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Cesarean Section Support Thread September 2005 - Page 3

post #41 of 122
I think it also has a lot to do with where you give birth... My first birth was a nightmare.. from the get go.. The OR staff was cold and acted like I wasn't there...and the nurses were not very good.. The night nurse terrorized me.. made me keep the lights on.. woke me every hour.. it was horrible..

My second birth couldn't have been more different. The Drs and OR staff were so kind and sensitive to my needs, DH got to see DD born.. took pictures.. They allowed me to hold and kiss her on the table.. I was kept informed of every thing that was happening to her and to me.. The Dr lowered the drape so we could talk as he worked after DD was born..(I was in the OR an extended period of time due to complications.. not life threatening..)
The nurses were so kind, went out of their way to check in on us..but not bother us. Each had a kind and supportive word to say about my birth. Each room had a small window that the nurse could peek in as she did her rounds, if we were asleep she didn't bother us and would return when we woke to take my vitals.

I really think it has a lot to do with WHERE you birth as well as the people who staff the place....
post #42 of 122
Lisa, I am so sorry you've had such horrible experiences! Like I said in my first post, I know that I had the best possible experience I could have expected given the circumstances of my daughter's birth. I feel very fortunate. Yes, the nurses did wake me up more than I would have liked the first night, and I did get chewed out by the one night nurse as I described...but by the second night, they were making sure to do their stuff and leave us the heck alone for the night as early as possible.

What I was trying to say with the bleach example was that it doesn't make sense to go in the day of the operation and tell the staff to do things the way that is already their standard procedure. Find out what you need to fight for ahead of time, and otherwise let them do their jobs. But definitely fight the necessary fights!

We had to make a case to get my doula in the OR because it is not the normal policy of that (and most hospitals) to let a second person in there, let alone while they're prepping you. My doula stayed with me the entire time while they were putting in the epidural, and my husband came in I think after they had the curtains up. It was really nice to have her there to hold my hand and *not* some strange OR nurse that I had just met that morning. Plus, we got great pictures of Julie coming out that even the doctor wanted copies of because he had never seen any that good from his practice before. But I'm telling you - going in there and being nice to the circulating nurse who was the first person to go over the birth plan, acting relaxed and friendly yet confident and knowledgeable got me a whole lot further than being militant from the start would have. The circulating nurse made the case to the anesthesiologist for me on some of the things I asked for - and having her vouch for me to the doctor I had never met probably meant a whole lot more to that doc than my piece of paper.

By dealing with those people the way I did up front (and by lucking into a great, progressive hospital with wonderful staff), I feel like I avoided the kind of situation that would be represented by your bleach example. I am so sorry your experiences left you feeling so badly.
post #43 of 122
I had my cesarean Feb 2005 for a posterior baby with no descent. I was so disappointed with the birth at the time but there were some little snippets of "nice" things that happened that I cling onto. Being able to hold dd in the OR, my dh being there with me, my MW and the OB who did the surgery were very respectful and some of the nurses were (other not so). I was actually very shocked with my feelings of jealousy of other friends who had vaginal deliveries. One friend had a wonderful delivery and I spent the entire weekend crying - my dh even suggested I go to see my MD to get some meds for depression! I have a total of 7 friends pregnant at the moment (2 with previous c-sections, one with a VBAC) and I wonder how it'll be for them. I am hit with the "it's so unfair" thoughts frequently. I did everything the books said to avoid a c-section (I had a midwife, I wasn't induced ) I often think about having counselling or something to deal with it. Anyone out there tried therapy for this? How many sessions do you recommned, etc.
post #44 of 122
I'm sorry for such a bitter post.

The staff in the OR for my last two sections (I was under general for my first one) have been quite pleasant, I guess. But, they seem kind of oblivious. They introduce themselves and make chit-chat, while I'm standing there terrified. The nurse who held me while the anesthetist put that damned needle in my spine kept asking me what "that was". Once it was a contraction, but the rest of the time, I was just tense with pure fear. I don't think it ever crosses their minds that some of us don't find this a happy, happy moment...c-sections and the attendant medications, particularly the spinal, terrify me. And, they try to be friendly, but they also kick out dh - and he's the only person I want there when I'm scared.

