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Are you like your parents?

Poll Results: Do you parent like your parents?

This is a multiple choice poll
  • 32% (56)
    Did your mom Breastfeed?
  • 29% (50)
    Did your parents vaxinate?
  • 5% (9)
    Did your parents use organic foods?
  • 1% (3)
    Did your parents homeschool?
  • 8% (14)
    Do you discipline like your parents?
  • 22% (39)
    Do your parents understand your style?
171 Total Votes  
post #1 of 34
Thread Starter 
I am just wondering how many of you/us parent like our parents did? Are you raising your kids like you were raised?
Breast fed, cloth diapered, co-sleping, organic foods, non-vaxing, home schooling, minimal or no TV, etc. What about discipline?

I am so different from my parents. I was bf and cloth diapered, but that was about it. My mom was frowned upon for BF her kids -she ignored everyone anyway and did what she thought was best. Good job mom!! We were all allergic to the new-disposable diapers so she had no choice - cloth it was. We were all given vaxins (I have to give my kids theirs because of daycare). My mother had no idea what organic food was - and we all went to public school - YUCK! I remember begging her to go to private school and told no.

My discipline tends to be similar.

My DH came from a broken/neglected household so he is totally different from his paretns. He just basically supports whatever I think is best becuase he has no basis for anything.
post #2 of 34
My mom breastfed and cloth diapered. Other than that, we are very different. We have a completely different philosophy of life and parenting. I don't think my mom knew what homeschooling was. She did refuse the smallpox vaccine for me, but that was mainly because our Dr at the time thought the risks outweighed the benefits.
post #3 of 34
My answer is no to everything. I couldn't be further from my parents style of parenting. However ever so slightly they are coming around
post #4 of 34
well let's see.
my mom didn't nurse any of us (there are 5 living) though she did make an attempt with her first, and her mom told her it was "dirty."
i THINK we got to sleep with the parents for a while, a year maybe.
totally vaxed, but there were way fewer back then.
tv all the time. my younger brother and sister saw "porkys" when they were about 6.
lots of beatings, humiliation, emotion "stuffing."
i don't think i ever saw a vegetable until i was in college. tons of soda, twinkies, etc. my mom's kitchen looks like the frozen foods section of a store. it's crazy because both parents are excellent cooks. :
anyway, pretty much everything is different, but they think i am doing a great job.
post #5 of 34
I think I am alot like my parents. My mom BF, she CD only because disposables were very new and expensive. We did get spanked very seldomly but their overall phiolosphy was gentle discipline. My mom didn't CIO. She is a very gentle, loving person. I think I get alot of my parenting values form her. The one thing I know I picked up from her is the dislike of people calling their kids names and talking down to them. I hate that.

She did do alot of the medical stuff but she did refuse to listen to the doctors and BF all 3 of us.

Both of my parents are very supportive of our parenting decisions. They may not fully undertsand all of our choices but they think we are doing a fansatic job wiht our DS. I just love my parents I feel blessed.
post #6 of 34
No, I'm not parenting liek I was parented. I may have been cloth diapered, but only because disposibles weren't available. Al the rest is different.
post #7 of 34
I can't figure out how to do the poll, but here are my answers:

Breastfeeding: yes, until we self-weaned.

Vaccinating: yes.

Organic foods: My mother's huge garden is organic. However, for foods we bought in the store, organic usually wasn't an option.

Homeschooling: no, nor will I homeschool my child. I believe that public schools are an important part of the community and that the best reaction to a school's shortcomings is to get involved in making it better. This is a belief I learned from my parents, who are still living it even now that they have no relatives in the local schools.

Discipline: My parents practiced active listening and gentle discipline for the most part. They did spank, rarely, to put a stop to completely out-of-control behavior.

Cloth diapers: yes.

Co-sleeping: no. This is one thing I intend to do differently from my parents.

TV: in moderation, carefully selected.

Worth adding to the list, IMO, is environmentalism, definitely a value I learned from my parents which "comes naturally" to me because of the lifestyle in which I was raised.

In general, a lot of my philosophy of life (not just parenting) comes from my parents. In fact, I wrote articles about this for my Website for Father's Day last year and Mother's Day this year, if anyone's interested!
post #8 of 34
"I was raised the Chinese way. I was taught to desire nothing, to swallow other people's misery, and to eat my own bitterness. And even though I taught my daughter the opposite, still she came out the same way. Maybe it is because she was born to me and she was born a girl, and I was born to my mother and I was born a girl, all of us like stairs, one step after another, going up, going down, but always going the same way."
~ Amy Tan in The Joy Luck Club

