Help me prepare for a hospital birth, please. - Page 3

[Momma Aimee]

My responce last night sounds awful milantant - and I am -- buttttttt

in truth, I am walking into my first hos birth.

All my friends have had them, or at attached birthing centers.

I think things can go great. you just need to be educted up front, in general, and as much as possible about the Hos you willbe at (some int he same area are better than others).

You need to be confident, and think about what you can do -- is my sister in MI did not refuse eye medication, but was clear on the kind she would accept, and required that they wait till after the active alert phase when she and DN bonded and fed, the med was given before they both took a nap. so the blurred vision didn't effect their first looks at each other. perfect, no, a decent middle ground working with what she had to work with, yes.

I, for one, will be taking my research with me. i am making cheat sheets on different interventions listing pros and CONS and my sources (Mothering Mag, Dr Sear's books, March of Dimes website). so when the time comes: 1) I don't have to remember it all alone 2) I ahve respected sources to quote. that helps with the "let's discuss this intereventions" with your provider. also then you are talking from apoint of education, and thus they can't write you off as a crack pot who is emotional in labor and just being a B&^%H. Then you refuse, for an educated reason, well maybe you make you point well enough that they agree, if not you agree to sing a waiver and even offer to leave your pre-written list of concerns (with eveidence from good sources) to be attached to the wavier. I will be asking for copies of all wavier i sign.

Know your rights. And pick your battles. and if you have to, be willing to complain as high as necessary. Asking for a different nurse is not a big deal, my mom is a nurseing director, people do it all the time.

I am expecting a great berth with a doula, hopefully my sister and my DH.

I think, and this may just be me, that is it important when we refuse something to have GOOD solid educated eveidence. it makes you more reasonable, and it goes a little ways for spreading the real information on the interventions.

JMO

Aimee

[wasabi]

Originally Posted by kalirush

Sorry, I know this is me and not the op, but I get testy when I ask for help planning a hospital birth people tell me to have a homebirth. I *can't*, so don't rub it in.

Julia

I know what you mean. When I was asking for help with the eyedrops question people just kept telling me to have a homebirth when actually the way I found out this was a law was by reading my friend's homebirth packet. Her homebirth midwives still did the eyedrops so not every single thing can be avoided by having a homebirth. And besides that my DH was not at all comfortable with a homebirth because DD#1 had to be in the NICU and our insurance didn't cover it and while we are not low income we also didn't have the cash to pay for a homebirth. It is a great option for some women but not every woman can do it. Prepare yourself and make the best situation that you can for yourself. Good luck!

[Bookworm]

Originally Posted by kalirush

That's really not terribly helpful. I know for me, I'm just not comfortable doing UC for my first birth, and I can't afford a homebirth. My insurance says it's this OB and this hospital or nothing.

I *know* what you're saying, and I agree, but it has no bearing whatsoever on my situation. I can't have this baby anywhere else unless I want to UC, which I really, really don't.

Sorry, I know this is me and not the op, but I get testy when I ask for help planning a hospital birth people tell me to have a homebirth. I *can't*, so don't rub it in.

Julia

It rubbed me the wrong way, too. Obviously the original poster has really gone over her options, and she has even taken the time to explain some of her reasons in this thread. I see this glib kind of response on lots of threads like this on MDC, and it makes me wonder if the person has even taken the time to READ the thread they're posting on. One or two other people suggested home birth, but their responses and suggestions were thought out and TOOK INTO ACCOUNT THE FEELINGS AND SITUATION OF THE PERSON HAVING THE BABY, so that was great. Just giving out a canned answer without taking the time to understand the person asking for help gives activists a bad name.

Many great suggestions on this thread! Thank you to everybody, even though I was not the original poster!

[applejuice]

You have some good advice on this thread.

s

Good luck.

[earthmama06]

:

Keja, you really do have some really good advice here. I wish I had known then the things I know now when I had ds in the hospital. I, too, was stuck in the hospital boat. It is SO hard to battle the hospital's agenda. A nurse friend of mine even told me that if you want a cesarean, walk in with a birth plan. :

I just want to reafirm that having a Doula or a really strong person there to advocate for you will save you a lot of unneccesary procedures. I thought my dh would have been strong enough, but he was pretty disturbed by the pain I was in and I don't think he was quite prepared for that.

