How old is too old? - Page 5

[TupeloHoney]

I voted 4-5 years

However, I have no problem with nursing longer if that is what both the mother and child would like. I would just like dd to be done nursing by the time she goes to school, but the whole "school" thing is still up in the air, so who knows.

Side note: It is funny how much being a parent has changed my opinions on these things. When I first found out I was pg, my goal was to nurse for 6 months. I also went shopping for a beautiful crib and dresser set, which my mother and brother generously purchased for us. I had many ideas about parenting, then dd was born. She has never once slept in that lovely crib. Once she reached 6 months, I had read enough about nursing (and formula) to know that since I was lucky enough to have an adequate milk supply, why not nurse until a year. Now that my nursling is 1, I continue to reserve the right to banish any preconceived notions common society has drilled into my head and change my mind yet again. I have been able to AP parent while working full-time and dd hasn't had to go to daycare yet, but that day may be coming.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder where that woman came from.

Sorry if this got long and way off topic.

[Threefold]

yea, mamapie, I hear you. When people suggest that we should stop nursing, I whisper in his ear that that is just not true and he should nurse for as long as he likes (he is 15 months now and I am sure understands much more than we think), sometimes I say it out loud to him in front of that person. We haven't gotten many comments yet, but I am sure they will increase as he gets older. Most of the comments we've gotten come from extended family .

[Ruth]

Good for you the_dalai_mama for changing your mind.

Greaseball, I looked up Texas law and it says "infant" and "baby." There is a U.S. Supreme Court case (that would trump any state law) but I haven't read it yet. However, today I purchased a children's book called For Every Child by UNICEF and it has the entire United Natios Convention on the Rights of the Child at the back. Article 24: Health and Health Services says that countries shall ... take appropriate measures ... to ensure that all segments of society, in particular parents and children, are informed, have access to educationa nd are supported in the use of basic knowledge of child health and nutrition, the advantages of breast-feeding, ... Of course, Treaties to which the U.S. is a party trump U.S. Supreme Court law. (The question is is U.S. a party?)

P.S. I believe there is a god-given (or nature-given) right to nurse your offspring past infancy or babyhood. If I am right, this trumps ANY LAW ANYWHERE.

P.P.S. Most of the negative comments come from family members even those that claim to be supportive. Last time my mom saw me nursing my 4-year-old she said, "She is bigger than you are." I laughed and said, "She isn't bigger than me and even if she was ten times bigger, I would still nurse her." My dd giggled imagining me nursing a 1,500 pound 4 year old.

[Shulammite]

I voted for 5 years, I think because I have relatively mainstream ideas about what "5 year olds" are and do in this society.

In this society, children do a lot of separating around 5. Yes, in lots of houses (like, ahem, mine) there is an enormous degree of attachment (like my 9 y.o. occasional co-sleeper, for example) and I realize that a lot of you are probably homeschool/unschool families. But for the most part, children in this society go off to school and start a separate little life around age five. And their peers become important to them, modelling their peers becomes paramount. In this society, a 5 y.o. 's peers are very concerned with "not being a baby." Not because their horrible parents have made them think babies are bad. Because in all societies there are rites of passage from stage to stage, and all people have the right to revel in whatever milestone they've achieved. 5 year olds are no longer babies, by thier own estimation . We may believe (and I do, just to clarify!) that nursing is good for older children as well , but I think we can all concur that nursing is definitely for babies.

But to be completely honest, I really wanted to vote for "as long as both Mama and child want to." It's important that a 2 person nursing relationship never becomes a 1 person dictatorship. If either person, Mama OR baby, really doesn't want to continue, they need to work that out for both of them. I nursed my first son for 2 years, until I was pg; my second son I weaned at 3 because I had really reached that scratching-cat stage, and I didn't like how nursing made us feel adversarial.

[Greaseball]

What I don't understand is all those people who say "It's not nutritionally necessary!" Well, soda isn't nutritionally necessary for me, but I'll sure have one whenever I want! Even in the middle of the night!

