Ok Mamas, I need some hugs today...

[Anguschick1]

I'm having a very emotional day today. Last night we moved ds's carseat to behind the passenger seat and we'll install Wee Bitty's car seat this weekend (we wanted to give ds some time to get used to being on the other side of the van prior to the baby coming and dislodging him.) So why do I feel so horrible? I feel like I'm irrevokably changing our relationship forever and that it's not neccesarily a good thing. He's still so little (27mo) and needs me so much, I don't think he gets at all that soon there's going to be a new little one in the house and he'll have to share his mama and papa forever.

Today was our music class and next week is the last one in this session. I couldn't help but think that this might be the last week that it's just him and I going to music class to "sing and laugh and dance and play." True, we could be going to class next week if I haven't had the baby, but then again, maybe not.

There are just going to be so many changes in his little life so soon and just when he'll need me to be most present and gentle and w/him, I'll be busy birthing, nursing and taking care of the new baby. I know that dh and I will try our best to be kind and gentle with ds, but w/the sleep deprivation and dh having to go back to work after just a day or two at home I know that we'll have many rough times.

It'll be ok, right? He won't hate us forever, right? After dh and I pass on (hopefully many, many years from now) he'll always have a sibling, some tie to family, right?

Tomorrow we're going to go the Farmer's Market all together and then go to the train station and sit and watch trains for a while. Ds will love that, but I still can't help but mourn the loss of our wonderful little family of three.

Oh - and it doesn't help that he hasn't nursed in 3 or 4 days and I've been so tired at night that I forgot to offer and he didn't ask. Hopefully when the baby brings the Mama's Milk back, he'll be back w/gusto.

Wow - this is pretty incoherent, but I think I'll leave it out here, sorry for the downer ladies, I just needed to get it off my chest. How do you second/third/seventh time mamas deal with it? Did you ever feel like you were displacing your exsisting children for one you didn't even know yet? Ok - I'll really stop now, time to go sit on the floor and play trains.

[Jaimep]

I have had some feelings like this. But then I see how much fun DD has when she is playing with her friends and I know that in a year or two when they are both big enough, they will be playing and having a great time together. My DD is also just 25 months and I think its awesome that she and brother will be in high school together and things like that. I do worrry about my time with her after the baby gets here, but I am going to try to include her in all the baby stuff. She really likes to help me do things, so she will be a good one to get a burp rag, get me a diaper, get baby a toy, etc.. I am thinking they can even take baths together and she can help wash baby. It is a whole new experience in learning and I think they are smart enough to handle it.

My sister and I are 3 years apart and great friends.

[heldt123]

s I know what you are going through. Just keep thinking that it is for the best in the end. Your son will have a friend and playmate soon. I felt really guilty too when our new one came for many reasons, one of which was limiting his time in our bed. He is doing well overall and has started telling me every day: "Thank you for baby Johnathan comming out." I'll admit it is more difficult, especially on those days where you end up wishing you were an octopus because you have a crying child in each arm and the phone rings, but it is all worth it in the end! btw - I didn't answere the phone!

I agree, having them help even with little things does realy help them feel included. I know, sometimes the "help" makes more work for us, but it helps them.

[Yummymummy74]

I guess I felt like that years back when I had only one and then was having another but honestly? kids are really resiliant and in our house everyone has a place kwim? the kids all play together they are their own little tribe if you will and I would never ever trade that for the only child thing again..

They learn so much from one another and its a great dynamic.. you will see it will be just fine.

[chiro_kristin]

:

That's all I can give you, sister. Hope it helps at least a teeny bit.

[nabigus]

nak, but wanted to send hugs and support

[ktmama]

Adjustment happens with kids of all ages. I think back to when my little bro was born and I just remember loving him and asking a lot of questions about babies. My dd is 8 and it's a struggle for her at times, but overall I get the feeling of big love and protection for her little sis. I explained it to her by telling her that adding someone to a family is like adding a piece to a mobile - it feels out of balance at first, but then things even out. She describes it as the baby sometimes "taking up her space". Yes, you are changing dc's life - for the better! Hang in there.

[mags]

{{{{HUGS}}}} I think that many of us have some of the same feelings as you do. My almost 19 mo old has not shown any signs of jealousy YET, however I think it's b/c my DH is at home and giving him plenty of attn. I feel very guilty, b/c I have been so self consumed with the baby and dead tired, I haven't given my toddler as much attn as I wish I could give him. As someone else mentioned, I just keep telling myself that a yr from now, our babies will be a yr old and more, "fun" to play with, from their sibling's POV, and I think it will be worth it at that time. However, like you I still have feelings of guilt that my oldest and only child is no longer my only priority.

[LeeshaLynn]

I'm right there with you. This baby has yet to be born but I'm feeling so guilty... like I'm stealing Camryn's mommy from her. I know when the baby gets here I'm going to be too tired to do anything fun and I'll have the baby strapped to me all the time. But, I try to remind myself how important it really is to have a sibling and how much fun they're going to have one day playing together. Sisters are an awesome thing! My DH is an only child and I feel so sorry for him sometimes. His Dad is non-existant and all he has for family is his Grandfather and Mom. And on day they will be gone and he will have absolutely NO family. That's so sad to me...

[QueenMommy]

*hugs* I know exactly how you feel! My oldest two are 20 months apart and I did feel a little guilty when I was pg with #2. However, my real guilt showed up at the begining of my last pg as my youngest two are 11 months and 10 days apart. Oh my! I felt *so* guilty! But then I look at my oldest who are best friends and know the same will happen with the youngest. I'm very lucky in the fact that DH does the majority of his work from home so that he can pay extra attention to youngest DD.

[Mama Coltrane]

Hugs to you. This is a difficult time. I was with DS all the time and now there are two! I do believe that kids are very resiliant too. Just want you to know you have our support.
- Kerri

[spearso]

two children...

twice as much fun! Your DS will be just fine, I'm sure you'll be surprised yourself. I always worry about the same thing, DD#1 was fine when DD#2 was born, and baby just arrived yesterday, now they're both fighting for kisses. DD#1 was still coming to bed with us, last night she slept in her own bed b/c 'baby needs booby all night'. Don't worry, just enjoy the new changes!

susie

[Yummymummy74]

Originally Posted by spearso

twice as much fun! Your DS will be just fine, I'm sure you'll be surprised yourself. I always worry about the same thing, DD#1 was fine when DD#2 was born, and baby just arrived yesterday, now they're both fighting for kisses. DD#1 was still coming to bed with us, last night she slept in her own bed b/c 'baby needs booby all night'. Don't worry, just enjoy the new changes!

susie

Hey way to make an announcement there Susie.. :LOL so details?

[carrietorgc]

i could have written your post right after the baby came. dd is adjusting fine, but she is the same age as your dd and the guilt is no fun at all. we're just trying to give her plenty of love and attention. it is strange, dd has accepted that I need to spend lots of time with the baby, but she wants all of daddy's and her grandparents attention.

[heldt123]

Originally Posted by carrietorgc

i could have written your post right after the baby came. dd is adjusting fine, but she is the same age as your dd and the guilt is no fun at all. we're just trying to give her plenty of love and attention. it is strange, dd has accepted that I need to spend lots of time with the baby, but she wants all of daddy's and her grandparents attention.

Same here. My son has become extremely possessive of all his grandparents and is actually getting attached to Daddy (which he hadn't been much before).