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Kids playing with and wasting food + Meal and snack scheduling discussion - Page 6

post #101 of 432
MPJJJ,

I'm sorry you've gotten such a hard time with this post. Can I just say that I had to live in an apartment with no backyard for several months when my daughter was around 2, and it was just sheer hell.

My personal feeling here is that this issue has nothing to do with your children being mental or your lack of punishment/consequences or even calling the blueberries "my blueberries". For what it's worth, we don't use any kind of punishment in our home. Not one thing. We forgive each other for having bad days and always assume that "bad" behavior has a reason.

Your boys needs to get back outside. That, to me, is the real issue here.

I sure hope that fence is up soon. I hate big vicious dogs myself, and would never let my child play outside if there was one around.

Hang in there. Do what you can to get that fence up. And please think very carefully before you take any of the "get tough and punish your child" advice. Your little boys sound like...little boys. Perfectly normal little boys who need to be outside.
post #102 of 432
Do you have a basement? Somewhere you could put a small sandbox for the dirt?
post #103 of 432
We once used a wheel barrow in our garage for sandbox sand so they could play in that during bad weather and since it was in the garage we just swept it all into the yard when it got messy.

Also I let my kids have water color paints in the tub and they had a blast with that, didn't even need to fill the tub until they were all done. We have the best shot of our oldest at age 2.5 covered in paint.
post #104 of 432
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irishmommy
Do you have a basement? Somewhere you could put a small sandbox for the dirt?
actually we do! and it doubles as the boys huge toy room, they even ride their trikes and 4 wheelers down there. thats an awesome idea! thanks! nak
post #105 of 432
Great post heartmama! ITA with all of it

Another thing not mentioned here, is how that most 6,4, and 2 year olds, when fed a bowl full of frozen processedsugar, and then left unattended for a peroid of time w/o something to divert their attention or burn/calm the rush would very most likely find something to "get into", not only that but the fact that you've been so strict and off-limits with the kitchen and food, so as soon as your guard is down or your back turned, you betcha they'll be right in there!
post #106 of 432
Jeebus People, Judge Much ?


MPJJ, I sure hope that a sandbox in the cellar works to help somewhat. We have one on our porch and it is quite a life saver..between that a a wading pool for water.

Just sounds like you are way busy and don't get much of a break and need an extra hand. Is Dh still on the road ? Mines new whore is his brothers boat, I hardly ever see him . he pops in for a change of clothes, or a shower and a 30 minute nap ont he couch.then he is off again. The boy child has been acting up lately, and i think it is because his dads been gone and he knows stuff isn't right and it hurts him.

Well, I hope you find something that works. If not, you could always duct tape them into cardboard boxes with some airholes poked out. You could probably take a shower in the time it would take them to find a way out !



Oh. PS, That was a JOKE , ladies. Remember those ? People tell them to make one another laugh and fel better about a situation. ha ha..funny..lightens the mood. You know, that stuff ?
post #107 of 432
MPJJ,
I'm sorry you've had such a hard time lately.
All this probably is related to the kids not being able to get outside like they used to do.

We had a big plastic storage box with sand for dd previously and it was great!
We also have a play area in the basement too. She paints in there She does sidewalk chalk on the cement floor and does bubbles/spray bottle of water too. She also rides her scooter and tricycle there because we don't really have sidewalks outside.
We have set up a tent down there this summer and that was a lot of fun. Dd actually spent a whole afternoon hanging out in there with her toys, napping on an air mattress, telling me to go away.

BTW, I think it is normal for even a 6 year old to get messy with food.
My dd is five and knows how to use a spoon but likes to eat with her hands often. I figure it is not worth battling over most of the time. She will do it the "right way" soon enough on her own. I did the same thing when I was little and turned out okay.
post #108 of 432
Marie,

I was going to say that it sounds like they might be bored, especially after having a yard to play in. My 3 get bored on hot and humid days (I refuse to let them play outside when the heat index is 115), and then start getting into things and destroying stuff. I keep some activities on hand to keep them busy once they start getting restless. Butcher paper, crayons, water colors, and craft foam keep them occupied long enough for me to mop the kitchen floor or scrub out the tub. I also like the idea of putting a small sandbox in the basement. We have one on our deck and it's been a life saver.

