3 year old 'baby'

[**guest**]

this has been going on for a while, and i have been pretty relaxed about the whole 'baby' thing (dd is newly 3, ds is 7m).

i am wondering if i am doing something wrong, though, because so far her babyhood only intensified.

today, for example i said 'time to brush your teeth' and she started crying exactly like max does. i could not figure out why. i told her that we could brush the teeth when she was ready. then she manages to say that she has no teeth, only gums :LOL she brushed her gums readily.

she keeps asking me if certain foods are 'for babies'. initially i kept saying no -- thinking she meant for Max : so she stopped eating, only nursed, but kept asking if bagels were for babies. finally i clued in, and said sure, so she is eating again, but she has to clarify if it is baby food that she is eating.

how long does this stage usually last? in the last several days i am getting really frustrated and annoyed.

[johub]

perhaps there are some advantages to being a big girl that she has forgotten about. Perhaps you could gently remind her that some really special things are for big girls that babies dont get to do.
As for "how long"? Every child is different.
Joline

[**guest**]

Originally Posted by johub

perhaps there are some advantages to being a big girl that she has forgotten about. Perhaps you could gently remind her that some really special things are for big girls that babies dont get to do.
As for "how long"? Every child is different.
Joline

well, the things that i suggested she immediately refused, so i am worried to suggest more. what ARE really special things for big girls? maybe i am not saying the right things, maybe i have forgotten :

like the foods -- she just stopped eating, and she does not have a 'favorite', except for nursing, of course :LOL

also, if she really wants something, she would say 'oh, i grew up now' but then lapses into baby right after she is done enjoying herself :LOL

[stafl]

I wouldn't call it a stage. It's normal behavior for children when new babies come along. She probably just needs some more one-on-one mommy time. When the baby is napping, make it a point to do something with her that the baby cannot do. Does she like to color with markers or paint? Ask her to help you with the chores around the house, like sorting laundry, washing dishes, cooking, sweeping floors.

[**guest**]

well, i call it a 'stage' because i hope it is temporary. right? :LOL what did you mean by this being not a stage? like not a developmental stage? i read that many do this even if there is no sibling just around 3 y o.

i try to involve her a lot, asking for help, she does like it, if she is in the mood;

she does not like to colour etc.

max naps mostly in the sling, so we do 'chores' when he naps, mostly together. so it is true, she does not get much one-on-one, but even when Max is awake he sits and plays near us, and i play with her with her little people and dollhouse.

i try not to focus at all on her being a big girl, and i reaffirm that she does feel like a baby. but it escalated a bit in the last week.

[teachma]

Originally Posted by annabanana

what ARE really special things for big girls? maybe i am not saying the right things, maybe i have forgotten :

It seems like she might like special big-girl "alone time" with you to do something (it probably could be anything simple, like reading a "big girl" book while cuddling in your lap or in bed, or going out for ice cream- because babies can't eat that, of course). It is probably hard for you to get any time away from your little one, but I know how important it was for my ds to spend special "big kid" time with me when our baby was born. He was 3.5 years old when I have birth to his sis, but I was lucky enough to be living with my mom at the time, and she really helped me ensure 1:1 time with ds. Right now your daughter sees that the baby gets to be with you, on your body or in your arms, all the time...maybe looks so cozy that she wants to be a baby for the benefit of being close to you!

[onlyzombiecat]

My dd (an only child) went through a period of time of wanting to be a baby at around that age.
She did not want to be a "big girl". If you just told her big girls got to do xyz cool thing she would cry and be very upset. She did not want to grow up so much.
Part of it is probably the baby in your house but maybe the age too.

Anyway... one day I decided to really treat dd like a baby. I did the fun baby stuff like rocking and in my dd's case a sport bottle to drink milk out of. I carried her around. When she wanted to walk and run I reminded her that babies don't walk so she would have to lay down or crawl. When she wanted to watch TV or something I told her only big kids got to do that. She could only play with baby toys. She got tired of being a baby after a day and I don't think she has done it since.

[OTMomma]

My dd who is an only child and 3, has recently gone through a stage of wanting to be a baby. The most frustrtaing thing for us was the she also declaired "I'm a baby, and babies Pee everywhere" And she did horrible with the potty training, even though she has been using the potty great just a week before. I mostly humored her- even when she wanted to drink from a bottle, despite the fact that she is still EBF (though I have set some limits at this age).

