Motivationing a 7 yo

[cbmr777]

Last year was our 1st year HSing. DD went to private school for K and although she did OK, not great. She was going to "flunk" K for not reading 3 letter words yet. Well, she's still not reading, but this past year our main issue was motivation. All DD wants to do is play, play, play.

I am eclectic type HSer but don't have alot of prep time for activities and lessons. If I try unschooling, she doesn't even have any initiative to learn on her own. Plus, her bio dad who is reluctant to have her HSed, wants to see "progress". So I try to teach according to what she needs to learn for that grade level. This year I have most of my curriculum planned -

Bible - TBD
Writing - Italics
Reading - Learning Language Arts Through Literature Kit Grade 1
Math - BJU Math 1 Home School Kit
History - The Mystery of History Volume 1 Creation to the Resurrection
Science - The Great Dinosaur Mystery and the Bible, ScienceWorks for Kids, Habitats, Grades 1-3, ScienceWorks for Kids, How Your Body Works, Grades 1-3, ScienceWorks for Kids, Energy: Light, Heat, & Sound, Grades 1-3, and ScienceWorks for Kids, Grades 1-3, Geology

But it is major battle to get her to want to learn anything, even fun subjects (i.e. she really enjoyed learning about space last year and enjoyed the activities but it is a battle to get her to learning)

If this a 7 yo thing?

Any opinions to have this HS year more successful?

TIA!

[fromscatteredtribe]

my 7yo (who was in public charter for two years and really excited about learning) has been dragging his feet too.

i am sort of going with the flow and sort of laying down the law???

i have certain WEEKLY expectations and daily we go witht he rhythm.

i look forward to other answers.

oh and we have been trying setting a timer for a short period and encouraging work for that time and then a nice break. he likes to know the expectations. he likes a wall chart with daily times laid out too (as long as we are flexible when the day comes)

[teastaigh]

For us, the shorter periods of time work very well with our now 8 year old son. I make sure that we have a routine so that it's just the way things go. We all eat breakfast with Dad, send him off to work -- at office or in the den -- and then do a circle time. After that, we do Saxon math. He likes the interaction and the activities. He's not into the worksheets -- part of it is that the amount of problems just is overwhelming and seems insurmountable. He would spend hours on something that should take 15-20 minutes. He was dilly-dallying, but also just unfocused. It shouldn't be this hard. So, I break
it into chunks for him. I accompany him. I encourage him to yell out the problems, sing them out, and make the doodlees that he so enjoys. I limit the time we spend, then stop and head out on bikes for a while.

Reading is no problem. My son was self-taught in very early toddlerhood. He's motivated, interested, and absolutely absorbed by history, science, stories.

We all read aloud in bed with cookies for at least an hour each afternoon. My youngest enjoys this too.

My Mr. 8 is very bright but not as naturally disciplined as my Mr. 4. I'm not comparing. I'm trying to respect their natures.

I find that my children enjoy structure, the togetherness, and the hours that I spend on the floor with them and their toys. Our entire family studies piano, so we all practice every day too. No one balks at this. It helps that the children see Mom and Dad working and practicing too.

I use "Games for Writing" by Peggy Kaye to really get my Mr. 8 writing and using language. He's very verbal, but again, not focused. The activities in this book have absorbed us for hours.

For devotion, I use a Taize resource that has a monthly Bible study, a daily prayer, and some introspective questions. Our devotion is for 5-10 minutes after lunch.

We're classical, semi Walforf-inspired, eclectic homeschoolers. My husband and I are both very educated and passionate about learning. I share this only because I think we have an incorrect sense of what's on-target, on-task, and appropriate at times. I think we expect too much at times. That said, I also believe in having clear, well-communicated expectations. We're really gentle and joyful in our homeschooling. We spend much time doing what my son loves -- science experiments and science reading. I'm working on getting him to understand that math is required, and it's fun too.

My only advice is to think about what you admire and believe about your child. Make sure this is very conscious in your homeschooling in both words and actions. I feel strongly that our efforts are best spent helping our children to explore and build their strengths -- not putting the main emphasis on their weaker spots (though not ignoring them ... more of a gentle coaching). A wise woman I once worked for said that 80% of feedback should be positive. This has served me well with my children.