"All women become their mothers. That is their tragedy. Men
never do. That is theirs." ~ Oscar Wilde
post #9 of 34
My mom breastfed (unsure to what age - 10 or 12 months I think) and used cloth diapers on all three of us. I breastfed to 16 months and 12 months (dd1 and dd2). Diaper service brought cloth diapers for a year then I used disposables so I'm half and half there.
They were appropriate with discipline (IMO) - I was spanked once and deserved it that day I can assure you! They were respectful but expected/demanded respect from us and we loved and respected them with all our hearts. I try to use Love and Logic parenting style but often forget... But basically, yes, I am like my parents and very happy to be so.
We got all the vaccines the doctor recommended. My kids get about half of them and on my schedule, not the AAP one.
We had our own rooms from birth and so did my kids. Well, that is not exactly accurate. I kept each of my kids in my room in a bassinette for 3 months before moving them to the crib. Maybe my mom did the same but I don't know.
Don't think my mom heard of organic food in the 70s. We ate fairly healthy but I did have sugar cereal, cookies, Kool-Aid sometimes. My kids get it (junk food) less than I did but they do have it.
We went to public school, loved it. Our parents were very involved. DD1 is in a great multi-age program of the public school district here. We are very involved.
I watched quite a fair amount of tv as a kid and my kids do too. Not proud of it and trying to cut them back but yes, they watch and I did and I think we'll all be OK.
Interesting thread.
post #10 of 34
My mother didn't breastfeed. She did do cloth diapering and she did get us vaxed...... our styles are pretty different and she is very supportive of how I want to raise my little monster.
post #11 of 34
Breastfeeding: yes for 6 months, and I pumped bm for dd for 4 mos. and then went to formula.

Vaccinating: yes, and I'm doing that with dd too (we go to India every 2 years and there's no question in my mind which is the greater risk)

Organic foods: No, and we don't buy t hem either,except on sale. Too expensive. But we are vegetarians! :-)

Homeschooling: public schools during the year, homeschooling during the summer to help me catch up with what I didn't learn during the school year. I am bright, but the schools did not match my learning style or give me the time I needed to learn something. We plan to homeschool the whole way through.

Discipline: I was spanked by both parents from a young age. Mom just spanked (swatted on the rear end) while dad beat me, shoved me, screamed and shamed me, and I believe it was child abuse. I will never spank my child and so far positive discipline is working great.

Cloth diapers: yes, for me and my brother, as well as my half sister who was born in 1990. I've been using cloth on Abi since birth and really enjoy it.

Co-sleeping: no but I was rocked to sleep until I was too big to fit in my mom's lap (the back of the rocker actually broke under the pressure). We are a family bed family.

TV: none until I was 9, then limited mostly to select shows on PBS. Abi has watched TV from infancy, mostly videos and limited to one hour a day. I have seen her learn from them and have fun and I have not seen any negative impact from them. We watch mostly PBS as a family, or rent videos after dd goes to bed.

Environmentalism (thanks for adding that EnviroBecca): my parents and grandparents are all very frugal. To this day my grandmother does not own a dryer, and reuses tin foil and plastic bags. She even saves the warming-up water from the bathtub to pour on plants. I got a lot of my habits from her.
post #12 of 34

My mother is a manic depressive... If i ever start acting like she was i will KNOW i need to be medicated!!!

Warm Squishy Feelings...

post #13 of 34
My mother was a nasty, violent drunk who beat us, screamed at us, humiliated us, kicked us, spit on us, made us sleep in the barn on cold winter nights. I spent my childhood huddled in my closet under clothes trying my hardest to become invisable so she wouldn't find me.

I have lived my entire life so that I am totally opposite of the monster she is.

This poem describes how her actions have made me the person I am today.

My daughter will never ever ever know anything but love. I tell her at least a hundred times a day that I love her!

All women do NOT become their mothers. If I thought I would turn out to be like her, I would have killed myself a long time ago. The world does not need another one of her.

I like who I am today. I am proud of who I am and how my life is and I BROKE THE ABUSE CYCLE.

/hugs herself
post #14 of 34
My parents actually led quite a natural lifestyle, although it was mostly for reasons of frugality.

I was breastfed for six weeks, but my brothers were all nursed for at least a year, the youngest for 18 months. I am nursing my son who is adopted, though the experience has been rocky from the get-go and is unraveling pretty quickly. I'm much more into nursing philosophically than my mom was--perhaps she took it for granted.

We were all cloth-diapered. My mom is just about the only person I know who is completely thrilled that we are cloth-diapering. She thinks disposables are such a waste of money.

My parents did not eat organic, but they did grow or make at home most everything we ate. My dad was diabetic, so my mom was really into healthy eating. They had a huge garden, also grew grapes, almonds, various kinds of fruit, peanuts, etc. My mom made raisins from the grapes, homemade ketchup, did tons of canning. My parents raised bees and chickens for honey and eggs. My mom made dozens of loaves of homemade bread every week, and sold some of her bread in a health food store. She had her own wheat grinder.

We had no TV growing up, by choice. I wish I could do that, but dh would have a fit. He loves sports too much. My 4-month-old ds is mesmerized by the TV, and I hate it.

We were vaccinated. My parents are very pro-medical. My dad's life was prolonged probably 15 years by progressive medical treatment, and they were always believers. My ds will be mostly vaccinated, but not on the schedule. I believe there is truth to western medicine and alternative forms as well. I plan to pick and choose what works for us.

