Awful morning--need support

[nabigus]

I went in for the post-dates testing required by the birthing center (which is attached to the hospital) today. Everything looks great--amniotic fluid, placenta, etc.

But they're estimating the baby's weight at 9 lbs 9 oz. I freaked--not about the size (which, frankly, is baloney--my midwife is estimating low to mid 7s), but because I'm now "risked out" of the birthing center.

Nothing I can do can change it. My midwives have fought this battle before and lost. And my midwife specifically said she wasn't worried about the weight estimate since she thinks the baby is just about average. Now I have to use teh L&D floor--supposedly everything else is the same, but I never, never, never considered a hospital birth. I never wanted to deal with the absurd policies and having to snack "under the table" and nurses who push drugs....

I can't get past being angry and sad. I've been crying all day. If I'd had a hint the weight estimate might be a problem, I would have postponed as long as possible, but with being so sick and dehydrated earlier this week I wanted to double check amnioic fluid.

I just feel so devastated. And since I really have no choice, i need to change my attitude in a hurry. Help. I know intellectually I can have the birth I want--but a huge part of me feels like this is the first big, big step in the cascade of interventions. And I know that being this upset is only going to hinder early labor.

Ugh. Sorry to babble on. Today sucks.

[~Megan~]

I am so sorry! Perhaps you could try to get another one and see if you can get a lower weight estimate

[mags]

Oh, that just sucks. I too think that the whole, "guesstimating" of wt is all a bunch of hooey. I can't believe they use that as a eliminating factor at the BC! Our town used to have a BC, but the hospital got PO'd that they lost so much business, they found a way to shut it down. I would have loved to have given birth at a BC over a hospital anyday... so I can see why you are upset. I would be upset too.

[Yummymummy74]

Um thats nuts.. since when is a 9 pound baby REALLY big..besides bigger babies come out easier they have gravity working with them..

Those are the most absurd policies I have ever heard before.. I say just stay home and have your baby in peace and quiet you can do it.

I would personally avoid the hospital at all costs.. there is no telling what kind of crap they can and will pull there if they are flipped out over a measly 9 pounds.

Crap.. my first kid was 10 pounds and I was 16 years old.. I am 5'2 and 98-105 pounds normally BTW.

[chiro_kristin]

Oh Nancy, that's so awful. Of course you should be angry and upset. Don't try to just get over it. You totally have a right to mourn that and just take plenty of opportunities to cry.

I'm super angry for you! I can't believe they won't respect the input of midwives they allow in their own birth center. Is there any way you might consider birthing at home like marsupial said? It's not too late for this! Would that be preferable to the hospital for you? At home you would know that you are in control. That's my worst fear - having that control taken away from me - it makes me truly nauseated just thinking about it.

At the very least, I suggest laboring at home for as absolutely long as you can.

Man, I'm so bleepity-bleep for you and your baby!

[ktmama]

Oh, mama, big hugs to you. Yes, you should stay with your feelings and not try to "get over it", but you do have some decisions to make, don't you? I know when I feel like I don't have choices, it feels so crappy. You do have choices, however. Write them down and make some decisions that you and your family can live with. Take action. You are in control of this decision. I agree you should get a second opinion. If you do decide on the hospital, labor at home for as long as possible and bring an advocate. Or put in place the supports you need to go it UC at home. You know at least we are all here for you. It may even turn out better than the BC! Keep an open mind and heart and your baby will come to you in its own way. You are in my thoughts.

[Mama Coltrane]

Man, I am so sorry. Talk about springing something on to you so late in the game. I can't believe the BC won't take babies that are " estimated " to be over 9 lbs. I know you don't have alot of time, but IMO I would sit on this for a day and really mull it over. Maybe you can get a doula. Will your midwife still be attending your hospital birth? Have a birth plan maybe. Also, know that you can say no when you need to. I am too positive sometimes, but maybe it won't be so bad with your DH, midwife and doula or friend there. Some hospital births are wonderful. You can still be empowered there.

[AugustLia23]

So they won't deliver you in the BC becuase the baby is estimated to be big?? I'm so sorry mamma, thats terrible! Is there any way you could find a HB midwife and do a homebirth, of course there isn't much time, but I would try to do that if I were in your situation. Hospital birth is really difficult, esp. if you've had your heart set on something else.

[henhao]

Oh my gosh, that REALLY sucks. I am so sorry about that. I have a BPP scheduled for Monday and wonder if they'll do the same thing to me. I think all their estimates are rather big considering my belly is so small.

Those weight measurements are such horse patootie!

I am feeling for you. Lots of people here have wonderful advice, and I don't have much to add. I just want to send support and hugs your way.

-deborah

[nabigus]

Hi, all. Thank you all so much for the support--it really means a lot to me. I do have choices, I do have power, and it's great to remember that.