However, the OR nurses aren't that bad - it's the ones on the maternity ward that really get to me. Plus, this year, I finally refused to see the community health nurse (the home visitor), and you'd have thought I was declaring my intent to raise my baby on Skid Row. I told the rep at the hospital that I find the visits distracting and stressful and that I don't need more stress while recovering from surgery, and she still wouldn't drop it. I'm expecting her to call today, actually - if they can't come to your home to harrass you, they'll make sure they do it by phone.

Oh, well - the nurse on the L&D ward, who did the initial prep (ie. the damned IV) was really great. She's the first nurse I've had there who could actually get an IV on me - and she gave up her lunch hour so that she could monitor me post-op...meaning I had Evan with me right away - first time!!
post #45 of 122
I think the OR staff are oblivious - they do this day in and day out. I think the chit-chat is meant to make you more relaxed and I'd be a lot more worried when they stop the chit-chat as it usually means something serious is happening! Storm bride, I'm so glad that you got to hold your babe so soon after the surgery and the community person who comes to visit....what a waste of time. I too will cancel the community person if i have another baby.
post #46 of 122
Hey, Ruby!

I'm sorry you're feeling so disappointed with your experience. It is a loss that it is hard for most people to understand since all they see is you with a healthy baby and "what's the problem". I think it is really important to be able to acknowledge those feelings and be able to deal with them so that you can move on and enjoy your baby, and your friends' babies, and look forward to the next time maybe.

I didn't see a therapist or counselor after my daughter's birth, but I've had great success using them in the past. The usual answer to how many sessions - and the only one I would expect a decent therapist to give - is "however many it takes" It really depends on you and your needs. A therapist can also help you assess whether what you're feeling is depression and make a decision about whether you need meds. I'd say call and make an appt. today!
post #47 of 122
Originally Posted by ruby slippers
I think the OR staff are oblivious - they do this day in and day out. I think the chit-chat is meant to make you more relaxed and I'd be a lot more worried when they stop the chit-chat as it usually means something serious is happening! Storm bride, I'm so glad that you got to hold your babe so soon after the surgery and the community person who comes to visit....what a waste of time. I too will cancel the community person if i have another baby.
I also think they're trying to put the patient at ease. Unfortunately, it doesn't have that effect on me. It just makes me hostile, as well as scared. It's not the best emotional state for meeting your new baby.

I'm glad I got to hold him, too. I actually got to hold dd, as well...but only while they finished stitching me back up. Then, I had to leave her for a little over an hour while they monitored me in post-op. That hour was one of the worst of my life, I think.

If your nurses are like ours, be prepared for a battle if you want to skip the community nurse. I had to spend about 10 minutes persuading the liaison that I didn't want the visit. Then, the nurse called my OB to come check the incision, after I'd already called for my ride home, because it wasn't closed (it eventually became infected). Since the community health liaison was still there, she insisted on check the incision with my doctor...so she'd know what my status was. It was sooooo frustrating...on the verge of being released from jail (well - that's how it felt), and then worrying that they were going to keep me another day...
post #48 of 122
Hi Ruby
Welcome! I am sorry that your delivery didn't go as you wished. Feeling sad and jealous are normal.. at least I think they are. I felt the same way. It took me a long time to work through those feelings after my first c/s. I think therapy would have helped.. but I didn't acknowledge that there was a problem. Sending you many s

My second birth also didnt' go as planned, and I felt sad and cheated again.. but I was really able to bounce back much quicker and find peace with my birth. I no longer feel like I need to "prove" anything to anyone, including myself. I am at a place where I don't need a vaginal birth to be the mother I want to be... That feeling was a HUGE step for me. A huge step. I think that how my second birth went really helped me down that road.. even tho it didn't end with a vbac.

post #49 of 122
almost one year post-cesarean, and i still have nightmares about it. the adhesions still hurt. in the last 3 months, i've been having really weird head pain and "intercranial pressure" problems, the dr's said it has nothing to do with the spinal anesthesia i had, but the nurses i've talked to said they've heard of women with c-sections and spinals having headache problems for up to a year afterwards. so we're still not sure what the source of the pressure is from.

