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defining characteristic/s of depression?

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 
i'm really going out on a limb here; i don't know if i'm just "down" or what; i mean i have these days/weeks anyway when i just feel like nothing is right with me or anything else, but the last few days, everything just feels so HUGE, you know? Pregnancy hormones or something maybe, but i feel really REALLY crappy and i hope i don't sound too much like i'm whining but i'm wondering if i need some kind of help? i think my husband is worried about me. i just sooo don't want to be "that person" especially right now.

My hubby made a comment today (he knows not to approach these things head-on, lol, bless that man) that maybe if i let him know ALL the things that were bothering me, we could talk about them, and maybe that would help. Well i thought about it today, and there are something like 30 items on that hypothetical list (eep!) that are causing me severe anxiety.

i've been so bad to the kids; i'm always either yelling at them because they're "bugging" me (heaven forbid they tap me on the shoulder out of boredom; maybe if i had something for them to DO they wouldn't be nagging at me) or just not caring at all what they're doing; there was a couple of times today they were fighting over something, and i didn't even care if it was getting worked out or not. And stuff like snacks...i just don't give a crap if they each have 6 servings a day of goldfish or not.

i got mad at my husband today for something innocent he said; i think it was a passing comment about how hot i used to be; not that i'm not attractive to him now or anything, but it reminded me of all the things i dislike about myself, so i took that to mean he agreed with all the things i was thinking...makes alot of sense, right? hmm...

So yeah, i think i've really lost it all the way around this time.
post #2 of 8

I'm sorry, I don't know a lot about depression, but what your feeling sounds a lot like how some of the woman on the postpartum depression board sound like. If it continues I would go see a doctor (but not the one you've been seeing!) Also maybe an acupuncturist or herbalist could help. I'm going to make some really obvious and lame suggestions here, but I know sometimes when my moods feel unmanageable, these things help me.

Make sure you are getting in the sun a little every day, if its really hot there try early morning or evening and just sit outside or anything. Make sure you are eating enough veggies (especially greens), my body really starts to fell off if I don't. Can you get some time for yourself? Like dh take the kids out somewhere while you stay home & do something you don't usually get a chance to do? Also if you are religious or spiritual, seek insight into that. I recently read "The Four Agreements" again, it really helps me let go of things and reminds me that the energy I put out is what I receive.

I send you warm and healing white light

We love you mama~
post #3 of 8
Depression can certainly begin in the prenatal period, though much of what you described I'm not sure is outside of normal. Those phrases that stood out to me, though, are the ones where you sound apathetic--not getting involved with your kids and not caring what they eat. Depression is such a squirmy thing--often it is hard for you to see yourself, and you rely on others to tell you how much things have shifted from normal in order to see how "bad" things have become.

I would encourage you to talk to your caregiver. But, I just remembered that he's not necessarily working out... How is it going finding a caregiver that you feel more comfy with? Perhaps this is also part of the trigger for your depression?

In any event, you need to talk to someone. Preferably someone who can help you find your way through this...

And, get some time to yourself--quality, do nothing time.

Much love and light to you.
post #4 of 8
Thread Starter 
The OB situation probably isn't helping any. i just went to my first LLL meeting a few days ago, in the next city. The ladies there are awesome, and they know what i'm going through with my doc--apparently there ARE some midwives around, in hiding, so a couple of the mamas who have used them are going to see what they can do to help me get in touch with them that's like the most awesome news i've heard in months! Even if it doesn't work out, i don't feel *quite* so alone at the moment.

Mommy-only time would probably help! Of course, that's something i never think of! Conveniently enough, my in-laws want to take the kids for the afternoon on Tuesday. Don't let me slow them down!

By the way, thanks for letting me vent! haha
post #5 of 8
You know what I have REALLY been on edge lately too!
BAD!
I can tell I am walking a thin line myself and that DH hardly has to do anything to set me off. I feel really bad and yet I HONESTLY can not seem to control it. I think with me on edge has out him on edge and thus we both are just waiting for the other to say something wrong.
I have been feeling poorly lately which I think is another contributing factor. With my first pregnancy I felt like I could be pregnant forever...I never had the feelings like I can't DO this ANYMORE and I went over 42 weeks. This time it started when I was about 28 weeks....I felt like I had just had enough. I am TIRED of being in pain and losing out on so much sleep! And I am SO SICK of being cranky!
I can't explain the change.
What I can tell is it is hormonal...I think I am in a good mood and then in SECONDS I am ANNOYED, ANNOYED,ANNOYED....and I couldn't tell you what changed or set me off.
DH, DS and I went away this weekend together and I was not really looking forward to it...however it was GREAT!! AWESOME! For the the first time in weeks I loved him again! :LOL Isn't that terrible? But we just had a GREAT time together... My moods were still shifting but both of us handled ourselves better.
For these reasons I am finding this pregnancy difficult and yes I feel really whining and self consummed too....and yet I can't shake it!!
post #6 of 8
I had a very difficult time emotionally this past pregnancy, and my m/w advised me to take fish oil capsules -- I take a six a day and it's made a huge difference. I've suffered from depression in the past and know the feeling well -- for me it's generaly weepiness, a "dead" feeling inside, and no energy to do anything.
Anyway, I highly recommend the fish oil -- it's good for brain development too! I've tried tapering off of it because I feel so good, but I start to tank emotionally pretty quickly when I do. Good luck and hang in there.
post #7 of 8
Thread Starter 
The kids had fun with their grandparents, but i decided to clean while they were gone, and OMG i found mouse poo Ewwwww So i sanitized the house, top to bottom yesterday. I'm still sore, and who knew lysol was so unforgiving? Thank goodness the kids were gone, i was able to steam the carpets with the industrial steamer i borrowed from my dad's old detailing business, and never returned, lol. Sometimes it pays to be forgetful :P I also realized the kids have waaaay too many toys; i only cleaned about 1/3 of them, hid the rest in my bathroom until i get to them, and the kids still haven't noticed anything is missing...funny thing though, when you put stuffed animals in the washing machine, they float--open the door, and you see all the critters staring up at you, hahaha, it's pretty morbid!
post #8 of 8
How are you feeling, Michelle?

What's up with your OB? Hope that things are going well for you, and you are pulling out of your slump.
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