benefits of boredom

[roses1001]

I was reading in the archives about the benefits of boredom. In other words, being bored creates opportunities for a child's creativity to flourish. I really do believe this, but my ds really has a hard time entertaining himself. From the time he was a tiny baby I had to constantly entertain him. He's coming up on 3 yo now, and I've just recently discovered that he has the ability to play on his own a bit, but now we're just in this pattern of living where I'm his constant entertainment. He just expects it. I've been trying to encourage him to play alone a bit more, but he just doesn't know what to do with himself, so he just screams for me. I'm so sick of hearing him say, "I want to play with you" ALL day long.

Anyway, after reading about kids being creative through boredom, I was thinking that this is really something I want my children to be able to do. I guess what I'm asking is, how do I encourage it? Since he was really incapable of entertaining himself as a baby, he has so little experience just inventing up things to do. Lately, I've been saying, "Mommy has to check email for a few minutes...you need to play by yourself for a few minutes." But, I usually give him something to do, and even then he only plays for maybe 5 minutes if I'm lucky.

I don't know...What should my expectations be? How can I encourage him to be creative? Should I stop being his constant entertainment? Or should I decrease my "entertainment services" slowly? :LOL

Thanks

[Mere]

My dd has never self-entertained either! My saving grace though was that she was an excellent sleeper, and naps plus a reliable bedtime provided me with a break. Once she started gave up naps though, I realized that something had to change if I was a) ever going to have a break, and b)get anything done around the house!

At some point (now I can't even remember when!), if I needed to clean, do yard work, etc. I just started doing it. I always invited her to help/come outside with me/whatever, but the bottom line is that I followed through and did as much of the activity as possible no matter what.

The other thing I started is quiet time when ds is napping. It's actually my quiet time, to read a magazine and have a cup of tea. She can do whatever she wants as long as it's quiet. I set a timer so she knows when quiet time is over. I started out with 20 minutes, and now we're up to 45 (several months later I might add). It was really, really hard for her at first, but I kept persisting; literally, sometimes she would sit there on the couch next to me, staring at me while I read or trying to engage me, but I would just remind her that it was my quiet time and when the timer went off, we would read a book or do whatever she wanted. Now, she's pretty good. I still usually have to remind her that it's my quiet time more than once, but she respects it. She is also getting better about finding things to do, which is amazing for her.

[Mamajamz]

Maybe your two kids will play together soon. I think you have to wean off of that like everything else. What are things he LOVES to do? Maybe you could get him interested in something and then say you have to go to the bathroom, be right back, etc. My daughter loved art, so I could give her several things to work on and I could have a few quiet thoughts to myself while she painted or whatever. For me it never worked to be direct about it. Then the "game" becomes to hold my attention and keep it away from whatever I'm needing to do so that I can't actually do it. :LOL
I also notice that happy music helps to create an atmosphere conducive to play (sometimes). Otherwise....this too shall pass. I'm the kind of person that needs LOTS of quiet time to think and re-fuel or be creative BY MYSELF, so I understand the desire to have some time to oneself. Good luck. I also think it is good, as you say, that they learn how to entertain themselves and learn that they are loved even when not receiving direct attention. I sometimes have other kids over too so that I can have a little more of a break.

[2GR8KIDS]

My ds was the same way. I think you need to gradually build up the time you expect him to play by himself. 5 minutes now; in a few days do 10 minutes; and so on. At 3 you can probably only expect 15-20 minutes, but it will be an improvement over what you have now. I've also found that I'm part of the problem- I found that I was constantly interacting with him while he played ("what are you building", "what a nice drawing", etc.) I now bite my tongue when my younger dd is playing by herself and she is more able to entertain herself. Unfortunately, I think it is somewhat a personality thing. ds is very extroverted and gets a lot of his energy from interacting with others, whereas I am an introvert and need lots of quiet time to myself, so we are a bit of a personality mismatch. I just keep telling myself that someday not too long from now he won't want to interact with me as much and I'll miss it.

ETA: One other thing, my ds's ability to entertain himself improved when I cut back on activities (classes, playgroups, etc.) We still do a lot of these things (like I said, he really needs to be around other people a lot more than I can provide him at home), but I also make sure he has some time playing at home each day (without the TV on!)

[meemee]

i dont think u r being his constant entertainment. i look upon this as a v. positive thing. it isnt that he is bored. he just wants to play with u. he likes having u join him. just give him a little more time. he is getting to the pretend play stage. and then u will feel the opposite. the more he gets into the pretend play the more he will leave u alone.

btw i dont believe in the concept of a bored under 3 year old. or even 5. children are so curious they will play with anything. now i can believe a 3 year old who wont do solitary play. see how u two play. does he initiate the game or do u actually join him. do u choose the activity?

what u r looking for is solitary play and kids are not supposed to really do that till 3 or even 4. some as usual do it early, some later.

[beaner&tiegs]

I found that when there were times that I could not play or read with them, they accepted it and dealt with their boredom, often coming up with the most creative playing. So, for example, when we go canoeing and we're crossing a lake and I just cannot stop to play. Or we're on a car trip and I'm driving. Or once her sibling came along and I had to attend to two. I also find that at first there is a lot of whining and complaining, but once you 'get through' that, the playing gets going. And the first couple of times were hard on them, but now they play really well on their own. I'm a HUGE fan of boredom, I think learning to deal with it is such a huge skill. Good luck, I imagine it's a hard habit to break, but it does get better over time! And then the times that you do play with your child is even more fun and rewarding! Good luck!