Kids sports programs run amok!? VENT!!!

[Sneezykids]

What is going on with kids sports these days?!
I wanted to get my dd in soccer this year and learned this is this huge waiting list (AYSO) and she won't be able to play until spring. Then, her best friends mom told me that because my dd hasn't played soccer at all before she will probably be in with younger kids, not in her age group, because she will be 'lost'
She mentioned a little girl on her dd's team this year who played, it was her first year playing and the girl was 'really lost'.
My dd is EIGHT YEARS OLD!! I didn't know I had to sign her up for soccer at FOUR YEARS old so she could play now!!!
Gah!! I am so peeved to hear about this. I just read an article about how most kids drop out of organized sports by age 13 because the pressure is too much and how it's the parents that have ruined it all for the kids, who of course just want to HAVE FUN, God Forbid.

[fire_in_july]

My DS played soccer last year (age 7). We will *never* enroll him in that soccer program again, and if we find another, we will investigate it very carefully before enrolling him.

DS, to put it mildly, was not very good at soccer. So what happened? Did the coach work with him, allow him to play many different positions in games and try them out, allow him to maybe try and find a position that was a good fit for him? No. The coach spend most of his energy on the boys that were the GOOD players already. My son spent most games either on the sidelines or in the position that saw the LEAST play. Because of course the coach wanted their team to WIN WIN WIN!!! And the most effective way of doing that was to spend all his energy on the best players, and keep the poor players that might "ruin" the game relegated to the sidelines or the inconsequential positions.

These were 7-YEAR-OLDS!!! The coach should be encouraging ALL of them to play better (*especially* the "bad" ones!) The coach should be allowing ALL of them to play at ALL positions, win/lose be damned.

It blows my mind how important "winning" is to the coach of 7-year-olds!!!!! It is insane, and as I said, we will be exploring any other programs very carefully before allowing DS to join.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Sneezykids

Then, her best friends mom told me that because my dd hasn't played soccer at all before she will probably be in with younger kids, not in her age group, because she will be 'lost'

I think your friend is wrong. In most places you have to take your child's birth certificate to sign them up and it is strictly by age. They do this so that parents cannot sign their kids up for a different age to give them an unfair advantage.

I didn't know I had to sign her up for soccer at FOUR YEARS old so she could play now!!!

If this is something she really wants to do, work with her ahead of time on the basic skills she will need, and really check out the organization you are going with. They may be multiple options where you live.

[LunaMom]

I was having this exact conversation with my cousin the other day, and it isn't just sports. She and I have both been told, at different times and with different activities, that our daughters would have to be placed with kids much younger than them just because they were not started at a very young age. One dance school wanted my five-year-old daughter to be in with kids who were only three, because apparently everyone starts their kids in ballet when they're still in training pants, for heaven's sake.

It's ridiculous.

If you look around, you'll find something that fits your needs, though.

[2GR8KIDS]

It is nuts. There was an article in Sports Illustrated a year or two ago about how today's kids have to decide at around age 10 whether they are serious about and talented at sports - in which case they start in on the ultra-serious, expensive, time sucking "travelling teams" - or not, in which case they tend to drop out of organized sports altogether. It puts parents in a big dilemma. If you go ahead and join the masses, starting their kids in sports at age 3, your kid seems likely to get frustrated because he/she is trying to do age-inappropriate physical activity, or burned out. But if you wait, you run up against what you have experienced. I wonder how our kids will ever find their passions if they are under this type of pressure.

[USAmma]

Maybe you could check out the YMCA or your local Parks and Rec programs. They will probably be a lot less competitive and less expensive, too. Those two programs, esp. YMCA, emphasize character and self-esteem building instead of winning.

[momma2mingbu]

Try your local YMCA.

We have had really good experiences with the two different leagues my 6 year old has played with. He has played spring soccer twice and is about to start his second year of fall soccer at the YMCA. He also played in an indoor league at a church last winter.

The YMCA program has been GREAT about focusing on skills and character and sportsmanship. I *LOVE* the coach he had last year (a HSing momma) who would praise the kids "way to use your honesty!" when they would tell which team kicked the ball out of bounds. They stress the core YMCA values (caring, responsibility, honesty & respect) and spend time practicing before they start games in order to build skills. They don't keep score at this age, but do with older kids. ALL kids play and ALL kids play ALL positions. (Everyone got a chance to be goalie at least once, but the kids who had a talent for it got to play it more often.)

