Timeouts? In the Corner?

[PollySoloMiller]

why would someone do this? :-(

[water]

We don't do timeouts with my 4yo ds because a) it doesn't work, b) like you said, it's disrespectful, and c) I don't consider it a part of GD. So no explaination there, but I hear ya mama!

[johub]

I do timeout, but nothign like "in the corner"
My child just takes a break from the action in a nearby chair.
Not a special "time out" or "naughty" chair. Not facing the wall.
No nails driven into it or anythign like that.
A perfectly soft, cushy chair with full view of the room. Sometimes the couch.
To me the point is the stop in action, the break in time. Not that be a miserable break.
Joline

[katallen]

I don't do timeouts. I do tell her that I won't be around her if she is going to hurt me and then walk away to another part of the room, but I don't make her stay away from me, if she follows me over or comes over at any time we play. This is just what I have found works for her. If she has a melt down I pick her up and hold her and talk to her and explain why she can't have or do something. If she keeps doing something I ask her not to do I bring her into another room or we leave the house and go to the park or the pool. I feel that time out gives to much attention to behavior that I don't want to give much attention to and I have seen it create resentment in some children and then they acted out again because they were angry at being punished.

[Piglet68]

I'd be surprised to hear anyone on this board sending their kid to "the corner" for a time out. The few people here who use timeouts do so very thoughtfully and not as a means of isolating the child in punishment. Most of us don't use them at all.

[MrsMoe]

I wouldn't want to be stuck with my nose in a corner so I wouldn't do the same to my child. I find it degrading. Just my 2 cents.

[fire_lady]

Sometimes I do time out when Im really tired. But its not that mean time out,its just a break in our comfy sofa and talk to him in a calm voice what is wrong.

[Leilalu]

Interesting, I have never heard anybody talk that way here....


We only do a seperation time out when dd is violent.Always lots of explaining, then hugging, cuddling, making things better afterward.

[mamazee]

I know people who do that, but I've never read anything like that here.

I think that's humiliating, and at some point it would have to be backed up with physical power.

[hotmom]

I do timeouts and timeouts in the corner.
Not often but when my child has gone through the other steps of being removed from the situation, activity interupted and behavior discussed and still the offending activity persists, I will do a "sit in the corner time out". I see nothing wrong with it at all actually. He/she is allowed to see the room just not be involved in the activity in which they demonstrated (violent) behavior. It's a natural consequence.
I also have the soft reading area where I can redirect my children to relax and give themselves a cool out. A variety of things can be done, it's about having more than 1 tool in your teaching toolbox.
IMO gentle discipline is teachinng a child without violence and humilation. In my home a time out is not humilating.
jmo flame away

[mamazee]

I won't flame but I will say that there is *nothing* natural about sitting in the corner for a time-out. That is not a natural consequence. A natural consequence is like if it's raining outside and you walk outside, you get wet. If you have to tell your child to sit in the corner, it isn't natural.

[phathui5]

He/she is allowed to see the room just not be involved in the activity in which they demonstrated (violent) behavior. It's a natural consequence.

I won't flame but I will say that there is *nothing* natural about sitting in the corner for a time-out.

I've got to say that the way she described it seems like a natural consequence to me. Just like getting wet in the rain, if you hurt people and continue to do it after being asked not to, people won't want you around them and you'll get sent away.

[mamazee]

People not wanting to be around you might be a natural consequence, but being sent away, or being forced to sit in a corner aren't natural consequences. Someone has to tell you to do something - it doesn't happen automatically with no interference.

[Leilalu]

Originally Posted by mamazee

People not wanting to be around you might be a natural consequence, but being sent away, or being forced to sit in a corner aren't natural consequences. Someone has to tell you to do something - it doesn't happen automatically with no interference.

Yes, but sometimes children need to be protected from themselves, they aren't inherently wise~it is a learned life-skill.Children don't automatically choose the right things. Or understand right and wrong.Sometimes, if I don't seperate dd, ds will get very hurt, adn I cannot LET that happen. Dd needs to learn that violence is unnaceptable. So, if I am teaching non-violent discipline and allwoing her to be violent at times, unchecked-what message does that send?If dd is violent during play, depending on the severity , she will either be asked to make it better, or seperated temporarily and talked to.She doesn't yet have impulse control, doesn't understand natural consequences fully, and needs to be taught these things.I think seperation is a good natural consequence for rough play.It gives her a chance to think(if only for a minute) and to be able to remove herself mentally from the situation. A change of scenery can work wonders for kids.

