sibling arguments/1:1 time during the day

[quaz]

Two questions.

- Need some good ideas on sibling arguments... I have an 18m and 3year old. The youngest will take things from my 3 year old... my 3 year old will take things from my 18m old. Both cause tears from one or the other.

- My oldest is in need of some good 1:1 time from me during the day. My youngest is HN. By the time she goes down for her nap, my oldest is generally too tired for good 1:1 time. (yet fights naps anyway : ) Any ideas on how to create some good 1:1 time with her during the day??

Tammy

[gaialice]

A lifesaver for me was "Siblings without Rivalries". It has a lot of good ideas on how to cope. My personal approach now to the little ones' arguments would be: "Oh, I see you both want to play with X. Can you think of a solution?" I wait for a second and then I say, well, then hear my plan: I take a timer and I let the little one have her turn. Usually by the time the turn (3-4 minutes) is over then normally the little one has lost interest in the toy anyway although her understanding of taking turns and time and the timer is fuzzy. However it is important to let them first at least think of the problem... I mean with time they should come up with ideas of their own...
As for your other question, what is "HN"?

[fire_lady]

Hi
Generally kids of this generation are smarter. So why dont you try talking to your 3yo kid and tell him that his older and already has responsibility to take care of his/her baby brother/sister and at the same time make him feeling that you love them both equally.
And as for 1:1 time for your oldest could be when eating breakfast without your little ones or do some activities with your oldest without your little ones.

[quaz]

HN = high needs or spirited or high maintainence... basically a temperment type. The part I'm struggling with is carving out the time with my oldest.... so if I'm reading a book to my oldest, my yougest comes over and wants something... if I tell her in a few minutes, or she can't have it now, but she can have something else... she tantrums and makes it impossible to finish the book... like she'll decide she NEEDS a popscicle (um... ok, we just finished snack time, and b/c ya didn't like the snack doesn't mean you get popscicle, candy, etc).. and then throws a fit. Or, she decides she HAS to nurse RIGHT then, and freaks if I delay it (fine if I'm reading a book, but if I'm doing something else with my oldest...)... her tantrums don't stop by 'ignoring' them... ya have to respond and comfort her for them to stop. Distracting doesn't work well with her either, once she has her mind on something (she once spent 2 hours asking for a popscicle and distracting only worked for 2 minutes stretches if that, (she'd had a snack, and I'd said we could have one when her sis woke from her nap)).



Tammy

[Mary-Beth]

Hello!
I have a 3 year old and a 21 month old...I have some similiar issues although I don't consider dd2 high needs.
I gnerally get 1:1 time with the younger child in the morning as she wakes 30-45 minutes before her sister. Then I often get 1:1 time with the older child when the younger child naps. I know you said this isn't working but maybe you could lay down and snuggle, chat, read books...calming activities to help her rest but not pushing her to sleep. This is what we do and sometimes we play a game or paint or something too if she's up for it. Some days my older child does nap so this varies by day...I also have been able to get some 1:1 time when my dh gets home from work. He'll take one to do something special and I'll take the other. Of course, this means I have like no time all by myself!! But that's okay for now...

Just do your best to work it out...maybe a relative, freind, or mother's helper?
Could you trade child care with a neighbor?

Sometimes I get the younger child involved in an activity (like play dough or stickers) and then I'm able to do something with my older child- like read a long book that she's interested in. My dd2 often wants something when I'm in the middle of doing something with dd1...depending on how she asks and what she wants I'll either stop for a second and get it for dd1 or not. Of course, often if she doesn't get what she's asked for she cries and that makes it hard to read to dd1 or whatever...I figure we just have to keep at it and she'll learn...

Hope you work it out soon. I haven't read the book Siblings Without Rivalry but I'm planning on checking it out too.

.

[gaialice]

Two ideas. First, leave lots of healthy non messy food on the kitchen table. Kids eat around the clock, but so long as they do not eat rubbish, who cares?... small slices of whole-wheat bread or whole-wheat crackers and little chuncks of apples or carrots... whatever...
As for 1:1 time I totally understand your problem... if your youngest is interested in water, could you have her play with water and a lot of plastic toys on a large carpet where she can make only a limited amount of mess... now it's warm here so that would be a solution for us to make her play by herself long enough to get an activity with the eldest started or read a story...
Just my 2 cents