I Hope I don't in trouble... - Page 2

[AntoninBeGonin]

Originally Posted by Kathryn

Nay, I'm so sorry you feel like you shouldn't have posted this. I know what you mean. I was the same way. I waited for scences in movies and shows showing spanking or abuse. It was almost addicting watching it, isn't it?

Ohhhh yeah. Heh, no one but my DH (and a few ex-bf's ) know in real life. I toy with the idea of telling my parents, though. Maybe I will if they ever ask why we aren't spanking DS.

"Well mom and dad..." Hehehe. Then they'd never look at me the same way again!

~Nay

[AntoninBeGonin]

Originally Posted by AllyRae

No, no, no...you're right... I completely misunderstood you...now I see what you mean. I'm not sure I have an answer, but I understand more what you meant.

~Nay

[paquerette]

I think that there's probably a link between being spanked as a child and spanking fetishes later in life in many cases. I also think that there are spanking parents out there who get a "thrill" from it, subconciously to the point where they don't even realize it. Human psychology is such a complex thing.

I think the big connection is between punitive, disrespectful parenting and low self-esteem later in life, though. It just manifests in different ways.

I hadn't really thought about it much before though, honestly. I was spanked, although not terribly excessively that I can remember. And I have a bit of a um "interest" in that wrt adult sexual situations. Not to the point where I'd consider it a bdsm thing, though.

[BabyBumblebee]

Had to think about this for a long time before replying, as it feels like such a dangerous confession.

As a child, spanking was the closest and most frequent form of physical touching. I was not kissed or hugged after the age of 6, so I almost looked forward to being hit - at least *someone* was touching me. So, it makes sense to me that as an adolescent I developed a link between pain=love, and act accordingly in my sexual relationships : Maybe that would always have happened, but as far as I'm concerned it's just another reason why spanking is just a very VERY bad idea.

Thank you Nay for bringing this up.

[chicagomom]

There is a wonderful book about this by the Piepers called Addicted to Unhappiness. It's exactly as you say - children who are never touched except when being physically punished come to associate and NEED the pain to feel good and loved. The Piepers' theory is that all children believe (for survival reasons) their parents' parenting is perfect, and that whatever is happening is as it should be, so children who are abused (emotionally or physically or sexually, no matter) come to need this to feel normal. They have worked extensively with children who have moderate and severe attachment disorders, and their work makes a whole lotta sense to me.

[nic]

First, thank you for having the courage to bring up this subject. I think it's incredibly important and often overlooked. This article, entitled "The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children" looks at this issue in more depth. It's really interesting...and disturbing.

http://nospank.net/sexdngrs.htm

[mamakay]

Originally Posted by Kathryn

Nay, I'm so sorry you feel like you shouldn't have posted this. I know what you mean. I was the same way. I waited for scences in movies and shows showing spanking or abuse. It was almost addicting watching it, isn't it?

I was the same way growing up...it was such a huge source of shame as I got just a little older.
It was absolutely like an addiction. It was a compulsion.
I've never before though about what might have caused it...for some reason I'm hesitant to blame it on spanking. It's one of those aspects of my past that I've just buried. I feel kind of embarassed and ashamed just admitting that I remember being like that when I was 7.

[UUMom]

Serioulsy?

As a child you were turned on by abuse?

[mamaGjr]

Originally Posted by AllyRae

No, no, no...you're right... I completely misunderstood you...now I see what you mean. I'm not sure I have an answer, but I understand more what you meant.

I was a bit confused too by op
thanks for all the clarification
:

[flyingspaghettimama]

I think y'all are way overthinking this. The buttocks are a medically defined erogenous zone, for some and possibly many people. They are a part of sexual play for many adults due to their erogenous nature, and in fact a central feature for many men. They are very close to the genitalia (about as close as a person could get). A child probably would have no control over arousal or at the least, some very confusing feelings. See the link nic posted...

My daughter even pointed it out (indirectly) - when she first heard of spanking (never experienced it herself) from a schoolmate she said, "mama, can you believe some parents HIT their kids on their PRIVATE parts! Yucky! People aren't supposed to touch your private parts...especially not hit them..."

It's a great anti-spanking argument in my book - why would you hit your child on their private area? Weird and gross! Confusing! Ick!

[UUMom]

i think childrens' minds can interpret abuse in any number of ways.

