4 yr old DS and hands on his privates...

[3girls1boy]

You know when my son was a baby, as soon as his diaper came off, he made a grab for his penis. Talking to other parents of boys, this seemed to be perfectly normal.

Now that he is newly out of diapers, he often will put his hands down his pants--not excessively--often when he is tired. I've told him time and time again that it is fine, but he has to do that in his room by himself because that is private behavior. He sometimes tells me not to look then.

How have you dealt with this?

[Itlbokay]

Oh yes. This too shall pass, but until it does it can be embarassing, at times .

I think you're doing fine in how you are handling it (not that you asked). I also couldn't help but giggle at your son's comment about not looking

[Vermillion]

Originally Posted by Itlbokay

I also couldn't help but giggle at your son's comment about not looking

Same here! :LOL What a clever little guy!

Anyway. Sorry, I haven't dealt with this yet. So no helpful advice from me.

[flyingspaghettimama]

Eh? I thought little boys just showed up like that. Head, two arms, two legs, torso, hand on penis.

I do not have a boy, but I have many friends with boys, and I haven't seen one yet without his hand seemingly permanently attached. I am expecting a boy in three more months, so at least I know what to expect...it appears to take much redirection and asking "do you need to use the bathroom or do you need privacy in your room?" It's not really something I would say I look forward to...like the fart jokes...but yet, it's just how it is, I guess.

I think around age 18 they stop with this behavior, but no promises.

Seriously, do a search in this thread or in GD on boys (and kids) touching themselves. You are not alone in your feelings of worry. It's very common.

[angela&avery]

:LOL :LOL I got one for ya!!!!! My four year old was standing right next to me talking to me with his jammy bottoms pulled down under his testicles so that his penis and testicles were, like holding them down!!! I jsut about died laughing.... Im like what are you doing??? :LOL :LOL

[angela&avery]

Seriously tho, dont be worried. It is so normal.. have you ever seen Dana Carvey do stand up?? He has a joke about his boys doing it.... it is so so so normal, and i dont know about your son, but my four year old is not not not modest... i let him know if it becomes liek excessive, like he jsut keeps touching it, after a while i remind him that he will need to wash his hands because after he pees and poops there are are germs down there and we are only really clean right after a bath and before we pee adn poop again, jsut to make it a cleanliness issue rather htan a taboo something he shouldtn be doing type of thing... but really it is so very normal

[Itlbokay]

Originally Posted by loraeileen

I think around age 18 they stop with this behavior, but no promises.

So true, my saying that this too shall pass is not quite accurate....it's more like this too shall get better, but probably won't ever stop 100%. I have seen many grown men with this same behavior, they just learn to be more discreet.

[loudmama]

I'm not sure its just boys. My 4 yo seems to have her hand down her pants or just touching her genitals over her clothes a lot! Aside from sometimes feeling good, I just think its something they do.

L

[3girls1boy]

Thanks everyone!

I asked my DH if he remembered doing that and he said, "I'm sure I didn't," kind of indignantly--but now I'm sure he just doesn't remember.

[mommajubilee]

just chiming in on the "it's so normal" sentiment. my 4-yo ds seems to practically have one hand permanently attached there as well.

[dvnmama]

I asked my DH if he remembered doing that and he said, "I'm sure I didn't," kind of indignantly

Ok that made me laugh...because in order to teach ds that it's only appropriate in his bedroom, I'd have to banish dh to HIS bedroom, lol. I actually have a picture that I threaten to circulate from time to time, of the two of them, sitting on the couch looking like freaking Al Bundy. My boys...gotta love em.

Totally normal...I swear Dev had his hand on his penis in utero. And every time the diaper came off after that.

I do redirect when we're out and about, but I've given up redirecting at home. Usually when someone is over, they're active with him anyway, so it's not an issue. It's definitely a comfort thing.

Sue

[m0mto3]

[QUOTE= I also couldn't help but giggle at your son's comment about not looking [/QUOTE]

Ditto with me... in fact I giggled aloud. Sounds like my 3 YO.
When we were first starting to pt him, I let him run around naked (he has most of the summer anyway) and in the beginning, he was ALWAYS touching himself... and I felt like a broken record. Now it's rare. Yeah, he still does, but it was like constant b4.
I've also had little boys in school (I teach elementary music) who've had their hand(s) in their pants almost the whole class... until I talked with their classroom teacher and we made up a code for them (to signal to stop without saying it aloud) It's almost like a habit for some kids I think...

