Oh, Ladies, what a dreadful morning. Dreadful. And basically, yesterday I felt that I was approaching one of those "Falling Down" moments (remember that Michael Douglas movie?)
Yesterday we were getting our tree inside, the kids were happily playing in the snow out front, but we had come off an awful day. I opened the trunk of the car and I hit my head. It wasn't horrible, but it hurt. And it was like one of those dam-breaking moments where I just cried. I burried my face in my gloves and cried. I don't have too many of these moments (although I have lots of yelling losing it and cry-fests at night with DH, but this wasn't the norm. It was just an "I quit" kinda cry. Have you had those? It wasn't even that the kids were being difficult at that moment, it was just the shear hardness, pain, everything building up and coming out.
This morning DS refused to get dressed for school. DH gave him 2-3 options. Plus, DS can always go to his own dresser and pull out what he wants (which is usually what he does). So, he sat naked on the couch. DH had to leave to go to work and left me with a naked, defiant kid. I tried the "You have your options" approach, the diverting attention approach, the hard-nose approach, and finally the threatening approach. I remained relatively calm through the whole thing until he said he wanted his blue shoes and I got them and then he said he wanted his boots. THEN, I LOST MY MIND AND YELLED virtually in his face. Ugly. Then, I proceeded to lecture him in the car. I told him that he was hurting the family and that I wouldn't allow it anymore. That if he didn't start realizing how his behavior was affecting everyone else in the family and how we needed to be a team, that I couldn't do this anymore. That he would need to go to daycare b/c obviously he doesn't want to work with me as a team.
And you know what? Of course, I feel tremendous guilt about this and what I said, but how could anyone deal with this behavior? HOW? I just don't know. I am at a loss, ladies. A LOSS. I hear friends say that little Johnnie had a tantrum, or said "NO" or whatever and that this was frustrating to them. COME TO MY HOUSE! I don't know how to balance our family out with Bear's sticking-out-like-a-sore-thumb behavior.
I have Bear's school file in front of me b/c I am going to look up the cost of supplemental care for a few days/week. I can't do this alone anymore ladies. There is no buffer EVER between us and BEARs. We have ILs that live pretty close, but they are not really that involved. I have a sitter/mom's helper that comes 1x/week for 2.5 hours. THIS IS NOT ENOUGH. I need to get away from him. I need physical and mental distance from him. And I don't know how to get it.
TEAKS-How are you? Didn't see you post this weekend.
Thanks for listening, ladies, as always. I just don't know where to put all this.