Not eating lunch

[velochic]

Dd goes to a private, language-immersion (Spanish and French) pre-school. They give them (3 and 4 year olds) 20 minutes for lunch. Dd still needs some urging, some help, etc. to get a meal in her belly. She is coming home with a FULL lunch box every day and is starving. She ends up eating her lunch in the car on the way home at 3:15. I don't know if the teachers aren't helping her or if she is just is refusing to eat, but it is worrying me. Is it too short of time for kids this young to eat? Do I need to ask for some TLC for dd? More time for lunch?

Dh thinks I might be giving her too many choices. I usually put in a nut butter and fruit spread on whole grain 1/2 sandwich, a fresh veggie, a fresh fruit, an organic yogurt or cheese (or sometimes both because she's a dairy freak), some Annies cracker bunnies for dessert and sometimes some nuts or seeds if I don't put in a nut butter sandwich. Is this too much? Maybe she's overwhelmed with choices?

Please help me with dd's lunch. We can't afford the hot lunch option... it's $4.75 per day!!!! The school tuition stretches us as far as we can go financially.

[LindaCl]

If she's eating it in the car, then it may not be that there are too many to choose. It does sound like more food than many small children would eat for lunch, so you'd expect to see some of the things untouched.

Why not try sending just the sandwich for a few days and see if she eats it? You could still have the other choices ready for her when you pick her up. This way you would know if this is the reason. If she eats the sandwich, maybe you could work in a second and/or third addition after short while.

But there might be other reasons to explore. Could she be sharing in someone else's lunch? Do they eat early, before she's hungry? And they should have a good snack or two available during the day, in addition to the lunch. Do you know if she's eating any snack?

Just some ideas that may help.

[velochic]

Thanks Linda... that's a good idea. The way you state it, it makes me realize that I've been trying to put in a balanced lunch EVERY DAY and I should think a little more broadly. Dairy is always a hit. I think I might try a small sandwich, a yogurt and "something else" and make that "something else" different every day. I just don't want to get into a rut or resort to junk food to get her to eat. Thanks for the thoughts. Very helpful!

[lorijds]

I usually jsut put half a cream cheese sandwich, a couple of pieces of carrot, and two ginger cookies for my 7 year old. You send alot of food!!!

Ask the teachers; also, ask your dd.

Good luck. I have a picky eater, too. She eats a huge protein breakfast every day. 2-3 eggs or a bowl of oatmeal, plus a cup of hot chocolate (whole milk) with whipped cream. I figure that's probably enough calories for the day, if she doesn't want to eat anything else!!

Good luck. A tough eater is challenging!

Lori

[mammastar2]

Where do they eat lunch? Is it also a socializing time, or is it in a big loud room? Does the 20 minutes include time to go and get their lunch box, put down a placemat, and wash their hands? It might not be enough time for her to eat, at least at first as she's adjusting. Does she have any problems opening containers or unwrapping the food? Could she be shy about asking the teacher for help (or is help not permitted - this is the case at some preschools, believe it or not)? Just a few thoughts...

[velochic]

Lori - surprisingly, dd is not a picky eater at all! She loves all kinds of food and will even eat spicy food that brings tears to MY eyes... she's just super, super slow and easily distracted at mealtime.

Part of it is my fault... for over 3 years she's been fed on demand. She weaned herself very recently and I let her nurse and graze her way through the the day. I always make her sit with us at mealtime, but don't FORCE her to eat with us - I mean, who am I to say "you have to be hungry NOW!"? We've made meals family time... socializing time, I guess and I think that might be part of the problem. Dd WILL eat at meal times, but she's just slow, slow, slow! Your post made me realize that I really am sending WAAAAAAY too much food with her.

Mamastar - they eat in the cafeteria. There are only a few tables and there are no more than about 30 kids eating in there at a time. Dd's school only accepts 24 students each year for the pre-school program, so there isn't a huge crowd of preschoolers at one time. To be honest, I'm not sure if that 20 minutes is just eating time, or getting lunch boxes, too. I guess I should ask that. But I do know that they don't help her with lunch. I finally went against my principles and bought ziplocks that she can open. The first week, I put everything in non-disposable containers and they never returned. Dd said that the teacher tells her to clean up and throw everything away. Dd threw EVERYTHING away, including my silverware. I think the teachers just chat during the meal and don't help the kids.

Anyway, all I sent today was a nut butter and fruit spread sandwich (in a multi-decker tortilla triangle... her favorite), some grapes, and organic gogurt. We'll see how it goes.

Thanks for the replies... very helpful!!!

[mammastar2]

It sounds like it may just be an overwhelming environment and set of new expectations for her! I know that frequently preschools are big on encouraging independence with basic routines, but a transition period where they spell out exactly what to do (e.g. don't throw away the silverware!!) and offer assistance seems appropriate. I'd try a two-pronged approach - the simpler, easily accessible meals, plus talking to the teachers. After all, if she's too overwhelmed to eat between when she leaves home and 3 in the afternoon, she's also going to be too hungry to learn and get the most out of her experience!

[lorijds]

Do they get snacks? In one school my kids went to, the snack time often ended up being RIGHT BEFORE LUNCH! Hello! Why won't the kids eat? They aren't hungry!

Sounds like talking to the teachers and asking your daughter about it would be best, and just packing a couple of items, to simplify her choices. I am jealous of your eater! Although I do have ONE child like that; she is such a joy to cook for and eat with!

Does she understand that she has to eat then, and the result that if she doesn't eat then, that she gets hungry later, and feels crummy? Mayb helping her make that connection will help. It doesn't mean she has to not listen to her body (after all, her body is telling her something around three o'clock...) or that she has to stuff herself. Just that she needs to think about the future. Even thinking about the future in terms of two or three hours is difficult for wee ones, but maybe discussing it with her will help.

Also pack nutrient dense foods. If she doesn't get much time to eat, or doens't have the desire to eat much, packing high protein, high fat foods will help keep her going until she can eat later. Today my youngest took a cream cheese sandwich (heavy on the cream cheese); other days she takes a peanutbutter sandwich (again, heavy on the natural peanut butter). Both are on dense, whole grain bread. Sometimes she'll let me put a little avacado spread on bread, or she'll take homemade guac with chips.

Good luck!

Lori

[writermommy]

Here's a perspective from a former K teacher. Can your dd open her lunchbox, zip lock baggies, etc? On the 2nd day of school one year a mom called me with a concern similar to yours. Her son's problem was that he couldn't open a zip lock bag by himself. He also couldn't put on a coat, shoes or any self care things. I had no idea and to be honest, that was my lunch time too, so I wasn't with the kids. We did have a few cafeteria ladies for a cafeteria FULL of children. He wasn't raising his hand or asking for help so they didn't know he needed help.

I talked to mom and him about raising his hand and asking for help. Maybe they should have noticed, but with so many children I can see how they missed it. I mentioned it to the one lunch lady so she could keep an eye out for him. I then taught him to open his lunch and baggies, so he could do it himself. By the time they get around to all those kids, there is little time left for lunch.

I don't know if this applies to your dd, but it is something I saw in my own experience, so I thought I'd mention it.

[Fishygirlsmom]

My first thought is that it does sound like a lot. Even if she is eating it after school, doesn't mean it isn't enough. She just may be ravenous.

Our lunches consist of a "main course" a side, and a dessert. For Isaac that would be a sandwhich, apple, and a couple homemade cookies. Jonah loves soup and cracker with fruit and Isa, loves crackers, so we do cheese and crackers with any type of fruit.

[Fishygirlsmom]

writermommy~ Just read your post and that makes so much sense!