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Lonely/no friend mamas

post #1 of 1821
Thread Starter 
Are there any mamas out there, like me, who have very few to no friends. I have one friend, who I keep in contact with monthly, and that's it. And for me, no, inlaws don't count, because I hardly ever see them, except for mil. It's very hard for me to make friends, plus I'm shy, and don't trust people too easily. I also lost my best friend(my paternal grandmother) this past April, who was my absolute best friend. Geez I just wish I had a friend to talk to up close. Lol! My daughters talk me to death, but I need more adult convo. KWIM?
post #2 of 1821
Hello I feel for you. I lost my Grandmother/bestfriend last october when my daughter was 3 months. I am still not over it. I have friends but none with children so I rarely see them these days. You tend to drift apart when you are in different cycles of your lifes. I attend La Leche league meetings once a month and I love them. It is really nice to be around other moms with similar values. Maybey there is one in your area.

Carla

Mother to stephie 16 months :
post #3 of 1821
post #4 of 1821
You all are in the right place - outside of my family all my dearest friends have come from here!

Right now I have one friend, she is still a 'new' friend - and was obtained because our daughters liked each other. It was a pleasant surprise to discover that we liked each other too, and parent similarly.

But I spent a year after moving away from my MDC real-life friends before even trying to make friends in our new locality. I have never had more than one or rarely two friends at a time in my life, ever, and I really have to click with someone to want to spend time with them. I love my husband to pieces and he and my mother are my main social circle. I don't think of myself as shy at all, but I guess I'm picky! :LOL

Hopefully my 'new' friend will become My Friend, over time.
post #5 of 1821
Since becoming pregnant, I've noticed that my few 'friends' contact me less and less and seem to want less to do with me. So, I guess I am a part of this tribe. I'm also very shy and dealing with high anxiety. Yay me! : We moved here nearly 2 years ago, and I still don't have any 'friends' here.
post #6 of 1821
post #7 of 1821
Now THIS is my tribe. I have a few friend scattered across the country but we email about once a month and only see each other once a year. Locally I don't have any friends. It can be very isolating not having an adult to converse with daily. We've been in the area for almost 5 years and I haven't met anyone I can really call a friend. There are a few people I can say hi to at my son's school but there is no relationship. I am so glad to have found Mothering and this tribe. I really started to feel that there was something wrong with me.
post #8 of 1821
I have only one friend that is close by. She does not have kids though (yet?)

Other than that I am pretty lonely and I don't even consider myself shy. Overly picky maybe?

So I guess I am signing up for the "lonely tribe"
post #9 of 1821
I'm here too with ya mama's!!! We moved in the city we live in now 6 years ago. I've met some people, but, none that I can ever consider really a true friend, they mostly are either into drugs or just so mainstream(most here have NO problem using a belt).

Anyways, I'm still on a quest to find some AP mama's in my area.
post #10 of 1821
can I join in on this lonely mom party . I lost all my friends. I dunno why. its not like i dunno where they are. They lost me I lost them It was mutual. nothing happened that im aware of we just drifted apart. i speak to one bout every few months or so but its always me that calls her..so now my only friends are the one that i made online. I talk to my guy but he's a jerk a lot so I ignore him as much as possible but i think thats mutual as well . I talk to my children. my 1 yr old thinks im the greatest :LOL and my 9 yr old looks at me sometime time like im a fruit loop. :LOL ..but her and i have some great conversations at night when the baby has gone off to sleep.
But i need some moms to learn from and to grow with.
....
post #11 of 1821
i'll be your friends.

i lost many of my friends while pregant and right after having my dd. it was like hey, she settled down now so shes boring. i dont get it but i have heard of others going thru the same thing.

im glad for boards like this. i have met up with moms from here which is really nice because many are like minded in different areas but so diversified at the same time.
post #12 of 1821
Quote:
Originally Posted by burke-a-bee
Now THIS is my tribe. I have a few friend scattered across the country but we email about once a month and only see each other once a year. Locally I don't have any friends. It can be very isolating not having an adult to converse with daily. We've been in the area for almost 5 years and I haven't met anyone I can really call a friend. There are a few people I can say hi to at my son's school but there is no relationship. I am so glad to have found Mothering and this tribe. I really started to feel that there was something wrong with me.

Burke-a-bee, i could have written this exact post!! i moved to Virginia 5 years ago and have made NO friends. My son is not in school yet, but i say hello to several moms from library group, know their names..but it never goes past that. i have friends scattered across the country that i see about one a year, but no one hERE. i've been posting in the outcast forum, because i do feel like an outcast mama. i see all the other ladies making plans and getting together and i'm never included. All my attempts at friendship have been ignored, or i've been openly 'blown off'.
Thank goodness for online communities or i would go completely insane. i live in a very rural area, so i have to make an extra effort to get out of the house and be around other people. It is not uncommon for me to go weeks without any adult conversation besides my husband. i definitely feel like a freak or social outcast these days.

TurkeyGW, you are not alone mama. i too am Friendless and lonely.
post #13 of 1821
Hi and to all. I saw this thread and just had to post because this is so me, especially how I'm feeling today.