Homeschooling is such a tremendous opportunity. It takes time to find our own path and to figure out what works best for each child at a particular time. You'll do it!

peace,
teastaigh

[Linda on the move]

I have a 7 year old and an 8 year old and both my kids like to learn. We are relaxed homeschoolers and my kids have a tremendous amount of say in what we do. Weekly trips to the library are an important part of our homeschooling and every day I set aside blocks of time to read to my DD's. I truly believe that wide exposure to all sorts of books and making reading to my children from books of their own choosing a priority is a large part of the reason they love to learn.

Originally Posted by cbmr777

I am eclectic type HSer but don't have alot of prep time for activities and lessons.

You are listing a ton of stuff that you want her to do, but say that you don't have time for planning. I don't understand. If you have time to try to make her do a bunch of stuff that she isn't interesting in, wouldn't you have a little time to plan interesting things if you stopped trying to make her do things in which she has no interest? What would happend if you took the total amount of time that you allocate to homeschooling her and spent some of it working on cool games, activities, and projects for her to do and then spent a little less time working with her?

It is my experience that when my kids are learning at their own pace in ways that make sense to them, homeschooling is a joy. But that when I miss the mark and try to make them do something that isn't a good fit for them, it drains all the energy from my body. Because this is my experience, I just don't buy it when moms say they don't have time to make their child's education work for their child. It is less total work to do what works for your child, even if it takes longer to plan it.

Bible - TBD
Writing - Italics
Reading - Learning Language Arts Through Literature Kit Grade 1
Math - BJU Math 1 Home School Kit
History - The Mystery of History Volume 1 Creation to the Resurrection
Science - The Great Dinosaur Mystery and the Bible, ScienceWorks for Kids, Habitats, Grades 1-3, ScienceWorks for Kids, How Your Body Works, Grades 1-3, ScienceWorks for Kids, Energy: Light, Heat, & Sound, Grades 1-3, and ScienceWorks for Kids, Grades 1-3, Geology

You say that you don't have time, but half the stuff you list is bible. Even your history and science are religion. Wouldn't you have more time to make reading, writing and math more interesting if you weren't spending a bunch of time on religion? I'm not trying to knock your religion, but if you feel pressed to keep your DD on "grade level" it seems that working on the basic skills of reading, writing, and math should be the priority. These are really the only subjects that "grade levels" matter. (Personally I don't believe in grade levels, but if I had an ex-husband I can see how they could be an issue for me.)

But it is major battle to get her to want to learn anything, even fun subjects (i.e. she really enjoyed learning about space last year and enjoyed the activities but it is a battle to get her to learning)

You seem to be defining learning as doing curriculum. Kids learn from all sorts of things -- cooking together, gardening, going to the museum, taking care of pets, etc. We aren't unschoolers, but I have tremendous respect for what my kids learn when I'm not teaching them. What parts of real life does your DD enjoy? Would she like to plan dinner and help make it one night a week? Would she like to plant some flowers? Does she have a pet?

Any opinions to have this HS year more successful?

There is a continuum of homeschooling styles, from radical unschooling on one end to super structured on the other. I think you need to move toward the middle. I'm not sure how much time you are spending now, but I think that you should aim for less than an hour a day.

I also think you need to help your DD find a hobby.

[Kindermama]

I'm new to homeschooling but I thought of the book by Holt called "Learning All the Time"..skim thru that and it should put all your fears to rest. Children learn, literally, all the time. They are sponges. Trust your daughter.

[cbmr777]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

You are listing a ton of stuff that you want her to do, but say that you don't have time for planning. I don't understand. If you have time to try to make her do a bunch of stuff that she isn't interesting in, wouldn't you have a little time to plan interesting things if you stopped trying to make her do things in which she has no interest? What would happend if you took the total amount of time that you allocate to homeschooling her and spent some of it working on cool games, activities, and projects for her to do and then spent a little less time working with her?

I am not catching your point here. These things don't require a whole bunch of planning. Last year I planned a bunch. We built a log cabin from sticks in the backyard, made candles, went on 8 field trips, went to the library once a week, and so on. The things we did were interesting to her *after* I got her started (which was the battle). She would whine, not wanting to do something, but when I would finally get her started, she would really get into whatever it was we were doing. I.E. We used the ScienceWorks for Space. She enjoyed seeing how an eclipse happens using a globe and a lamp. But getting her to that point was tough.

