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A mother told me a horrendous story yesterday...*UPDATE* - Page 3

post #41 of 45
BM31, just a point of clarification on Franks mention of Foreskin Restoration. It is not surgery and no skin cutting is involved. It is the process of slowly stretching your existing skin to create either a simulated (permanent) foreskin, of just looser skin. Similar to the long necks in Africa, the large disks in the lips, or the current trend in youth of the 1/2" through-hole earings (or maybe that's just here in Toronto). It can take years of patient stretching, but can be used to treat tight and/or uneven circumcisions, or just for the increased sensation that a protected glans offers. Any man with a visible penis shaft can restore using soem of the various techniques. Do an Internet search for Foreskin Restoration and you will find tons of info. Good Luck!
post #42 of 45
Originally Posted by Bm31
Frank, I totally agree with everthing you're saying. But as far as foreskin restoration goes, I don't think it would be possible for me. Without getting into too much detail, everything I've been able to piece together would suggest reconstructive surgery just to make enough shaft skin to have a "normal" circ'd penis....
There is a surgical repair that uses skin from the scrotum but it doesn't give a good cosmetic result, is horrendously expensive and is rarely done. What the vast majority of men do is a "do-it-yourself" method that typically uses tape and weights or elastic. This is the method I used. Like you, I had an extremely tight circumcision and on erection, the skin would be pulled so tightly that it would become slick and shiny. The coronal groove just under the glans would be pulled practically flat so that there was no ridge at the edge of the glans. The manual restoration process does not require skin from another part of the body but instead, permanently stretches the skin that is already there to fashion a foreskin covering for the glans. Think of the people who permanently stretch their earlobes and you'll get the idea.

I don't have a lover; it's something I've learned to forgo in this lifetime.
That's really sad but there is hope. Non-surgical foreskin restoration also restores a significant amount of sensitivity. It's pretty amazing really and this may be a solution to your problem. I certainly hope so.

It's my only hope that parents will stop doing this to their sons. For all the ones that go "fine," it's going to be somebody else's son that eventually gets the botched job. Until this society gets over it's desire to meddle with their son's genitals, it WILL happen to others, and as far as I'm concerned everyone, medical community and otherwise, that promotes and perpetuates it will be responsible for it. I used to think....if only the dr. had done it "right" the first time. But I've come to realize how true your signature quote is. NOBODY had any right to make this "choice" about my body.
I think every doctor that does this should be confronted by a group of very angry men in a dark alley and given a very strong warning. A warning from Dr. Dennis Kendal of the College of Physicians and Surgeons/Saskatchewan about the financial liability they risk has made a significant impact on Canadian doctors. If only someone in a high place in the US medical establishment would do the same!

post #43 of 45
Originally Posted by Bm31
Thanks njeb! I really admire you for respecting your sons genitals for both the time and place you were coming from. My mother doesn't remember giving explicit consent, just that it was pretty much assumed that you had to do it. Plus, we're practically neighbors; I live in IL on the border with Iowa and know how horribly it's still ingrained in people's minds in this area.
Awwww shucks! : Thanks!
Actually, the reason my sons, who were born in 1979 and 1987, were spared the procedure is that I had very savvy midwives who informed me that circ. wasn't necessary. I was especially impressed by my Jewish midwife, who had a son in 1978 and left him intact. It was almost unheard of in that time and place for a Jew not to circ. I figured if she could leave her son alone, then so could I.
You can also thank my brother. When I was a teenager, we were talking about circ. once and I asked him if he was. He said no, and that he was glad he wasn't. That conversation stuck with me over the years, and when I had my ds 8 years later, I decided against it. Thanks, big brother!
He was born in 1945, so I'm surprised he wasn't circ'ed. We are from a rural area, however. I suspect that rural areas were the last to start circ'ing their babies. Unfortunately, they will also be the last to stop circ'ing, too, as you know from your experience. You are totally right about it being so ingrained in Rural Iowa and Illinois.
post #44 of 45
Frank and polarbear, I appreciate your further information but I wasn't under the impression that foreskin restoration was surgical. My recirc was beyond just "tight." In my research I've come across the terms "denuding the shaft" and "trapped penis." I'm pretty sure that's what happened to me and from what I've seen on some of these boards it doesn't sound that uncommon after a 2nd (in one case I read, a 3rd!!) circ. I would say I have less than a 1/2 inch of original shaft skin; the remainder is pulled from my groin during erection. My research has indicated the only remedy for this would be reconstructive surgery, and I won't put myself through that at this point. Beyond that, probably better than 3/4 the ridge of my glans was destroyed by the constant adhesions and reseparations prior to the 2nd circ. And much like you, Frank, what's left there is pulled mostly flat by the tightness during an erection. And I haven't seen anything promising about reconstructing a glans. Anyone who thinks it would be embarrassing for their son to have a foreskin in a locker room also ought to think about how fun it would be for them to show a botched circ off in one.

Sadly, if I thought these types of complications were a thing of the past I'd probably just keep my mouth shut....as has been implied I should by the many who promote circ. I'm just a "rare statistic." I have to admit I haven't been a very good intactivist and am not one to start circ conversations. However, just in the last couple of years I've known parents and grandparents that have casually mentioned their boys "having" to be re-circ'ed, and it's amazing how they accept it as a "normal" and necessary byproduct of this procedure. One child was redone at 1, another at 5, and another at 11. I work with the mother of the 11 year old and she was almost giggling when she casually mentioned it one day. She was totally taken aback when I asked her why she had it done in the first place. I was totally taken aback when her only response was, "Weren't you done?" Like that alone was enough good reason to visit this horror on another generation.

njeb, I'm afraid you're probably right about our area being the last to give it up. I've often heard that that trends start on the coasts and reach the midwest last. The current regional circ rates would seem to indicate that is what will happen. Let's hope it doesn't take too long.
post #45 of 45
bm31, hugs. i'm sorry your experience was so, well, screwed.

i just wanted to mention that the voluntarily celibate deserve functioning, pleasurable genitals as well, & should you attempt restoration, it's worth it for your own sake, not just that of a suppositional lover.

it's experiences like yours that make me angry enough to forcefully challenge the status quo. being brave enough to share your dilemma is great intactivism in itself. thank you.

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