I do think a lot of adults equate love with physical pain.

I doubt this is about *where* one was struck as a child, only that he.she was hurt. It most likely only registers in the young psche that one was abused by a loved one, and then that abuse/pain is equated with love by some.

It's easy for children to get that sort of thinking all tangled up.
My Mommy says she loves me, but she hits me...." The dominatrix fantasy is pretty standard, after all. There are endless adult websites devoted to this very theme.

I mean, do a Google search on Spanking... ( No, don't---you will be shocked. I was *floored* by what popped up when i first looked for research on this topic. Oy. who knew????)

[AntoninBeGonin]

Originally Posted by UUMom

Serioulsy?

As a child you were turned on by abuse?

Was that question supposed to sound so intolerant?

As a child I was "turned on" by watching cartoons, and now as an adult by watching stuff on the 'net. By the way, I'm not apologizing for my feelings in this matter.

I was never turned on by my parents spanking me. Like most kids I just wanted it over with so I could go play. Maybe in my case the two situations aren't related. Perhaps they are. It seems from reading other posts that many people think they are related. I do know that my parents were very light handed which might be unusual. (Not that I ever complained LOL).

~Nay

[mamakay]

Originally Posted by UUMom

Serioulsy?

As a child you were turned on by abuse?

Ok. I'm going to assume you're simply just confused by the idea. I'm going to assume the offensive, insulting tone I read is just my own projection.
The short answer is yes.
The long answer is no, as I was not a fully sexual being at that time. I was 4-8ish.
It was in no way sexual as I know sexual to be now. It was just enthrallingly interesting. It was a bit obsessive. Seeing cartoon characters whoop each other on the butts with paddles was terribly fascinating...so much so that it was what my radar was looking for by the time I was 6.
So, you tell me, from whence did that fascination come?

[UUMom]

Originally Posted by mamakay

Ok. I'm going to assume you're simply just confused by the idea. I'm going to assume the offensive, insulting tone I read is just my own projection.
The short answer is yes.
The long answer is no, as I was not a fully sexual being at that time. I was 4-8ish.
It was in no way sexual as I know sexual to be now. It was just enthrallingly interesting. It was a bit obsessive. Seeing cartoon characters whoop each other on the butts with paddles was terribly fascinating...so much so that it was what my radar was looking for by the time I was 6.
So, you tell me, from whence did that fascination come?

I didn't mean for it to sound insulting...i was just genuienly interested. i know I don't make good use of the emoticons. I was also confused a bit by the OP.

I was thinking it might be an unusual fascination for a child, but perhaps not? If an adult thought this, i wouldn't think a thing a about it. But to think about a child experiencing this is harder to understand.

[Kathryn]

Originally Posted by UUMom

I didn't mean for it to sound insulting...i was just genuienly interested. i know I don't make good use of the emoticons. I was also confused a bit by the OP.

I was thinking it might be an unusual fascination for a child, but perhaps not? If an adult thought this, i wouldn't think a thing a about it. But to think about a child experiencing this is harder to understand.

A child is just a little adult

[Little_Ladybug]

Ant - I'm sorry people aren't being very nice to you for being honest. For what it's worth, I completely understand your point. While being spanked as a child may not have been a turn on then, it certainly can turn into a fetish for an adult who was spanked as a child. Like you said, look at all the spanking pornography.

Some things are just so taboo, people have to react like that. Sorry you were made to feel "weird". I'm right here with ya though!

[Wugmama]

Ya know I can only remember being swatted once as a child, so I was pretty much never spanked. I now enjoy when my husband and I get a little rowdy though. Once, my cousin, who happens to be a close friend, were talking about what we enjoy in the privacy of our bedrooms with our husbands. Her mother was very quick to spank, and my cousin pointed out that she would never enjoy that in the bedroom, she was spanked too much as a kid. I would think if anything the adults who were hit as a kid (and I'm sure that was an awful experience) would be the ones that wouldn't incorporate that into adult play and intimacy now.

Does anyone remember that old TV show that was for grown ups but was a cartoon - it was about a psychologist who counseled couples? Well I remember seeing on one of the commercials for the program him saying, "Don't spank your kids. Spank each other". I thought it was funny. I would guess playing like that is not that uncommon in healthy adult sexuality. All the more reason NOT to do it to kids, but there are TONS of reasons never to hit a child anyways!