However, after a few weeks, I lost it. I announced to dd that she was a big girl whether she liked it or not (I said it nicer than that), and that we could play baby when she wanted that I would rock her or give her a bottle. But from now on she HAS to use the potty, because she is 3. Something I said stuck, and she quit that, and uses the potty. She still asks for a bottle at times or to be held and rocked, and thats fine.

So i guess I'm saying, its good to humor her, but its OK to set limits with her if she's making you nuts. On some level she understands its a game.

peace,
Laura

[*bejeweled*]

Originally Posted by onlyzombiecat

Anyway... one day I decided to really treat dd like a baby. I did the fun baby stuff like rocking and in my dd's case a sport bottle to drink milk out of. I carried her around. When she wanted to walk and run I reminded her that babies don't walk so she would have to lay down or crawl. When she wanted to watch TV or something I told her only big kids got to do that. She could only play with baby toys. She got tired of being a baby after a day and I don't think she has done it since.

Ingenious!!!

[Curious]

Dd, 4 next week, loves being a baby. It goes on and off, it went away for 6 months after a dose of Pulsatilla from a homeopath, but came back after a German Measles Party...the kid giving the party also regressed for awhile after her recovery, but she is now back to normal while Dd is back in her baby stage.

I've tried the 'if you're a baby you can't walk.' She either crawls joyfully or announces, I'm a baby who can walk. Whatever I say she can't do because she is a baby, she says she's a baby who can do it. She cannot get enough of babying. She loves to be carried and held, and to make baby sounds which she learns from tiny ones at playgroup.

Personally, I couldn't wait to grow up, but I think there is a range in attitude here, all of which is normal. I used to think it was just Dd, but I now think it's many kids, though they learn that this is not quite acceptable; they go to school/preschool/some social setting and get "nah nah, you're just a baby" or some such. Dh came to this conculsion after he got talking to a nearly 6 year old daughter of a friend of his. He asked her how she feels about starting kindergarten, and she said, "I like being small, I like things the way they are, I don't want to change."

Think of all the adults who seem to wish they were still little kids...no wonder our kids do too.

I am willing to bet that when Dd is in college, she will not be calling Dad to carry her to the bathroom before bed while she squeals all the way because "I am a baby who can't walk or talk or do anything".

[bleurae]

I love when mine wants to be "little". I hold and rock him and pamper him. I see it as a need to really connect to me, needing the real core taking care of stuff like babies get. It actually makes my heart melt and I enjoy it because so soon he will never want this anymore. It may not be an option for you, but perhaps if you could view it from a different perspective it might make it easier for you. Also, Anthony Wolf talks about this in "The Secret of Parenting" as well.

[**guest**]

Originally Posted by bleurae

I love when mine wants to be "little". I hold and rock him and pamper him. I see it as a need to really connect to me, needing the real core taking care of stuff like babies get. It actually makes my heart melt and I enjoy it because so soon he will never want this anymore. It may not be an option for you, but perhaps if you could view it from a different perspective it might make it easier for you. Also, Anthony Wolf talks about this in "The Secret of Parenting" as well.

i try to be more in the mode of thinking. i find it is very hard when my younger baby, 7 m old, needs me, but my 3 year old baby wants to nurse because even though I KNOW she is still the baby and needs me, but emotions run wild when ds is crying and dd is crying because she is the baby.

i have been responding better lately -- trying to imagine they are twins, and both babies :LOL

[Ruthla]

If it were my child, I'd just "give into" the baby stuff and trust that she'd stop it whenever she's ready.

[ebethmom]

I actually came here looking for this subject! Lately, my four year old ds wants to be the baby in my belly. He wants to lie down on top of me - I'm supposed to hold him and tell him how special he will be when he's born. I've been thinking of things to tell him from when I really was pregnant with him.

He likes to hear about how we picked his name, and that he was Grandmommy's first grandkid. I remember how much I loved hearing my baby stories when I was growing up.

Baby time is easier when dh is home to keep dd occupied. My "baby" doesn't appreciate being poked and crawled over when he's in my belly. And dd can't stand to be left out!

I kind of see at as a time to reconnect. This is part of his Mommy time every day. I am surprised that he hasn't asked to nurse with his baby play. He stopped nursing about six months ago.

[**guest**]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

If it were my child, I'd just "give into" the baby stuff and trust that she'd stop it whenever she's ready.

well, that's exactly what i am doing! i think she will be ready when she is ready, and it is an important and valid need right now that she is expressing, so i am doing my best to 'baby' her.

but it is not always easy , and this is why i needed to vent and to hear what others have to say.