[Sneezykids]

Hmm, I don't think we have a YMCA close to here, we are in the country which isolates us a bit, but the program sounds great, how it should be!
Well, dd took golfing lessons this summer and she loves it, is good at it. Golf is more of an individual sport, although there is the competitive side as well.
I'll have to check more into AYSO before we decide. DD could take it or leave it really, she can run like the wind but hasn't played soccer other than in PE class. I gave her the option of golf, tennis, or horseback riding lessons, all of which are more individual sports, which I think will help her more with her focusing/concentrating areas.

Yea, I think it's the coaches too and alot of the parents who also want their kids to win and be the 'best'. Perhaps if more ppl speak up they will fire and replace coaches like this, who only play the good players and have the win at all costs attitude.

[kewb]

The ultra-competitive parents/children drive me nuts. My ds is 7. Our town has a rec center and throughout the year offers sports. DS has done baseball, basketball, & tennis so far. What I like is that at age 7 it is instructional. No score keeping just learning how to play. What I don't like is that some of the children have an over developed sense of competition and even though there is no official score they know who is winning. They are mean to the kids who don't play as well as them and really suck the fun out of the game (IMO). WHy can't parents just let their kid learn how to play and be part of a team? I don't understand the obsession with "my kid has to be/is the best (insert sport here)".

[Sneezykids]

<"my kid has to be/is the best (insert sport here)">

Kathy, one word...EGO!!!
These kinds of parents drive me nuts too.
I agree, instructional is what it's supposed to be about, to learn and have fun. What ever happened to having fun? Sad that the kids are the ones taking the brunt for all this idiot adult behavior. Coaches have a huge impact on kids and what are the kids learning when their parents are fighting with the opposing teams parents about if it was a strike or a ball? Rememeber that guy who killed the other dad in Mass. a few years ago??

Even my mild mannered neighbor this past spring exchanged some heated words with another mom...I was shocked!! I told her OMG it's a little league game for petes sake!! Tsk Tsk..

[angela&avery]

i put my son in pee wee soccer just for fun last fall at 3 years old and he hated it. He had no idea what was going on and because the teams were 1/2 four year olds he never would get a chance to kick the ball in the little scrimmages they would have (4 on 4). After the first day of practice/scrimmaging he would cry every time i brought him. He hated it. I had no idea I had to build my 3 year olds skills before putting him in a pee wee league!!!

[kewb]

Originally Posted by Sneezykids

<"my kid has to be/is the best (insert sport here)">

Kathy, one word...EGO!!!
These kinds of parents drive me nuts too.

I think you are correct.

[momma2mingbu]

We have only encountered one parent who was a pain and it was in Spring soccer this year. This one mom from another team was just plain obnoxious in the way she yelled and walked the sidelines. Thank goodness we only played her kid's team once.

[Shenjall]

DS, to put it mildly, was not very good at soccer. So what happened? Did the coach work with him, allow him to play many different positions in games and try them out, allow him to maybe try and find a position that was a good fit for him? No. The coach spend most of his energy on the boys that were the GOOD players already. My son spent most games either on the sidelines or in the position that saw the LEAST play. Because of course the coach wanted their team to WIN WIN WIN!!! And the most effective way of doing that was to spend all his energy on the best players, and keep the poor players that might "ruin" the game relegated to the sidelines or the inconsequential positions.

I think our kids were on the same team!

It was truly brutal. Then to top that off, there was one mom who would yell at the sidelines, sorry I mean FREAK out on the sidelines yelling at all the kids. One day she went off on the ref ( a 15 kid I might add) my dh had enough and told her to sit down and let the kids play their GAME already...he then asked the ref if he was okay, poor kid looked pretty shaken up...

And, she also would give her kid $5 for every game he won ... way to teach the kids some values....

[emblmrgrl]

Originally Posted by Sneezykids

Yea, I think it's the coaches too and alot of the parents who also want their kids to win and be the 'best'. Perhaps if more ppl speak up they will fire and replace coaches like this, who only play the good players and have the win at all costs attitude.

Volunteer, volunteer, volunteer!! I can't say it enough. I've spent the past week trying to find coaches for our U6 & U4 league and I can't beg enough people to volunteer. Seems lots of people here want their kids to play but they don't wanna help us out. Most of the time (every league around us is this way AFAIK) you have parents that are coaching and some get quite competitive. The only way to combat that is to jump in with both feet and coach, or request another team. DH & I have coached all age groups up to U12 so I do understand the desire, when you get to the older ages to have kids that have played before. However, I've never played a kid down an age group because they've never played and there's no reason to believe that would be necessary for your child. Recreational leagues are there strictly for fun and recreational coaches have to deal with kids at all ability levels. We start our season knowing who has and hasn't played and the first few weeks are basic skills. Also, maybe the solution would be to offer to coach the team? You don't have to be a soccer guru to get thru a season, I promise! Mr. Competitive can start his own travel team. There's been more than one overzealous Dad that I've suggested that to.