i think the nightmares are because i had planned for a natural birth so perfectly that my mind and heart just couldn't allow for anything else. i had heredity on my side, a long line of short, easy labors and small babies. i had 2 doulas. i had my husband, we'd both read "Birthing from Within" and discussed what we both expected. Fate had different plans, Willow was wrapped up in a very short cord. i hope someday there will be an ultrasound that can tell exactly where the cord is on the baby! if i'd known, i could have taken more time making decisions. i had a very long labor, 30 hours. at the end everything was so rushed, i just felt very desparate and exhausted. one of my doulas got to stay with me for the whole thing, she held me while i got the spinal, while my labor nurse had me gaze into her eyes and focus. the spinal knocked my entire body numb except for my face and part of my left shoulder, and it kept me numb and paralyzed for *6 hours*. but Willow was able to latch on at 40 minutes after birth because of my doulas it sucked so badly not to be able to hold her, though. everyone just kept propping her up against me and latching her on. when i could finally hold her i just cried and cried, it felt so wonderful.

it's just ... this is really painful to talk about ... i had been calling my surges "dancing with my baby" and i was laughing even at 8cm and 3-minutes-apart surges. labor was such a beautiful and wonderful experience for me, it was like the wildest rollercoaster ride EVER! i was SO ready for the pushing. i was totally psyched. even until the last moment i thought we could pull it off, i'd heard of women give birth on the operating table! so it was like being torn from this beautiful, weird world of pain-that-wasn't-pain, dancing with my baby, then tied down and being made completely numb, not feeling anything. and the baby i was dancing with, whoosh, gone, and i couldn't even feel that. i only remember her being held up to me and looking at me, i smelled her head and kissed her, but she was gone so fast. i was throwing up a lot from the anesthesia and had to be suctioned a lot, so i can't remember much else.

anyway. the nightmares are about the cesarean, but also just about Willow being taken away from me in general. like, i wake up and she's gone from beside me in bed, i start screaming and searching, but then i *really* wake up, and whew! she's right there. gets my heart pounding.

sorry to go on so long
post #50 of 122
post #51 of 122
Thread Starter 
Melly - I'm so sorry! I can't even imagine.
post #52 of 122
Melly: I'm so sorry. I've had the c-section nightmares, but not the ones about having my baby taken away. That would be so terrifying! And, it's such a shock when you're feeling confident and good about your labour, then WHAM - surgery.

Your little Willow sounds like a delightful baby girl...I'm so happy that you got to nurse her fairly early on. And, I started tearing up reading the part of your post about finally holding her...so touching.

I hope things get better for you...do you have anybody offline you can talk to about this? Although, online helps, too. It's only since I started posting on these threads that I've started working through my first section - 12 years ago! Everyone here is so supportive.
post #53 of 122
Heyla all!

I just posted to the August cesarean thread (since I didn't see this one at first)...apologies for the double post!

I had a cesarean with my first baby just five months ago. The incision has healed up really well and I've been doing my "scar therapy/massage" faithfully without a problem, but in the last few weeks I've been getting a nagging ache along the incision area (actually, a little above the incision and only on the right hand side)...in the last few days this ache has been almost constant. It kind of reminds me of the round ligament pain I had during pregnancy.

My doctor said it's nothing to worry about (yeah, it's not her belly!) and I half think it might be due to the fact that my dd tends to kick the right side of my belly in her sleep (and sometimes when she's nursing) but...I'm not convinced that that is the entire answer.

Does anyone have any advice (stretches, topical rubs, massage ideas) for relieving this sort of ache? Or experience with a similar pain along the incision site months after it has apparently healed? I've tried some gentle yoga poses that stretch the ab area and a topical arnica/calendula ointment, but I'm sure there must be other things to try.

Thanks for any and all advice!
post #54 of 122
I haven't had anything like that, so I'm afraid I can't help. Could it be adhesions? There's someone on here who's had a lot of trouble with them...I think it's stafl. She doesn't post on this thread, but you could maybe PM her and see if she has anything suggestions.
post #55 of 122
I get that on and off, mostly around ovulation. I assumed it was ovulation pain..??? My bladder was cut during my second c/s and I still have adhesion pain when it empties (not all the time) or I strain... My c/s was nearly a year ago..