Another person you may want to consider is a Bradley teacher. I know mine offered to be there for *us*. I unfortunately didn't take her up on it. I wish I had.

I hope things go well for you. Best of luck! :

[paquerette]

Free and low-cost doulas:

http://www.bellywomen.net/

Best of luck! Lots of great advice on this thread.

[LandonsMom]

Originally Posted by Keja

I guess what I'm asking is... can I legally refuse *everything*? I don't want to be hooked up to a bunch of machines, I want to be able to move around, drink something (last time they told me not to??), that sort of thing. Any thoughts, suggestions, experiences, etc., would be great.

YES YOU CAN REFUSE EVERYTHING!! I had a hospital birth three months ago and it couldnt have gone better (for a hospital birth).

First, definatly do some reading and preparing. I read Natural CHildbirth The Bradley Way by Susan McCutcheon. I read it many times, some parts 8 or 10 times. While some of the relaxing techniques didnt work when i was in very active labor (6 to 10 cm-which went very fast by the way), the information in general really helped me to know A LOT about what i didnt want. It also made me feel VERY empowered. The biggest key was to stay at home for as long as you possibly can (12 hours reg contractions for me).

Second, Make a birth plan. I was told by my ob/midwife that it wouldnt be set in stone (even though in my mind it was). I made it only one page with six or seven main bulletpoints. i gave one to the doc a few weeks before hand. I asked them if it was realistic, and was very reassured. I took 5 copies to the hospital and gave one to the first nurse who checked me in and the nurses on duty for my room. I kept extra copies incase i was there longer than the staff change. They really honored that, let me move around (except for 15 min of the hour) and even OFFERED me breakfast and juice and whatever i wanted.

There were things that i didnt enjoy, like the monitering for 15 min of the hour (even though i know they had to do it, it really hieightened the contractions having the belts around my belly), the fact that i was basically laying down while pushing ( i needed some stiching when all was over), and basically the UN privacy that occurs in the hospital. However, the experience was as enjoyable as i expected it to be since i wasnt willing to do a home birth for my first baby (i was scared of what to expect).

The most amazing thing was being fully able to care for my baby immediatly!! The nurse in the labor and delivery room kept commenting that most moms arent standing close by when their babies recieve their first bath...she kept saying, i just cant believe your standing up already... I felt in NO way felt hindered from caring for my baby which was probably the best thing out of all of it. I'd waited my whole life for this and I was able to hold and nurse and walk and really enjoy my baby.

My point is that even though it may be in a hospital, you can still make it what you want. But you have to know what you want and stand strong so they will believe you.


Good luck in your experience, pm me if you want to see my birth plan just for an example.

[LandonsMom]

Originally Posted by kerc

And I was also surprised to learn that in this area a homebirth runs about $2000, much much less than many friends have had to pay as copay for a normal vaginal, unmedicated birth.

Thats how much I paid for my hos birth, with what i consider 'good' insurance...seroiusly considering a home birth next time around!!!!

[mamimapster]

I would add a recomendation to read Ina may's guide to childbirth if you haven't already, as well as convincing your Dh to read it after you are done. it does have a lot of homebirth stuff, but the central message that women's bodies are dedsigned to birth babies, and that birth can be a sensual experience for both partners is one that I have found so valuable. I would also try to take a non-hospital based birthing class (perhaps one suggested by a doula's org). Taking the birthing class really taught both of us how to ride labor, and how to work together.

[Momma Aimee]

One poster above commented:

The most amazing thing was being fully able to care for my baby immediatly!! The nurse in the labor and delivery room kept commenting that most moms arent standing close by when their babies recieve their first bath...she kept saying, i just cant believe your standing up already...

Just a thought --

our birth plan says to have the baby bathed on my chest, by DH. Our birth plan sates we want everythong done with the baby on my chest unless there is an odd medical situation in which case DH or a famliy memeber appointed by us with be with and able to touch the baby at all times.

none of the professionals who have seen our plan find this a point to contest.

maybe just an extra level of calm for the new mom, knowing she doesnt' have to feel like jumping up in order to still be a part of things.