[emblmrgrl]

Originally Posted by angela&avery

i put my son in pee wee soccer just for fun last fall at 3 years old and he hated it. He had no idea what was going on and because the teams were 1/2 four year olds he never would get a chance to kick the ball in the little scrimmages they would have (4 on 4). After the first day of practice/scrimmaging he would cry every time i brought him. He hated it. I had no idea I had to build my 3 year olds skills before putting him in a pee wee league!!!

That peeves me. I strictly got involved in our younger ages to stop things like this from happening. One of my sons is fairly athletic for his age and was running all over the little guys during his first season out there when he was 4. I tried, but I couldn't make him slow down any more than I could make the others speed up :LOL Now we have our 3 y/o kids on teams by themselves playing 2v2. It's the only way IMO to keep those kids having a good time and coming back to play another season.

[wildmonkeys]

It is crazy isn't it? DS really likes activities and sports so over the course of the last year we have let him try several six week sports classes --- while he was taking a soccer class (no team/games - just "games" and skill building) our local soccer league was practicing at the same location (they do 8 games and 8 practices in the fall & the spring) well...this mom starts trying to "recruit" us. I told her that ds had liked basketball & swimming lessons more than his soccer class so I didn't think he would want to do much more than the 6 week soccer class - she said (in a nice but sort of concerned way) "well it is your call, but if you don't invest the time now he will never catch-up" DS is FIVE!!! :LOL :LOL :LOL

What is funny is that his favorite sport (to watch in person or play in the yard) seems to be baseball. My borther is a high school baseball coach and said not to put him in a class yet...he said the game is really slow moving for little kids and that he would have more fun in an active class like gymnastics, soccer, swimming, etc. He said that in the end - being coordinated, enjoying sports, playing "streetball" etc. are probably better prep for enjoying sports as an older child that getting stuck on teams right away. So the funny thing is that even if your goal WAS to create a super athelete - getting an early start of YOUR sport of choice for them probably won't do it anyway, ykwim?

BJ
Barney & Ben

[boobybunny]

We have our oldest (6&8) playing two sets of soccer. One is a more expensive skill building, taught by college kids who play, and the other is kidsports, parent coached. The level of play on the OUSA team is amazing.

I think it is the best of both worlds. On the OUSA team, Isaac is FAR from the best player, on his Kidsports teams, he is one of the best. Here in Eugene, we had the three top highschool soccer teams in the state, and our schools are smaller. If Isaac and Alyssa want to play at that level, they have to get the skills now.

I am lucky, they want to do this, this is the only sport they play, and durring the winter they will do tumbling. There is both a spring and fall program. This is up to them.

[Sneezykids]

Our public schools soccer team is in the state finals every year too, but I would like to know, how does a six year old know what they want to do in 10 years when they are in high school. So many things can change by then.
Statistics are showing kids are dropping out like flies by their early teens.
I don't know, it reminds me of the hurried child theory. I think moderation is the key in all things including sports for kids.

I have a neighbor and friend, a budding over zealous sports mom. She has 3 boys and she is burned out. She works 5 days a week, picks up her 3 boys from daycare (our kids go to the same one) and rushes them to their games, so in the spring when her oldest was playing baseball, she feeds them pretzels in the car and rushes to the games to sit for 2 hours at her sons ball game, home at 8:30, then they eat dinner, and get done with homework at 10:30-11pm. She did this crazy schedule 4 days out of five ALL YEAR LONG. Her kids are whiney and tired. She wonders why her oldest is so whiney. Hmmm. I told her...she is oversheduled, but she won't stop. She has all three in soccer, wrestling, baseball and swimming the entire school year. No help from her jerk DH either. Who is insisting on the oldest son playing football this fall, even after the son told them he did not want to play.
None of them seem happy to me, she is stressed to the max everyday. Sometimes she has to have another dad watch her kids one game so she can be at another sons game. CRAZY!!!

But, she thinks this is all good for them.

[shelbean91]

I have to say I think your friend is wrong about the age thing- I'm pretty sure AYSO is strictly by age. I just signed up my 5 year old for this fall and any new players need a birth cert. to prove how old they are.