I just moved out of the country for DH's job. Left behind two friends -- and it took me literally six years to make those two friends. Now I'm back where I started. I think loneliness is one of the worst feelings. When I go to the park I try to talk to people but sometimes I just feel invisible!! I don't know why... people can be so casually cruel sometimes.

What I always struggle with is how to turn an "acquaintance" into a real friend. I guess it takes time but some people seem to do it so much more easily.

Ah well. At least I feel connected to someone typing this. That's a start, right?
post #14 of 1821
Hi, I'm with you in spirit... I have a great group of friends from hs that I'm around now, but I spent the last couple of years in a town where I had no one besides dh, and he was busy all the time with grad school. And now it looks like we might be moving back...

So this probably isn't the right place to ask :LOL, but what are some good ways of meeting people/making friends? I'm pretty quiet and shy when I'm in a new situation, so going up to random people in a public place is out..

Any ideas?
post #15 of 1821
I'm very lonely here.

Last October, dd and I moved 3000 miles to be with SO. I left *all* of my family, and everyone I ever knew behind.

Here, I know SO, and SO's family I like them, don't get me wrong, but they're not friends... I can't call them and complain about SO or being a step-mom etc...

I knew one other mama who lived in town, but she moved to Texas (we're in CA), a few months back

I'm trying so hard to talk with neighbors, and just make friends anywhere, but it's hard. We did have this young couple who lived beneath us and had a baby in May. We were getting close, but their relationship had issues, and they moved. We exchanged numbers, but don't keep in touch

I have you ladies, and feel lucky to have you all, but in-person friends would feel so great...
post #16 of 1821
I haven't made a new "real" friend since I married DH 7 years ago. For the first several years we were married we lived in a city with a community we loved, then we moved away. I really didn't need any friends because DH is my best friend. I still keep in touch with people via occasional e-mail, but I'm afraid I've lost the ability to make a new friend since I haven't done it in so long!
post #17 of 1821
Signing up. We moved here 7 years ago and where I have a few moms I know casually from the kids I would not call them friends. I have a couple of friends from where we used to live that I speak with a couple of times a year and through email. I have no one to hang out with. I work full time out of the house and then I come home spend time with the kids and go to bed.

Geeze, I need some friends to go out with.
post #18 of 1821

Stalking: One way to Make Friends

Hi all,

Ok, I am not really advocating stalking. But here is how I recently made one potentially very good friend. THis might be a bit tricky for the shy people.

So I had noticed this one mama around my little town for a couple of years. (Libray, swimming pool, parks) YOu all know you have to go to these places to meet people right? YOu know how you can just tell that you might like somebody? Well I thought we might hit it off but I never had the guts to talk to her.

Until One day I saw her with her kids in a stroller at the library. I had to run because I had to pick up a friend's babe. But after I picked her up, I decided to track down this potential friend and finally meet her. SO I thought to myself, Where would a mama go on foot from the library in the am with two children. Aha! The coffee shop down the street. WOuldn't ya know. As I drove up she was walking in the door.

I hustled the kids out of the car, did a fast walk to the coffee shop, and slid behind her in line. IT turns out, she offered to hold my infant while I tended to the older children. We chatted about our little ones and how long we'd lived in the area, and if we stayed at home or not, and if we liked it, and what we did before kids, and man these little ones are driving me nuts today...and you get the picture. I ended up leaving with her number and she with mine. It has been a couple weeks and we have hung out 3 times. She has introduced me to several of her friends in the area. We have lots in common and I know she will be a friend for life.

Moral of the story:

Stalking works. Just kidding. Moral of the story is that sometimes taking a chance pays off. What is the worst thing that can happen. She/he will laugh in your face when you ask for the #? MOre likely they just won't call you back if they don't want to be friends. Oh, well. Try again with someone else. There are enough people respodingg to this thread that i imagine there are many many people who want you as their frind out there!
post #19 of 1821
Hi,

I'm in the same boat as all of you expect really don't have any real friends so far in my life, its a long story and not a mom yet, see my signature for more of what I said about this.

Thank you.
post #20 of 1821
well I would like to say that it is a pleasure to meet all of you and I look forward to getting to know you all as well.
It is hard for me to get out and make new friends. I had a very bad year for health and have hardly left the house. I'd say i go out once a week if that, and that has been for a year.
To reveal a little about me, I had my 1 yr old last yr in july, one wk later i hemeraged severly and was very close to death as the doc said. They are not really positive what caused it but they gave me iv antibiotics just in case of infection,and an emergency D&C. I had huge blood clots form in my uterous and had they not given way then i would have died that night in my sleep from internal bleeding.
since then i have had nothing but health issues. I am dizzy daily not all day but at some points during the day say if i had done to much. I still get very tired, and my periods, forget it im sick the whole time, and i was bleeding very heavily till they put me on a high dose estrogen pill and that helps with bleeding control.
So not only did i lose touch with my wonderful friends I havent had much chance to make more.

I would love to know more about you all. there is more to me of corse but i fear ill just keep going on
My fiance and I are two different people, we have some similar interests but he is the type that Im surprised knows what a book looks like :LOL ,and I am very much into reading and making crafts. we meet in the middle i guess
I welcome private messages, I am very so I prolly wouldnt initiate..
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