I'm jumping over -- I am due in November. This will be my third and I know just what you mean. Even as a natural birth advocate, having two vaginal births myself with no pain meds, being a doula who helps women achieve the births they want -- I am still freaked out. So much that I started this pregnancy off with anxiety attacks, which are totally new to me.
Finally I just said to myself: Why am I so worried? If it gets too bad I will just get an epidural! You know what, as funny as that is, it calmed me down. Now would I ever actually let myself get one? I don't know. I was just talking to a lady at my church today telling her I was getting worried about the actual labor part. She said, "Oh, I just chose the drugs -- epidural all the way." I told her my original plan with baby #1 had been epidural, but I was not able to get one -- the anesthesiologist was occupied in a surgery on another floor.
With my second, as hard as it was, I never even thought about it, isn't that funny? It never crossed my mind! My labor was only 8 hours from first "different" contraction until he was born, including 90 minutes of pushing and him being posterior and asynclitic AND 9 1/2 pounds, so really, that's not that long. And I did all kinds of things in my head -- mostly prayed for strength and help! But getting medications never even entered my mind, because I am sure if it did, I would have asked -- begged!
We need to remain focused on positive thoughts, not worrying about the potential hard things we will encounter. As a doula I often invite moms to think about what they have fear in, what they have faith in -- it is hard to have faith the birth will go well if you have fear something bad is going to happen. Maybe I need to take my own advice!
I wish you peace and I can't wait to hear your birth story