Coming Out of Denial, ADHD Child

[Nursin'Fool]

My oldest daughter is 6 years old. She just started Montessori Kindergarten this year, because we waited an extra year for her to start, hoping she would gain some maturity and impulse control in that time. She's a very bright girl, and very social.

She's been high-need from birth. Always demands 100% parenting. We've done family bed, breastfeeding until age two, basically attachement parenting. My hubby and I have known in our hearts that she was ADHD, we're both psychologists. I think it's come to the point that we need to do something if we want her to succeed in school. She's only been in Kindergarten for 2 weeks, but she's already having a little trouble. Off-task, talking to peers, trouble doing her "work". We can barely get her to sit still at home to work on letters and sounds.

Anyone have experience with this stuff? Any natural remedies?

Thanks!!

[m&m]

I know you said you are "sure" that she is ADHD - but are you? Does she really fit all of the criteria? Does she get easily distracted from every single tast even those that she is very interested in? Can she not sit still doing something that she enjoys for at least 30 min? These are huge markers for ADD ADHD that are not something else.

The reason that I am asking is that my dd had problems in school and the teacher hinted at ADHD - but I looked into it, and took her to another psychologist (I have a advanced BA in Psych so my opinion counted too ) and found that she is gifted. She fidgits and has thoughts that easily distract her so it can sometimes look like ADHD or ADD. She also was bored with school and acted out - and just hated sitting on the floor for so long, etc.

There are many other similarities between the two. There are even gifted kids with learning disorders.

Anyway - I would do some research because it is not always a chemical imbalance causing the behaviour - sometimes it is a reaction to situations. It is worth looking into in any case, right?

Hope you find the help you need in either case.

[flyingspaghettimama]

Hi -

Has she been in any formal school type situation in the past? Because entering Montessori at age 6 is not easy if you haven't been in it before - the rules of socialization are a little different, and the behavioral expectations are very high. Not that this is bad, but it would take an older child a little longer to get used to it than a child who has been in Montessori since age 3. If I were a teacher, I wouldn't expect a child to adjust within a few weeks.

I agree with the PP about giftedness/ADHD, but in a Montessori classroom (with a good teacher, I assume) she will be able to go as far or as fast as she needs to, gifted or no. There will not be a curriculum, or staying behind with other children; if she is academically gifted, she will be able to do what she needs. She will also not "have" to perform tasks or do one activity for a set amount of time, and should be able to move around the classroom, as long as she's not actively disturbing others. She might need more partnered activities if she's social (mine does).

Is there something she's very interested in at home you could talk to the teacher about as an entry point for connecting? Does she love math? Music? Art?

As far as chilling her out - does she watch TV? We found that to be a big help with increasing attention span in our home - no more TV, lots of open-ended process-oriented arts activities (i.e. just paper, pencils, tape, staples..etc). Ask her teacher if she/he might suggest anything you could do at home as well.

[flyingspaghettimama]

Originally Posted by Nursin'Fool

We can barely get her to sit still at home to work on letters and sounds.

Anyone have experience with this stuff? Any natural remedies?

Thanks!!

One more thing - you might try more kinesthetic activities regarding letters and sounds - my daughter likes to "be" the letter (make her body into the shape of the letter) when we're in the grocery store line. Playing "I Spy" with sounds is also fun in the car (I spy with my little eye something that starts with the /sssss/ sound). We also played a post-it note game where I'd write the word and she'd attach it to the object in the house; or a charades game of sounding out phonetic words. Basically, anything BUT sitting still!

I'm also assuming when you say "Montessori Kindergarten" that she's actually in a classroom of 6-9 year olds/Elementary Classroom? There is no Kindergarten in Montessori...

[Nursin'Fool]

You guys bring up some great points, and that's why I wanted to get the great advice I always find here.

She can sit for over 30 minutes if she is doing drawing/writing. She loves to do stickers and create her own art. That's the only time I ever see her sitting still. EVER. I've thought before that she was possibly gifted, but what would we do different in a Montessori setting?

