere to read a section and then discuss one chapter a week until we get to the next section or "Part" of the book?

***Skip if you read already...not edited: I realize it takes a lot of time to discuss, read posts, and find time to read the book. Most on-line clubs read one book a month and then discuss the book. Our group is very different b/c we read and discuss one chapter a week. : I don't want this to become a roadblock for us but there's got to be a solution to keep us moving and discussing without it taking us an ungodly amount of time to get through this book and w/o burning us out....that balancing act!!

***Here's an idea on when to read: We are on Part IV now. There are 11 "Parts" to the book and each "Part" is about 25-40 pages, give or take five pages, except Part IV, which is about to 60 pages. Do you think it's a good idea to take a week to allow everyone a chance to read or re-read "Part IV" and then continue discussing a chapter per week in Part IV"? And when we are done discussing the chapters of Part IV take a week off to read "Part V" and resume on a Sunday discussing one chapter a week of that Part and so on and so on.
post #95 of 98
Hugs Anne,

heather, yes, make a list. you have done an awesome job BTW. I am not sure that I will be able to really do you justice because I can't get the emoticon useage up to par
Cool idea for the retreat.
post #96 of 98
All, just typed up a long response, but have posted it in the book club thread -- seemed to fit better there. Come see.
post #97 of 98
I have just been reading the week's pages ON Sunday for the most part, or Monday if Sunday is busy.

You can put me on a moderator schedule but I agree that I won't measure up with the emoticons.

If y'all have a few minutes would you find my threads in EBF and Nightwaking and contribute to them? I'm really having a hell of a time lately but it's way too late at night for me to write it all out again and I probably won't have another chance. Sigh.

Hellhole update: something which almost never ever happens: I am the only one awake! Amazing! I couldn't sleep b/c of the issues I address on my other threads, I'm worried about my babe.
post #98 of 98
Thread Starter 
As soon as I make an appt. for therapy I will letcha know. I dont care at this point who knows I need therapy. Anyone that may read this has probly been there and done that or knows what I am going thru is not pretty. Im struggling and not fun to live with lately but we are managing. A friend told me on the phone today that her theory about PPD is that biologically we are meant to live in a tribal situation which would elliviate much of that overwhelming feeling and a lot of the crap we worry about now days. And I have to agree with her. But we are so many generations from a tribal lifestyle and I am so messed up from being the product of generations of screwed up ppl that one hour of living with me and anyone would run the other way.

So, Breathe and Jacqueline, Id love to be your neighbor but I would pitty you! I know I seem nice enough here but I am REALLY not a lot of fun when I am having an anxiety attack.
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