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

Because this is my experience, I just don't buy it when moms say they don't have time to make their child's education work for their child.

And that is your experience... you are not in my household. My daughter is currently in counseling for depression. She is also hyper active, has extremes in emotions (one minute giddy, another throwing a table against the wall) and I am not sure if this is all related to the unmotivation for learning. And I didn't say I don't any time... I said I don't have alot of time. Last year I spent many many many hours of planning time. Used minimum curriculum, and planned activities more than worksheet type stuff. She was not motivated to learn. Learning was just another chore. She would prefer to watch a video, play dinosaurs or horses and that's it. I chalked it up to deschooling. But I would think the deschooling process is done with now.

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

It is less total work to do what works for your child, even if it takes longer to plan it.

??? I don't understand what you are saying here.

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

You say that you don't have time, but half the stuff you list is bible. Even your history and science are religion. Wouldn't you have more time to make reading, writing and math more interesting if you weren't spending a bunch of time on religion? I'm not trying to knock your religion, but if you feel pressed to keep your DD on "grade level" it seems that working on the basic skills of reading, writing, and math should be the priority.

I have to disagree. In our family, God is the foundation. Every thing in life centers around Him. I want her character to develop as well as her academics. Do you not think religious curriculums have content and "grade level" basic skills of reading, math, and writing. If you notice, my reading and writing are not of religious nature as it is. Neither is the science (with the exception of the dinosaurs since almost everything that goes into dinosaurs also teaches evolution.) Math is from Bob Jones, but she did that in private school kinder, and it did not have a basis in religion. History covers world history from a rleigious viewpoint. Last year, the actual time spent on "religion" was minimum. We did bible, reading, writing, and math every day. Science 2x week, and history/geography 2x week.

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

You seem to be defining learning as doing curriculum. Kids learn from all sorts of things -- cooking together, gardening, going to the museum, taking care of pets, etc.

I would agree. We do all of that - well except for the gardening. I seem to have a black thumb.

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

We aren't unschoolers, but I have tremendous respect for what my kids learn when I'm not teaching them. What parts of real life does your DD enjoy?

Hmmm... playing with her friends, her dog, and her toys. That's about it.

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

Would she like to plan dinner and help make it one night a week?

We do this. I ask her if she wants to help with dinner or she'll ask if she can help, and I let her.

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

Would she like to plant some flowers?

We don't have any money now for plants or frankly, even seeds... plus it is getting on to autumn...

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

Does she have a pet?

Yes. a Golden Retriever and a Persian. She does take care of them and walk the dog up and down our street.

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

There is a continuum of homeschooling styles, from radical unschooling on one end to super structured on the other. I think you need to move toward the middle. I'm not sure how much time you are spending now, but I think that you should aim for less than an hour a day.

Learn for only an hour a day??? How would that be possible? When we read together, that takes a good 30-45 minutes alone. She gets easily distracted or the baby is need of something, etc. Last year we was spending about 4 hours a day with a 2 hour playtime/lunch time that split it up.

I was leaning more towards structured this year (last year I was pretty relaxed, not forcing the issue) because I have been told children with issues like my daughter has needs more structure in their life. They need to kow when this is going to start and that going to end. I was working towards more structure to help bring her chaotic (mental/emotional) life into more control.

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

I also think you need to help your DD find a hobby.

Like what? We tried gymnastics last year... she wants to do horseback riding lessons but we don't have the money... what kind of hobbies can I get a 7 year old in that doesn't require sitting still or too much brain power.

I hope I don't sound too snippy but I am really trying to make HSing work for us or I wouldn't be here seeking advice and ideas.

[Dar]

You've said you're not interested in unschooling, so here are my suggestions based on that... but I think unschooling would work well for her, if you ever want to know more!