She did start with Montessori for a 1/2 year, last year. She was 5 1/2 at the time, which is a late start for Montessori. There is a waiting list to get in, and it's expensive, so that was the first we could get her in. Before that, she was in regular preschool 3 days a week. I do think she does need time to adjust, but she's the type of kid that pushes the limits no matter what situation she's in. We thought Montessori would fit her learning and personality style more than traditional K.

I'll look into the gifted thing.....

Thanks so much!!!!!!!

[Nursin'Fool]

loraeileen- Those are great learning ideas! Those sound right up her alley. And, she is in a Montessori program within the public school. So, they do call it Kindergarten, but she's in there with some preschoolers too that go all day. It's ages 4-6. Next year she moves up the the classroom with 1-2 graders.

Thanks

[flyingspaghettimama]

Originally Posted by Nursin'Fool

I've thought before that she was possibly gifted, but what would we do different in a Montessori setting?

I'll look into the gifted thing.....

Well, if she was acting up because she already knows how to multiply in the thousands and is bored by the lesson on the topic, I'd bring that up. If she's reading at a 3rd grade level in K or can already sew, then I'd bring that up. If she loves to write reports on her favorite subject, I'd bring that up. However, it would be quite uncommon and unfortunate for the teacher not to recognize this and just bump her into higher challenges (i.e. fractions, algorithms, etc), because that's what they're trained to do in AMS/AMI teacher prep.

Gifted children are generally very well served in Montessori by a good teacher, because there is no age restrictions on materials or advancement. They are also able to cooperatively help peers or younger children who struggle, which is awesome socially. I have not found much of the gifted literature to be of so much help, because they are generally talking about struggles of age-homogenous classrooms where there is set curriculum and rote textbook work.

[Nursin'Fool]

I think there is definately plenty of room for her to grow into her classroom. She's just now starting to read.....

I do think I could do better at helping her pursue things she loves and work them into what she's doing at school. She loves anything Egyptian.

[flyingspaghettimama]

Originally Posted by Nursin'Fool

loraeileen- Those are great learning ideas! Those sound right up her alley. And, she is in a Montessori program within the public school. So, they do call it Kindergarten, but she's in there with some preschoolers too that go all day. It's ages 4-6. Next year she moves up the the classroom with 1-2 graders.

Thanks

Oh, sorry, I didn't understand. Yeah, you might want to make sure her teacher is aware of her needs. The public Montessori here in my city is very, very different than private Montessori schools - much more into standardized curriculum, tests, homework, punishments and rewards, labeling children, etc., and the teachers aren't necessarily trained in Montessori. I'm not sure if it's the same where you live or not.

[flyingspaghettimama]

Originally Posted by Nursin'Fool

I do think I could do better at helping her pursue things she loves and work them into what she's doing at school. She loves anything Egyptian.

She could write a report about Egyptians, and use an easy reader (DK makes some, I think)... and illustrate it...there are all sorts of cool things a good teacher could do with that... really wanting to do something is half the battle..

PM me if you want any other ideas. I have to go make lunch!

[lauren]

HI Carole. You might also want to post in the Parenting Issues --Special Needs forum for items specific to remedies and such. There some great threads there for members struggling w/ this question.

Also I suspect, being psychologists, you both know a thing or two about what you are talking about.

[Cenote]

Hey Nursin' Fool!

Your child may just have a learning style that doesn't mesh very well with Montessori. ADD and ADHD is very overdiagnosed and I'd really hesitate to go there unless you are absolutely sure. Have you read the book Endangered Minds by Jane Healy? It is a fabulous read and she has quite a lot to say about ADD and ADHD. She is an educational psychologist - and on her book jacket, it says: "How growing brains are physically shaped by experience; . . . Why increasing numbers of children are diagnosed with attention deficit disorder; How parents and teachers can make a critical difference by making children good learners from the day they are born."

One more question: I know it's not for everyone, but have you considered homeschooling? One of the reasons we chose to homeschool our son is because of the flexibility we have to discover his learning style and work within what works best for him. We are feeling so much freedom and are enjoying the process so much - I can't say enough great things about it.