AImee

[LandonsMom]

Originally Posted by Aimee21972

our birth plan says to have the baby bathed on my chest, by DH. Our birth plan sates we want everythong done with the baby on my chest unless there is an odd medical situation in which case DH or a famliy memeber appointed by us with be with and able to touch the baby at all times.

none of the professionals who have seen our plan find this a point to contest.

maybe just an extra level of calm for the new mom, knowing she doesnt' have to feel like jumping up in order to still be a part of things.

AImee

For sure, I definatly didnt mean to imply you needed to be ready to run a marathon. I simply felt that i was able to do whatever i needed to do, with out feeling numb. I would love to have thought of that (keeping baby on chest the whole time) four months ago!

[Momma Aimee]

i have to admit -- this is my first and i cheat -- i have read EVEVRY birth plan i can get my hands on (freinds, on-kline, in books) and I steal ideas out of them all. :

But I feel like i need to cover all my bases as this is my first. I hope i feel good enough PP to get us and be part of everything.........

and I sure wasn't saying anything bad about you -- just shareing thoughts.

Aimee

[jenniebean]

CA Insurance & Midwives

Keja,

A couple things - I live in CA too - and I know you have done all the research, so I'm asking because now I'm a little confused.... I thought that CA state law mandated that health insurance cover midwives.... here's the code:

"10353. (a) Every policy of disability insurance issued, amended, or
renewed on or after January 1, 1992, that offers coverage for
perinatal services shall contain a provision providing for direct
reimbursement to certified nurse-midwives and nurse practitioners for
perinatal services. The certified nurse-midwife or nurse
practitioner may collect payment for any unpaid portion of his or her
fee, as provided for under the plan for other providers.
(b) For purposes of this section, "direct reimbursement" means
that after the enrollee files a claim for the perinatal service
provided by the certified nurse-midwife or nurse practitioner, the
plan pays the certified nurse-midwife or nurse practitioner directly." http://caselaw.lp.findlaw.com/cacode...350-10354.html

Also, will your insurance let you have a midwife who works in a practice with an OB so she can bill through that OB? That is what my midwife did - BJ Snell. She only works at South Coast Medical Center in Laguna Beach. http://www.beachcitiesmidwifery.com/

I hope I'm not coming across as giving you options you have already considered - I haven't had a chance to read the entire thread and wanted to post before my mommy time at the computer ended....

Take care,

Jenniebean

[miziki]

Originally Posted by amyjeans

You might want to check with the hospital to find out if they offer a doula service. Some work with the March of Dimes and provide free doulas to those who might qualify (whatever that means) or a doula in training for free...

While I definitely advocate finding a doula, I would advise being *very* skeptical of hospital-provided doulas. If the doula is independent of the hospital, that is a GOOD thing. Hospital-provided or hospital-associated doulas can be more inclined to serve the agenda of the hospital instead of the needs of the mother... um, not what you want!

If money is an issue, start by contacting recommended doulas in your area to ask about sliding scale fees or bartering (can you offer any services in exchange for your doula's service?). If you cannot find any experienced doulas that you can afford or who will reduce fees, ask these same doulas (and attend LLL, API, ICAN, DFB meetings where you can ask mamas in attendence for recommendations too) for names of any doulas-in-training who are looking to attend your birth for free as a part of their certification process. There are some great, informed doulas out there who are just getting started/in certification process who would be wonderful, supportive attendants for free (my very close friend is one such mama, in fact!).

You *can* have a successful, supported unmedicated hospital birth - it just takes planning, preparation, and more defending when you're in the hospital. You are doing excellent research by asking about this from folks who have been there! I agree w/ the many previous posters who have stressed the importance of:

* educating yourself (books, independent natural childbirth classes)

* explicitly stating what you want (clear, concise, 1-pg birth plan)

* laboring at home as long as humanly possible (yes, the car ride will be uncomfortable, but trust me, not as uncomfortable as being on the hospital's clock!)

* surrounding yourself w/ informed, independent, strong support in addition to your dp who can advocate for you (doula, strong friend, someone who will not crumble at your emotional/physical response to being in active labor AND who can confidently interact on your behalf w/ medical staff)

* at the hospital, don't hesitate to decline procedures such as vaginal exams, IVs, continuous monitoring, AROM which lead to the bigger interventions (decline politely yet firmly at first, and more adamantly if necessary) and remember, you can ask for a replacement nurse if you get a cranky/unhelpful one (we did this and ended up with an excellent, supportive nurse)!