Hope you feel better soon

post #56 of 122
Just learned that a co-workers wife just gave birth NATURALLY to a 10 lb 6 oz, 23 1/2 inch long baby boy!! And I have to have a cesarean with a 7lb 15 oz, 19 inch boy?! Yeah. Those jealousy pains develoop again. *sigh* Why can't I just be happy for them?!
post #57 of 122
Thread Starter 
I don't think it is ever how big the baby is. I think it's just what position the baby decides to put him/herself in. Just my thoughts.
post #58 of 122
post #59 of 122
Amber: I've given that one a lot of thought over the years (12.5 years since my first section!) and I do have one thought. Being jealous over her birth doesn't mean you're not happy for them...it means you're not happy for you. I spent a lot of time being hard on myself for being so petty about other people's births. Then, I realized that I am happy for them (at least the ones who are happy themselves) - happy moms, sweet babies - wonderful.

The jealousy is just part of the complicated process of mourning/grieving a negative birth. Don't be down on yourself - it's totally natural to feel the way you do!
post #60 of 122
Okay - sorry for the super long post here. It took me 12.5 years, but I finally wrote down:

Kelly's Birth Story

I was due March 28, 1993. I'd had a dream pregnancy - no risk factors - no aches and pains, aside from a little pulling at my groin sometimes - no morning sickness - nothing but a little fatigue. I loved being pregnant and was looking forward to going into labour. At my March 17th checkup, my doctor confirmed that my baby was head down, but hadn't dropped. He said that was nothing to worry about as sometimes they didn't drop at all until labour had started.

The following night, March 18th, I developed a backache at bedtime (a little before 10:00). I told my ex to go ahead and go to bed, as I was going to try a warm tub to ease the pain in my back. The pain was a constant, serious backache, and I had no idea it was the onset of labour. Looking back, I can't believe I didn't clue in, but I'd heard so much about the coming and going of contractions that I didn't even consider the possibility that such a solid, consistent pain could be labour. I took a warm bath and that seemed to ease the backache, so I went to bed. I was on the bed for about five minutes and the pain became too severe to remain horizontal. So, I got up and walked around the apartment for about an hour. I tried to go to bed again with the same result. The cycle of walking around, having a warm bath and trying unsuccessfully to rest continued all night. (I did get a little bit of rest when I rolled onto my side, but never went to sleep.) The backache never went away. I still didn't realize I was in labour, but I wasn't concerned about the backache at all. I just put it down to "one of those things" about being in late pregnancy. Oddly, I also wasn't concerned about the fact that I'd thrown up my entire dinner earlier in the evening.

At about 5:00 am, I went to use the bathroom again and discovered a fair quantity of blood. The lightbulb finally went off and I woke up my ex and told him I was in labour. He got up to keep me company. A little later, I called my mom and told her. Around that same time, I started feeling a noticeable ebb and surge to the pain - real contractions at last! They were focussed mostly in my back, but also my abdomen and pelvis, and slightly in my thighs. I walked around, sat on a chair a little bit, and spent quite a bit of time on my knees bent over the couch. The contractions were painful, but not difficult to ride out by breathing deeply and staying as relaxed as possible.

Later that morning, I realized I had a loan payment that needed to be made, so I sent my ex to the bank with written instructions. But, first he ran over to my sister's and got her to come over, so I wasn't alone in labour. When he came home, my sister stayed. A little later, my mom called and asked if she could come over as well - she wasn't able to concentrate at work (first grandchild!), anyway. So, I laboured throughout the day with my ex, my mom, my sister and a close family friend. The day went well...I kept moving constantly, and spent what seemed like a lot of time on the toilet. My doctor's office had advised me to stay home until the contractions were five minutes apart as long as I was doing okay. I wasn't doing "okay" - I was doing great. I was excited and happy and not finding labour to be as bad as people made it sound - what I mostly expected, really. I was loving labour, and looking forward to meeting my new baby. I was joking with my ex and having a great time between contractions. I had no appetite, but did drink a fair bit of fluids. I kept saying that I was glad it was taking a while, because today (the 19th) was my BIL's birthday and I didn't want my baby to arrive until the 20th.

At about 5:45 that evening, my mom convinced me to go to the hospital. My contractions weren't progressing normally. They'd be 3 minutes apart for 2 or 3 contractions, then 4 or 5 minutes apart for a couple, then 3 again, etc. They were lasting anywhere from 45-65 seconds. I still felt great, but thought I should at least go get checked out. I walked over to the hospital (about a block) and checked in. The admissions nurse told me that I didn't seem very far along, but I could go ahead and go upstairs for assessment.