I would come up with a daily "schedule" that left her with lots of choices. For example, you could put "Math" on the schedule, and then give her three or four options of things to do for math - maybe a computer game, a workbook page, practicing flashcards, or something else. You determine the options, but she gets to make a choice. You could get one of those pocket charts and put the subject areas on one side, and then make up picture cards representing her choices next to each subject, so:
MATH (picture of workbooks) (picture of flashcards) (picture of computer game)

I'm sure this board could come up with activity ideas, and your daughter would feel some sense of control over her education, and you would learn more about how she learned best by watching what she chose. This is similar to the structure I used as a special ed teacher, by the way. I had a lot of unmotivated kids. You can repeat the same activities as options, too, as long as you keep updating the materials (put out a new workbook page, or new flashcards, or new reading books).

Some things might be required, like if you plan a science project, but I would get her input on that early on, maybe by giving her choices about what project to do next, or about how to do a project.

It sounds like your daughter needs to work in small chunks of time, too... I wouldn't plan many activities that lasted longer than 15-20 minutes, for example. That's long enough for many 7 year olds, even without your daughter's issues. I'd plan a schedule with short structured periods interspersed with periods of movement and less structure. Really, one-two hours should be plenty for formal academics, with maybe an hour's worth of unstrctured breaks in the middle. I don't include things like reading aloud in this - that's often a nice thing to do at bedtime, when maybe your spouse can care for the baby. Also, some kids like to play while you read aloud, and that doesn't mean they're not listening - just that sitting still is hard for them. My sister was always like this...

If your daughter likes being read to, you might consider getting some story tapes (or CDs). My daughter played her Jim Weiss CDs over and over while she played - Shakespeare, lots of Greek mythology, King Arthur, and more. You may be able to et them at your library, but they're worth paying for, too. And you can count them as academics if you want - she can drop some references to Greek myths or some quotes from Shakespearean plays into conversation, and bio-dad will be guaranteed impressed

Dar

[Callimom]

Hi Christine

I have a 7 year old and I have to say your list sounds a bit heavy for that age group IMO.

I personally would put a lot of the scheduled stuff aside and work with her on reading and basic math skills. You sound like you have a bit of a classical bent to your plans. I don't know if you have read the Well Trained Mind but the author states that in the early years building a good foundation of reading and math should be the primary goals. The rest of it is icing on the cake. Exposure is good, retention isn't the goal and none of it will matter if the basics of reading, writing and math aren't there.

There are lots of fun ways to help reading and math which might increase your daughter's interest in learning - especially if they are positioned as fun times with Mum. Peggy Kaye has some great ideas in her books Games for Reading, Games for Writing, Games for Math, and Games with Books. You can check out livingmath.com for some neat ideas about incorporating math into everyday life. Family Math and Janice VanCleave's Let's play and find out about math are both filled with fun ideas.

I might also consider letting her interests dictate the topics you study/focus on. You can incorporate a lot of learning using their interests. For example, my son recently went through a hockey phase. Some of the topics that came up as a result included
geography (he learned all the flags and locations, languages and populations of world cup countries,)
history (because we are in Canada and well there is no history without hockey - lol)
science (a puck in motion stays in motion unless it hits something which changes it's direction, do frozen pucks really go faster etc)
economics related to the strike,
popular culture etc.

We went to games, the Hockey Hall of Fame, did science experiements related to physics about motion, force, temperature etc - all of which he came up with himself. We made up tournaments with rules and participants, figured out statistics, made up our own teams, designed our own jerseys. He saved his allowance for street hockey equipment and hockey cards and learned about banking and interest. He read the sports pages to see of the status of the strike. We read biographies of his favourite players. We watched classic games like the 1972 Canada Russia series and talked about politics of the times. We talked about women's leagues and why they aren't as popular as men's. My Dh helped him build a cut out wooden goalie to stand in the net when there wasn't anyone willing to play any more hockey.... And we spent tonnes of time playing hockey. :LOL

This was just a really LONG :LOL example of the ways that learning can lead you down a lot of paths. All of this to him was play. And it was all fun. If you had asked me if I wanted to spend 6 months studying hockey in depth I would have fallen over. But that is exactly what we did and for the most part I enjoyed it as much as he did. Now we're off hockey and into flight and we're doing the same kinds of things. I'm amazed at where it is leading us.
You could easily do the same things with space or horses or quilting or dinosaurs or art or whatever she is interested in.

