CONSTANTLY *hungry*, picky, crying 3.5 yo...help!

[mystic~mama]

my dd has gotten very picky with what she will eat....she asks for something, I make it then she looks at it like, gross, I'm not eatin that or its not the right kind like this morning I gave her a sprouted grain tortilla and she will not eat it because it is not grandmas tortillas (corn and wheat) she used to always eat what I gave her now, its never good enough. Or, if she does like it she never stays full long at all and CONSTANTLY wants to nurse...I am nursed out!!! its still all night and very often throughout the day. She is also screaming and crying when she doesnt get her way, usually food related. Oh and she is always asking for cheese.

I try feeding her more filling things like, fish and coconut milk smoothies and she is still whining to nurse or to eat again very soon after. When I am not able or willing to nurse she freaks and crys, Oh Please, Tatee please, Oh tatee oh tatee....... this is wearing so thin.

what can I do???

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

Does she have a group of things that she generally will eat? At least today -- knowing that it might change tomorrow. Can you put some of these things where she has free access to them and allow her to graze through the day? My kids (2 & 5) have a shelf in the panty and one in the fride where "their" stuff is. They have free reign throughout the day. I generally don't discourage a snack unless we are less than 5 minutes from a meal and then I'll just make sure they know they might not have room for a yummy dinner if they snack. The flip is that I make one breakfast/ lunch/ dinner and if they don't like what's on their plate they can get something else but I'm not fixing it. I will fix "special" snacks -- something that take assembly -- occassionally but not very often.

Having them in charge of their snacks saves me a whole lot of frustration. I figure they know when they are hungry and what they are hungry for. Rather than trying to guess, I just let them take care of it. Obviously I don't buy stuff that I don't want them to eat and sometimes I ration how much is actually on that shelf -- especially for expensive stuff that I want to last I might only put a portion of what was purchased where they can get it.

[Fuamami]

Maybe it's just a growth spurt? Or one coming on?

[~member~]

When my dd at the same age went through that, I found out it had more to do with needing my attention than it was about being hungry. At that age they know they need something, but aren't always able to verbalize...and the easiest thing is saying they are hungry. Especially, if in the past, when they were hungry and asked, the hunger need was met, kwim?

It really helped our relationship when I taught dd how to ask for attention, and how to distinguish for herself, the difference between being hungry and just wanting some mommy time, kwim?

Like asking her where her hungry feeling was at and where the 'i need attention' feeling were at. So, when she was throwing a fit or crying I would at least be able to tell her to point at what part of her was hurting.
She would point to her stomach when she was hungry and point to her chest when she was just needing attention.

It really helped, not only with my frustration, but also helped her feel empowered and able to get what it was that she really needed at the time.

[mother culture]

I want to comment on the nursing. It sounds like she knows this is a emotional reactor for you and she is testing the boundaries. With a 3 year old or even younger I think it is important to have a loose nursing schedule. You can talk to her when she is happy and set some boundaries with a few of her requests included and stick to it. It may take a few weeks but children need a limit that they can't argure. I am amazed you are willing to be kept up at night to give her milk. I started offering my 1.5 year old a cup of rice milk at night when he woke and he gor a lot more to drink in a shorter amount of time and then we could all go back to sleep. He still nurses in the day. My newly 3 year old often refuses to eat what he asks for. I just know that you can't force a child to eat anything. It is very hard when you hate to waist good food. Drink lots of chamomile tea mama and It will help you deal with the whinnies.

[Marsupialmom]

Could she be constipated? If she has a full large intestines it can make the tummy feel funny and confuse signals.