Hair power struggles!

[Sneezykids]

Well it's nothing new really, my dd has long hair halfway down her back and has insisted she let her bangs grow out. When she has it back in a tail/barrettes it looks nice. Sometimes she lets me braid it or do the crab comb. But mostly it looks like a haystack and her bangs hang directly in her eyes. They are just getting long enough to go behind her ear but they fall out and she could care less that she looks like cousin It. :LOL
I have threatened to get it cut when she won't let me help her brush it. It's really become a power struggle. She has always screamed about the tangles and runs away.
I don't want to cut it, I like her hair long but she really can't take good care of it, and she thinks me helping her brush it makes her feel like a baby
Any ideas on how to tame the mane??

[Sneezykids]

OOPS, I just saw the other post on long hair. :LOL

[onlyzombiecat]

My dd is also growing out bangs and they get in her eyes.
What has helped was letting dd pick out some headbands. She will wear them since she picked them out and they are quick to put in or re-adjust.
Maybe you could make a game of "hair salon"... get a stool for her to sit on with a mirror to hold while you do her hair.

[Sneezykids]

she wears headbands but complains they itch after a while
the hair salon playing is a great idea! I can't blame her really, I had long thick hair as a child too and remember bending on my knees over the laundry tub for my mom to shampoo it...torture! And I was 10-11!! :LOL
At least dd is good at shampooing/conditioner.

[Ann-Marita]

My 9 yr old DD has very long hair.

I explained to DD that having long hair is a big job, and that, until she gets older, she will need to have help with it, and may want help even when she is older. I showed her paintings of women (grown women!) getting their long hair cared for by another woman - this is something that has happened for many centuries. Degas did some paintings, seems like there were some from the Renaissance.

I didn't look at it as a power struggle - more like an education that long hair is simply more than she could handle at that age. DD can brush her hair now, but not thoroughly.

And yes, I told her at one point that either she will let me care for it, or it will have to get cut. DD likes having long hair, so she cooperated with letting me brush it.

I also learned how to do some very nice braids. DD likes having special braids and really likes her hair being very "contained" for play, dance, swimming. She also realized that sitting still for braiding makes it so that she can skip several days of hair brushing (we will leave the braid in for up to a week, depending on how fuzzy it gets), so it saves time and tears (fewer tangles).

Good luck with growing out the bangs. I remember doing that in third grade, and it was a hassle! Know anyone who can do cornrows? Any type of braid that starts close to the roots of the shorter hair (like french braided pigtails) will help keep the hair out of her face.

[Nickarolaberry]

Oh, how I can ever relate! We are growing out my 4 1/2 year old daughter's bangs because they grow so fast and she kvetches so much at getting them trimmed that I just can't deal anymore. Her hair is still fairly short (mid-neck length) and I'm planning to cut it one more time to ear length so the bangs catch up and then let her grow it if she wants to (and she's willing to let me take care of it).

Our deal is that if she wants to have longer hair, she has to let me care for it properly (it's gorgeous, thick and auburn and just a little wave...I have NO idea where it came from because my hair is the bane of my existence -- fuzzy curly impossible). This works *most* of the time. I also really use the No More Tangles spray VERY liberally and it helps a lot.

The other day I found the stretchy hairbands (go all the way 'round) at the Children's Place Outlet for $.50 each. I bought every single one they have. She likes them (they have a bow!) and they really work keeping the bangs at bay. The harder headbands bother her after a while unless they're very wide (she has a really big head, just like her mommy) and plush.

LMK what eventually works for you!

[Sneezykids]

I got those same headbands at Childrens place! :LOL
I have told her she must let me help her with it, she can brush it okay but misses alot of the back.
It's long enough to braid but she rarely lets me sit still to do it :
I'll see if I can entice her for more braiding, and I've thought about the cornrolls too..i don't know where I can get those done? at a hair salon?

[Sneezykids]

ETA whoops, i meant she doesn't sit still for me to braid..
I have lots of distractions, thus the typos!!

[loudmama]

As of right now, my 4yo DD has no choice. Her hair is short. I have horrible memories of my Dad combing my hair as a child. He's a great guy, but has no patience for that sort of thing. Until I can work with her to take care of her hair, its short.

L

[USAmma]

Here's our story on that subject

I know you want to respect your dd's choices, and also have her care for her hair better. My dd and I had the same battles. It was daily. I have to wash her hair daily in the summer b/c it gets very hot here. I put detangler in it and it works great but she never let me brush it. If she sat still she would scream and scream and squirm. It got in her eyes and she couldn't see very well. It was not even that long (about shoulder blade level) but it would occasionally even get caught in something, or it would fall into her food. I would insist on tying it back but she screamed and screamed. I got SO tired of it.

Finally I had a talk with her. She wanted long hair. I said when you are old enough to take care of your hair by yourself you can have it anyway you want. But right now I have to take care of it and you are not letting me to do that. So we have to cut it. I took her to get it cut to shoulder length so it would be easy to grow back out at a later date. She really didn't seem that heartbroken about the haircut. In fact she walked out flipping her head around and said it felt cool. So, it stays shoulder length for the time being. Way less tangles, less rinsing in the tub, and she will sometimes let me put small ponytails because ther are no tangles to comb through.

[spin462002]

Here in Australia there is a spray on product you use to de-tangle hair. I don't know if it is available in the USA? My daughter is 11 and has never had her hair "cut" except to trim the ends. It is down to her bottom now. I washed it for her until a couple of years ago when she could manage it herself in the shower. It is very thick and straight. I help her to dry it and she brushes it herself. I braid it for her when she is going to bed or karate. I love doing her hair and I think it is a "bonding" thing too, very intimate.

I think once girls are old enough to care for their hair themselves it is much easier for us moms, and I love her hair! I have long hair too and both my other daughters did too until one became a hairdresser! Now they both wear it shoulder length and interesting(??) colours!!

You ladies have so much to look forward to!

all the best
Lynn
mom of DS 24 DDiL 31 DD 22 DD 20 DD11
and Nanna Lynn to Caitlin (3) and baby Jake (6 months)

[Sneezykids]

I think it can be a bonding moment too, which is why I would love just five full minutes to b r u u u s h h her hair. I tell her that I like to brush her hair, that's what mommies do, but she will only let me if she is in the 'mood'
She washed and conditioned in the shower today and does great with it. I'm pretty impressed actually. She manages it well, but I have to remind her to comb it out well after she towel dries it. Otherwise she would be happy to just run around with a wet haystack on her head (kids, lol)
I helped her w/ a wide tooth comb and she did get the tangles out. I'm now trying to teach her to find her part and go from there.
Next time I'm at the store I'm going to get some spray detangler as well. Oh, and she wore braids the whole weekend!!

[delicious]

wow. i am going to say the opposite of everything here and say, it's her hair, let her wear it how she wants to, even if it is a "haystack."

i would never cut my kids hair against their will. wowza.

[partymoo]

.

[amydidit]

Argh! I'm going through this same thing here... it's never ending! My DD has long beautiful thick hair... so pretty, when it's brushed... but then 5 minutes later it's a rats nest again... horrible! And she won't take the time to learn how to care for it... I had the same type hair as a kid (and do now still ~laughs~) so I know how hard it is, but I also know how important it is. A couple times I've had her hair cut even though she didn't like it... I don't think I'll do that again... I do like it long... I think I'll look into cornrolls... hmm, better check the school dress code... I know they don't allow *unusual* hairstyles... wonder if that would be considered unusual? Anyway... I try to do th braid thing too... DD won't keep the braids in all day though... one say we sent her to school with gorgeous braids... picked her up and her hair was down and straggly... argh!