I have also put child-proof locks on my cabinets and pantry when each of them went through a phase of destroying food (my youngest loves to dump and play in anything he can get his hands on). I don't have a problem with doing that until they are at the age where they can understand that dumping and ruining food is something that is not to be done. I've made up a shelf for their snacks that they may have when they're hungry, so that they don't have to ask me for something. If they eat it all or destroy it, they go without. And they help clean up the mess.

I hope you find something that works for you. We've lived in many different homes during dh's time in the military and each place is different. One place might have a yard, but the next only has a deck. I've had to find something new each time we moved. Why don't you ask the older ones what they would like to do? My 5 year old loves to paint and stamp and will sit at the table for an hour, just making pictures. There's always the duct tape and box idea Avonlea suggested. LOL

Christine
post #109 of 432
Maybe put them in the tub with a cheapo can of shaving cream. They can smear to their heart's content and it works great for removing soap scum!
post #110 of 432
I don't think many are judging here, just expressing a frustration that some would rather take the easy way out and slap on some locks than go through the process of teaching a child and are not open to themselves having to go without their favorite food for a week in order to do that.
post #111 of 432
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by andrea
I don't think many are judging here, just expressing a frustration that some would rather take the easy way out and slap on some locks than go through the process of teaching a child and are not open to themselves having to go without their favorite food for a week in order to do that.
Grrr.... you're not focusing on my posts at all. This is NOT about icecream!!!! Yea, that is one thing that is frustrating. If I chose to do without everything they have poured out since moving here (Isee the connection of us moving here and this starting. I think the cross between boredom of not playing outside and all the stress we've been through (ie shelter, motel, then here) is contributing to it) then we would not have anything to eat except for the boxed and canned goods in the cabinets. Since being here, they (mainly my almost 4 year old) has destroyed:
*flour
*sugar
*coffee
*milk
*a whole carton of eggs
*bags of cheese
*boxes of cereal
*mashed my leftover rice like it were playdoh
*bread
*jelly
*syrup
*pancake mix

And there were a lot more. These are just from a few times being alone in the kitche for 10 minutes at the most. Your idea of just living without these items is just plain silly. We would have nothing left to cook! So I am putting a lock on the door WHILE WE WORK ON THE REASON HE IS DOING THIS. This is not a long term solution. I never said I meant it to be long term. When he wants something he will ask me, and I'll unlock the door and watch him as he gets what he wants. There is nothing wrong with this. I am not denying him food. I am denying him unsupervised use of the kitchen. He's 4! Not 14! The fact that some people just keep focusing on one thing I said, and not the bigger picture, is just mind boggling!
post #112 of 432
I agree. I tend to just take what I need when I post for advice and ignore those posts that upset me, it's hard but in a community this big you will get replies by ppl that either don't understand what your looking for or give advice you don't want.

I know it can be frustrating and I for one don't see a thing wrong with having locks. I have locks on the chemicals why not the food. If they are being fed whenever they are hungry then having locks is not an issue imo. Good luck and I hope things settle down for you soon
post #113 of 432
Quote:
Originally Posted by MPJJJ
The fact that some people just keep focusing on one thing I said, and not the bigger picture, is just mind boggling!
Um... Please take a minute to breath and look back to see why this might be happening. In your first post you talk about ice cream and other "treat" sorts of items, and you got a fair amount of advice (including from me) that looked like "Just don't buy anymore". Your response was that YOU didn't want to do without your icecream or favorite cereal. You didn't talk about other items, you didn't fill in the blanks that you have just moved, that things have been stressed, that your used-to-being-outside children have had to adjust to no outside time... All of those things come later in the this thread. Not everyone makes it throught 6 pages before they respond, though, yes, in an ideal world we would all read everything before writing. You need to be a bit more understanding about what people are reacting to and why they are responding the way they are.

And actually, I think you may have just realized that about your kids too. Regardless of what you do about the kitchen, I think you have realized that the kitchen behaviour is an outgrowth of a bunch of other issues, with tops on the list probably being really stressed out mommy, and being confined inside when they are used to being outside. It makes perfect sense that they would use flour for snow or dirt when they were used to being able to play that way outside until recently.

