not a parent anymore - Page 3

[writermommy]

Originally Posted by LdyBluNH@aol

there's no schedules; no day at a glance; no teacher email; no class web page

its like a black hole of isolation she goes into

i've separated from her before; but i've never done isolation like this. i have to think i'd find comfort in knowing more than i do

This is so sad. My dd goes to a Catholic school, so we are required to volunteer 15 hours per year in the school. At the beginning of the year, they send home a paper with all the activities for the year listed: library mom, cafeteria, class mom, breakfast with santa, easter bunny breakfast, etc etc. There are chances to volunteer during the day and on weekends for special events/fundraisers, which is great for working parents. We get to check off what we want to do and they accomodate that. We also get communication weekly from the teacher and the principal. The teachers have webpages. They are available for free through Scholastic. This helps us feel connected to her and her school and it builds a community within the school. Many public schools complain that parents aren't involved, but don't really give them the opportunities to do so. :

[Mackenzie]

Originally Posted by LdyBluNH@aol

dd will get home at 330 and go to bed at 8 - once you lose two hours to dinner and the night routine there isnt much time left

I know it is hard but that still can be quality time

[2GR8KIDS]

My ds is a first-grader in PS. Last year, one of the parents in our class organized a parents cocktail party about 3 weeks after school started. We really got to know each other, got a lot of info from parents with older kids at the school, and started to "gel" as a class. Maybe you could organize something similar- ask the teacher or school office for a class list. Doesn't have to be a cocktail party- you could do a parents' coffee get-together after school drop-off, or class playdate or picnic. Sounds like with your school you need to try to establish an informal source of info like other parents. Also, our school doesn't have many in-class volunteer activities for the first couple weeks, while the teachers and kids get to know each other. Then, there are plenty of opportunities. So, maybe there will be more chances to volunteer soon.

[bleurae]

I would just like to offer another approach. Don't do it, don't settle for feeling like this. Take her out of there and find another school or do it from home for a bit or a long time. You DO have choices, everyone does.

[LdyBluNH@aol]

well i offered to the teacher to do a classroom newsletter, and in a previous note on a very hot week i asked about bringing in popsicles for the kids and if her room could use an a/c

yesterday the teacher asked to book a meeting with me, something about helping me understand how things are done

dh thinks i'm reading too much into it, but i have a feeling i'm trying to be too involved. i'm going in with an open mind, but wont be surprised if the gist is to stay within the lines and volunteer in the pre-determined ways

its very frustrating to hear stories from other schools about these warm & fuzzy things and yet have none of them locally; and get no where with the efforts i do make

[mammastar2]

I hope the meeting goes well - the teacher's phrasing does sound a little weird, I agree, but maybe it just came out wrong. It would be so nutty if they pushed away parent involvement. Usually schools are always hoping for more! Good luck...

[CarrieMF]

yesterday the teacher asked to book a meeting with me, something about helping me understand how things are done

dh thinks i'm reading too much into it, but i have a feeling i'm trying to be too involved. i'm going in with an open mind, but wont be surprised if the gist is to stay within the lines and volunteer in the pre-determined ways

*sigh* this school sucks.lol I agree that it sounds like you're going to be told to stick within their backwards ways.

I do not think you're trying to be too involved, there's no such thing as a too involved parent. Try to find out why the rules are the way they are. Ask for copies of the policies that outline the volunteering rules. You are at a point where you could start pushing for change in the school. Phone around to other schools in the area and see what their rules are regarding volunteering in your child's room, do some research to show the value of voluteering/being involved in your child's education, then take it to the principal, the school board the newspapers and the tv stations. I'm guessing they had some issues with parents and as a result all parents/children are being punished for the actions of a few.

[UlrikeDG]

Also, don't under estimate the power of the phrase, "Maybe I should look into homeschooling." Sad as it is, many teachers and administrators will jump through hoops to keep you from pulling your child out and taking charge of his/her education. Of course, as a homeschooler, I think it's a good idea to actually do just that, but even if you don't agree, threatening to do so can be extremely effective.

[corwinegall]

Want to send you a little

I'd second, or third, or fourth... the suggestion that you volunteer. I volunteer at ds's school, even when I'm not in his classroom, ds knows I'm there for HIM and it makes him feel special.

I don't know if you're looking for ideas, if not, then ignore my suggestions...but you can't get involved through the teacher, then go to the ptg or the principal and tell them that you'd like to help out somehow, offer up any skills you have. I do a lot of layout stuff since I'm a graphic designer. If you love to bake, then bake up goodies for open houses or meetings. Your dd watching (or helping) you bake cookies for school can be a way to show her that you're supportive and involved in her education without having to be in the classroom.

[Kirsten]

I don't know if dd is your only or just oldest. Is dd in kindergarten this year? Half or full day? Did she go through preschool?

My kids started in toddler group when they were each two. Once a week, two hours, moms stayed with their kids - kind of like preschool for toddlers with free play, art, circle time, songs, outdoor play, etc. REALLY fun and a great start IMO.

Then each girl did one year of co-op preschool. My dh said they would have been fine going straight into a drop off preschool but that **I** needed the transition of one half day with her at school, and one half day that I dropped her off. My girls and I all really enjoyed co-op also.

Then one year of your regular, drop off preschool, four half days a week. I was totally comfortable (as were they) by this time.

So when they went into full day kindergarten (which I am against in general but all there is at their small alternative elementary) I was fine. But I think the big difference may be in attitude - how was your elementary experience OP? Did you enjoy school? I loved it and assumed my kids would too and didn't miss them but focused on how much they were learning and how many new friends they were making and all the positive things. But I also did have many years of transition from they home with me full time to full day school. I can see where it would be harder to go from home with them full time straight into full day school - that is a big change all at once.

I would be worried that a parent's negative attitude about school would poison the child's experience. So while I understand the need to vent and get support here, I hope you put on a happy face when in front of your dd - for her sake. I think I know (a little bit) how you feel in that I am not happy with one of my kids' teacher this year. Not a good feeling, don't click with her at all, just really negative overall. But I am keeping this to myself as my dd seems to like her, seems to be doing well, and it is just for nine months. She will learn a lot, even if there are issues. Learning how to deal with issues is important too!

Have you talked to other class moms who have older sibs and know more about how the program works? Maybe they can ease your mind.

[UUMom]

So did the teacher blow you off?

[LdyBluNH@aol]

there is no contact with other parents that i've seen as yet


the meeting was intriguing. someone besides the teacher sat in on it but we were never told that they would be there nor was their presence explained and that bothered me.

the teacher had prepared a whole presentation thing which she just jumped into without asking me to voice any concerns or quantify questions we have and that felt weird.

she didn't keep an eye on the time so suddenly we were swarming with kids when we hadn't finished the meeting so the point where i got to speak my feelings was done while roaming around the room as the teacher did stuff which was very awkward

if anything nagging concerns are now even more etched for me as opposed to eased

[mammastar2]

That sounds really odd. What did she say??