Would you pull your child out of school because of morning prayers? UPDATED

[Satori]

I'm sure this goes some where else and I posted about this over in spirituality a few hours ago but got no response and I'm going to have to decide this tomorrow. dd is supposed to start kindergarten at a private school next week and tonight was orientation for new parents to the school and I received a few surprises that I don't really approve of but the worst and this is kind of a deal breaker thing for me. They reviewed what happens during morning assembly every morning and it includes a prayer that I strongly disapprove of and will no doubt lead dd to question its meanings and just the words itself are teaching the religions core beliefs which I disagree with. I am sure without a doubt that its going to cause problems at home with dd insisting that these beliefs are true.

When I enrolled her it was with the understanding this was NOT a religious school so I mistakenly assumed there would be no religious training. By having these morning prayers its a form of religious training and the words are specific to one religion (The prayer was written by the schools founder back in the 40's). They explained that they believe its ok because the prayer is non denominational. I disagree. I have fought hard to keep dd away from this religion which is strong in my community up to the point I now limit my mothers contact with my dd because she cant seem to not tell dd about her religion.

The only other place I can put dd is public school which I'm not thrilled with since she's done with most of there kindergarten program via homeschooling already and I worry she will be bored. I have to go to work full time and I'm also taking 9 units in college so homeschooling is going to be to much this year.

This is to me a core belief issue here and I don't do well with those being violated. Am I over reacting? I'd hate to throw away a good education for dd over a 30 second prayer but then I think of the havoc that prayer is going to cause.

I have a few other issues with the school, like they plan on telling dd she DOES have a father, she just doesn't know who he is. I feel that's totally out of bounds for a school to do because she would not understand why he is not here. That is something that be between me and dd and I really don't need them butting in. (For those that don't know I'm a single mom and I haven't seen dd's bio dad since I said I'm pregnant and his parental rights were terminated so I doubt he will ever be in the picture AND she has not yet asked about him, i'm waiting for her to ask before I discuss it)

I think those 2 are my major issues but the morning prayers is the thing that's got me up in arms so to speak. I have to make another tuition payment tomorrow or pull her out so I could really use some other perspectives from those who are not emotionally involved.


Update on page 3 post #45

[littleaugustbaby]

I'd get her out of there as quickly as I could.

I could probably forgive the prayer thing alone, but that combined with this:

have a few other issues with the school, like they plan on telling dd she DOES have a father, she just doesn't know who he is. I feel that's totally out of bounds for a school to do because she would not understand why he is not here.

No way, out of the question. It's NONE of their business to get involved with that.

[Malama]

I wouldn't send my kid either. The prayer thing is enough to turn me off.... and then add in the father thing.... it's not the place of the school to discuss your family life.

I;m not sure what you can do as an alternative. I hope you find some alternative that you feel comfy with.

[Mami]

Yeah, I would pull her out for the 2 reasons you mentioned but I think there is a third. If you are only just finding out about the prayer thing on orientation night it sounds like they've been dishonest and how do you know what else they will twist in their favor from here? Nah, I wouldn't do it. Sorry I can't suggest an alternative for you though... I hope it works out

[Kirsten]

I'd pull her. I'd be nuts if a supposedly non-religious school had morning prayer every day and thought it was ok because it was non-denominational! Total dealbreaker for me too - not to MENTION the telling her about her father thing! No business of theirs (though I personally would somehow softly broach the subject as surely a five year old has noticed that many of the other kids have fathers).

So she has done much of the kindergarten curriculum already at home. So she will feel confident and smart - no harm done. Maybe they'll teach some stuff she doesn't know yet. Even if they don't, she'll gain some new friendships. I'd put her in the public school today if it was me.

[FreeThinkinMama]

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[Sharlla]

When i was a kid and lived in Alabama the school not only did prayers before lunch but they also spanked you. My kid would not go to any school where either were being performed.

[applejuice]

The prayers would not bother me. I am Jewish, and my DS goes to a Greek Orthodox School where the Our Father is said first thing in the morning, and a prayer before meals is said.

[Melda]

i would not send my DD not because of the prayer thing but because they are butting their nose into business where they shouldnt with your DD's Biological Father ...

[chersolly]

Woah! That school is wrong on so many levels. How dare they not only force children to pray, but to confuse DD about her family situation. Asshats. Get her out ASAP. Hopefully, you can get some of the tuition back.

[ombra*luna]

I wouldn't send her there. No way. You're probably just seeing the tip of the iceberg.

[kewb]

Depending on the words of the prayer that could be a deal breaker. My children attended a non-denominatonal school and they did say a little thank you prayer to the world before lunch. There was no mention of G-d. More like Mother Earth. They never asked to do it at home.

The family issue, however, that is a definate deal breaker. Did they tell you this plan after you discussed your preference on the subject?

[alicia622]

I think you'll run into the public school pointing out to your daughter she does have a father. If I heard a child say I don't have a father, I would probably say something along the lines that she does- she just doesn't know who he is. Something like that anyway. I wouldn't do it to butt in with your situation- just to respond to her statement. You'll probably need to talk with the school/teacher to explain how you want the conversation handled.

As far as your concerns with dd being bored- again, make sure the school already knows what she's learned. They should be able to make modifications for her. I think most of K is about socialization and getting used to the school experience.

[philomom]

Jeez, I couldn't let her stay. I have issues enough with the "moment of silence" I my kids sometimes get in public school.

[chersolly]

Originally Posted by alicia622

If I heard a child say I don't have a father, I would probably say something along the lines that she does- she just doesn't know who he is. Something like that anyway.

That's rude and cruel.

[coopnwhitsmommy]

I don't have a problem with the prayer. There are ways to respectfully step aside and not participate in the prayer. Inform the school that you do not want your DD saying/exposed to it. Perhaps a teacher could walk her out into the hall or something.

As for the father thing, that is NONE of their business.

[CrunchyMamaToBe]

Originally Posted by Mami

Yeah, I would pull her out for the 2 reasons you mentioned but I think there is a third. If you are only just finding out about the prayer thing on orientation night it sounds like they've been dishonest and how do you know what else they will twist in their favor from here? Nah, I wouldn't do it. Sorry I can't suggest an alternative for you though... I hope it works out

:

If you're just finding out about this now, I would get extremely suspicious about what other little surprises might come along.

Personally, I'd pull my kid out.

[BabyOsMommy]

My first thought before I got to the part about dd's father was "where's the smilie?". Then I got to the father part and wanted to find something stronger than that... how can I make that little bolt guy go faster? :

But seriously, I agree with pp who said that if you're just finding out about the prayer at orientation now, there's gonna be other stuff they're not telling you, and it's gonna be uncomfortable for you to try to explain and "fix" for you and her. If you think you can help her understand why what she's being taught isn't necessarily true, then give it a go. I still remember when I was a kid coming home with change from milk money and my Mom saying that the teacher made a mistake and gave me the wrong change and I argued with her that because Mrs. B figured it out it HAD to be right... she's the teacher and she knows everything. Math meant nothing to me, just my faith in the teacher.

Go with your gut on this one, you know what you need to do for her.

[lisalou]

I'm not sure that the prayer thing itself would be the deal breaker. But the fact that they said they're a non-religious school and they're praying would be the beginning of 2nd thoughts for me. Then the father thing. It seems odd to me that they would be so insistent on it. Of course kids talking about their dads is going to come up and you'll have to answer questions. But the fact that they are going to push it makes me think there's more religious stuff going on than they're willing to admit, you know, "the perfect home has a mommy, daddy and baby." I would begin to wonder if the science classes taught some unknown entity created the world in 7 days.

[OwensMa]

Another vote for 'pull'.