I did want to comment on something you mentioned about structure. I do think that you are right that a child like your daughters needs some structure in her life. However I think you can get that through routine as opposed to imposing a lot of structure. I'm not sure I am being clear here. You can have structure her day without necessarily structuring her learning so rigidly. You might try thinking of it as a routine - a way to organize your time so she knows what is coming next. I think our days are pretty loose, but we have a routine about when we get up, eat, do chores, watch tv, read with mum, have tea time, go for a walk to the park, or play outside, do math, have quiet time etc.

I think that you could be setting yourself up for a battle with your daughter over learning and I'm not sure either of you will benefit from it.

I hope this helps
Karen

[boysrus]

If your dd is hyperactive and depressed, four would be waay too long for academics, imo. She could be sffering from burnout.
I have an eight year old, a seven year old and a four year old. We spend less than an hour a day on academics, and that is teaching all three.
My oldest has aspergers, and hates to sit in a formal "class time" We do a few minutes of handwriting and math work a day, which he tolerates but doesnt love. That is the only subjects that are :force fed: if you will.
For the rest of it, we sit down at the beginning of the year and discuss what he would like to learn, because it is his education. After he tells me his goals, I go over them with the 7 year old, and see if he would like to add anything, or not participate in anything. This way, they are really inested in it. Then, we get all our curriculum from the library or online.
Besides the math and handwriting, my kids are either working with me or independently on the subjects they chose, or they ar doing freeplay.

[moominmamma]

I have an almost-7yo (and have had two 7yo's in the past) and also think that your list looks pretty darn heavy. My almost-7yo spends about 40 minutes a day on structured learning, reads for pleasure for an average of 30-45 minutes a day of her own accord, and gets read aloud to from books she's interested in for about an hour a day. Grand total : less than 2 1/2 hours, most of which is child-led and completely voluntary.

The truth of it, as Edward Deci (in his brilliant book "Why We Do What We Do" on the study of human motivation) stated, is that you cannot motivate a child -- you can only create the conditions under which she may motivate herself. Those conditions include autonomy, authenticity and awareness. In other words ... we parents cannot cause or create motivation. At best our efforts to create motivation end up creating compliance. If we have a child who is particularly spirited and autonomy-driven, we won't even get that. What we really ought to strive for is for our children to internalize and then integrate our values, to make them their own, to want the things we want, not simply to please us or to toe the line, but to satisfy themselves. And that requires that we give them genuine control over their own lives and their own behaviours and feelings, that we be completely honest with them and that we encourage their engagement in the process of guiding their own pursuits.

My 6yo has that kind of control. She has my trust. As a result, she is fired up about learning. She learns by playing with the dog, by planting a 49¢ packet of radish seeds (yes, you can plant them at this time of year!), by challenging herself to sight-read through her brother's piano book, by typing an e-mail to her aunt. But my trust in her desire to learn is crucial to that self-motivated desire.

Whenever I hear of kids who "have no interest in learning" it seems to me that either their interest in learning has been stifled by well-meaning but controlling adults who are impinging on their autonomy, or they are learning just fine, but not within the tidy confines of subject areas recognized by their worried parents.

I'd encourage you to look at what your dd is doing and learning with a more outside-the-box mindset, and to relax your expectations of her in terms of schoolish output. I've got kids from 6 - 11 who are years ahead of age-levelled school curricula, and I can't imagine expecting 4 hours a day of structured schoolwork out of them. I think the idea of focusing on 'grade-levelled' subject work and letting the rest of the 'school stuff' slide is very sensible. I think that 20 minutes a day on each of language arts and mathematics would be plenty, and you'd stand a much greater chance of her natural interest in learning re-igniting if you truly kept your expectations to that level.

Cheers!

Miranda

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Karenwith4

I do think that you are right that a child like your daughters needs some structure in her life. However I think you can get that through routine as opposed to imposing a lot of structure.