[ni nity]

I am very much for child led weaning,when my son is done thats totally up to him

[sarenka]

I voted for child-led, but I think in my heart I agree with what Shulamite says....which leaves my daughter 6 months to go!!
I was quite decided to stop a year or so ago, feeling burnt out, but as some wise woman said here, that moment is when it all clears up. Now nursing doesn't bother me in the slightest. I hardly notice it, for me the cuddling and sleeping are what matters. Having said that, my dd is so much healthier than the other kids in playgroup, and I think it's to do with the milk.
I have a friend (well ex friend actually) who was a flag waver for AP (in France!!) and nursed her child for 4 years, then had a complete turnaround, felt that she had ignored her own needs for all that time and "for nothing" as her child kept getting infections, wasn't perfectly emotionally balanced, etc (no wonder, with all that frustration and repression picked up from her mother) and her second baby was on formula at six months! Bizarre isn't it.....
not making any points, this just made me think.

[nanikisses]

Extended BF all the way

I voted for child led weaning.

I too would bf until 5+ yrs. old,
although my kids only averaged 1.5-2 yrs, mostly because
we didn't get so far as tandem nursing, I was usually pregnant
by 1 yr old or so, even with all the AP, they would wean on their own~~ I just got my periods right away also, call me a fertile mama!

My oldest was the most avid nurser but I think she finally just
stopped on her own and decided she was done at 2.

My youngest now is almost 8 mos. and right now she nurses as much as a newborn! So I plunk her on & get to surf while she's
nipping and napping....
I think she may nurse for longer since she's our last, I certainly hope so.

I still get weird looks and inquries, heck even my midwife who is a ND (she is great, bless her heart) had the notion that they need the iron that will come w/solid foods.....it's amazing, I think we are so conditioned socially to this idea.....I just shake my head in pity quietly to myself, what they can miss ..
but I've made such a proclomation in all my family, ext. family & friends about how BF is best! No question no doubt, and it's sad, because mostly the attitude is ' that's great, it's good' but I choose to do something else'. Even with my grandparents who are from a 3rd world country!
I don't care, bf moms 'do it anywhere'.

I used to make it into a joke & it even made people see the long-term of it, they'd ask how long I would bf & I'd say , "yeah, well, you know when she goes off to college......".

Take heart, I have friends I've turned into converts, my kids are so well adjusted because of BF mainly, I think, more than anything.
A dear retired LLL leader friend I have nursed until her only daughter was 6, and they both remembered it fondly, she was around 7 or 8 when I met her. And she homeschooled, she was the most well-adjusted, bright little girls I ever knew, w/a kind & gentle heart for babies My friend was a bit older when she had her, but she apparently did not want to rush anything, I think she unschooled and did not rush her into reading either.
~nani

~*~*"Somewhere deep within you is a song that plays softly, always...
A song you can hear only if you're very quiet, and very still
A song of life, and dreams, and wisdom
A call to adventure on a path that is uniquely yours.
Take time to listen to the song of your soul
And see where it leads you. "*~*~
Anon

[Greaseball]

I also think 1st grade is the "ideal" age to stop, if the child has not already wanted to stop sooner. That is the age when the child spends more time in school than with the parents, and hopefully after school is either doing homework or playing with friends, developing some independence.

But, that's just what I think, and I don't think badly of anyone who chooses to nurse during 1st grade or beyond, as long as that's what the kid wants and not just the mom.

[saige]

When I was pregnant I decided 4 months was long enough to nurse.When Saige was 4 months,I decided 9 months is long enough to nurse.When Saige was 9 months I decided 12 months was long enough to nurse.When Saige was 12 months,I decided 18 months was long enough to nurse.When Saige was 18 months I decided 24 months was long enough to nurse.At 2 and a half,Saige decided that was long enough to nurse.Who knows what Willow will decide!!!!

