Really cannot handle the screaming.

[Destinye]

I dont know what to do about DD, who has gone to major screaming now when she cannot have what she wants. This AM we had a blocked toilet and it flooded the bathroom twice and I HAD to clean it up, she would not stop screaming. Its horrible and makes me want to scream too, I have never been able to handle noise well and this really affects me. Now normally we don't have a flood but I am really starting to lose it and don't know what to do. Normally homeopathy and flower remedies help us both but for some reason I cannot handle this extremely loud screaming AT ALL. Its when she can't have ANYTHING she wants, and we have been working with GD all along, she is just EXTREMELY spirited and LOUD, and its unbearable. I have a violent headache and am shaking I feel so upset and stressed.

Usually we get thru these phases but am so stressed I have yelled at her, and don't want to do that. She is very verbal/signs so thats not the issue, she is also extremely bright, which makes it hard too, but she just has started JUST screaming and I have tried everything.

[johub]

I also get really upset from screaming. It is like my brain shuts off and it is pierceingly painful like an ice pick to the temple.
Seriously I do what I can to prevent it, as I am sure you are.
But if one of my kids screams and I cant get them to stop it really can become a dangerous situation as my pulse races and my adrenaline rushes and it is so painful.
I separate myself.
If I have to mop up a wet bathroom floor (and who hasnt) and my toddler doesnt want to "let" me. Then I take him into his room or the playroom (either is childproof) and put up the baby gate and get the necessary thing done without the screaming in my ear.
(he/she will be screaming either way, this way it isnt in my ear )
Joline

[lauradoc]

We have had this ar our house too, starting when dd1 was 2.5 yrs, shortly after ds2 was born. She was quite verbal already, but I think she would get overwhelmed, wasn't at her best anyway (new baby around, adjusting but stressed), and she would give up and scream. Also, it got our attention, which was of course frequently on the new baby at that time.

Finally DH and I agreed to be calm when it happened (hard!), and tell her it was ok to scream, but she had to do it in her room so we didn't all have to listen to it. This has had a dramatic, reducing effect on the screaming. Took just a few days, but we had to be consistent.

You dc is much younger so I'm not sure this will be as helpful with her though.

[Suzetta]

If dd is doing it in her high chair, I turn her high chair around. She will soon stop and ask to be turned back.

Sometimes I tap her lips with my finger and firmly say "No Scream!!"

Sometimes I just walk away.

Sometimes I pick her up and hold her lovingly in my lap until she feels better.

But what really helped her see how awful it sounds is when she did it and caused the baby to cry. She was pretty shaken up to see that she had caused the baby to pucker up.

[Destinye]

Thanks for the great replies. I calmed down and also got DH to help when he got home so I could catch up with some things (I am a WAHM which is great as I get to stay home with DD but sometimes hard when things go wrong like today) I just have to work on staying calm I think, its hard at her age to do a lot except repetition, I had to briefly put her in the bedroom (right by the bathroom) to clean the POOPY water up as I did not want her standing in it and that made it worse, I hate to do that though. I gave her a massive dose of homeopathic Chamomilla too. It does help but I know a lot of it is developmental/temperament. Oh joy! She really picks up on my emotions though so am working on them.

Anyhow any more ideas on how to deal with the screaming using GD in a younger toddler greatly appreciated! Worse thing is I have a parrot whose scream is a million times worse than DD, and DD's baby crying did not bother me the tantrum screaming does though!

[ScotiaSky]

Oh please Oh please does someone have an answer. :
I also want to chime in...I posted recently about an angry toddler which helped me see that the tantrums are normal for his age(although his are very extreme compared to most)and I could handle the tantrums if we wern't already stressed out beyond the max with the constant screaming.