Good luck to you!!!

Michelle

[Nursin'Fool]

My daughter actually had a good day today, according to her teacher. We went to the bookstore to celebrate and find a few good children's books on Egypt and Mummies. She is so excited! I think I just really need to devote more time to her and pursuing her interests. I think she will do well if we can focus things to her strengths. I'm also going to observe her in class tomorrow, and see what's up.....

loraeileen- Yes, it's in the public school system, but it's still very much Montessori. It's recognized as a very good program, and requires both Montessori certification/training and public school training. So, we figure it's the best of both worlds.

Thanks guys!!!

[Nursin'Fool]

Michelle- You must have been posting at the same time as me. Anyway, I'll check out that book. As far as homeschooling, I don't think that I have the patience and/or discipline to do that. Seems like it would be really stretching me.... I have two younger children too. My youngest is 15 months, and only naps one hour a day. Otherwise, she's with me 24/7, and into everything. I don't know how I could do a good job for my struggling daugther.... How do you homeschoolers do it????????

[Cenote]

Well, we only have one child right now (hoping to conceive again in the next six months) so I couldn't say how families with multiple children do it. But, if the thought has any appeal to you, you might check out the Learning at Home forum and lurk awhile - and/or ask those incredible women. I know there are lots of families that make hsing work for them with multiple children. My sil and brother have six kids - ages ranging from 16-3 and they're doing great (though my hat is totally off to sil - she's pretty amazing!!!).

I really understand how it sounds overwhelming. You might want to consider that the amount of time you have to dedicate to your child's education while they're in school is still pretty significant. That was also a big factor for us - I figured that by the time we factored in the driving around, volunteering, fundraising and needing to feel part of my son's education while in school, it made more sense for us to use all of that time and energy on being with our child, helping him find his learning style and discovering things together.

At any rate, like I said, it's not for everyone - but we absolutely love it !

Michelle

ETA: Just wanted to add that there are many options out there - and that your dd just might have a very unique learning style that would respond quite nicely to either additional input from you and/or an alternative schooling option. Again, I can't recommend Jane Healy's book enough.

Good luck on your quest!!!

[~*max*~]

Hi Carole. I just wanted to throw out another possibility - food allergies. My ds was also high needs from birth, very impulsive, short attention span, some sensory concerns. We consulted w/numerous professionals, but no one could identify what was going on. Finally, from a MDC recommendation, I read the book "Is This Your Child?" by Doris Rapp. We discovered that he was allergic to dairy, citrus & mold. Once we cut out the allergic foods he was a completely different child. Food allergies can really disquise themselves and today's medical professionals, even allergists, are not well versed in their diagnosis & treatment. I would recommend checking out the book. It is very easy to read & has some very accurate behavior checklists for specific allergens.

Good luck. I know what a stressful time it is.

[Nursin'Fool]

Max- Interesting possiblity. I'll check out the book. We have decided, about 6-8 weeks ago, that she might be allergic to dairy. She complains of stomach aches a lot. She's been pretty much off dairy since then. Thanks for the tip....

[laurata]

Your daughter sounds similar to mine. She'll be 7 in October, so she's a little older. She just started first grade after 2 years of homeschooling. Some of the things we've done with her: Providing "fidgets" to hold while we work with her, encouraging a physical activity when she's having trouble controlling her body during learning times (typically a yoga pose or two, or quick game of simon says), and "chew toys" (she's very oral). We also did lots of non traditional learning- writing in sand at the playground, collecting things for math, cookie jar and teddy bear math, doing work with BIG chaulk or crayons (easier for her to hold), drawing letters in the air, playing sound games ("what rhymes with... cat? table? dog? your turn!" and "what word does c...at make? b...ag?") We used lots of SID techniques too, which seem to have helped calm her system. Also, having her lifting her limbs one at a time, then two at a time in order. Lift your right arm, leg, left leg, arm. Now right and left arms. Now legs, etc. Getting progressively harder. Her teacher said it helped make the right and left sides of the brain communicate better. And it really has made a big difference!