It looked as though it was going to be quite a long time before anything happened, so my mom, sister and friend went to get something to eat. It was about 6:30 in the evening. My ex and I went into the L&D room. We were both excited - this was where our baby was going to be born. We took a picture of the room, then I went to change into a hospital gown. I came back in, and got up on the bed for a cervical check. The nurse checked me and said I was about 8cm. (quite a shock!), then the resident/intern? checked me - a contraction hit, and she said I was at 10 during the contractions. My ex and I were almost bouncing off the walls - baby was almost here! The nurse asked my ex to get me some ice chips because it was important to keep me hydrated. After he left, they told me they were brining in an ultrasound, because they couldn't find the baby's head and thought he was probably breech, which would necessitate a c-section. I was stunned... exhausted...just overwhelmed...and they'd just kicked my one source of support out of the room! They brought the ultrasound and told me baby was bum first, and I had to have a section. I started crying and saying "no" over and over. My ex walked in with the ice chips and stood there looking bewildered...there were about 5 or 6 attendants in the room, and I was overwrought. He walked back over to the bed, and I started saying (screaming, I think), "I don't want a f***ing c-section - they can't do this - I don't want one" over and over and over. The nurses tried twice to get an IV in, leaving huge bruises on my arm. Someone was putting a catheter in, and people were hooking me up to a bp cuff and a bunch of other monitoring crap. They were all talking about how urgent this was, and was the OR ready yet. I just kept saying I didn't want it, and crying and crying. They never said anything to me - not even about why they were in such a hurry. Suddenly, I was being wheeled down the hallway and my ex was gone. When I got to OR, someone finally sank an IV needle, and they moved me onto the OR table....still crying and swearing and saying "no". I remember a couple of really bad contractions and someone saying something about hurrying and transition labour...

The next thing I remember is pain in my stomach...I didn't know where I was or what I was doing there. I didn't even remember having a baby. I heard a moan - me, as it turns out - and voice saying "it's okay, dear - I'll just put a little more morphine in your IV". A little while later (a long while - who knows?), the same thing happened. Sometime after that, some nurses came and wheeled me away. I still didn't know who I was or what I was doing there...I had no recollection of coming to have a baby. One of the nurses said "it was a boy" as we were going up the hallway, and I didn't even realize at the time that she was talking to me. Just after that, we came around the corner, and I saw my mom, sister & friend. At about the same moment, I heard a baby cry in the nursery and it all came back. I was in an absolute panic - didn't know if my baby was okay or anything. I started asking about it in a panic - is my baby okay? was it a boy or a girl? The nurse said "it was a boy" - tone of voice like teacher scolding a student for not paying attention. They stopped the stretcher in the hallway, and my ex and a nurse brought Kelly (he had no name yet!) out and put him down beside me. I had time to look into those big blue baby eyes and stroke his cheek. Then, they took him away again and wheeled me to my room. The nurse got snotty with me because I wasn't "helping" her transfer me to the bed. I was weak as a kitten, and had tremendous pain in my abdomen. I don't know what I could have done. Anyway...she cleaned me up a bit, switched my pad and gave me a sleeping pill. I didn't see my baby again until the next morning.

The next morning, they took out my IV. A little later, they sent up the bloodwork team to take some samples - half a dozen little needles. Then, they came back that night and said that I was running a fever (I wasn't!) and had an infection. The blood lab hadn't found anything, but they were going to put me on antibiotics "just in case". So, they sank a new IV - the fifth needle in less than 24 hours - in my hand and gave me IV antibiotics ever 12 hours for the rest of my stay - five days. I ate the liquid diet for 3.5 days, before I finally lied and told them I'd passed gas. I still felt incredibly weak, and I needed real food. The nurses were awful - one told me to "hurry up" when I was trying to roll onto my side to feed Kelly. I simply didn't have the strength to make it over on my side.

I found out later that Kelly had been born at 7:02 pm - about half an hour after I got up to the L&D floor. My ex, my mom, my sister, my friend, my SIL and I don't know how many other people saw him and held him before I did...
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