Our 17 month old son has been doing this non stop since he was 12 months old and it is only getting worse. He screams when he is happy,he is sad,he is angry.I am starting to feel I am encouring it but am not sure how to go about not..when he screams that and I see he wants his sippy cup and I supposed to deny him his water until he asks properly for it...his verbal skills are not even close to that.
He has words but jut not useful ones. No matter how often we repeat ask, give, please..he does have thank you down though. Yet I say the word Cookie once in a story and he picks it up the first time and he has only had a cookie once.
He can't be doing it for attention because he will do it even if he is sitting on my lap and i am holding him and reading to him.
We have tried everything researched up the wazoo. I think I am going to have to break down and take him to a medical doctor to see if its a medical problem, who of course will give out bad parenting advice that DF will take as the only way to do it sigh
Combine it with the tantrums(I am starting to think we have a very spirted child on our hands but am not sure what are the signs) and the latest trick of his to wake up at night(normally a great sleeper)and scream until he gets to get up. This morning he woke up at 4am.
We have no choice we live in an apartment building and as I am sure they can all hear the non stop screaming all day last thing they want to hear is screaming at 330am for a few hours(we are scared someone is going to call the police it is so bad)
Our family life and realationship as a couple is crumbling around our feet all for a screaming child that in most respects is pretty amazing. All we argur about is ways to deal with the non stop screaming...DF does not even want to come home anymore and I am ready to leave myself.
He is great when we are out and about but that option is not always available. I am a SAHM in a small town with no friends(we just moved) there are no playgroups and even if there were I have no means of getting there..no 2nd car and no public transportation.
So that leaves me stuck at home all day with a screaming child and just going out of my mind...I am slowly starting to fall apart and lose my cool with him. Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Dodo]

Hmm. I'm the mom of a mostly reformed screamer. Not sure if I have any advice, but I couldn't read ScotiaSky's post without voicing my support. We live in an apartment, too. Last year, when my daughter was on a screaming rampage, a total stranger who lived on the street behind our back alley came to ask what was going on. Not a high point in my parenting career.

Now that my daughter is almost four, we can talk about acceptable ways to express anger and disappointment. We try to prep her before upsetting things happen (e.g., You're going to play with your friend. When it's time to come home, say "Thank you. See you later." Remember that it is sad, but only a little bit sad, because you will see your friend again.) I wish that we had worked on this more when she was younger, but, then again, I'm still not entirely sure what we should have done.

Let's see, when a kid is screaming, whispering can sometimes get their attention and set the tone. This experimentation with loud and soft voices could go further. Set a timer and have a five-minute screamfest, then practice being as quiet as a mouse, tip-toeing throught the house. Encourage loud behaviour at the park, point out the quiet atmosphere at the library. Remind your kids of the ways in which they can express their unhappiness (signing? talking? feet stomping? pillow punching?). Draw your toddler's attention to loud noises, showing how they give your ears owies.

I do know that more attention to lifestyle, making sure that toddlers are well fed and giving them lots of opportunities to play can have a preventative effect. But you probably know that too!

p.s. My daughter did the middle of the night screaming and I think it was due to growing pains.

[Dodo]

Oh, I almost forgot. In the heat of the moment, plug it up. Give them water or milk to drink with a straw. Tell them that this drink is to help them feel better. It often distracts and at least provides some reprieve.

[Destinye]

Thanks! DD was much better today, I think the homeopathic remedy helped and we took things more gently too, no floods helped too! Plus DH has played with her every night and given me some time to catch up with things, and DD was delighted!

ScotiaSky it does sound like your son is really out of balance, I can't imagine this all the time like that. I do think the homeopathics have helped DD for the most part, so might be worth looking into for your DS. I know if the screaming persists I am going to see my ND about it.

Thanks for the advice I am going to try and stay calm and try some of them!

[avivaelona]

Some children just have high intensity levels, and they really don't realize they ARE screaming. Its not a medical problem usually, just how the child is wired. Along with Dodo's excellent advice, be sure to keep the background environment quiet (if you keep tv or music on, turn it off, if you live in a noisy city look into noise dampening window shades, etc) and provide lots of opportunities for more acceptable intense play. One thing that tends to work with intense kids is meeting their intensity level and only then helping them bring it down. So if your child is screaming you need to be as intense as he/she is at first, then help him/her rachet it back down. If you were outside you could scream too, but obviously inside you can't do that and you probably don't want to anyway, but speaking in a really exaggerated stage whisper might work, then slowly bring it down to a quiet low voice.

I'm not where you guys are yet but I have a very intense and active and loud baby, and meeting his intensity level has really helped us with getting him to sleep.

Aviva

[ShadowMom]

Well, my DS and I have *started* to find a rhythm that works for us.

Here are some things that REALLY really helped me. Most of this is robbed from other moms.

Toddlers *must* be kept busy. And, they really LOVE to help and be a part of things. So anytime that I can, I get DS involved and have him "help" me. He LOVES this and even though it takes longer to get stuff done (sometimes a lot longer, lol) it helps a TON.

I also manage his expectations. If he can't have something, then the moment he starts looking at it or talking about it, I tell him he needs to leave it alone. That way he doesn't get his hopes up, KWIM? I don't know why this helps but it REALLY really does.