:
my older DD has mild special needs, sensory integration issues, and would be labled LD if she went to school. She thrives on routine. What routine means for us is planning lots of time for outside play and excerise (which she has to have or she can't think straight), time to train and play with the dogs, time to read, etc. She would be a complete mess if I expected her to sit down and do a ton of curriculum. She learns best through hands on experiences. Having a routine and doing worksheets are NOT the same thing. You can give your child the structure she needs and still let her learn in an open ended way. Getting lots of fresh air and exercise is very good for people with depression.

some inexpensive hobbies and pastimes my DDs enjoy:
orgami
sprouting seeds (you can get books for the library on how to save sprout seeds from foods you eat or start plants with cuttings from plants)
crafts (simple hand sewing, cross stitch, making jewlery, making dolls etc.)
art (painting, drawing, building with clay, etc.)
cooking (invite your DD to pick a recipe or plan a meal -- give her more control).
keeping a nature notebook (we try to get to a natural area once a week, go for a walk, and find something interesting to draw, we find intersting flowers and leaves and press them, etc.)

Doing school 4 hours a day isn't deschooling. Doing more of the same isn't going to get her interested in learning.

Have your checked your DD for food allergies? I ask because I've known people who saw a huge change in their kids behavior after tracking down food problems and then eliminating the problem food.

[mammastar2]

Tentatively planning homeschooling here and have a 3 year old, so looking more to the wisdom of the other homeschoolers here than offering my own...

but I do think you've got some wonderful advice here (moominmama, you're so articulate!). Someone on one of the other threads was saying that studies apparently show that in a typical 6-7 hour day for schooled kids, only 1-2 hours max is actual 'learning' time (curriculum 'delivery'). The rest is discipline, handing out papers, taking back papers, bathroom breaks, recess, lunch, attendance, etc. So don't feel like you're being a slacker for working with her one on one for an hour with her math and reading skills, then taking a freer approach to the rest!

Have you considered asking her for her help in planning for the year (or month, or week, if that's more manageable?) You could try saying "hey, you seem to enjoy X, so why don't we build off that for a while and see what other kinds of fun activities we can develop from it?" (Or just work it in covertly if she'd clam up if you tried that) E.g. with cooking, you can mess around with fractions, study other cultures, read recipes. With her pets, there are lots of great fiction and non-fiction books about animals, there's also lots of interesting biology involved. What kinds of toys is she into? You can probably do stuff with that too.

And if her reading skills are still developing, definitely read to her!

[cbmr777]

Thank you all! I probably was a bit grumpy in my previous post... I'm going to kind of piece this together with various comments I had with various posts... (If it doesn't flow smoothly, I apologize! I have 4 girls over for a slumber party tonight! LOL)

With DD2, when she gets old enough we want to unschool her (and I know I need to learn more about that as the time comes). And personally I do lean towards the classical bent as I have always been a studious type person (I'm a computer geek) as my DH is (an engineer). I have read the Well Trained Mind and love the idea but see no way DD1 could actually benefit from that style of learning. Maybe I am unconsciously trying to be classical anyway?

We (DH and myself) are introverts and love to read and learn. My DD1 is the complete opposite in personality than the rest of us. She's very extroverted, on the go 24/7, can't sit still, etc etc. She likes being outside while we are more indoor types. I know that makes it hard to do things "her" way because it is completely against my own personality.

On top of that, I get stressed at this "have to show progress" thing with my XH. If it was totally up to me, I'd unschool. Maybe ya'll are right in that I have too much planned - just anxious about covering all of my bases, IYKWIM?

retention isn't the goal

Really? And I thought my daughter just had a problem with memory skills. shrug

However I think you can get that through routine as opposed to imposing a lot of structure. I'm not sure I am being clear here. You can have structure her day without necessarily structuring her learning so rigidly. You might try thinking of it as a routine - a way to organize your time so she knows what is coming next.

I get it, now... Like I can have a routine sorta like this?
Get up, eat breakfast, brush teeth, brush hair
Do devotion, writing, and reading
Break for lunch & play time
Do math & any other activity (maybe history or science)
Chores
Free time
Dinner

and so on... So I still get the academics in but let her choose when we do it as long as reading/writing is done before lunch and math and anything else is done before dinner?

I do read to her every night at bedtime. She's not reading yet on her own.

Getting lots of fresh air and exercise is very good for people with depression.

She definitely gets this (except in the frigid winter)! She's a completely outdoor kind of girl!