* REMEMBER: YOU are the consumer (paying the bills) and YOU ARE THE LABORING WOMAN doing this important work! They need to accomodate YOU, and NOT the other way around! Do what you need to do to birth the best way for you and your baby, even if it's not the most convenient for the medical staff. You're paying them to adapt to you.

Best wishes for a wonderful birth - you can do this!

[applejuice]

Originally Posted by kerc

one more thing....
I was never really antagonistic about refusing anything or asking questions. When I went back to have baby weighed a week later, one of the nurses pulled me aside and thanked me for being calm and polite in refusing services. She said they'd all been talking about how my "team" (dh, me and my doula) had all been really rational and polite. Apparently i had been immediately pegged as a problem patient because I didn't want EFM continuously.

Dunno if my politeness helped my experience, but thought I'd share.

I am glad that you worked well with the hospital and had the birth you wanted. Your experience shows what can be done.

HOWEVER:

I honestly want to say that the very last thing any new mother should worry about is the feelings of the hospital staff when in the process and throes of labor! It is the job of the staff to help YOU! The nurses are there in the hospital to help a mother deliver her baby and help her recover her health and well-being ... just because the hospital has all of these contraptions laying around does not mean every mother wants or needs to be hooked up, tied down, and starved.

[applejuice]

Originally Posted by Bookworm

Just giving out a canned answer without taking the time to understand the person asking for help gives activists a bad name.

Many great suggestions on this thread! Thank you to everybody, even though I was not the original poster!

I have talked to pregnant women for 35 years. I know if they think again, once, twice, three times, they can try for a homebirth if there are no other contraindications.

If all the things you want are at home, stay there.

As for the eye drops, wasabi, I knew from sex education in eighth grade that they were required...do not know what is being taught now. Everyone should know that. When I had my baby at home, the doctor did not give my babies any drops. He had it in his case, though.

When you go to the hospital, you are on THEIR TURF and they rule the roost and write the rules.

The problem is our culture leans to the hospital, the temple of the religion of modern medicine, and this is considered the norm.

[fuzzypeach]

Aside from refusing what you don't want the best best best thing you can do is not get there til the last possible minute. I think that's really key. Good luck

[WinterBaby]

You've had many lovely suggestions.. I think I'd only reiterate going over everything with your doctor (and his/her back-up) in advance, making all agreements or compromises over the basic things that might come up. And suggest when you're there with the nurses make "I discussed this with Dr. X and he/she said I can do XYZ, and if that's a problem, let's call him/her." I've seen that effective in politely deflecting staff over minor things and getting your doctor directly involved if the staff feel something is more essential.

[Momma Aimee]

I have forgotten if this was brought up -- I was suggested -- by our doula -- to go over the final birth plan with our priovider before the birth -- have the provider sign it, i sign it, DH signs it an it goes in our file -- right on top. so if there are any questiosn we have evidence that our provider knows, and has agreed, with ur requests. It might help with any "doc said X is ok" when doc isn't ther and the pushy nurse is.

Also -- you can always request a new nurse.

Aimee

[wasabi]

Originally Posted by applejuice

As for the eye drops, wasabi, I knew from sex education in eighth grade that they were required...do not know what is being taught now. Everyone should know that. When I had my baby at home, the doctor did not give my babies any drops. He had it in his case, though.

Well I don't know when you were in 8th grade but they weren't taught that they were required when I was in 8th grade (and I took sex ed too) or for that matter when I was in 11th and 12th grade and had babies that didn't get them at the hospital. Even homebirth midwives are not excepted from the rule though they may chose to skip it. I can't remember if I stated this here or not as this has come up in several threads recently but I actually learned it was a state law vs recommendation by reading a friend's homebirth packet where it was listed as a procedure that could not be waived and that was during my fourth pg. We were told we could waive it in my Bradley class in 2002 and the hospital where I had my first DD (third birth) let people waive it so it's not as simple as you can't waive it in a hospital and have to have a homebirth if you want to waive it and everyone past 8th grade should know that thanks for the little dig though. Some places let you waive easily, some don't, virtually all are required to accept a religious exemption you just have to prepare yourself ahead of time to know what you're dealing with same as you would if you were having a homebirth because not all homebirthing midwives are created equal.