You're handling it well.. but you have a little smarty there

[LunaMom]

I work with 3 and 4 year old boys in a summer camp, and trust me, they all do this. I've learned to change them out of bathing suits really fast so that they don't have that much of a chance to be naked, otherwise they would all just stand there fiddling away.

It doesn't faze me; I just ask them if they need the bathroom. Occasionally one will say, "No, I'm just touching my penis," and I'll say, "You can touch your penis in private at home, but not at camp." My poor counselors - they're 16 year old girls and turn purple whenever this happens! :LOL

[Denise K]

Hm, so maybe I am not being delinquent as I get less and less inclined to insist on privacy all the time? If it's bugging me--like if he's on my lap--I'll let him know that he needs to find somewhere more private or stop. But mostly I just ignore it. I used to try to teach him on this all the time, but I swear it had no effect.

One day he was grabbing himself at church (this was about 2 I think) and I said "Do you need to pee?" He said no, and the minister, who was standing there, said "Just checkin, huh. Still in there?" Which cracked me up.

[Mamajamz]

We were in Burger King one day when DS was about 3....

Me: " Do you need the restroom?"
Him: "Nope, just touching my penis and I've been touching it ALLLLLLL day!"

Of course it was loud enough for the whole restaurant to hear. What can you do? :LOL

[maemaesmama]

Circd or no?

I haven't laughed this hard for a while! I knew I needed a good dose of Mothering tonight! I have a 2yr old son who tugs and pulls most of the time he is awake, and at home. I leave him be. He is uncirced, and I have read it is a natural way to assist the foreskin in retracting. Just thought I'd mention that tid bit.

[3girls1boy]

Originally Posted by maemaesmama

He is uncirced, and I have read it is a natural way to assist the foreskin in retracting. Just thought I'd mention that tid bit.

My son is intact, but he is already completely retractable. That was another story, about a year ago, when he discovered that. Thankfully, he only offered to show his new discovery ("Do you want to see what's inside my penis?") to his immediate family. My DDs were somewhat horrified and scared that he was hurting himself.

[morgainesmama]

My 3yo loves his penis very, very much. And I tell him, "Please go in your room by yourself or go in the bathroom and shut the door." Sometimes he announces, "I'm going to go in my room and play wiht my penis." If we're out, I just say, "Let it alone." And he knows just what I mean.

A few gems -- shortly after his third birthday, as I typed on the computer he calls to me, "Mommy, look! It's very big!" I took the bait and said, "That's great honey, what' very big?" "My penis! And see the purple ball (retracting)?"

He loves to stuff things in his foreskin ... "Please don't put dirt in your penis." "Please take your sister's Polly Pocket out of your penis."

Or best of all, as I sat in the caseworker's office applying for social aid, he said (and continued insisting) "I want to go in the bathroom and play with my penis."

I do get a little weird when he plays himself to sleep and I have to remove his hands and pull up his pants while he naps, but .... eventually he'll be far too embarrassed to let me know what he's doing. I look forward to that. :

It's all perfectly normal though.

[Francy]

Originally Posted by morgainesmama

"Please take your sister's Polly Pocket out of your penis."

AHHHHHHHHH! I'm DYING here!!! choking on tea...





my son is allllllways grabbing at it thru his pants. in public, people are forever saying to me, "uh, does your little boy need the bathroom?" i think at one time i must have said something like "no, he's just checking to see if it's still there" b/c now that is what he always says to me (when i ask if he needs the potty).

love, love the comment about "then don't look."

but it raises a question for me: since 4 yr olds question EVERYTHING, what is a good answer to "but why is it private?"

uh. er. um. because.....hmmmm. why are some things private, and others not? why are they "private parts"? why, mama? WHY WHY WHY??

ahhhhgh.

i thought of going the route of general body grooming (like when i pluck my eyebrows, i go in the bathroom alone). grooming is just private, that's all. simply the "grooming rule." but i don't think this will fly. it's not really the same as plucking your eyebrows. besides, i would then need to request that he be private if he begins to pick at his fingernails.

help!

[morgainesmama]

Um, I take the copout approach. "Because it is." And if they press, I say, "I can explain it much better when you're a bit older, like 10 or 12. It's a tricky thing to explain and to understand."

So far so good ...