[mamazee]

Originally Posted by Leilalu

So, if I am teaching non-violent discipline and allwoing her to be violent at times, unchecked-what message does that send?

Two things. It isn't accurate to say that parents who don't use timeouts or otherwise punish are "allowing their children to be violent at times, unchecked." There are ways to respond other than punishment, such as talking to the child about better ways to express his/her feelings, saying that we are gentle with each other, etc.

The second thing is that by not punishing when your child is violent, IMO you are teaching your child that you love him/her unconditionally, in other words regardless of his/her behavior. You being a general you - all parents - and not you specifically.

[slightly crunchy]

I'd say we don't do "time outs". But I think probably a lot of parents who use GD just do a gentler version of it, they just don't think of it as a time out.

For example, my 3 year old is going through a time where he screams a lot. I have a new baby and I am not willing to tolerate this screaming (and I do mean screaming at the top of his lungs when he is frustrated) in the baby's presence esp. when sleeping. And actually some times it is so loud that it hurts MY ears. So yes we do talk about other ways to express feelings, and that it is okay to have very big feelings. It is even okay to scream if he REALLY needs to (and at this age perhaps he does until he learns other ways), but he can scream where it will not hijack the whole household. We all live here and we need to respect each other. If he is unwilling to go to his room to scream and he cannot or will not stop, I calmly help him to his room. There is no shaming involved, no lecturing. Is this a time out? Well, I don't know, but I don't feel it is done in the *spirit* of timeouts as a punishment. I don't force him to stay there. I will stay with him if I can, but not always possible, that's life with two kids.

[Leilalu]

Originally Posted by mamazee

Two things. It isn't accurate to say that parents who don't use timeouts or otherwise punish are "allowing their children to be violent at times, unchecked." There are ways to respond other than punishment, such as talking to the child about better ways to express his/her feelings, saying that we are gentle with each other, etc.

The second thing is that by not punishing when your child is violent, IMO you are teaching your child that you love him/her unconditionally, in other words regardless of his/her behavior. You being a general you - all parents - and not you specifically.

Well, it is a good thing I didn't say that then. Of course that is innacurate!I never said that. And if you bothered to read the rest of my posts, we do all those things.

I don't really get what you are trying to say in the second part.Are you assuming I punish?This is another assumption on your part. if I were to let dd go around slapping, kicking, punching, knocking over, running into ,etc- her brother whenever she felt like it and not doing anything about it,like not separating her momentarily and talkning to her so she can calm down or whatever~~~~I would not be a good gaurdian of ds. I do teach my child unconditional love, and it has nothing whatsoever to do with the point I am making!My love for her never comes into question. It is a simple matter of correcting behavior that hurts others. If dd is physical in a wrong way, there needs to be a point where I can protect dd from herself, and ds. That is just common sense.

So please bother to read my posts before making innacurate assumptions next time.

[MsMoMpls]

The only time outs in this house are for mommy... I often need a time out. I take them when I can't be the kind of parent I believe in being.

I also don't believe that sitting in the corner is a natural consequence. Natural consequence is something that happen unless we get in their way. Being frustrated, wanting space from a kid that is hitting, is natural.

[mamazee]

Leilalu

Sorry if I misunderstood. It sounded like you were defending the concept of time outs, which are of course a punishment.

Separation is a consequence, but I disagree that it is a natural consequence. I personally don't do time outs, but I do consider time outs to be a part of gentle discipline.

[Leilalu]

So if seperation , temporarily from another person or child when a violent act is being commited is unnatural, what is the "natural" consequence?The natural thing for me to do is the release the mama bear in me. I can't sit by and let my children hurt each other. that is not natural for me. I don't think leaving children to themselves all the time is wise.They don't naturally do the right things all the time. They need to be taught. And I think there are definitely instances where intervention from a loving adult is nessecary.
I don't see how I was advocating punishment in my posts. I also see that you have one child so this isn't an issue for you yet.