3yo says "I hate....!"

[klink2]

My dd just turned three in July. We read a book at some point that had the word "hate" in it (I hate tomatoes), and dd is using the word frequently and it really bothers me! I was doing my best to not make a big deal about it until last night when she told the dog (who was trying to get her cracker), "Ruby, I hate you!" Yikes! I'm sure this won't be the last time that she uses words and tones of voice that make me cringe. Suggestions for dealing with this? TIA!

Kristin

[Marsupialmom]

She needs more words!!

She doesn't hate Ruby she doesn't like Ruby trying to take her food.

She doesn't necessarily hate tomatoes she doesn't want them right now. Give her the words to what she means.

[AuntNi]

My 3-yo DD says "hate," too, but I have to take all the blame. I know I say all the time, "I hate it when *blank* happens." I never realized how horrible it sounded until my DD started saying "I hate." I've just told her that hate isn't a nice word, and that Mommy needs to stop saying it, too. So now we remind each other when we slip up.

Thank goodness it's the worst word she's picked up so far!

PS - Was the book you read "DW's Guide To Preschool?" I try to skip that line in that book. I love DW, and think she's a stitch, but she does say some things we don't encourage around here.

Best,
Nichole

[maya44]

yeah I know "hate" is a strong word, but really what is the harm in using them about tomatoes or something else. Its not like the tomatoes feelings are going to get hurt.

And there are many things you can say to a person that would hurt their feelings and so that lesson can be taught.

But I think by limiting the word "hate" you are making a child feel that his strong feelings about something are wrong or bad.

[UmmBnB]

Hate is a strong word and has many very appropriate uses. I've noticed that kids use it a lot when they first learn it. Over time, with direction, they figure out the difference between hate, dislike, anger, frustration, etc.

I'd not stress it. I think its important for her to figure out these things on her own with your guidance.

[amberielle]

I also give DD alternative words, dislike, etc.. And I tell her that there are some words that Mommy doesn't like, and when she says them, they make me very sad just because they aren't nice to say. Seems to work here!

[sunbaby]

when dd went through the 'i hate....' stage, whenever she used the term, i replyed 'hate is a very strong word'. no judjment, just a statement of fact, and it allowd her to determine for herself if something really required the word hate. she quickly began self correcting when the usage was innapropriate, or unkind.

gee, thinking back, we were so successful with this tecnique, it really made me feel like i was pretty smart. wish things were going that way with dd now. :LOL

[julie128]

You could restate what you think she means. For example, when she says she hates the dog, you could say, "You don't like when the dog takes your food." She does not know that 'hate' is a strong word, and telling her so is not likely to help her understand why it is. Giving her new words to express herself will.

[BelovedK]

DD said 'shut up' all of the time at around 3 or 4 ...It was quite embarrasing bc we never said it to him and i think people must've thought we did. I'm not sure where he heard it, but whenever he got mad about something he would scream it (in public) I got many a hatefull look