Also, toddlers need transitions. For instance, if we go outside for a minute, and my guy gets up on a riding mower to pretend he's mowing (this happens a LOT since we have a few for sale), then when I'm ready to go back inside, I have to be considerate of the fact that he's in the middle of something. I'll say "Ok, we're going to need to go inside in a few minutes". Then after a minute or two "Ok, we need to go inside. Say goodbye to the mower. Bye, mower! See ya, mower!" (etc) and then pick him up and we go inside.

Anyhoo... this post is getting kind of long. But, these are things that have really helped me with the screaming. I tend to be somewhat inconsistent about what he can and can't have, and being consistent really helps prevent screaming, so I've tried to shore up there too.

HTH! Hang in there mama. It will get better. (at least, that's what I'm told... ha ha)

[monstersrus]

After reading this post. I finally now that I am not the only mother fighting the screaming toddler... My son is 2 years 1 month... He started just screaming when doesn't get his way.. DRIVES ME BATTY!! We have been having a REALLY rough time with it. At times I feel that I have lost all control with DS. A couple days ago it was over the sweeper. He wanted the sweeper out of the hall closet... It took me about 20 minutes but then I finally got him to change is direction...

Thanks for some of the suggestions that have been put out I will be trying some of them.....

[westernmamomma]

I too found that whispering back to a screaming toddler works in many situations, especially in the grocery store when there is a cookie dispute. This response works best when you can make direct eye contact so your child can see your lips moving but not hear your voice. There are other times when whispering doesn't work that I've found that my dd is just overexcited, and stopping what I'm doing to cuddle for a few minutes works. I've always used the question "do you need some snuggles?" and now when she is getting worked up shew ill turn to me and tell me she needs snuggles instead of screaming. It does get better, you just need to find an approach that will work for you.

[mamato4]

Hello~ I have to chime in too as I also have a screamer. DS is 16m and he has recently started this very annoying, high pitched, "help someone is hurting me", scream!!!! He screams when he's happy, angry, hungry, wet, etc. I am at the end of my rope and so is dh. Ds is very energetic & bright, but has not really formed any words..just babble. He knows how to sign a few words, which I thought would help with the screaming, but not so far.

I am not ok with just letting him express his feelings by screaming. It is very embarrassing in public . Not everyone around you can understand. I am starting to try to discipline him (gently yet firmly). I just know that I am not ok with this continuing and possibly worsening as he gets older.

[Diane B]

My daughter (18 months old) is not a constant screamer like some have described, but she does often scream to express herself. I try to differentiate her screams. For example, if she's just screaming because she's excited (i.e. playing with another kid) I will often let it go - I call it her happy scream. If she's screaming in pain (i.e. teething) that obviously calls for a different response. The other time she screams is when she wants something. Along with some of the other suggestions people have brought up, we say, "Can you please use your words?" She doesn't have many words, mind you - about 20 signs and about 5 spoken words - but we reward any attempt to communicate in a way other than screaming. Usually, she can manage something, like "more" or "please" and this seems to reduce the screaming.

We are also starting to experiment with "inside voice" and "outside voice" although I don't think she gets this yet!

[lara1828]

Whenever my ds (18 mo) screams, I try to give him an alternative. It helps to be specific. i.e. I never say "Use your words" instead I stay "Charlie, don't scream. Say 'Mama help' (or 'please', or whatever is appropriate).

This also helps him not to whine, but not as consistently.

[Destinye]

Just wanted to say thanks for all the replies and DD and *I* are doing better! She really has been a lot better overall and much less screaming, she still has tantrums but they are milder and less persistent and she seems to be dealing with it a lot better (and we say I know you are sad we have to come inside now, or you can't play with x or whatever) so she really seems to have improved a lot, and is a lot happier.

I think more than anything the homeopathy has helped, as well as trying to stay calm, and lots of repetition! Of course she still has her moments but she is 19 months old what can I say! Other than that she is truly wonderful!

[dido1]

Bless this thread! My 16 mo old is entering the screaming tantrum stage, and most of the time I can circumvent them by making sure he is fed and watered (LOL), but I'm having to remember to give him transition times and keep him active, as a few pp's mentioned. We do a lot of "okay, now it's time to say "bye bye" computer" too.

[westernmamomma]

Just keep in mind as they enter this stage, they too will exit it. We're here for support when you need it!