Whenever I hear of kids who "have no interest in learning" it seems to me that either their interest in learning has been stifled by well-meaning but controlling adults who are impinging on their autonomy, or they are learning just fine, but not within the tidy confines of subject areas recognized by their worried parents.

I probably fall into both categories, huh? I am Obsessive-compulsive at times and like control of things but I am always very worried. Mainly that I can't prove her learning and her daddy will take her away from me and put her in public school. That's my greatest fear. He objects greatly to homeschooling. He asks al the time, "What have you learned?" and DD1 will say "I don't know". I then have to hear a lecture on why she isn't learning, etc etc. He refuses to read anything on homeschooling so I can't convince him in other way except that she demostrates the learned material.

Have your checked your DD for food allergies?

No I haven't... I will have to keep that in mind...

Again, thank you all for being patient with me...

[boysrus]

I think that routine makes sense.
((Hugs)) on the exhusband thing. Homeschooling under pressure to perform must be tough!
As far as the seed thing goes, this year, I took regular old dried beans(black beans, chili beans, pinto beans, lentils) and planted them right into the ground. DO you knw they are the healthiest harvest of all in my garden? You can een plant bird seed, and leave it in the window and it will grow in winter. Just plant it in a small yogurt cup or a margarine tub, and dig out some dirt from the back yard. Also, the dollar store sells seeds 10 for $1

[cbmr777]

Originally Posted by boysrus

I think that routine makes sense.
((Hugs)) on the exhusband thing. Homeschooling under pressure to perform must be tough!

What attracted me to the homeschooling idea was the more relaxed approach. Hard when not all parties are supportive.

Originally Posted by boysrus

As far as the seed thing goes, this year, I took regular old dried beans(black beans, chili beans, pinto beans, lentils) and planted them right into the ground. DO you knw they are the healthiest harvest of all in my garden? You can een plant bird seed, and leave it in the window and it will grow in winter. Just plant it in a small yogurt cup or a margarine tub, and dig out some dirt from the back yard. Also, the dollar store sells seeds 10 for $1

I have such a black thumb but ya know, you have inspired me to try again! LOL

Thank you for your encouraging words!

[mammastar2]

Maybe on the XH issue, work on developing some kind of record-keeping routine for yourself that will take the pressure off and let you do what you want to do. You know, you might feel more relaxed about being the homeschooler/unschooler you would like to be if you get in the habit of summarizing what she's done each day in 'schooly' language in some kind of a journal for the purpose. E.g. if she was learning through baking, note the hands-on chemistry experiments you did together, and the fractions she was working on.

[cbmr777]

Maybe on the XH issue, work on developing some kind of record-keeping routine for yourself that will take the pressure off and let you do what you want to do. You know, you might feel more relaxed about being the homeschooler/unschooler you would like to be if you get in the habit of summarizing what she's done each day in 'schooly' language in some kind of a journal for the purpose.

That's a great idea. Last year I tried doing a journal of sorts but quickly lost momentum on it. (Felt too overwhelmed with everything else going on) I have been looking at everyone's blogs to get ideas... I should start a personal HS blog, too... Would show we are not just doing nothing every day. ;D

Thanks!

[judejude]

Well, I'm not sure I'll remember everything I wanted to comment on but here goes---

We are new to homeschooling/unschooling and I guess I'd categorize us as the eclectic type leaning toward unschooling. My dd is 9 and has an anxiety disorder, auditory processing disorder, ADHD, sensory integration disorder, etc.

I truly have an unmotivated kid just like you do.....however, it was pointed out to me by someone on a yahoo homeschooling group, that she just may not be motivated to do the things I want her to do. After thinking about that some, I do think that is true to an extent. The other reasons, I believe, come from being forced to do stuff she didn't want to do for so long in school. I think I would have had a more motivated kid who was more creative and thought for herself if she hadn't been in that environment for so long.

It has been hard for me to piece things together and figure out how to manage HS a kid who needs structure but at the same time seems to push hard against it. It was good for me to hear people here talk about the difference between routine and structure. That was hard for me to wrap my head around on my own, before reading those posts.

