whiny 3 year old for sale

[artgirl]

She's driving me crazy. I know I've probably missed a million whining discussion here but can someone help. Give me some links, give me some advice... that sound is like nails on a chalkboard and it's going to send me over the edge!
Yes, we have a *new* (6 months) baby in the house so my attention is divided where it never used to be but this whining has started within the last 2 weeks. She was sick... ?? But she's better now.
Am I just doing a crappy job of paying attention to her? Luckily when ds naps he is fine to sleep alone so I play with her (or, I admit, do chores).
The whining is making me want to avoid dd though. When we play she wants to control everything all of a sudden too. Is she testing me? What is going on? Is this a 3-year old thing?

(I'm kidding about wanting to sell my dd. I actually love her more than life. I just miss my little buddy, the one that used to tell me things in a normal voice. The one that smiled and found pleasure in things. The easy-going one.)

ETA: The most frustrating thing about the whining is that she will not listen to any kind of reason. And she'll change whatever it is she's whining about in an instant and start whining about something else. "I want a cracker, I want a cracker, I want a cracker... I want my binky, I want my binky... I don't want to take a nap... I don't want you to sing... I want you to lay with me... I want you to lay with me.... Don't shut your eyes... shut your eyes... etc"

[Pandora114]

How bout you whine back at her. Not as a "making fun" of her type thing, but as a playful type thing

"I wanna cookie i wanna cookie" then you whine about something totally silly and off the wall.

[artgirl]

I know my original post sounds a little callous or tongue in cheek but seriously...
I have tried telling her that I can't understand her when she talks in a whiney voice.
I've tried distracting her with humor... like asking her silly questions about whatever she's whining about. Sometimes this works, sometimes she seems determined to stay in a whiney mood.
I think maybe I've been expecting a instant fix and that really it's going to take some long-term work.
I mostly wanted to vent because the whining is driving me

me: dd, let's put this sweater on because it's a little chilly out this morning.
dd: I don't want a sweater, I don't want a sweater
me: I'm afraid you'll be cold, look it has watermelons on it that match your dress.
dd: I don't want a sweater!
me: okay, I hope you don't get cold.

then as we are leaving:
dd: you forgot my sweater, I want my sweater
me: you want to put your sweater on?
dd: no, I don't want to put a sweater on
me: well then we are leaving the sweater here then
dd: but I'm going to be cold!
me: if you want your sweater but don't want it on you can carry it
dd: you carry it

etc, etc.

[Pandora114]

Sounds like a normal 3yo to me! Congratulations, you have a perfectly developmentally sound 3yo little girl!

As as it is. this too shall pass. *Here I am not even THERE yet*

Just keep on keeping on what you are trying and it'll eventually work.

[annarosa]

hey - I love your title - yes I feel like that today with my little 2years 8 month dd !

anyways, when she whines and contradicts me and all that here is what I usually try with -

use your normal voice please
ask me in your normal voice please

this usually has some impact

then if she says things like - put your hand here Mummy, no not like that, like this ! no not like that! no not like that !! etc etc. I try saying -

you want me to put my hand there ( I might repeat this a few times)
then I go on to -
you don't want me to put it like that

my last resort is something like
Mummy is just getting it all wrong isn't she !(as a kind of joke)
or something like -
oh dear - I'm getting it all wrong again - sorry

hope this helps a bit ..........

[mahogny]

Don't blame yourself mama! It's not you "doing a crappy job of paying attention to her". As the PP's have said, it's completely normal! She'd be doing it even if baby wasn't there!

Whining drives me batty, too! Fortunately, my ds is (FINALLY!) outgrowing it. But it can certainly be maddening! I HATE whining! My son was is (was) a pro at it! What you and the PP described was spot on - wanting control, wanting me to do things/not do things, play with his toys in only certain ways, etc.

What I did was tell him I don't listen to his whiny voice. When he starts whining, I would tell him simply and calmly, "I don't listen to your whiny voice. When you can use your nice voice, I'll listen". Then just walk away. I don't stay with him and try to talk him into using the nice voice, I just tell him what I listen to, and then let him come find me when he's ready to tell me what he wants in a nice voice. (I say "come find me", but I'm just in the next room.) Then when he finds me and consciously uses his nice voice to ask what he wants, I tell him, "Wow, I'd be happy to (whatever) because you used your nice voice!"

