Silly Hubby

[Pandora114]

No Faith...I swear...

*No Not pg yet, that I know of, I'm in the 2ww but this is stuff him n I discussed previously*

First I had to put my foot down across his neck when he said "no you won't have a homebirth"

Then he's like "Ok with a midwife" Good, I can deal with that..not totally comfy with the thought of a UC anyway at this point of my life...but I"ll do it if I have to.

Then I made the STUPID MISTAKE of telling him that the lady next door was a Med-A *Canadian Forces Medic* and he's like "OH GOOD!! That means if the midwife doens't get here in time I can go and get her!!" :

And everyone wonders why I have NO faith in him as a birth partner..... : Love him to bits...but the lack of faith he has in me and the whole birthing process is extremely disturbing....

Any suggestions on how to really get through to him? I really hate pulling the authoritarian tag out and smacking him with a Black card all the time when it comes to this kindof thing..

[ZeldasMom]

My DP went through a period where he was very afraid of the possibility of the baby coming before the midwife. This came up because this is our second baby and last time I really liked laboring on my own. So my preference for this baby is to have the midwife come later rather than sooner. But since my last labor went fast my DP expressed concern about waiting *too* long. He's worked though this now.

I didn't interpret my DP's anxiety about the baby coming before the midwife as a sign of lack of faith in me or the birth process. My approach was to respect his feelings and work out a compromise that took them into account (i.e. that we could be communicating with the midwife and have her come a little sooner than I might otherwise). We also talked through his concerns with the midwife, which really helped. We talked abut what he/we would do in various scenarios. Our midwife also has a very calming presence, which contributed to him being more comfortable as well.

If it helps your DH feel better to know the neighbor is there, is this necessarily a bad thing?

Good luck with working through this issue!

[Pandora114]

Well I'm gonna try to talk him into getting a Doula as well...yeah I know I can do it, but I don't know about HIM you know?

I guess it stems from the absolute useles penis brain I had as a partner for my last birth *(Insert superhero narrator voice)BIO IDIOT THE WOOOONDER MONKEY!!!! * who was just there wasting the oxygen that I needed to breathe through the contractions.

oh wait he opened the door for the midwives...

Hopefully my hubby isn't like that....if he is though... I don't want him there.

[five_arrows]

If my dh was opposed to a UC, then I wouldn't do it. I respect his feelings and if he is not happy, then its not worth damaging my relationship over it.
A mw is a good compromise, its not like you are going to hospital. I would find one that is as "hands off" as possible.

[Pandora114]

IMO: Till my hubby is able to chit out a 7lb bowling ball...he has no say, or very little

[writermommy]

Originally Posted by five_arrows

If my dh was opposed to a UC, then I wouldn't do it. I respect his feelings and if he is not happy, then its not worth damaging my relationship over it.
A mw is a good compromise, its not like you are going to hospital. I would find one that is as "hands off" as possible.

I have 3 children, all hospital births. My last experience was awful. After the birth they took my daughter before I even had a chance to breastfeed. When I objected, they told me they'd bring her "right back." OK I got her back 5 hours later and only after I threw the biggest tantrum ever.

I swore that would never happen again. Recently dh brought up the possibility of ttc #4. I told him I'd do it, only if he would agree to homebirth.
At first he was totally against the idea. I found a homebirth midwife in my area and he has agreed to this. He won't go for UC at all. I admire the women who have done this so much and would love to do it, but it's not worth the fighting.

DH's main concern is for the safety of me and the baby. I just remind myself that it's great that he loves us so much and let it go. I got my compromise and we will be ttc and preparing for my first homebirth. I can't wait! The thought of snuggling up in my OWN bed with the next baby is so nice.