19 month old keeps hitting us

[Delta]

I try not to take it personally, but DH has a harder time with it.

When DS gets frustrated with us, or even sometimes if he is just playing around, he hits us. Often it is on the face or the leg, and sometime over the head. I usually just say calmly, "No hitting" and move on, or sometimes I ignore it and try to move on, distract him, whatever. But I can't help but feel that when I do that I am looking like a big pushover to him. However, when I do give him a big reaction like, "OW!" or "That hurts mommy!" or "Don't hit" he laughs and does it again.

When he hits me or my DH when DH is around, DH usually says "No!" or "Don't hit!" really loudly (ok, he yells sometimes.) At which point DS laughs and does it again. I've told DH that he'll stop if you just don't give him a reaction, but I think he HATES the idea of letting DS 'get away' with hitting.

Am I doing this right? Is this a phase that will pass? What in the world is a natural consequence of a young toddler hitting? How do we handle this?

[maya44]

I think ignoring it at this age is fine.

IF DP can't ask him if he would gently take ds's hands in his look him in the eye and say seriously but calmly and softly "no hitting".


If he can't be gentle, than don't even try this.

[Delta]

Yeah, he can do that and he has. DH is usually pretty great with the GD stuff. But for some reason the hitting just makes him feel really direspected (I guess a slap across the face would do that, even if in play) and DH gets really frustrated with DS and is about at his wits end with this. I've tried to talk to him a little about early childhood development and he knows he may be expecting too much out of DS, but still. Even *I* don't like the feeling of just ignoring hitting. I feel pushover-y.

I have used redirection and told DS to hit the couch or a pillow instead, but I don't know if that will reinforce the notion that hitting is OK.

It's hard. I hope this is a short phase. He's usually so loving. In fact, he'll often change his tune all of a sudden and kiss us after he hits us. :

[laurenalanna]

We're in the same situation with our 17 month old. He is so affectionate, usually. But sometimes when he's frustrated or just thinks its funny he hits, throws things at us, and pulls hair. He also does this to other kids, which is way worse. He also laughs when I have a strong reaction. My midwife/pediatrician was telling me that at this young age children don't neccessarily differentiate between positive and negative attention, they just like attention.

So, we used to mostly ignore and redirect, but since he's started doing it to other kids we're trying a new technique. I still try not to have a strong reaction. I tell him no hitting/hair pulling and then I either set him down away from me or I walk away from him. This seems to be less appealing to him so hopefully his aggressive behavior will lessen. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

[KarmaChameleon]

My daughter went throught the same thing at that age, and it took a little while to get through it but she is almost reliably gentle now!

We took a slightly different approach -- and one that the mother of the 'victims' of her hitting probably thought was too soft, but knowing it was a phase was enough for me.

Whenever she hit, we would repeat "Gentle touches, gentle touches." Or "Open hands."

I recently took an early childhood class called "Guiding Childrens' Behavior" and the teacher explained that children don't really process stuff when there is a NO or Don't in front of it, so when you are saying "No hitting" or "Don't Hit", they are only really hearing "Hitting!" o r "Hit."

So it's helpful to remember to try to inspire them to behave the way you want them to, instead of trying to discourage 'bad' behaviors.'


When my dd would hit other kids, I would do the whole gentle hands bit, and then I would immediately put my attention on the child they hit, modeling compassion and concern and not putting my kid on a pedastal and giving her attention for this undesirable act.

She is nearly 2 and no longer hits (except her sister when she steals her toys, but I am a mother -- not a magician)