Someone made a comment to me about how the only child truly unmotivated to learn (by any definition) was someone who was clinically depressed. Well, although I think he may have been being snippy, I thought well, that is possible. We have the mental health stuff already and she has had such a horrible experience with school that anything's possible. And having said that, what do you do with a kid and their learning when/if they are depressed.

I read a lot of good ideas on this thread about things to do and how to get your kid involved in things. The problem is that my kid doesn't function like that. I wish she would be so interested in anything (even Barbies) that she would want to read and learn all kinds of stuff that I could relate back to that. That would be heaven but it's not that easy.

I plan to deschool/unschool and then play games and stuff that don't look to her like learning. She is not too far behind in her reading (if we're talking grade levels) but her math is preschool or something---maybe K.
It is such a challenge.

One thing I am doing related to reading/writing is this--- I have called up people who I know have more time than some others and have asked them to write her a note/letter once a week. She loves getting mail and since it's her mail she likes to read it herself and only ask for help when she really needs it.
If she gets 5 things a week that's everyday she will read something since I can't get her to read for me even though she can do it. I am hoping I can get her to write back to them since I will say that you can't get another letter until you write back. One of her letters consisted of Dear ____, love, Raven. If that's all I can get out of her some days well, I'd rather not discourage her since I might get more out of her the next day if I don't turn it into a negative experience.

I also think that she is so worried about doing everything "right" that she has given up. I am working on gettig her to do thigns and encouraging her to do them however she wants. We can perfect things later.
I also plan to only work on things for 15 min. here and there. Her attention span is so bad that that's what I plan to do unless she is enjoying herself and not wanting to stop (I can only dream).

Here is the link to the thread I started on an unschooling group on yahoo, about dd not being motivated. If the link doesn't work maybe you will have to join the dang group to read it, in which case I apologize.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unscho...377?threaded=1

If you want to join you can go to :
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschooling-dotcom/

[Callimom]

Originally Posted by judejude

One thing I am doing related to reading/writing is this--- I have called up people who I know have more time than some others and have asked them to write her a note/letter once a week. She loves getting mail and since it's her mail she likes to read it herself and only ask for help when she really needs it.
If she gets 5 things a week that's everyday she will read something since I can't get her to read for me even though she can do it. I am hoping I can get her to write back to them since I will say that you can't get another letter until you write back. One of her letters consisted of Dear ____, love, Raven. If that's all I can get out of her some days well, I'd rather not discourage her since I might get more out of her the next day if I don't turn it into a negative experience.

My kids love to get mail too. Have you thought about doing a Flat Travellers project or a postcard exchange?

Some other ideas for kids who like mail:
Write embasseys for information about their countries, search goverment and teacher websites for free stuff, request samples of appropriate things, write very fast appreciation letters (ie We like your crayons!), get magazine subscriptions, fill out surveys etc in the kid's names, ask organziations (like the children's museums etc) to send newsletters/information in your child's name, put up a mailbox in his/her room and have family deliver letters etc.

HTH
Karen

[cbmr777]

judejude, it sounds like our kids are very similar. My DD has not been officially diagnosed. We are going to a counselor and she doesn't want to rush into any diagnosis yet. Preliminary guesses lean towards ADHD, bi-polar, and depression. However, she is not rushing into anything as she believes that medication is not something to rush into. We are appreciating her wariness and thoroughness to weed out other causes first. Depression is a big one right now. She loves her bio-dad but has not seen him since last July and then she had to compete for his attention with an internet girlfriend. Before that, she hadn't seen him in a year. On top of that, major life changes - moving from TX to MI where there is no family, friends here; going from the structure and routine of a private school to HS where even mom is unsure of what she is doing; already knowing she is labeled as behind the other kids in reading (thanks to the school); separation & divorce; a remarriage on my part; a new baby sister (after being the only child of a single mom for 7 years); moving 8 times in 7 years; his daddy getting remarried, divorced within 6 months, and remarried again with 2 new step-siblings; etc etc. Those many changes would be hard for an adult much less a 7 year old child. My heart breaks for her and I never intended for life to turn out this way... All I can say is that while I can not control her bio-daddy's life style, I can control mine now as I am in a very happy, very stable marriage.

My DD loves to get mail, too. Thank you for the suggestions, Karen!