Hopefully this will help you find both a short-term solution to the frustration and a long-term solution to the needs that your children are expressing by their actions. Good luck with it all.
post #114 of 432
yea this is a pretty common in threads:
1) op posts for advice/venting about a situation but doesn't give a full picture (because to do so would mean writing a novel)
2) posters give all kinds of advice based on what the OP posted
3) OP gets frustrated/indignant about the advice because it doesn't address the full picture
4) later posters read the first two pages of the thread (skipping page three with the OP's indignant explanations of why advice doesn't fit) and agree with earlier advice
6) Op and other posters get extrememly frustrated/indignant that posters are agreeing with advice that has already been shown, on page three of the thread, to not fit the situation

I'm thinking if you ask for advice/create a venting thread, you should probably expect a lot of advice that doesn't fit along with some useful advice . . .

Anyway, MPJJJ, I take it this thread has been useful for you and you got a lot of good ideas from it.
post #115 of 432
Quote:
So I am putting a lock on the door WHILE WE WORK ON THE REASON HE IS DOING THIS.
Ok, but how are your kids supposed to work on individual responsibility in the kitchen, if the only way they can get in there is by your key and your hand. You are trying to teach them self-control be being the one doing all the controling?
post #116 of 432
I just wanted to chime and say that I'm one of those people who doesn't have a problem with putting locks on cupboards. In our kitchen there are several cupboards DS can play in and several that have locks. We have a small space and don't have the luxury of putting everything we need to keep intact/unspoiled up and out of reach, so we have to make some areas of limits.

I don't believe this means I am failing to teach my child self-control...there are plenty of other areas that we can and do work on self-control and respecting food in.

Good luck to the original poster...and I don't think you need to give up your treats, for what it's worth :-)
post #117 of 432
Quote:
I have locks on the chemicals why not the food.
That is a completely illogical statement.

The instinct to eat is one of the strongest expressed by a newborn. Eating is life. Hunting and gathering instincts towards food are strong in all humans, especially children! The drive to hunt around for food is totally normal and natural and healthy. If you really treat your food as you might a gun or chemicals, you are putting your child at odds with their own survival.

And before someone says their child can still be "served" when asked, we really need to think about whether it is right or necessary for children to ask our permission to eat, in their own home. Wouldn't it be better to make the kitchen child friendly, so that a child has easy access to simple foods whenever they want them? With very young children it may be necessary to put inedible and fragile foods (like eggs, glass jars, packages of flour) out of easy reach, and stay in the kitchen when we see them toddler there, to ensure their early experience and associations are positive. If access to their own favorite foods is easy from the earliest age, it will make introductions later of eggs, flour, or glass a limit that is easier to respect. It is far better to begin this while they ARE young toddlers, and most likely to be curious and enthusiastic, so that the kitchen never becomes a place of mystery.
post #118 of 432
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post #119 of 432
Quote:
Originally Posted by heartmama
we really need to think about whether it is right or necessary for children to ask our permission to eat, in their own home. Wouldn't it be better to make the kitchen child friendly, so that a child has easy access to simple foods whenever they want them?
Agreed. DS can go to fridge whenever he wants to (withOUT my permission). I've never restricted or denied him access.
post #120 of 432
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by newmommy
Agreed. DS can go to fridge whenever he wants to (withOUT my permission). I've never restricted or denied him access.
Yea, but not everyone has the space to put these things out of easy reach. I have a very small kitchen. It is so small not even a table will fit in it. I have few cabinets. It is not possible to keep everything out of reach of the kids, and with a 3 story home, it is not possible always see him going into the kitchen. And I hardly think it is fair to him to make him stop whatever he is doing to accompany me upstairs or downstairs so that I can be with him every second. And just because the kitchen is locked when I am not in there doesn't mean that I am never in there. Some 3-4 year olds lack the maturity to be able to go into a kitchen safely. That does not mean that he will never learn, or I am not giving him the opportunities to learn. This is the same child who recently put a packet of hot cocoa into the microwave and takes it upon himself to make toast. Not only is it not affordable or convenient for me to allow him to go into the kitchen by himself, but it is not safe either. I can lock up knives, but I cannot lock up the toaster or microwave, and it is not worth him getting burned on. I fail to see how it is okay to allow a preschooler in a kitchen where he could get hurt, but it is stunting his emotional growth to make sure he is in there with supervision. Not everyone has the large, safe kitchen with dozens of cabinets to make sure everyhing that needs to be put up can be put up. Some people have to make due with that they have.
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