I conked out when I got home, slept for three hours, and now feel like I can start thinking again about what we're going to do. I met with my midwife after the tests, and Dh and I asked her tons and tons of questions. My conclusion is that we can have a birth center birth, just not in the birth center. (Don't get me started on the absurd estimated size policy. What crap.) While we would be on the L&D floor, we would have the m/w there the whole time, she (not any random OB) would be "in charge," and we don't have to do anything we don't want to do--no continuous monitoring, etc. We can drape the equipment, shove it out of the way, turn down the lights and do what we want. Basically, the environment would be different (normal tub instead of big jacuzzi), and depending on the nurse, we'd have to be less overt about things like eating. (Again, WTH are they thinking? And this is under the same roof as the birthing center, which encourages eating and drinking, mind you.)

The good news is that I've got amazing support: dh is super educated and more than prepared to be my advocate (just in case), my sister will be there, my mom (who had unmedicated births in the era of twilight sleep) will be there, I love both my midwives, and I am utterly, completely confident I can birth this baby vaginally and that he's just the right size for me.

Re getting a second opinion, for the purposes of BC policy it doesn't matter. Even if we were to get another estimate of, say, 8 lbs, the higher estimate "wins" and I get risked out. (My reaction: OMG, you have got to be kidding me. Plus, I am SO not carrying a 9lb 9oz baby here--I'm not big at all. But I digress.)

We looked into homebirth originally, and couldn't find someone we clicked with who wasn't on vacation in August. I have to admit I'm just not excited about #1 being UC, even though I know my body can do this. I'm planning on being at home as long as humanly possible, though, that's for sure. Since I don't seem to be in early labor yet, I'm going to sleep on it, and start making some decisions in the morning.

Anyway, dh and I are going to go out to a tasty restaurant and hang out together this evening.

Thanks again, mamas. And I'm so delighted to hear about all these amazing births and beautiful babies--keep 'em coming!

nancy

[nancy926]

Nancy,
That stinks that you are risked out of the birth center using something that's got such a high error rate....but it's great that you are advocating for yourself NOW and making sure you can get the birth you want, and that you have great people to surround you and support you.

I know that everything will turn out great, and that you are carrying the perfect sized baby for you. If you were closer I would come stand outside your door and keep all the nurses away (what, are they going to fight with a mom holding a 1-day-old???). As it is I will just send positive birthing thoughts your way.

Hugs,
Nancy

[mtnsunshinemama]

Just sending hugs and a good night sleep so you can think clearly and make the decisions best for you and your babe! Best of luck and all blessings!

[EStreetMama]

My first response until I saw your update was "THAT SUCKS!!!!"
After reading your update though--it still is a ridiculous policy and it does suck (especially that you had to go through that kind of stress) but it sounds like you are informed and empowered and well-accompanied so I have no doubt that you and your baby are going to be absolutely fine.

Just go into zen mode and focus despite the "hospital" feel of your surroundings. Have a beautiful birth in spite of medical stupidity! Your body will do it for you no matter how big or small your baby is, right?

Keep us updated, of course!!!!

Take care--
Adrienne

[henhao]

I want to add this positive story in honor of nabigus...

My friends live in Texas and had no birth center option; they didn't want to homebirth (or could not) and their only option was the hospital. The threat to induce was hanging over the woman's head, so she burst into tears the night before the induction. Dang it all if that didn't get things moving right along.

They went to the hospital and, of course, drugs were offered. I guess -- to make the best of it -- we could all say that some nurses are unedcuated and really do think drugs are helpful; they are not *trying* to be evil. The husband was a strong advocate and he kept people away from his wife when necessary and held her hand.

They ended up with a natural birth in a hospital and a healthy girl.

In short, nabigus, I think you'll do fine with your strong advocate and supportive husband along with the other support people you mentioned.

You'll show them all how wonderful a birthing a can be!

[Mama Coltrane]

Yes, I too know many people who have had great hospital births. I think having your midwife there with you is HUGE. You can bring some things from home- pictures, candles, a blanket, etc. After you cover the medical equipment, spread some of your comfort things around. You will feel more relaxed and in a homey atmosphere this way. With my DS I had him at a BC. I loved the midwives, didn't know the nurses, of course. A midwife was with me the whole time, as well as my doula and DH. The nurses were background. But... I tried to go in with an open mind and not assume all the nurses would be bad or going against my idea of a nice birth. Well, come to find out they were all wonderful and no one pushed drugs ( never even mentioned it ). Preparing for the worst mentally may be helpful, but you may be surprised that the nurses are great. Alot of them go into the profession for the right reasons and really understand birth and its sacred nature.

[chiro_kristin]

I agree that it sounds like this won't be so bad for you, Nancy.

And I just want to say that I DO think the best of people, generally, until they prove me wrong. I don't think most OBs or L&D nurses are evil. I think most of them are ignorant, biased, uneducated, stressed out by their own personal lives (aren't we all) or by their administration, or brainwashed, or some combination of those. Then there are the really great ones who come in with a heart true for service to their patients, and even some of those can be uninformed or brainwashed. So then there are the fraction of those folk who are outstanding.

Same goes with any profession, except we just see it more with some professions because of the impact it has on the people they are serving.

Just had to get that off my chest. Praying that Nancy experiences the best of the best!

[Yummymummy74]

I think its not so much the fact about the nurses and Sob's in hospital .. I think its the bare fact that hospitals are NOT clean places. That is my utmost concern when making a choice about where to bring a new perfect person into the world..

Anyhow your MMV.