It takes the patience of a saint to get through the whiny stage! Good luck!

[annab]

Same thing going on here. Three year old and a six month old baby, complete with the older one whining.

The whining thing worked. During a good part of our day, I needed him to do something, so I whined it. I pointed out how irritating it was and how he could not understand me. Now when he whines, I tell him, "Remember how that sounds to people."

The thing that has worked best for us in all things three year-old is to let him determine the method of communication. We have been having trouble leaving places without a huge melt down. I asked him how we could fix this. He told me to raise my leg when it was time to go. I look like I am hiking my leg to pee on a fire hydrant, but it has worked. I asked him how I could let him know that something was not up for debate and needed to be done without discussion. He came up with a hand signal, and it also has worked.

BTW: I was joking that there should be some kind of boot camp for three year olds. A friend said, "That is a great idea, but who would run it?" Three year olds are a lot of work.

[Eggie]

Originally Posted by annab

I asked him how we could fix this. He told me to raise my leg when it was time to go. I look like I am hiking my leg to pee on a fire hydrant, but it has worked. .

:
That sounds so cute!

No advice to the OP, just a big .... this shall pass too

[Geofizz]

Artgirl ~ my dd is 5 days older than yours and goodness, the whining is driving us batty.

I've tried just about all the things suggested above. I figure it's a stage I have to wait out. I have decided that there are simply times that DD is actually not able to use her normal voice, and whining is the only thing she can do. I did whine back at her this morning and she gave me the oddest look. She clearly tried to use a normal voice, but she just couldn't muster it. As a result, we've started talking to her about how she feels, what we see in her behavior (whining and other annoying things), and what we see as likely causes (tired, hungry, hot, cold, anxious). I'm hoping that eventually, she'll get so that she can recognize her hunger (or whatever it is) for what it is.

If you do sell DD, let me know what the going rates are. We'd be interested in knowing ourselves.

[maemaesmama]

Every parent knows about this stage! I find the "Ignore the behavior you don't like, praise the behavior you do like" really works. Now I still will redirect my chilren when they need help. For instance. My son thinks he is royalty around here. I love him to pieces, and it shows. When he whines, or get demanding of me. I have him repeat what he wants in a more desirable fashion. I almost always stay calm, and this helps him know what is expected. He is babe#3 we'll see if I'm crazy by the time babe#4 arrives in Feb

[Amys1st]

Sorry- there is not a large demand for 3 yr olds- to make you feel better, I too have a whiny 3 yr old who can also do a high pitched scream. But I do not have a baby- so what you're descrbng is a normal 3 yr old.

The twos were a piece of cake compared to the 3s and she has only been 3 for four months DH said last week he had never been so happy to go to work on a Monday after we had a battle weekend with our dd. I replied- welcome to my life. LOL

Actually the wining is getting better as we are dealing with it head on. She gets no rewards for wining and she is starting to figure it out.
To start-
When she wanted something she would as you said wine it "I want a cookkkkkiiiiieeeeeee. I wannnntttttt a cooooookieeeee!! and add a wail on the end. So we would stop here, squat down and say "can you say niceley 'Mommy can I have a cookie please?' " and she would say it and I would say "sure here you g"o or "after we eat lunch etc we can have a cookie." Then when she wails "no noooowwwww", we again remind her that she has to eat lunch first etc. If that escalates, we make her go sit down alone for a few minutes to collect her thoughts and ignore the wining like others have said. Then we get lunch ready.

I have noticed that the wining gets really nasty right before meal time or when shes tired and needs some quiet time or we have had a few overbusy days and her head may be spinning. She also gets that way right before and during growth spurts or big milestones like the one we just had potty learning.

Good luck- I totally understand!!

[avivaelona]

I like the above advice but at least with kids in my preschool classes I've also found "boy you are really whining and that hurts my ears. Do you need a big hug? (give hug) Now can you tell me what you needed in a normal voice?" to work. Sometimes when they get all whiney they aren't whining about what they really need. Honestly, I have to say that the big hug method works pretty well on ME when I've gotten in a whiney cry baby space Otherwise if that doesn't work develop selective hearing Easier to do I admit, when you can send them home at the end of the day!

Aviva