[Saara]

I voted 4-5... but really, if my kid wanted to continue, then we probably would. I just voted that way because that's when I weaned, and it seems like a good age. *shrug*

I really am a child-led weaning advocate, though... and I have no problems with other people if their kids are 5+ and "still" nursing.

[Ruth]

What's that number before 100?

My daughter announced today that she would nurse until she was 99 years of age. But first she had to ask, "What's that number before 100?"

I hope I will still think it is cute then.

[mamamoo]

I wish there would have been an option for both as long as both mother and child are loving it...I have been nursing since nov 20, 1997. I tandem nursed my son and daughter until alex turned 4. I would have let him continue, but I was pregnant and the thought of nursing three, well lets just say that was not happening. I was very sad that I weaned him when I ended up losing the baby. I felt so guilty, but now I know he was ready(it was very easy, no fighting or anything). And I just asked him today if he remembers nursing(it was only six months ago) and he said yes, he will always love his mama milk, but when I asked him if he was sad that he doesn't nurse anymore he said no because he is growing up!

[Cranberry]

I voted for between 4 and 5yo. DS is 2 now, so I have a few years to go!

[LdyBluNH@aol]

tough question and i dont seem to be able to give myself a clear answer

initially i wanted to say that if the child is over a certain age (like five), it shoudl only be done at home

but then i asked myself why i should be allowed to nurse my 3 yr old in public but its not ok for a 6 yr old (of course in the USA its not ok for me nurse a three yr old in public; it wasnt ok when she was only one year old either in terms of dirty looks/comments etc.)

good thing its in fashion for gays/lesbians are coming out of the closets because the extended nursers need the room!

[spirited mama]

nursing to five and beyond...

I voted for child-led weaning, although as I write this I am pregnant with child number 3 and have a 2.5 year old eager nurser and a six year old who is still occasionally nursing (once a week or so). I am trying to never offer, never refuse breastfeeding. I know when my six year old stops it will leave me with a pang. I do occasionally say no to the six year old. It hurts my nipples because I am pregnant. He seems to accept this.

I know a friend of mine had a daughter who weaned at age eight. Psycologically seven seems like the age I want ds to stop, although I don't think I would ever stick to this number.

Immunological benefits continue, and my six year old has never been ill enough to be on antibiotics, despite his refusal to dress warmly in cold weather etc...

Keep nursing,

spirited mama

[Ivanhoe]

How cool of you spirited mama!

For me, too old is when the child feels it's too old. I understand that for others, the "too old" mark can be established by the mother.

My babe is only 13 months, so i still have a long journey to go.

[candiland]

I voted 4-5, because that's my own comfort level. However, I think it's fine for however long mom and child want it to go on, as long as it is in a healthy context.... I think that there are some cases where the boob becomes an addiction, like a pacifier, and it simply satisfies the child's boredom. Nothing better to do... I'll nurse. I say this from experience, because this happened frequently with my DD. And also, there are ocassions when I'm just too tired to get up and run around and do things, so I'll nurse because it's more convenient. (Just being honest here!) I don't think those are very healthy reasons to breastfeed beyond two or three years.

[Juliacat]

I voted 3-4. I will do everything I can to nurse for two years, but I will probably want to wean sometime around age 3, and not past age 4.

That's just for me, though. In general I think it would be overdoing it to nurse past age seven.

I wonder if I should say that to the people who will look at me like I'm crazy for nursing my 2-year-old. "I think it's kinda weird to nurse past age 7"

[DiaperDiva]

I voted child-led. Kailey is only 16 months though so we pretty much have just started our nursing journey. I know all of my relatives and friends(except one) have stopped nursing so I am the odd woman out. But, I don't care. I feel sorry for those babes who were cut off from nursing so quickly(the ones in my family).

I do believe though, that if either mom or baby is unhappy with the nursing relaionship then weaning should occur. So in most cases child-led, but for mothers sanity, mother-led Hope I made sense.