My parents are very against homeschool. They know about 10 homeschooling families, and at least 8 our of the 10 have children who are very strange and completely socially inept. These families are truly not good advertising for homeschooling--I can see why my parents feel the way they do based on what they've seen. I have mixed feelings about homeschool and could see myself going that route someday. I am definitely interested in private school and alternative educational philosophies.

I have wonderful parents, and I wonder all the time why I got to be in such a great, happy, functional (through not perfect) family when so many others haven't. My mom is pretty supportive of my choices, though she keeps asking how much longer ds is going to sleep with us. She knows that I've studied and thought out everything, and that I'm stubborn and feel deeply about the things we're doing.
post #15 of 34
I was formula fed and never co-slept. I have no memory of every getting into my parents' bed at all. My mom did breastfeed all of her 7 children for a few weeks, but only breastfed one of them for any length of time.
post #16 of 34
My parents were a lot like Batty's. My mom breastfed all of us, despite the nay-sayers (granted, for weeks/months, rather than years, but still very good...especially for the 70's!).

We were cloth diapered, and Mom fed us a very good diet (no organic food back then, but we rarely had junk food in the house, etc).

We were also spanked on rare occasions, but in general, I think my parents used gentle discipline ideas. They are both very supportive of our decision not to spank (and acknowledge that they spanked us too often, even if they haven't quite decided that they shouldn't have spanked us at all!).

All of us kids can talk to my parents (especially Mom) about most things. I think they did a pretty good job. At least, I'm not aware of any of our hangups that can be attributed to their parenting.
post #17 of 34
cumulus: There is some truth in those quotes, but are you trying to say that we all are like our mothers? Whether we think so or not?

It is my one great fear in life that I become my mother. I am letting go of that, b/c it serves no higher purpose. I am similar to my mother, but have made different lifestyle choices. These choices are reflected in my parenting.

My mother, as crazy as she might be, was great until we got old enough to talk. She breastfed, cloth diapered, co-slept. Then, we began to follow our own minds, and she yelled and beat us regularly.

I try to stay on top of my game. I mean, who likes mean people?
post #18 of 34
I am JUST like my mother . My folks were AP, my borther and i nursed until we were 4-ish, 2 or that we tandem nursed, we coslept for as long as we wanted, at mostly all whole foods, some organic, were cloth diapered, never spanked or even spoken to harshly, or put down. My parents had allll the patience in the world, spent countless hours doing fabulous enriching activities with us and are the best people i know !

And i would like to think I am just like em, even though we have some differences. But my 3.5 yr old bf's, cosleeps, isn't hit, etc, i suck with making whole and organic foods though. And i work on being as patient as they are
post #19 of 34
Chaka Falls:

Sorry to have dropped those quotes and then run. I find them true in a not readily apparent way. I think in a fundamental way we are like our parents. We can have ideals and philosophies much different from our parents but say in a moment of crisis or anger we might act just like them. It's as if we have the same operating system, to overuse the computer for comparison, as our parents but use different software than them. We're using the AP suite consisting of CoDoze, Lactdata, HomeTeach and Interact - our parents used stand-alone applications: Usleep, Formulator, RemoteTeach and DoIt... same operating system underneath though.

I think as a given day goes by, especially a long trying day with the kids, we might act more and more like someone we do not want to act like.

"As is the mother so is the daughter" Ezekiel 16:44
post #20 of 34
I didn't vote in the poll b/c I can't say my parents parented in one way... it's actually mostly been my mom's way, with my dad mostly going along but not (and this has gotten worse through the years) always agreeing. I also am pregnant w/ #1, so I'll have to answer from my aspirations and ideals, not current practices.

very similar to my mom. she BFed all 3 of us, my brother and I for about 3 years each, I plan to nurse until my babies want to wean, with no supplements or bottles. she still leads LLL meetings

different from my mom (maybe?) she had my sister and I vaccinated, and my brother at the beginning, but her philosophy changed as she read more research against vaccines. I should also say that my older sister and I are 10 years apart, my younger brother 5 years from me so I think I've had the benefit of a mom who grew and evolved as a parent through us.

similar to mom, though I think she let my brother stay in bed longer than he REALLY needed to (age 8 1/2 I think)

similar, we were never spanked by my mom (was once by my dad, hated him for it) and I believe in non-coercive parenting as a philosophy, which is how she practiced

cloth diapering:
same. we won't have to deal with those awful diaper pins though.

similar to mom's philosophy now. very little TV. emphasis on reading and amusing oneself.

same as mom. I left school at 11 years. my brother at 13. I unschooled, my brother still is at 16. it was one of the biggests gifts my mom gave to me. freedom to learn. trust in my abilities.

she didn't have the option of buying. we did have a nice garden growing up, which was organic. she got into health food when I was a little girl, and I think we influence each other. I've gotten her to eat more macrobiotic foods, and brown rice and tofu. she didn't let me eat crap as a little one, but bought healthy snacks instead, like fruit leather and sesame crackers. I think I make her proud as the kid who requests salad as part of christmas dinner this year.

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